极品老妈

Mom S07E09

Part 2 Jan. 3, 2020, 8:06 p.m.

Which I will definitely need.
你画了一张你拿着公文包的图
Ah, you drew a little picture of you with a briefcase.
是的还有围巾以后是我的特色
Yeah, and a scarf. That's gonna be my thing.
谢谢克丽丝蒂
Oh. Thanks, Christy.
好了伸胳膊
All right, arms out.
让坏小子穿上酷夹克
Let's get this bad boy on this bad boy.
妈妈你做得真棒
Oh, wow, Mom, you did great.
他看起来很帅
He looks fantastic.
我做得棒吧他确实很帅吧
I did, didn't I? He does, doesn't he?
我的确秀色可餐
I am delicious.
为什么脱掉
What, you're taking it off?
我要冲澡了我喜欢它谢谢
I'm gonna hop in the shower. I love it. Thank you.
怎么了
What?
我以为他会更...
Well, I just thought he'd be a little more,
就那种"超赞
you know, "Pow. Nailed it.
你是最棒的妻子"
You're the best wife ever."
也许再流几滴快乐的泪水
Maybe a few tears of joy?
对他来说有那么难吗
Would it kill him?
你想看我给他送的礼券吗
Want to see the coupon I got him?
你太需要别人认可了
You need so much validation.
好今晚好好享受
All right, tonight we live.
四个字《珍喜皇馔》[猫粮]
Two words, Fancy Feast.
你在流口水吗卡洛斯·山塔那
Are you drooling, Carlos Santana?
我觉得你在流我不怪你
I think you are. And I don't blame you.
毕竟你吃的是"金枪鱼脆饼烩时蔬
You've got "Tuna Florentine with garden greens
配美味酱汁" 享受吧
in a delicate sauce." Enjoy.
这里到底怎么回事
What in the hot hell is going on here?
我在喂猫
I'm feeding the cats.
金枪鱼脆饼
Tuna Florentine
只能在特殊时刻喂
is for special occasions.
卡洛斯别吃
Carlos, do not eat that.
这就是特殊时刻我是个自♥由♥人了
This is a special occasion. I'm a free woman.
吃太多油腻食物它们会生病的
They get sick if they eat too much rich food.
你知道规矩
You know the rules.
去他的规矩
Aw, screw the rules.
这些可怜的家伙被困在高墙中
Poor things are trapped in these four walls.
它们只能在你规定的时间吃饭
They eat when you tell them to eat,
谁都不准上♥床♥
no one's allowed on the bed,
还得共用一个厕所
and they all have to use the same bathroom.
让它们享受生活吧
Let 'em live.
等你有了自己的猫你可以按自己的方法养
When you get your own cats, you can do it your way.
跟大家说一声我今晚不关窗
Spread the word. I'm leaving a window open tonight.
鸡翅啤酒龙舌兰
Wings, a beer, and a shot.
早上好
Good morning.
我妻子离婚时唯一没分走的东西
Ah, the one thing my wife didn't get in the divorce:
就是我的酗酒问题
my drinking problem.
正如人们所说
It's like they say:
离婚为什么贵因为值得
why is divorce so expensive? 'Cause it's worth it.
倒不是说我懂我从没结过婚
Not that I would know. I've never been married.
这怎么可能
How is that possible?
我一直没有遇到对的人
Well, I never really met the right guy, and also,
而且我过去七年一直在蹲监狱
I was in prison for the last seven years.
高大而危险
Ooh, tall and dangerous.
而且不再处于假释期了
And no longer on parole.
我想做什么想什么时候做想和谁做都可以
I can do what I want when I want, and who want.
塔米
Tammy,
能和你谈谈吗
can I see you for a sec?
老板吃醋了
Uh-oh, boss is getting jealous.
应该的
He should be.
-塔米 -怎么了
u202d- Tammy. - What?!
能和你谈谈吗
Can I speak to you?
你有什么问题
What is your problem?
迈克已经吃饱喝足含苞待放了
Mike's fed, watered and ready to sprout.
这就是我的问题
That's my problem.
他才刚刚离婚
The ink isn't dry on his divorce.
你最好别蹚这种浑水
That's not a pool you want to splash around in.
一个婚姻不顺
A guy stuck in an unhappy marriage
多年没性福生活的男人吗
who hasn't had good sex in years?
拿老娘的呼吸管来
Fetch me my snorkel.
听着
Listen...
拜托他是个常客可能会搞得很难看
Come on, he's-he's a regular. It could get messy.
如果我们做得对的话
If we do it right.
作为你的老板你能听我指挥吗
As your boss, can you just do what I say?
当然可以你是大老板
Oh, sure. You're the big boss man.
你告诉我何时休息
You tell me when to take my breaks,
逼我把头发塞进发网里
you force me to shove my hair in a net,
现在你又管上我的阴♥道♥了
and now you're in charge of my vagina?
我觉得我不该再接话了
I-I don't think I'm allowed to speak anymore.
很好我和我的阴♥道♥要休息了
Good. Me and my vagina are taking a break.
好吧你又说了一遍
Okay, wow, you said it again.
-邦妮 -塔米
- Bonnie. - u202dTammy.
傻瓜看看你把什么落家里了
Hey, silly, look what you left at home.
但宝贝今天外面很热
But, babe, it's-it's hot out today.
难道你不想给朋友们炫耀吗
But don't you want to show it off to your friends?
当然想了但我正在工作
Sure, but I'm-I'm working,
我不想溅上啤酒...
and I don't want to get beer all over it and...
怎么了
What?
我开始觉得你不喜欢这夹克了
I'm beginning to think you don't like this jacket.
我喜欢我真心喜欢我穿吧
I do. I really do. I'll put it on.
现在你只是为了我穿
Well, now you're just putting it on for me.
我是为了你穿因为你想要这样
Yes, I am, because that's what you want.
不重点是你想要哪样
No. This is all about what you want.
怎么回事
What's wrong?
算了吧一切都很完美一切都很好
Oh, forget it, everything's perfect, everything's fine.
至少她没说阴♥道♥
Well, at least she didn't say vagina.
我最近没怎么睡觉
I haven't been sleeping lately.
这很令人沮丧因为过去那些
Which is really frustrating, because everything
让我犯困的所有东西都不灵了
that used to make me sleepy is a no-no.
"所有东西"指的是酒和药
And by "Everything," I mean booze and pills.
有时候是可♥卡♥因♥ 那并不能让我入睡
And sometimes cocaine, which didn't help,
但醒着就变得很好玩了
but it made it fun to stay awake.
我试过薄荷茶冥想
I tried mint tea, tried meditating.
我甚至给一个女友打电♥话♥ 听她
I even called a girlfriend and listened to her
逼逼叨一天发生的事
drone on about her day. u202d
别倒吸气啊现在大家都知道是你了
Well, don't gasp. Now everybody knows it was you.
总之
Oh, anyway,
我在戒瘾同时超累谢了
super sober and super tired. Thanks.
你穿这衣服不热吗
Aren't you hot in that thing?
闭嘴
Shut up.
接下来谁想分享
Who wants to share next?
-邦妮酒瘾者 -你好邦妮
- Bonnie, alcoholic. - Hi, Bonnie.
我为我丈夫买♥♥了这件夹克
I bought this jacket for my husband.
我毫无私心
There was nothing in it for me.
毫无补偿
No quid pro quo.
就是一个坦诚的女人对她男人的爱但猜猜怎么
Just an honest woman lovin' on her man, but guess what?
原来男人并不在乎
Turns out men don't care. Mm-hmm.
记下来小姑娘们
Write that down, young'uns.
不在乎
Don't care.
我应该给他买♥♥我想要的高压锅的
Should have bought him the InstaPot that I wanted.
但我没有你们知道为什么吗
But I didn't, and you know why?
因为我进化了
Because I've evolved.
感谢上帝让我戒瘾
So thank God for sobriety
感谢上帝我不知感恩的丈夫
and thank God my ingrate husband
和我差不多穿同样的尺码
and I are roughly the same size.
-还有谁想 -塔米酒瘾者
- Who else wants... - Tammy, alcoholic.
你好塔米
Hi, Tammy.
我该从何说起呢
Where do I start?
从开头说起笨蛋好吧
At the beginning, idiot. Fine.
我最近挺不错的
Personally, I'm doing pretty good.
实际上很好
I'm actually fantastic.
我刚结束假释摆脱了很多约束