极品老妈

Mom S07E16

Part 2 June 23, 2020, 4:09 p.m.

bread and ham in your house.
这是因为我爱你
Oh, it's 'cause I love you.
如果你真的爱我
You know, if you really love me,
你可以买♥♥点卡夫奇妙酱
you could spring for some Miracle Whip.
我知道女人讨厌但男人喜欢
I know. Girls hate it, but guys love it.
当然可以作为回报我们能造个孩子吗
Sure. And in return, can we make a baby?
我知道男人讨厌但女人喜欢
I know. Guys hate it, but girls love it.
什...
Wha... uh...
什么
What?
是这样
Here's the thing.
哪样
What?
我们在一起快一年了
it's just that we have been together for almost a year now,
我的青春不会复返所以造孩子
and I'm not getting any younger, so, you know-- baby.
让我坐一下
I'm gonna sit down for a second.
这是拒绝吗
Is that a no?
不我只是来这里做午饭的
No, you know, it's just I-I came here to make lunch--
对三明治酱有点意见
had a little bit of an issue with the sandwich spread.
这本来应该是
That was gonna be my...
我今日最大的难题
big dilemma o' the day.
现在的难题是我们该不该造人
Well, now it's: should we or shouldn't we make a person.
你怎么想
What do you think?
吉尔我...
Jill, I, um...
抱歉我没想到这么快就谈到这个
I'm sorry, I-I didn't see this coming on so quick.
你知道在我们初次约会时
You know how on our first date,
你问"你是不是35岁" 而我只是微笑了
you said, "What are you, like, 35?" And I just smiled?
我40岁了
I'm 40.
加18个月
And 18 months.
好
Okay.
但我觉得我会是个好妈妈
But I think I'd be a great mom.
而且我知道你会是个好爸爸
And I know you'd be a great dad.
你非常强壮
I mean, you're so strong.
想想你能把孩子丢多高
Just think how high you could toss a baby.
我永远不会丢孩子的
I would never toss a baby.
瞧你你通过测试了
Look at you. You passed the test!
来繁衍吧
Let's get to breedin'.
好吧听着
Okay, uh, listen...
宝贝我知道你的时间不多
babe, I-I get that your clock is ticking,
但我就是...
but I'm-I'm just...
我不确定我们是否
I'm not sure that we're...
走到了那一步
there yet.
你说得对
You're right.
你说得对忘记我提过这事吧
You're right. Forget I brought it up.
这不是你干的对吗
That's not you, is it?
怎么了
What?
没什么我只是喜欢
Nothing. I just love
这是每周酒吧歇业
the one night a week the bar is closed
我们能同时上♥床♥的一晚
and we get to go to bed at the same time.
我也喜欢我能读点书
Me, too. I get to read a little.
等等这是暗号♥吗如果是的话直说就好
Oh, wait, was that code? 'Cause if it's code, just say so.
不不是暗号♥
No, no code.
也好
Just as well.
这本书正要揭晓复利的秘密
This book is about to unlock the mystery of compound interest for me.
你能在我背后涂乳液吗
Can you rub some lotion on my back?
好等等这是暗号♥吗
Uh, sure. Wait, is this code?
-没什么暗号♥ -好
- Nothing is code. - u202dOh, okay.
你有没有想过我们有孩子会是什么样
Do you ever wonder what it would be like if we'd a kid?
我们会上吉尼斯世界纪录
We'd be in The Guinness Book of World Records,
所以那会很棒
so that'd be sweet. u202d
我是说假如我们在育龄相遇的话
I mean if we'd met during our childbearing years.
是的我猜我想过
Yeah, I guess it's crossed my mind.
我们会是最酷的家长
We'd be the coolest parents.
作为结果我们的孩子会很棒
And as a result, our kid would be spectacular.
他应该会很高这很好
He'd probably be tall, which is great.
"他" 我喜欢这想法
"He." I like that.
我已经毁了一个女孩
I already ruined a she.
他会很幽默
He'd be funny.
他会很外向
He'd be outgoing. u202d
他会拥有性感巨魔娃娃的头发
He'd have the hair of a sexy Troll doll.
而且他会想到什么就说什么
And I guess he'd say what he thinks whenever he felt like it
不管那话有多伤人
no matter how hurtful.
而且他会非常敏感
And I guess he'd also be super sensitive.
总比非常迟钝好
Which is better than him being super insensitive.
他也会消极对抗
Well, he'd also be passive-aggressive.
而且有成瘾问题
And likely have addiction issues.
而且坐着轮椅
And be in a wheelchair.
滑雪掉下悬崖不是遗传病
Yeah, snowboarding off a cliff isn't hereditary.
总想胜别人一筹是遗传病吗
Is always needing to feel right hereditary?
如果是的话我们的孩子就完了
If it is, our kid is doomed.
是啊我已经开始不喜欢我们的儿子了
Yeah, I'm starting to not like our son.
是的他确实听起来有点混♥蛋♥
Yeah, he does sound like a bit of a douche.
但我告诉你一件事有你这个父亲
But I'll tell you one thing: with you as a father,
他一定很帅
he'd be gorgeous.
谢谢
Thanks.
你在做什么这是暗号♥
What are you doing? That was code.
什么
Wha...?
学校如何
How was school?
你有没有问教授
Did you ask your professor
为什么不选你上默念法庭
why you didn't get chosen for mute court?
模拟法庭我不想再谈这件事了
Moot court, and I don't want to talk about it.
-好 -真的吗
- Okay. u202d- Really?
你要走吗
You're walking away?
我这显然是在求助
That was clearly a cry for help.
所以你想谈这件事吗
So, you-you want to talk about it?
天啊不
Oh, my God, no.
令人激动的消息各位
Exciting news, people.
安迪搞大你了吗
Andy put a baby in it?
还没有也许最近和以后都不会
Not yet and maybe not soon and maybe not ever,
所以我要冻结卵子
so I'm gonna freeze my eggs.
好样的靠自己解决问题
Good for you, taking matters into your own hands.
完全对
Exactly.
冻结卵子就像冻结时间
Freezing eggs is like freezing time.
我可以融化它们用精♥子♥与之受精
I can thaw them out, hit them with a dash of sperm
等我准备好时再用
and use them whenever I'm ready.
那不是很贵吗
Isn't that really expensive?
我也以为很贵
Yeah, well, I thought so, too,
但只要三万美元
but it's only $30,000.
我已经见过医生了
I've already been to the doctor.
我需要打一些促卵激素
I have to take a series of these fertility shots
让我排卵
to get me all eggy,
但我需要一个搭档帮我打♥针♥
but I need a partner to help me with the injections.
克丽丝蒂
So, Christy,
你愿意当我的搭档吗
would you be my partner?
我很乐意
I'd love to.
太棒了
Great!
医生说你该用葡萄柚练习
Doctor said you should practice on a grapefruit.
给你
So here you go.
真棒
Yay!
简单的家庭作业
Homework that's easy!
这件事不该是你男友做吗
Isn't this something your boyfriend should do?
不我决定不告诉他
No, I decided not to tell him.
我不希望他觉得我一心想要个孩子
I don't want him to think I'm obsessed with having a child.
你们觉得珀尔这名字怎么样
What do you think of the name Pearl?
讨厌
Hate.
二年级时珀尔·弗莱明剪了我的辫子
Second grade, Pearl Fleming cut off my pigtail.
你不是罪有应得吗
And you did nothing to deserve that?
好吧给你的孩子取名叫珀尔
Fine. Name your baby Pearl,
但我们的关系会很复杂
but we will have a complicated relationship.
谢谢你帮我
Thanks for doing this.
怎么不去找温蒂她是护士
What about Wendy? She's a nurse.
妈妈我终于被选中了
Mom, I finally got picked for something.
让我享受吧