杰茜驾到（2011）

New Girl S02E08

Part 2 Nov. 20, 2020, 2:56 p.m.

Hey, remember that song, huh?
还记得这首歌♥吗
Sure, Bob.
当然鲍勃
Do I remember that? That was the night.
怎么忘得了就是那天晚上
Great night. Yeah.
那晚超棒的啊没错
I'm not talking about the concert.
不过那场音乐会可够糟的
No, the after...the afterparty.
但之后开的派对可赞了
The afterparty.
那场派对
Jess, no.
杰茜不要
Parent trap.
《天生一对》
Okay, admittedly this is a little bit crazy,
我承认这有点小疯狂
but if this is going to work, you're both helping me.
但为了成功你俩都得帮我
Okay, I'm out of here. Sit down, sit down.
我走了坐下不许走
I'm not doing the parent trap. Nick,
我才不陪你玩《天生一对》尼克
they got married too young, they got divorced too young.
他们结婚太早离婚又太快
I think this could really make them happy.
如果他们能和好真的很圆♥满♥
They need us. Here's the plan.
他们需要我们计划是这样的
We're gonna make my mom look so hot
我们要把我妈打扮得超级性感
that my dad can't resist her.
让我爸难以抵挡
Your parent trap-- there's no identical twins
你所谓的计划全是你一个人在搞
or mistaken identity?
和电影里根本不一样
Not a parent trap, it's a makeover.
不算玩《天生一对》就是牵个线而已
The only thing you have to do is distract my dad.
我只需要你去引开我爸就行
A parent trap takes weeks of scheduling.
要玩《天生一对》得花上好几周
I feel like you're just throwing this together.
而你不过是临时发挥乱来一通
This is a makeshift parent trap.
最多算是《天生一对》的狗血同人
They don't work. Why do you have to ruin everything, Nick?
没戏的你为毛总这么扫兴尼克
I don't know, I've got something bad inside of me.
我不知道我就是有股作恶的冲动
I ruin things.
我是破坏之王
Let's do this parent trap. Yes.
咱们来玩《天生一对》吧好耶
Oh, would you look at that?
快看那美女
She's spectacular.
简直美瞎狗眼啊
Well, you know, we used to date, right?
知道吗我和她交往过
You, Schmiggle?
就你小施密
Schmidt. Please.
叫我施密特算了吧你
Cece, can you please come over here
希希能来一下吗
and confirm our intercourse?
咱俩滚过床单对吧
And then I dumped her 'cause I was like, you know, whatever.
然后我甩了她干净利落地
You mean, you ran away scared.
你是说你像个懦夫一样逃跑了吗
Exactly, you're not enough man for a woman like that.
没错你这种人哪里配得上此等尤物
Okay, yeah, and you are? Damn right I am.
你就配得上了吗当然
Well, I'll tell you what, if you guys want to find out
听我说你俩要真想搞清楚
who's truly the manliest, you should have a contest.
谁更男人就该一决胜负
I'm listening. Go on.
有兴趣接着说
The winner of this contest will be declared the one true Schmidt.
胜者才是当之无愧的施密特
Yes. It is on.
没错等着瞧
What are you doing? I'm bored.
你打什么算盘呢我无聊了
Nice.
好的
Seems like every time they want to move a team to Los Angeles,
好像每次有哪个队要搬来洛杉矶
the team that's most likely to move here,
最有可能搬来的队伍
the owner Al Davis...
那老板阿尔·戴维斯
Dead. Dead.
就翘了翘了
And then they talk to the,
然后他们去找
to the Ravens and their owner Art Modell--
乌鸦队的老板亚特·摩多尔
dead. Dead.
翘了翘了
You know what I mean? Who-who's going to speak out for us,
你懂我的意思还有谁来替我们说话呀
I mean, the voice of the NFL-- Steve Sabol?
还有橄榄球联盟的代言人史蒂夫·塞博
Dead. Also dead.
翘了也翘了
Exactly.
没错
You know, it doesn't take a genius. All you got to do is
就算傻子也能想清楚只要
follow the money. Always follow the money.
跟着钱跟着钱查下去
That's what I always say.
我一直这么说
You always follow the money. Yeah, yeah.
追查资金的动向没错
Oil companies. Pharmaceuticals.
石油公♥司♥ 制药厂
Big business, chicken corporations.
大公♥司♥ 鸡肉工厂
Corn.
谷物
Yeah.
没错
Just explain to me again why we're doing this.
解释一下为啥给我化妆
Because, when Cece's all washed up as a model,
因为希希想在模特生涯结束后
she wants to be a makeup artist.
成为一个化妆师
And I want to help her realize her dreams.
我想帮她实现梦想
Yeah, it's my plan B.
这确实是我的第二套计划
Okay, stop. Seriously, it's just too much.
够了都停下这太过了
The makeup and-and your dress?
这妆还有这条裙子
The only reason I wear makeup in Portland
我在波特兰时化妆的唯一目的
is to keep the rain off my face.
只是不想沾到脏雨水
So your hair just does, like, this one thing, right?
你的头发...就这么搞一下对吗
Sorry.
抱歉
I don't know if Jess has told you this,
不知道杰茜和你说过没
but I am writing a novel.
我在创作小说
Oh, really? Yeah.
真的吗是啊
What's it about?
讲什么的
It's about zombies. Zombies?
僵尸的故事僵尸啊
And it's a relationship story.
是个爱情小说
It has a great love story in there
故事里有对很萌的情侣
that could be made into a movie, I think.
我想拍成电影都没问题
The love story's between... whom? The zombie and Carol.
谁和谁的爱情故事僵尸和卡萝尔
Zombie and the-the... Carol is not a zombie?
僵尸和...卡萝尔不是僵尸
She's a regular person? No, she's a rich girl.
就是普通人对吗是的她是个富家千金
Oh, so it's like the Twilight thing where...
那就像《暮光之城》里那样咯...
It's not like the Twilight... No, it isn't.
才不像《暮光之城》完全不一样
Where the vampire falls in love with a regular person.
不就是吸血鬼爱上人类了嘛
You don't really... you don't get it.
你根本...根本没懂
It's the same thing. Oh, really?
是一回事嘛真的吗
Is there another guy on Twilight,
《暮光之城》有没有个男二号♥
that there's a bit of a love triangle with?
和主角们搞三角恋
Yes.
有
It's the same as Twilight... Does Twilight have a wolf in it?
《暮光之城》里就这样... 那里面有狼吗
Yes. It does?
有真的有狼
Yes.
真有
Is Twilight in Seattle?
《暮光之城》故事背景在西雅图吗
Yes!
还真是
Well, then whoever wrote that is smart.
好吧说明写那篇小说的人很聪明
Um, listen,
听着
I know you were very young,
我理解你那时年幼无知
and I'll completely forgive you,
我保证会原谅你
just tell me the truth--
所以请坦白告诉我
Did you drive my van?
是你开走了我的货车吗
Joan, I have told you this.
乔安我和你说了
It wasn't me.
不是我♥干♥的
Okay, I believe you.
好吧我相信你
I know it was you.
我知道肯定是你
I look like a slutty Katie Couric.
我简直像是荡♥妇♥版的凯蒂·库里克
The trap has been set. Is is working?
计划已经开始了管用吗
Croce makes my mom frisky.
柯西的歌♥能让我妈性致高涨
Check it out.
你试试看
Your mom looks great.
你妈看上去很美
Really?
真的吗
Go hit on her. What?
去和她调情啥
My dad gets super jealous.
我爸超会吃醋的
So if you go lay some sweet game on her...
所以如果你向我妈示好...
Go hit on your mother? I was going to make Schmidt do it.
你要我勾搭你妈我本来想找施密特的
No, no, no, I can't hit on...
不不我不能对你妈...
Hey, Mom. Mom, uh, Jess...
老妈那啥... 杰茜
Nick was just saying that your decolletage
尼克说你穿这条低胸露肩裙
looks bewitching in that dress.
简直惊艳到逆天
Right, Nick? Thank you.
是吧尼克谢谢
I really like your de, uh...
我很喜欢你的...
your de... de-college.
那啥...低肩裙
Say hello to my sister wives,
和我的臂肌打声招呼
Mrs. Schmidt and Mrs. Schmidt.
请称呼她们为施密特太太