迈克和茉莉（2010）
Mike & Molly S03E04
Part 1
Dec. 15, 2020, 2:47 p.m.
You ever wonder why in all these scary movies
你想过没 为啥这些鬼片里
you never see one fat vampire?
都没有个肥肥吸血鬼
That's easy... they drink nothing but blood
这还不简单 吸血鬼只吸血
and that's pure protein.
那可是高蛋白
Oh, yeah, there's no carbs.
是哦 没有碳水化合物
Exactly. If I could stand the taste of it,
可不 如果我能受得了那味
I'd fill up my sports bottle.
我运动时也给自己灌一瓶
It's not just vampires.
不只是吸血鬼
There are no chubby monsters.
也没有胖胖怪兽
Not true.
这不对
Godzilla kind of had a gut.
哥斯拉还是挺牛叉的
Nah, he just lived in Tokyo, so he ate nothing
不对 人家在东京
but people filled with white rice and MSG.
除了大白饭和味精就没啥吃的了
You're smart.
你真聪明
I love our little talks.
最爱和你聊天了
What is it? Food in the tooth
咋了 牙上有韭菜
or bat in the cave? - No, no, no, you're fine.
还是鼻屎掉出来了 - 没有没有 你很好
I was actually just...
我只是在想
thinking how fun it would be to have our own little...
在想 要是咱俩聊天时中间还坐着
monster sitting here between us.
咱的小怪兽 那可多好
I thought your mom hated scary movies.
你妈不是讨厌看鬼片嘛
I'm talking about a baby, you know?
我在说小宝宝 知道不
Bringing a little me and you into the world.
生一小只小肥肥或小胖胖
And you really imagine it being little, huh?
咱俩的娃能小只吗
As long as it doesn't have that big pumpkin head of yours.
只要没有你那大南瓜脑袋就行
If I see Charlie Brown on the sonogram, he's staying in there.
如果我看B超发现是Charlie Brown 那他就别出来了
All right, you talked me into it.
好吧 你说动我了
Let's knock you up.
行动起来
Wait, wait. Wait, wait, we...
等等等 我们
need to discuss the logistic of this first.
得好好讨论这个问题先
Hey, I know how to make a baby...
嘿 我知道怎么造人
we just do it the way we've been doing it,
我们就按以前的套路
but no slicker on the vicar.
只是我的小牧师不用戴雨衣了
Mike, we...
Mike 我说
we have no money, we live in a house with three other people
我们既没钱 又和其他三个人一起住
and you're still calling your penis "The vicar"
而且你把你那叫做"小牧师"
I won't say it around the kid.
我不会当孩子面说的
The point is we both want a family,
重点是我们想要个完整的家
and all that other stuff will work itself out.
其它事就任其发展吧
We're talking about another human being. I mean...
我们可是在说个小人儿 我是说
well, a life that we're responsible for
一个我们至少要为其负责
for at least 18 years.
18年的小人儿
At least 18? Look at you...
至少18年吗 那你呢
you still live with your mother.
你还和你妈住
We sleep in ur childhood bed. Wh...
还睡着你儿时的床
Hey, that's my big-girl bed, and I bought it myself.
那可是我的淑女床 我自己花钱买♥♥的
Granted, Mom loaned me the money,
虽然是她借的钱给我
but I think she forgot it, so...
不过我想她不记得了 所以
technically, it's mine.
技术层面讲 我买♥♥的
Well, I guess, when you weigh the pros and cons,
那我觉得 权衡利弊
maybe it doesn't make sense for us to have a kid right now.
可能现在还不是要孩子的好时机
Yeah, I... I agree.
恩 是吧
You know, smart thing is...
还是最好
is to wait.
等等吧
Although...
不过
if our folks would've waited for the perfect time,
如果我们爸妈都在等合适的时机
you and I probably wouldn't be here.
可能就不会有我们了
Mmm. The way my mom tells it,
恩 按我妈说的
I owe my existence to a tight tube top and a loose condom.
因为她那性感上衣和脱落的套套 才有的我
I was makeup sex after an ugly New Year's Eve party.
而我则是来自新年派对后的激♥情♥夜晚
I'm guessing the sex wasn't pretty, either.
他们大吵了一架 估计做的也不咋地
What are you thinking?
想什么呢
Well, this movie stinks,
恩 这电影真烂
we got the whole house to ourselves,
整个房♥子都没人
we've been talking about sex for the last five minutes.
然后我们又讨论的这么久的XXOO
You're the smart one... what do you think I'm thinking?
你是聪明人 知道我想的啥吧
Get your vicar up the stairs.
带上你的小牧师上楼去
we really actually have to do it first, and singing that song
来点前戏是必须的 不过唱这歌♥
isn't exactly setting off my smoke alarm.
可没怎么让我性致高昂
I'm just a little nervous.
我有点小紧张
This is the first time we're going to have sex
这是我们第一次为了上帝的旨意
for the reason God intended.
而滚床单
Well, do your job right, and I'll give him
你呢 就干♥你♥该干的 而我呢
a couple of shout-outs when we're in the thick of things.
会百忙之中告诉他一声
All right.
好极了
Let's put a toddler in your tank.
那咱开始播种吧
Yeah, sweetie, I really...
等会 亲爱的 我呢
appreciate your enthusiasm, but,
很欣赏你的积极热情 但是
you know, it probably won't happen the first time.
你也得知道 第一次可能怀不上的
Don't underestimate my sperm.
别看轻我的精♥子♥大军
They're like red ants on a wet Smartie.
他们就像巧克力豆上的红蚂蚁
I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but...
我本不想这么说 不过
I actually prefer the singing to the talking.
我还是觉得你唱得比说的好听
You're having my baby.
你就要有我的娃了
Wait. I'm gonna put on my lucky Cubs hat.
等下 我要戴上我的幸运帽
Are you kidding?
开玩笑吧
Hey. Almost everything good that's ever happened to me,
嘿 每次有好事发生
I was wearing that hat,
我都戴着这顶帽子
including the first time I laid eyes on you.
包括我第一次见到你
Get the hat.
快戴上
What the hell? Maybe I'll put on my lucky lotto bra.
管它的 我也要戴上我的幸运咪♥咪♥罩
I am telling you, Carl,
我跟你说 Carl
reproductive sex is the best kind of sex.
造人床上运动是最棒的
It's got all the fun of regular sex,
不仅享有了一切床上乐趣
but with a prize at the end.
最后还抱回个大奖
It's like Cracker Jacks.
就像吃玉米花生糖
Can we talk about something
我们能说点别的么
other than the fact that you got laid?
只要不谈你的床上运动
I didn't just "Get laid."
我不仅是"运动"了
I was making love to my soul mate, Oh.
我可是和我的至爱在创造幸福
Participating in the creation of another human life.
在创造一个小生灵
What did you do last night?
你昨晚干嘛了
I watched porn and had sex with myself.
我看了黄♥片♥儿然后撸了两管
Which was also beautiful.
同样很美好
You know what, breakfast is on me.
早餐我请了
Oh, wonderful.
哦 真好
And will my insulting tip be in nickels and pennies
那你准备给几毛钱小费打发我
or in lint-covered Life Savers?
还是给我点线头补衣服用
Why don't you celebrate President's Day
为什么不拿着你的一美元和五美元
with Mr. Lincoln and Mr. Washington.
你一边哈皮去呢
Mm-hmm.
恩
They're real.
是真的啦
Yeah, well, you understand my suspicions.
是 你得理解我
You've never given me a Washington
你小费从来不大于一美元
and a Lincoln in paper form.
或五美元的
I'm in a good mood...
我今儿个心情好
Molly and I are trying to get pregnant.
Molly和我准备要孩子了
Oh, congratulations.
哦 那恭喜了
I guess you'll be eating for two now.
我估计你要开始吃两人份的饭了
He's been eating for two ever since he was two.
他从两岁就开始吃两人份的了
I'm saying we're trying,
我们只是试试
but I'm guessing last night took. Mmm.
不过估计昨晚就搞定了
If my sperm are anything like me,
我的精♥子♥可跟我很像
they're determined swimmers.
都是游泳健将啊
If your sperm are anything like you,
要是你的精♥子♥都像你
they're floating in the kiddie pool
他们就挂着泳圈
wearing water wings and eating Dreamsicles.
漂在泳池上 吃着冰淇淋
Boy, you're in a mood.
老弟 你真是毁了我的好心情
Hey, I just broke up with my girlfriend.
嘿 我刚跟我女友分手
I don't want to hear how happy and in love you are.
我一点都不想知道你在爱河里多么荡漾
迈克和茉莉（2010）
Mike & Molly
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