极品老妈

Mom S07E17

Part 2 June 23, 2020, 4:09 p.m.

是的我见过他地球上最不性感的男人
Yeah, uh, I've seen him. Least sexy guy on the planet.
我的对手可是他♥娘♥的♥安吉·迪金森
I'm up against Angie frickin' Dickinson.
那是谁
Who's that?
看在上帝的份上
Oh, for God's sake!
上♥床♥睡觉吧
Just go to bed.
所以肯定是不抽烟了吗
So... it's definitely a no on the smoking?
如果我周末离婚了我们就可以抽烟
Look, if I'm divorced by the weekend, we can smoke.
机会挺大
I like my chances.
我可能会买♥♥个打火机
I might buy a lighter.
你在做什么
What are you doing?
鲁迪主厨要我拍你的照片
Chef Rudy asked me to take pictures of you.
如果你嘴张着我能加分
I get bonus points if your mouth is open.
真是超级变♥态♥
That is super creepy.
你为什么同意
Why'd you say yes?
我其实有点可怜他
I actually feel sorry for the guy.
他提起你为你哭泣
He talks about you. He cries about you.
他捣小牛肉时喊着你的名字
He yells your name when he's pounding the veal.
不是字面意思我们常上小牛肉
No, literally, we serve a lot of veal.
那我的计划奏效了
Then my plan is working.
什么计划
What plan?
爱情是个游戏克丽丝蒂我很擅长
Love is a game, Christy, and I'm great at it.
我以为你不想和鲁迪大厨谈恋爱
I thought you didn't want to have a relationship with Chef Rudy.
我也以为我不想
I thought I didn't either,
直到上周二晚10点左右我又觉得我想了
and then, last Tuesday night around 10:00, I did.
所以我故意不小心拨了他的电♥话♥
So I butt-dialed him with my fingers
假装发出了我在洗泡泡澡的声音
and made sounds like I was taking a bubble bath.
等等那听起来是什么样
Wait, hang on. What would that sound like?
你不能用自己杯子模仿吗
You couldn't do that with your own glass?
我不理解玩游戏
I don't get playing games.
当我喜欢某人时我会直接告诉他
When I like a guy, I just tell him.
怎么了男人喜欢诚实
What? Men appreciate honesty.
老天啊克丽丝蒂你不能放弃神秘感
For God's sake, Christy, you don't give away the mystery.
我曾是脱衣舞♥女♥
I was a stripper.
我从18岁起就放弃神秘感了
I've been giving away the mystery since I was 18.
连我都对维克托玩过欲擒故纵
Even I played a little hard-to-get with Victor.
他花了很久才扒下那条运动裤吗
Took him a while to tug down those sweatpants, huh?
千万别看你的计划刚走进来了
Oh, don't look now, but your plans just walked in
而且他在假装看到我们很惊讶
and is acting surprised to see us.
知道谁不惊讶吗傀儡大♥师♥
You know who isn't surprised: the puppet master.
塔米是你吗
Tammy! Ah, is that you?
塔米真是奇怪的巧合
Tammy, what a strange coincidence.
没想到竟在这个...
Ah, to think that I would run into you here,
勃艮第咖啡馆遇到你
at the, uh... Burgundy Bistro.
嗯我一直想尝尝他们的...
Yes, I've been meaning to try their, uh... oh...
三豆烩辣椒
three-bean chili.
-烩辣椒马上好 -好
- Chili, coming up. - Ooh. Right.
我希望你不介意我坐在旁边的桌子上
Well, I hope you don't mind if I sit at this table adjacent to your own.
总之我今晚要跟里卡多和布拉德约会
So, anyway, I've got dates with both Ricardo and Brad tonight.
我喜欢里卡多的激♥情♥似火
I mean, I love Ricardo's fire,
但布拉德管理着一家眼镜店
but Brad does manage a LensCrafters.
该怎么办呢
Oh, what to do? u202dMm.
不确定但我先要去给下♥体♥乐园脱毛
Not sure, but first I'm off to wax Downtown Disney,
因为今晚有人要坐我的转转茶壶了
'cause someone's getting in my tea cup tonight.
这是你的烩辣椒
Here's your chili.
老天啊这是别人吃剩下的吗
Good Lord, has someone already eaten this?
你在打扮吗
Are you primping?
这里有人值得你打扮吗
Is there someone here worth primping for?
欧文
Owen.
去年喝伏特加配激浪走入了低谷
Hit bottom last year on vodka and Mountain Dew.
他的确很帅你打算怎么搞砸
Ah, he is cute. How you gonna blow it?
我不会搞砸的
I am not gonna blow it.
我会当傀儡大♥师♥
I'm gonna be the puppet master.
去吃掉他吧老虎
Oh. Go get 'em, tiger.
我吃定他了
Oh, I'm gonna get him.
我会一口吞下他他都不知道是谁吞的
I'm gonna get him so good he's not gonna know what got him.
就像一个性感色情忍♥者
Like a sexy sex ninja.
看好了学着点
Just watch and learn.
我会看好的
Oh, I'm gonna watch.
克丽丝蒂你在找座位吗
Hey, Christy, looking for a seat?
不
No.
游戏开始了
And the game is on.
是吗
Is it, though?
真的吗亚当如果我跟这里的帅哥结为互助对象
Oh, really, Adam? How would you like it if I sponsored
你会怎么想
one of the cute guys in here?
能别提这茬了吗
Will you stop that?
跟他说去啊是他不肯放下
Tell him. He's the one who won't let it go.
你知道你看起来很疯狂
You know you look crazy.
是啊街上的人都想给你零钱
Yeah. People on the street were trying to give you change.
就25美分别紧张
One quarter. Relax.
亚当从谁那里得到的帮助并不重要
It doesn't matter who Adam is hearing the message from,
只要他得到了帮助
as long as he's hearing the message.
我的第一个互助对象是个男人
My first sponsor was a guy.
是啊但那时候互助会里只有三个人
Yeah, but back then, there were only three people in the program.
她是老人了
She's old.
瞧瞧欧文无视我
Look at Owen ignoring me.
他很厉害但老娘更胜一筹
He's good, but I'm better.
猜猜谁刚给我发了条抖音视频
Oh. Guess who just sent me a TikTok video?
你在商场遇到的12岁男孩吗
A 12-year-old you met at the mall?
塔米滴答滴答
Hi, Tammy. Ticktock. Ticktock.
保罗再跟我解释一下
Paul, explain this to me again.
我好像没搞懂我要动吗
I don't think I'm getting it. Am I supposed to move?
滴答滴答
Ticktock. Ticktock.
不别点发送
Oh, no! Don't press send!
太可怕了
That was painful.
超性感的
In a super hot way.
我要再看一遍自己一个人看你一边去
I'm gonna watch it again-- by myself, if you don't mind.
小伙子不就是不
Wow, guy! No means no!
那女孩是怎么结上婚的
How did that girl ever get married?
磕了药
Drugs were involved.
她在客厅里
She was out in the living room
低声跟我吵了一晚上
whisper-fighting with me all night.
你为什么不去跟她谈谈
Why didn't you go talk to her?
因为如果我不在场赢面就更大
Because I have a better chance of winning if I'm not there.
别这样亚当你不觉得你该向邦妮赔罪吗
Come on, Adam. Don't you think you might owe Bonnie an amends?
我该怎么说
What am I supposed to say?
很抱歉我没告诉你萨姆是女人
I'm sorry I didn't tell you that Sam was a woman?
谢谢亚当我很感激你能理解我的感受
Thanks, Adam. I appreciate you validating my feelings.
什么鬼
What was that?
我在扮邦妮
I'm being Bonnie.
差远了
Not even close.
首先你得嘲笑我的发型
First you got to make fun of my hair.
你的发型有什么问题
What's wrong with your hair?
谢谢还有
Thank you. Also,
你得声音更大更可怕手臂挥舞得更多
it's louder, it's scarier and more arm waving.
如果我说得没错
And if I make a good point,
你得提起我两年前做错的事
you got to bring up something that I did wrong two years ago.
那就直接说"很抱歉"
Okay, so-so maybe just stop at "I'm sorry."
就说"很抱歉"吗我可以这样做吗
Just "I'm sorry"? I'm allowed to do that?
当然了
Sure.
不我在问邦妮
No, I'm asking Bonnie.
我可以这样做吗
Am I allowed to do that?
好吧
Oh, um...
随便你蓬松头
Do whatever you want, Fluffy!
很好但你得站在椅子上
That was good, but you got to get on your chair.
-嗯 -好吧
- Yeah. - Okay.
我换了更好的床伴
I traded up.
邦妮我该告诉你萨姆是女人的
Bonnie, I should've told you that Sam was a woman.
我错了
I was wrong,
还有
and...
很抱歉
I'm sorry.