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Modern Family S01E24

Part 2 Dec. 3, 2019, 1:40 p.m.

I mean, seriously, how hard can it be?
你老爸能行那我也能行对吧
If your father can do it, I can do it. Right?
好吧
All right.
我只需要
I just need to...
抬起来-
lift-
现在我看见了
Oh, now I see it.
我们的位置真棒
These seats are amazing.
你口袋里怎么有糖漏出来
Why you have candy coming out of your pocket?
不是不是不是
No, no, no, no, no.
-什么 -我自己带了零食
- Huh? - I brought my own snacks.
不是我小气这是原则问题
Not because I'm cheap. It's a matter of principle.
再说冒着被人发现的危险其实挺刺♥激♥的
Plus I get a little rush from the danger.
淡定装酷
Be cool. Be cool.
-什么 -淡定看前面
- What? - Be cool. Just look straight ahead.
我感觉好极了哦吼
I never felt more alive. Whoo!
我越搞越糟糕但我没有惊惶失措
Okay, I just made it worse. I'm not freaking out though.
我打电♥话♥给你♥爸♥ 问他怎么修
I'm gonna call your dad, and he's gonna tell me how to fix this.
-天啊是老爸 -哪儿
- Oh, my God! It's Dad. - Where?
那里科比的后面
Right there, behind Kobe.
-天啊 -真是太少见了
- Oh, my god! - How weird is this!
快点快点想一件事情来吓他
Quick. Quick, tell me something to say that will freak him out.
-说我怀孕了 -不那个可不能乱说
- Tell him I'm pregnant. - No, not gonna say that.
响了响了真是太有趣了
Okay, here we go. How funny is this!
你好我是菲尔有事请留言
Hey, it's Phil. You know what to do.
真是"有趣"呀
Well, that was pretty funny.
天啊
Oh, my God!
天啊
Oh, my God.
天啊天啊天啊
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
天啊天啊
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
天啊天啊天啊
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
天啊噢
Oh, my God. Oh.
好多了失陪一下
It's much better. Excuse me. Sorry.
喂
Hello?
家里进来一只鸽子
There is a pigeon in our house.
怎么办怎么办
What do I do? What do I do?
你谁呢
Who is this?
-不搞笑一点都不搞笑 -冷静
- Never funny. Not funny now. - Calm down.
我从小就是在动物的陪伴下长大的
You know I grew up around many animals.
有一次一只公鸡袭击我
One time, a rooster attacked me,
我妈把它脖子拧了然后晚上就吃鸡
and my mom wrung its neck, and we had it for dinner.
你真会挑时间讲故事速回来救我
Great time for an anecdote. Help me.
其实它更怕你
It's more afraid of you than you are of it.
鸽子什么都不怕
Pigeons aren't scared of anything.
电线他们都敢站
They stand on electrical wires.
你会没事的米奇尔只要你不
You're gonna be fine, Mitchell. Just as long as you don't-
那个他们要开始了
You know what, they're starting.
我得挂了拜拜
I gotta go. Okay, bye.
只要我不怎么小卡
As long as I don't what? Cam?
只要我不怎么我的个娘亲
As long as I don't- Oh, God!
酷接吻镜头来了
Cool. The kiss cam.
如果镜头圈到了我们
Wouldn't it be embarrassing if the camera
-会不会很尴尬 -我们是亲戚
- was on us and then the crowd started- - We're related.
但没有血缘关系
Not by blood.
你敢碰我就让你"血溅当场"
Touch me and there will be blood.
-我们不行 -你怎么了
- Not us. - What's wrong with you?
是接吻镜头
It's the kiss cam.
要是圈到我们我们就得接吻
When it lands on you, you're supposed to kiss.
她是我岳父的二婚妻子
This is my wife's dad's second wife.
法律上没问题但是很怪异
So legally okay, but still weird.
太尴尬了
That was awkward.
又是我们
And we're back.
来吧又没什么大不了的
Oh. Ay! Come on. It's not a big deal.
多亏了来电显示
Thank God for caller I.D.
于是你不想接你老婆电♥话♥就可以挂掉
So you don't have to talk to your wife.
看我回来收拾你
Oh, we're gonna talk, mister.
我会慢慢慢慢说死你
We're gonna talk and talk.
老爸妈妈在电视上看到你了你死定了
Dad, Mom saw you on TV. You're dead.
是这样的接吻镜头应该只针对
Here's the thing. The kiss cam is only supposed to be...
现场观众娱乐一下的
for the enjoyment of the people at the game.
电视上根本不该播
They never show that on TV.
人们在自己的比赛场上做什么
What people do in the privacy of their own sports arena...
是他们的自♥由♥
should be their own business.
66年的时候我在我爷爷的办公品公♥司♥打工
So in '66, I worked in my grandfather's office supply business-
就是墨水啊订书钉啊纸张之类的
you know, your ink, your staples, your legal pads.
我说得太快了吗
Am I going too fast for you?
我听得都睡着了
I fell asleep for a second.
你在60年代就没做过有意思的事吗
Did you do anything interesting in the '60s?
有一个夏天
Well, one summer,
我在姥爷的理发店里帮忙扫头发
I swept up hair at my other grandfather's barbershop.
-别折磨我了 -你想要什么样的故事
- You're killing me. - What do you want?
我也不确定
I don't know.
布莱恩·贝壳维斯的爷爷当年在华盛顿游♥行♥过呢
Brian Beckwith's grandfather marched on Washington.
阿蒂·贝壳维斯吗
Artie Beckwith?
那个整天啰里吧嗦怨天尤人的怂货
He couldn't walk two feet without complaining.
他去华盛顿游♥行♥过
He marched on Washington?
他是这样告诉布莱恩的
He told Brian he did.
跟马丁·路德·金一起
With Martin Luther King Jr.
马丁·路德·金
Martin Luther King?
-你以为他的理发师是谁 -什么
- Guess who cut his hair. - What?
你知道马丁·路德·金的理发师是谁吗
Do you know who cut Martin Luther King Jr.'s hair?
卢克的老师怕是也不知道
Neither does Luke's teacher.
-所以理发店是在华盛顿啊 -是的
- So the barbershop was in Washington? - Okay.
-你还为其他名人理过发吗 -那当然
- Did you cut any other famous hair? - Oh, yeah.
肯尼迪家族理查德·尼克松各位宇航员
The Kennedys, Richard Nixon, all the astronauts.
你以为巴斯·奥尔德的外号♥是哪来的
How do you think Buzz Aldrin got his nickname?
[巴斯·奥尔德人类首次登陆月球的宇航员之一]
酷毙了
Awesome.
*莉莉的屋里最好玩*
*We love to play in Lily's room*
*要不要牛奶无所谓*
*We don't need any milk*
好了莉莉你老爸是铁血真汉子
Okay, you know what, Lily? I am a man.
爸这就去厨房♥给你拿牛奶
I am going into the kitchen to get your milk.
*万福玛利亚*
*Ave Maria*
*满被圣宠者*
*Gratia plena*
*玛利亚满被圣宠者*
*Maria, gratia plena*
*玛利亚满被圣宠者*
*Maria, gratia plena*
*圣洁的天主*
*Ave, ave dominus*
*主与尔偕焉*
*Dominus tecum*
*女中尔为赞美*
*Benedicta tu in mulieribus*
*尔胎子耶稣*
*Et benedictus fructus ventris*
*并为赞美*
*Ventris tui, Jesus*
*万福玛利亚*
*Ave Maria*
有一次威尔特·张伯伦来光顾了
Then one day, Wilt Chamberlain shows up.
[威尔特·张伯伦美国男篮巨星]
他说"你能帮忙修下我朋友的头发吗"
He says, "Can you take a little off the top for my friend here?"
-竟然是猫王艾维斯 -不是吧
- And it's Elvis. - No way.
他是世上最了不起的歌♥手除了西纳特拉
Greatest singer that ever lived, after Sinatra.
谁敢反驳我就跟他急
I'll fight any man who says different.
我老爸说最棒的歌♥手是彼柏·布莱森
My dad says the greatest singer who ever lived is Peabo Bryson.
那我只好找你老爸算算账了
Then I guess I gotta fight your dad.
是吧
Yeah, I guess.
卢克说外公要找你算账
Luke says Grandpa wants to fight you.
干嘛什么都跟我过不去
Why does everything have to suck?
我们还是改天照相吧
Let's just do the picture another day.
我脸上马上要冒痘痘了
I think I'm getting a pimple.
不行
No.
你知道我多辛苦才约到那位摄影师吗
Do you know how long it took me to book this photographer?
在壁炉那里照怎么样
Maybe by the fireplace.
行啊旧时代的老人都喜欢在那儿画塑像
Yeah. That's a classic old-person spot for a portrait.
拉倒吧墙的颜色太恶心了
Yeah, if I'd ever bothered to paint that hideous wall.
克莱尔是个完美主义者这有时候是好事
Claire is a perfectionist, which sometimes is a good thing,
比如选个绝代老公什么的
like when it comes to picking a husband.
有时候就不太好了