摩登家庭

Modern Family S01E04

Part 1 Dec. 3, 2019, 1:38 p.m.

杰我回来了
Jay, I'm home.
曼尼打电♥话♥回来了吗
Did Manny call?
没因为他啥事也没有
No, because he's fine.
他是去睡衣派对又不是黑帮火拼
It was a slumber party, not a gang fight.
我只是想他融入集体
I just want him to fit in.
我要去冲个澡你要一起来吗
I'm gonna take a shower. Do you care to join me?
宝贝车♥库♥的小提箱里有一杆枪
You know, honey, there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage.
要是我哪天脑袋发昏拒绝和你共浴
If I ever say no to that question,
你直接一枪打死我吧
I want you to use it on me.
玛丽·马克小姐马克马克
Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack.
-穿成黑色黑色黑色 -嘘别出声
- All dressed in black, black, black. - Shh, shh.
-怎么了 -银色扣子扣子扣子
- What's wrong? - With silver buttons, buttons, buttons.
在她背上背上背上
All down her back, back, back.
他们怎么不打架了
Why aren't they trying to hurt each other?
我也不知道我震惊得都不敢动
I don't know, but I'm afraid to move.
-你玩得真好 -谢谢
- You're really good at this. - Thanks.
克莱尔这是怎么一回事啊
What is happening, Claire?
味道如何
What do you think?
绝对正宗的松饼啊
Now, that is a scone.
零黄油无脂肪
No butter. Nonfat.
得瑟
Shut up.
我去看看莉莉
I'm gonna go check on Lily.
-惊喜哦 -妈
- Surprise! - Mom!
怎么回事
What's that?
听起来像是有鸟撞上玻璃了
Sounds like a bird hit the window.
天呐这是个凶兆
Oh, God. That's a bad sign.
很痛啊混♥蛋♥
Ow! That hurt, jerk!
我要杀了你你个白♥痴♥
Ow! I'm gonna kill you, stupid!
剧情峰回路转吗
What happened?
现在我郁闷了
Now I'm sad.
-你好宝贝 -你好我...
- Hi, honey. Mmm! - Hi. I, uh-
我不知道你要来你之前没给我打电♥话♥啊
I- I didn't know you were in town. You didn't call.
我等不及要见我的小孙女了她在哪儿
Well, I couldn't wait to see your new baby. Where is she?
-米奇尔是谁啊 -是我妈
- Mitchell, who was that? - It's my mom.
你就使劲儿忽悠吧
Oh, yeah, right,
上回她来的时候
'cause the last time she was here,
冰箱门上的磁铁被摆成了五边...
the refrigerator magnets rearranged themselves into a penta...
真是奶奶啊
Grandma!
摩登家庭
第一季第四集
妈你拽着她的脚干嘛呢
Mom. Mom, what are you doing to her legs?
打太极我在塞多纳时每天都打
Tai chi. I did it every day in Sedona.
卡梅隆你也该试试
Cameron, you should try it.
米奇尔的妈妈对我...
Mitchell's mother has a problem...
有成见
with me.
比如去年圣诞节
Last Christmas, for example,
她送了我一台健身器材和生菜烘干机
she gave me a piece of exercise equipment and a lettuce dryer.
问题的重点是
So, to recap,
我送给她的是一副华丽的钻石耳环
I gave her a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings,
她送的礼物却暗示我很肥
and she gave me a hint.
住在塞多纳让我改变了许多
And living in Sedona has been transformational.
我每天早上起床后去参加冥想集♥会♥
I get up every morning, and I go to a Vortex meditation site...
在高僧的指导下
and work with a shaman to
终于参透精神世界的奥秘了
finally understand how to live my spirituality.
真棒
Yikes.
我领悟到
And I've learned that
让我的修行更上一层楼的唯一方法...
the only way I can move to the next level of my awakening...
就是要想办法...
is if we all can somehow...
克服...
get past...
那件事的阴影
the incident.
完了
Oh, no.
"那件事"
The incident.
不堪回首啊
Oh, boy.
我想恭喜杰和可爱的歌♥洛莉亚
I would like to congratulate Jay and the lovely Gloria.
杰&歌♥洛莉亚的婚礼现场
去年二月
我为他们感到高兴
I'm very happy for them.
我想和杰举办一次盛大的婚礼
I wanted a big, beautiful wedding with Jay...
因为我和我前夫的婚礼是在
because my ex-husband and I got married...
哥伦比亚一间很小的法官办公室里举办的
in a tiny little office of a judge in Colombia.
我妈妈想去参加婚礼
My mother wanted to go to the wedding
以显示自己对前夫再婚一事十分大度
to show everyone how okay she was with all of it,
所以我说服我爸和歌♥洛莉亚邀请她
so I convinced Dad and Gloria to invite her.
当时是谁警告你那是史上最烂的主意
Who warned you that that was the worst idea ever?
是谁
Anyone?
是谁啊
Anyone?
当然我已经开始新生活了
Of course, I've-I've moved on.
我本来要带男朋友来的
I was supposed to come with a date,
但他闪到腰了
but he just hurt his back,
真有点讽刺啊因为他可是又年轻又健康
which is very ironic because he's young and-and healthy.
我妈妈在婚宴上...
My mom started drinking...
狂饮一种叫做"哥伦比亚淫棍"的鸡尾酒
these cocktails called "Horny Colombians"...
和歌♥洛莉亚的叔叔们大拼酒量
with some of Gloria's uncles,
那酒名显然说的就是那帮家伙
whom apparently the drink was named after.
拜托他们很好玩
Oh, come on. They were funny.
他们一直摸我屁♥股♥
They kept patting my butt.
有人自恋了哦
Somebody's full of herself.
他们说那是哥伦比亚婚礼的传统习俗
It's a- It's a Colombian wedding tradition, they said.
我来祝个酒
I would like to make a toast.
是啊外婆醉得不行了
Yeah. Nanna got totally wasted.
真的很好玩
Uh, it was really funny.
然后就乌七八糟的了
Then it was gross.
敬新娘以及新郎也就是我的前夫
To the bride and the groom- my ex.
我们一起生活了35年
Thirty-five years we were together,
而他见到小骚货10分钟不到就跟着跑了
and he couldn't wait 10 minutes to run off with Charo.
开个玩笑而已
That's a joke.
说真的我知道他们是天生一对
Seriously, I knew they were perfect for each other...
因为新郎"财大"气粗而新娘"胸大"乳挺
when I saw his wallet and her boobs.
把你的脏手拿开
Take your hands off me!
-妈妈 -米奇尔放松
- Mom. Mom. - Oh, relax, Mitchell.
怎么你今天也变得跟克莱尔一样了吗
What, did you take your Claire pill?
-别别 -我们去呼吸一下新鲜空气好吗
- No, no. - Let's just go get a little fresh air, okay?
然后就变得诡异了
And then it got weird.
-我是歌♥洛莉亚我是歌♥洛莉亚 -我抓住她了
- I'm Gloria! I'm Gloria! - I got her.
吻我吧吻我吧
Kiss me! Oh, hey, kiss me!
不天呐
No! Oh, geez.
外婆力大如金刚
Nanna is really strong.
哎呀呦哎呀哟啊嘶嘚啊嘶哆
Ayayayayay! Ooh! Ayayayayay!
当我对前夫说出婚誓时
During my vows to my first husband,
几个毒贩子冲了进来暗♥杀♥了法官
drug dealers burst in and assassinated the judge.
没想到二婚的情形更可怕
This was way worse.
说什么好呢我就是能让女人如痴如"狂"
What can I say? I drive women crazy.
可能有点太快了
It's too soon, I guess.
妈所有人都会去的
Everybody is going to be there, Mom!
我不管
I don't care.
你♥爸♥爸和我都不会允许你
Your father and I are not about to let you
开两小时的车去看一个演唱会
drive two hours to go to a concert...
然后跟一帮男孩子混一晚上
and then spend the night with a bunch of boys,
尤其是和你那个17岁的性冲动男友
especially that 17-year-old hormone you're dating.
全程都有人监护的
It's totally supervised.
是吗谁监护
Oh, really? By whom?
斯宾塞·潘丁的叔叔
By Spencer Patine's uncle.
斯宾塞·潘丁是谁
Who's Spencer Patine?
你认得斯宾塞的就是手里带家伙的那个
You know Spencer- the guy with the arm.
等会儿抄什么"家伙"
Wait. What kind of arm?
你说的"家伙"是什么意思啊
What is that even mean?
他叔叔就是托比叔叔
His uncle is Uncle Toby.
托比叔叔啊我会把他加入"安珀警报"名单的
Oh, Uncle Toby. I'll be sure to include that in my Amber Alert.
[安珀警报出现儿童丢失或绑♥架♥案时
通过媒体向社会发布的警报]
-我的天啊 -我能插句话吗
- Oh, my God! - Okay. Can I step in here?
我觉得我能帮上忙
I think I can help.
海莉你妈妈担心的是
Haley, what your mom is worried about...