迈克和茉莉（2010）
Mike & Molly S03E09
Part 1
Dec. 15, 2020, 2:50 p.m.
Come on, pick a lane, you jackass!
快点 选一个道走 你个蠢蛋
Mike, why are you in such a hurry?
Mike 你那么急干什么
We're having dinner at your mom's house.
我们是去你妈妈家吃饭
You should be trying to drive over nails.
本来应该故意开到钉子上的
We can't be late now that my mom's dating my boss.
我们可不能迟到 因为我妈现在和我的上司在约会
If we're not there on time,it goes on my permanent record.
如果我们不准时 那我的档案上就会记那么一笔
Well, if it's gonna make you crazy,
如果这让你抓狂的话
why'd you accept the invitation in the first place?
那你当初干嘛接受邀请
It wasn't an invitation. It was a direct order.
这可不是邀请 是命令
The captain walked into the locker room and said,
我上司走进储物间说
"Biggs, dinner at your mother's house.
Biggs 今晚在你妈家吃饭
Don't be late and for God sakes, cover your privates."
不准迟到 看在老天的份上 把下面遮住吧
He saw you naked?
他看到你裸着的
I just got out of the shower, and you know I like to air dry.
我才洗好澡出来 而且我喜欢自然风干身上的水
Only too well.
真是再好不过了
You know, you could have just told him we had other plans.
你完全可以告诉你上司说你另有安排的
We do it with your mom all the time.
我们可以随时跟你妈一起吃饭的
In fact, isn't tonight our weekly tango lesson?
今晚是不是我们探戈课程了
You know, we're gonna pay for that one day.
你懂得 出来混总是要还的
When we least expect it,
当我们信心满满的时候
she's gonna put on a Samba record and say,
她就会打着桑巴拍子说
"Show me what you got."
让我看看你学会什么
It's the pedal on the right, you idiot!
那边是自行车道 你个蠢货
Mike, quit yelling at that woman.
Mike 别冲着那个女人叫了
She's a poor, old lady with a handicapped sticker.
她不过是个拄着拐杖的可怜老妇人而已
Well, she got a pretty spry middle finger.
是吗 那她还朝着我们竖中指呢
Back at you, Witchy Poo!
小心你身后 老太婆
Look, do me a favor.
就当帮我个忙吧
Just don't butt heads with my mom tonight.
今晚别跟我妈起冲突
Hey, I have never been anything but sweet to that...
嗨 我可是一直好好地对那个
let's just say... woman.
还是叫她女人吧
I'm sorry, but even Gandhi would take a swing at her.
抱歉 就算是甘地也会给她几巴掌的
True, but for the next couple of hours,
这倒是 不过接下来的几个小时里
just try to turn the other cheek.
要试着忍♥住 忍♥住
So, you want me to just sit there while she treats me
那么你是要我呆坐在那
like some loose whore that stole her son?
让她像对偷了她儿子的小荡♥妇♥一样对我吗
That'd be nice, yeah.
这样挺好的 就这样
Oh, and tell her she looks pretty,
对了 还要告诉她 她今天很漂亮
and how much you like her tuna noodle casserole.
还要你有多喜欢她的金枪鱼大拌面
Oh, God, tuna noodle casserole again?
哦 神呐 今晚又是金枪鱼大拌面
It's her signature dish.
这是她的拿手好菜
Hey, maybe you could ask her for the recipe.
也许你可以问她要配方
Or I could just dig the can of Campbell's soup
或者我只要从垃圾桶里
out of the garbage and read the back.
把汤料罐头找出来看背面的字
Molly.
Molly
Okay. I will be nice to your mother.
好了 我会对你妈好一点的
Sweet as pie.
甜如蜜般
Hey, green means go, you fossil!
绿灯行啊 你个傻叉
Yeah, I got a middle finger, too!
我也是有中指的
Biggs Oh, your mother's a hell of a cook, Biggs.
哦 你妈厨艺不错呦
If I'd been raised on this kind of grub,
如果我也是这些喂出来的
I'd probably be a roly-poly, too.
我估计也会是个大胖子
I've actually lost another two pounds this month, sir.
事实上 先生 我这个月瘦了2磅了
Well, hopefully those four helpings of casserole
那希望你刚吃的四份大拌面
you had will keep the wind from blowing you away.
能让你不被风刮走
You know, Captain...
你知道吗 先生
Molly, he's pulling my leg.
Molly 他在开玩笑呢
My big, fat leg.
他在开很大很大的玩笑呢
Let me grab that from you.
让我帮你拿这个
You've been
你已经在那个
slaving away in that hot kitchen all night.
热的要死的厨房♥忙了一晚了
I am a little tuckered, especially after
我好辛苦啊 尤其
washing all those dishes, and with no help from anyone.
是在没人帮忙的情况下 把碗全洗了
I believe I offered to lend a hand, Mother Biggs.
我可记得我帮了忙了 Biggs妈妈
I'd just have to rewash 'em anyway.
所以我不得不再洗了一遍
She's better with a credit card than she is with a sponge.
她花钱比洗碗强多了
Boy, she's a keeper, huh?
哥们儿 她真是个好女人啊
Don't let that fish flop out of the boat.
可别放她走了
So, Margaret tells me that you young people are trying to start a family.
Margaret告诉我你们两个打算建立一个家庭
Ah, that is correct, sir.
啊 是的 先生
We've eliminated all forms of birth control,
我们取消了各种措施避孕
and we're fornicating on a regular basis.
还会定期滚床单
Wow. Everybody needed to know that.
需要让大家都知道吗
Hey, you guys want to see my ovulation charts?
要不要看看我的排卵日期表
She's... she's kidding around.
她 她是开玩笑的
Anytime she says something
当她说些让你不舒服的话时
that makes you uncomfortable, she's joking.
她就是在开玩笑
Oh. That's me.
哦 姐就是这样啦
Family clown. Honk.
家庭小丑 哔哔
When I first met her, I thought she was on drugs.
我第一次见她 还以为她嗑药了
Jury's still out.
现在也还是有待观察
Well, I think family is the most important thing in the world.
我觉得家庭是世界上最重要的
As long as you can provide for them.
只要你有能力支撑
I agree, sir. We both do.
我也是这么认为的 先生 我俩都是
Sure.
那当然
But it's not easy raising a family on a straight cop's salary.
但是一个警♥察♥的薪水支撑一个家庭并不是那么容易的
Especially when you've got hungry mouths to feed.
尤其是家里有几个大胃王要养
Don't I know it.
难道我不知道吗
Mike's dad walked the beat his entire career.
Mike的父亲在战场上抗争的时候
Meanwhile, we had a kid at home who was teething on ham bones.
家里有个胃口大开以各种肉类为生的孩子
Come on, Mom, don't exaggerate.
行了 妈 没那么夸张
Exaggerate nothing. I'd toss burritos in his playpen
夸张什么 我还往护栏里给他扔过墨西哥玉米饼
so he wouldn't chew through the bars.
这样他就不会去咬护栏的木头了
Um, you might want to consider
对了 你可以试试
taking the detective test.
去考考侦探
It's an extra $20,000 a year.
那样一年就可以多挣2万块
Plus, we're always looking for some sharp, young men.
而且 我们总是需要一些漂亮小伙
$20,000?
2万块
Sharp, young men?
还漂亮小伙
20 grand would buy you a lot of shoes, wouldn't it, Queenie?
2万块可以给你买♥♥好多鞋子了吧 女王
Oh, Momma Biggs, I hope our children have plenty of time
哦 Biggs妈妈 我真希望在你过世前
with you before you pass.
我们的孩子有大把时间陪你
Anyway...
不管怎么说
something to think about.
还是值得考虑的
Yes, sir.
是的 先生
Whoa.
喔
This pooch is breaking wind something fierce.
这小东西刚刚放了个屁
I better take him for a walk.
我还是带它出去溜溜好了
Patty Thanks, Patty.
谢啦
Since I switched him from the dry to the moist,
自从我把它搞得湿嗒嗒之后
he's been tootin' the brown whistle.
它就一直放个不停
Biggs Put your coat on, Biggs.
Biggs 穿上你的外套
You're on doodie duty.
你要执 便便勤 了
Yes, sir.
是 长官
Be good training for a detective.
为你的侦探考试训练训练
Learn how to bag the evidence.
学习如何打包物证
Oh, Patty, you're a stitch!
哦 Patty 你真搞
Your boyfriend has a gun, my husband has a gun.
我老公和你男朋友都揣着枪
How do you want to play this?
你要怎么玩下去
Thanks for putting up with my mom tonight.
多谢你今晚忍♥住了
It's all right.
还行吧
I'm sure the bite marks on my tongue will heal.
我想我舌头上的咬痕会好起来的
How about when they both came at me to take the detective test?
他们让我去考侦探考试你觉得怎么样
Crazy, right? I'm not detective material.
很疯狂吧 我根本就不是那块料
Well, clearly your captain sees something in you that you don't.
很明显 你上司看到了你自己没发觉的优点
My captain's sweet on my mom.
我上司是在哄我老妈开心
He sees things nobody sees.
他什么都能看到
Mike, you are a great cop and a smart guy.
Mike 你是个聪明的好警♥察♥
Plus, an extra $20,000 a year would come in handy.
而且 一年2万的费用也会解决的
Do you know what I'd have to do in exchange for that money?
你知道那钱会给我带来什么吗
迈克和茉莉（2010）
Mike & Molly
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