迈克和茉莉（2010）

Mike & Molly S03E22

Part 2 Dec. 15, 2020, 2:53 p.m.

No, I've got to get back to school.
不了我得赶回学校去
I'm directing that stupid spring recital.
我要去指导那傻擦春季独奏会
Sit.
给我坐下
You can't get discouraged.
你可不能气馁
Things don't always happen in life right when we want them to.
生活中难免事与愿违
I know.
我知道
Just afraid Mike and I are gonna end up
我就是担心我和 Mike会
one of those sad, childless couples.
膝下无儿孤独终老
You mean the ones that dress alike
你是说变成那帮穿着相似
and sit on the same side of the booth at Denny's?
一块坐在丹尼斯餐厅门前
Eat in silence
安安静静地吃饭
and go everywhere in their RV with their rusty-eyed poodle.
小面包车开到哪都带上着条红眼狮子狗
Well, if it wasn't for those people,
如果这帮人不这么着
who'd square-dance or power-walk the mall?
谁去跳方块舞在商场疾奔
Well, I mean, I still have my job, you know.
唉我是说我还要工作
I've got a roomful of kids that...
还要养满屋乱跑的小鬼
that depend on me.
吃喝拉撒都得我照顾
And the upside of that is, you don't have to feed them,
好处是你不用费尽心机喂他们吃饭
or listen to them practice the accordion.
也不用听他们拉手风琴
Hey, I got pretty good at that thing.
嘿我拉得很不错好吗
I played the Oktoberfest at the senior center.
啤酒节我还去老年人中心表演呢
Most of them couldn't hear.
那是他们大多耳朵背
And the ones that could hear couldn't run.
少数几个听得见的又跑不动
Okay.
好了
Well, good talk, Mom.
老妈和你相谈甚欢
My point is,
我想说的是
I didn't raise you to be a quitter.
至少我没教你半途而废
What? You were always telling me to quit the accordion.
是吗那你还老叫我放弃手风琴
I had to buy it back at three different garage sales.
让我不得不三次把它从旧货摊拯救回来
But you never gave up.
但是你没放弃啊
I'd hate to see you give up now.
我现在尤其不想看到你放弃
I got to go teach a roomful of tone-deaf Ritalin babies
我得去指导那一屋五音不全兴奋过度的小崽们了
how to Macarena.
可喜可贺啊
One request
对你
for the recital: Try to keep it under four hours,
的独奏会给个建议尽量保持在四个小时以下
and only do three verses of "This Land Is Your Land."
来三首诸如"这是你挚爱的大地啊"就好
I got to give every kid a solo, Mom.
我得给每个孩子独奏机会老娘
My advice is to bring a flask and a pair of earplugs.
最好带上一瓶烧酒外加一副耳塞
I still got the ones from when you played the accordion.
你玩手风琴那会我留了一副
Wow. She doesn't need any arms to pick up those singles.
哇她拿那些票子都不用手
What are you doing down here, Moranto? Get off there.
Moranto你在这干嘛下来
I'm not even allowed to eat on our bed.
我都不敢在床上吃东西
Why are you home so early?
你怎么这早回来
I usually get this place till 4:30.
我一般在这待到4:30
Scram. This is not your private playhouse.
就此打住这不是你的私密花♥园♥
Whoa. What climbed in your lunch box
喔别火大是什么玩意爬到你便当盒
and ate your fruit pie?
偷吃水果派了吗
You know how much it costs to impregnate a woman?
你知不知道让女人受精要花多少钱
Usually dinner and a show.
一般是一顿饭一个搓澡的功夫
And if she's really hot, a couple of months' rent.
如果她很火♥辣♥ 那就慢慢来几个月以后再说
I'm talking about in vitro, you clod.
你妹啊我说的是人工受精
There's lab costs, hormone shots,
是个实验费用注射荷尔蒙
egg harvesting... it's, like, ten grand a pop,
收集排卵大概要一千块一泡
and I don't have that kind of cash.
我可没那么多闲钱
Your problem is, you want to just work for your money
你的问题是你只是想着奴役财富
instead of having your money work for you.
而不是让财富为你所用
I'm not going to the track with you again, Vince.
我没工夫和你满嘴跑火车
Your sure thing jumped the fence
你最好从哪里来
and ran right into the glue factory.
滚回哪里去
Man, it was a bad day.
奶奶的真是糟糕的一天
And it didn't help that the jockey was bigger than you.
那是没用的你要承担的负担比你还要肥硕
Hit the stairs, Moranto.
滚回楼上去 Moranto
Okay, fine.
好算你狠
I was trying to share a business opportunity with you,
本来还想给你介绍个业务
but if you don't want to hear it, I'll take my leave.
既然你不想听那我走咯
Selling porn out of the back of your trunk
跟你屁♥股♥后面在
on Maxwell Street? No, thank you.
麦克斯韦街倒卖♥♥黄♥片♥ 算了多谢
The Internet killed that cash cow.
互联网早就秒杀这种模式了
I'm talking about a legitimate financial investment,
我要说的可是正经的合法投资
but if you don't like money, adios.
但是你视钱如粪土再会咯
Hang on a second.
等一下
Yes?
有意吗
What kind of investment are you talking about?
你说的是什么投资
Ostriches. Goodbye.
鸵鸟去死吧
The meat of the future.
未来的主打肉类
High in protein, low in fat,
高蛋白低脂肪
and their drumsticks are six feet long.
还有六英尺的大长腿
I did have an ostrich burger at the Cook County Fair,
我确实在库克集市上吃过鸵鸟汉堡
and it was surprisingly tasty.
的确美味
66% less fat than beef,
脂肪含量较之牛肉低66%
50% less fat than chicken,
较之鸡肉低50%
and contains more iron than a blood-mobile.
肉中富含铁元素
So what's the deal, you bought a couple of ostriches
那计划是什么你买♥♥一对鸵鸟
and now you're trying to pawn them off on me?
然后想抵押给我
There's a boatload of those feathered freaks
下周会从加拿大运来一船的
coming in from Australia next week,
长毛老怪
and three of them got my name on them.
有三只还是以我命名的
You're not keeping them in my bedroom.
你不会是要把它们放我屋子里吧
It's bad enough having you down here eating and crapping.
你时不时来这吃喝拉撒已经够糟了
Listen to me, I got a buddy in Merrillville
听我说我有个哥们在Merrillville
with a couple of acres of land,
有几亩地
and he just needs a little seed money.
他只要少量种子钱
Seed money? Yeah.
种子钱是啊
Apparently, ostriches eat seeds.
实际上鸵鸟吃种子
You telling me that there's actually
你是想说实际上我们
money to be made in those things?
是花钱到这上面咯
You kidding me?
你还没觉悟吗
Ostriches are the new gold!
鸵鸟简直是个活宝啊
A few years from now, people are gonna be saying,
几年后大家就会说
"He's worth his weight in ostrich meat."
"他那身型归功于鸵鸟肉"
I don't know, it's coming out of your mouth,
真不知道怎么说总觉得你狗嘴里
so it must be stupid.
吐不出象牙
Fine.
好吧
Enjoy living in a basement for the rest of your life.
那你就好好享受一辈子在地下室的生活吧
Oh, and don't say anything to Joyce about this.
噢不要告诉Joyce这件事
She's still on my back for dropping
她还在唠叨我把所有钱
all that money on solar scooters.
投资在太阳能滑板车那事呢
One kid's tennis shoes melt, and everybody panics.
不就一个小孩子的鞋融掉吗干嘛大家都那么紧张
All right, that needs work.
好了还要继续练习
Let's take five,then we'll run the whole show from the top.
休息五分钟然后再从开始部分排练
And pick up yo pace... I don't care what you have to do.
动作快点我不管你用什么办法
Sweet Tarts, Pixy Stix, go to the gas station,
我不管你吃甜馅饼糖还是去
get a Red Bull... I don't have to know!
加油站买♥♥红牛补充能量
I just want this show to sparkle!
我只想把这表演弄得漂漂亮亮的
Trevor, you are all over the map with the spotlights.
Trevor 你打灯的时候晃来晃去的
It's like a prison break up here.
搞得这里像监狱逃了犯人一样
My arms are tired!
我手好累啊
Not as tired as they're gonna be cutting tulips.
到你剪郁金香的时候会更累
This thing is gonna be
这表演就像是一次长达
a four-and-a-half-hour train wreck.
四个半小时的火车事故一样
We're gonna have to lock the doors from the outside.
看来得从外面把门锁起来不要让他们出去
I'll slip a few bucks to the fire marshal, we should be okay.
我会塞点钱给消防局长的这样我们就没事了
No, he popped his head in last year during The Happy Wanderer.
去年他来瞄了一眼已经吓够了
He's not gonna be anywhere near this place.
今年他不会出现的了
It's gonna be fine. It always works out.
没事的最后一切都没事的
And these kids really respond to you.
这些孩子都很听你话
Yeah.
对
They do, right?
真的很听我话
I've never seen anything like it.
我没见过他们这样的
Oh. Just, it's a natural mothering instinct.
噢只是母性的本能而已啦