迈克和茉莉（2010）

Mike & Molly S03E22

Part 1 Dec. 15, 2020, 2:53 p.m.

This isn't fair.
这不公平
Why do I have to cut out these tulips?
为什么我非得剪这些郁金香
Same reason convicts have to work in the prison laundry.
同理于罪犯要在监狱劳♥改♥
Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
蹲不住监狱就别犯罪
This is stupid.
真傻♥逼♥
Quit saying "Stupid."
就因为你说傻♥逼♥
That's why your friends are out riding bikes
你的哥们在外面捣腾自行车
and I'm in here riding you.
我得在这捣腾你
Hey, that kid said, "In 1982, Columbus sailed the ocean blue""
嘿那小子说的"1982年哥伦布起帆远航"
That doesn't give you the right to call him stupid.
如此你也不可以说他傻♥逼♥
I may have said it, but everybody else was thinking it.
大家都心照不宣了我只是说出口了
Well, you need
你要做的是
to bite your tongue and roll your eyes, just like I do.
咬舌头翻白眼照着我一样
My dad says that's the reason
我爸说就是这样
this country's going to hell in a handbasket.
这国家才被一篮子端上不归路
Your dad sounds like a piece of work.
你爹可真不是省油的灯
Notice I said "Piece of work,"
留意我的用词
instead of what I was really thinking.
达意又不伤人
He says, "How else
他说
"Are stupid people gonna learn
如果我们不提醒二货们
if we don't call them on their stupid stuff""
他们就不知道自己多二
Oh, I love when the parents help.
哦爱死这帮奇葩爹妈了
Hey, sweetie, about ready to go?
嘿亲准备走吗
Uh, hello, officer.
你好警官
I'm glad you came.
很高兴你能来
This young man needs to be taught a lesson.
这小伙子得好好上一课
You called the cops on me? Yes.
你叫条子找我没错
Miss Flynn asked me to come down here
Flynn女士叫我前来
And straighten out a troublemaking delinquent.
端正一个滋事小痞子
Officer Biggs,
Biggs警官
this misguided youth
这误入歧途的小伙
addressed another student with a very hurtful term.
赋予另一个学生伤人的致辞
Ah, verbal assault. Mm-hmm.
哈口头攻击恩哼
We in chicago pd does not take that sort of thing lightly.
我们芝加哥警局可不轻纵此类事件
Now what was it?
究竟说了些什么呢
Four eyes, shorty, stinky britches?
四眼哥小短腿屎裤仔
Mike it doesn't matter what the actual word was
Mike重点不是那词是什么
The point is that it hurt another boy's feelings.
而是那个字眼深深伤害了那男孩
He said,
那小子说
"In 1982, Columbus sailed the ocean blue."
"1982年哥伦布起帆远航"
Well, just 'cause a kid's stupid
即使那小孩傻了吧唧
doesn't mean you should call him names.
也不意味着你就可以给他起外号♥
All right. All right, lesson learned.
妙极了都长进了
Out. Go home.
走吧回家去
I hope that scared you straight, young fella.
我希望你能就此悬崖勒马小兄弟
That was kind of fun.
真是欢乐无极限
Got to give him the old "Good cop, bad cop" Routine.
给他上演了一幕经典的黑脸白脸
Yeah, I don't know what we just did,
我不确定我们干了什么好事
but he's gonna be your problem soon enough.
不过这小子绝对没学到好的
If we're having baby sex tonight,
如果我们今晚要造人
we should pick up some scented candles.
我们得拿点香薰蜡
That way, I don't have to shower.
这样我就不用洗澡了
Or you could just hang two pine fresheners from your ears.
或者你耳挂两瓶松香清新剂
Whatever makes it sexy for you.
只要你性趣盎然即可
Well, actually, I was hoping that maybe
不过话说回来我觉得
we could just take a little break tonight.
我们今晚得缓一缓
What, did you have a big lunch?
什么难道你中午吃撑了
No. I'm just... tired, and I still have
不是我只是有点累我还要
30 more tulips to cut out for the spring recital.
为春季独奏会剪30多朵郁金香
Good for her.
真是好啊
One in the cart and one in the oven... doubly blessed.
一个在购物车上一个蓄势待发双喜临门啊
You're not getting discouraged, are you?
你不会是气馁了吧
A little.
有那么点
We should already have a baby and be resenting it by now.
我们早就该有个小孩来冤冤相报了
Excuse us. Sorry.
不好意思借过
Oh, he's adorable.
哦他可爱极了
It's my third.
这是我家老三
Nobody likes a bragger. Hey, hey, hey.
吹牛可不讨喜啊嘿嘿嘿
Come on, you're scaring people.
别这样你吓到人家了
Well, I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.
我哪里做得不对了
You're not doing anything wrong.
你没有什么不对
You're gonna be a great mother.
你会是个好妈妈
Oh, come on. For God's sake.
哦不是吧额滴个神啊
She wasn't even pregnant when we walked in!
咱们进来的时候她不是还没怀上吗
It's so frustrating, Carl.
Carl 这个真打击我了
We keep trying and trying, and so far, no baby.
我们尝试一次又一次至今颗粒无收
Well, then now it's time to hunker down.
现在是时候缓一缓了
It's like getting your second wind at that all-you-can-eat shrimp bar.
好比要恢复元气再大开吃戒一个道理
Hey, this is a lot harder than just drinking a glass of Sprite
嘿这比猛灌一大杯雪碧后
and farting in the parking lot.
奔到停车场放屁难多了
I like how in your version
我很欣赏你这种人
you actually go out into the parking lot.
会真的去停车场放屁
The point is,
重点是
I'm still good to go; Molly's the one
我仍旧动力充足而Molly
who's getting discouraged. Of course she is.
却有些泄气了她当然会泄气了
You're a monotonous man, and I'm betting
你这么没情趣我猜你的
your lovemaking is a reflection of that.
性生活也好不到哪去
Hey, guess what, I'm done talking.
好了你满意了我不和你聊了
Good, 'cause you need to listen.
刚好你听就行
You, my friend, are a creature of habit.
你我的朋友是个惯性生物
Take the way you eat an Oreo.
比如你吃奥利奥的方式
Not this again.
这又说明不了什么
One twist counterclockwise, lick the top,
逆时针扭扭从上往下舔
scrape your teeth on the bottom.
用牙从下往上刮
So? So I'm guessing Molly's getting
那又怎样所以我推测Molly
pretty much the same treatment.
应该受到极为类似的待遇
Hey, I find a system that works, and I stick with it.
嘿我的方法有效所以坚持使用
No, women like you to change it up.
这可不行女人就爱变幻莫测
Did you peruse that Kama Sutra book I gave you?
你细读我给你的印度圣经没
You mean the used sex manual you hid in my gym bag?
你是说藏在我运动包里的性♥爱♥实用手册
No, I tossed both of them over the Oak Street Bridge.
没有我把它们从橡树街大桥上抛出去了
Man, that's 2,000 years of sexual knowledge you threw away.
哥们你抛的可是上下两千年的性♥爱♥知识
Hey, it wasn't easy for me...
嘿这么做我也很艰难啊
I've had that gym bag since high school.
那个运动包从高中时就伴着我了
Well, if you don't want any help from the Hindus,
如果你不要阿三的庇佑
maybe it's time to invite science into your bedroom.
那是时候用科学手段介入了
Carl, a sex swing is not considered science.
Carl 你妹的道具和科学无关好么
I'm talking in vitro.
我说的是人工受精
What's that?
那是什么
It's a very simple process
这是很简单的过程
which I will explain to you in layman's terms.
我给你一个平民版的解释
You take her best eggs...
你取出她那颗好卵
...and they take your best sperm...
然后他们佐以你的那泡好精
...and mix it all together in a test tube,
搅拌搅拌丢到试管里
then put the whole thing back inside the mother,
让后把整团东西放回母体
and congratulations, you're a proud papa.
恭喜你你可以心想事成咯
Ooh, that sperm is hot.
哦这泡精真辣
Who cares who the father is?
谁在乎老爹是谁
You're a one-armed stripper; You got bigger problems.
你是个独臂脱衣舞♥女♥ 这才是问题关键
All right, I'm headed back out.
我回头再回来
Tell Mike not to wait up; I'll be home late.
和Mike说不用等我了我晚点回来
Leaving the house on an ovulation night, huh?
在排卵期夜不归宿哈
Mike finally check a tiny guest into Motel Molly?
最后和Mike在汽车旅店小小私会下
Nope.
不是啦
There's still room at the inn.
旅店空间够大的话
Well, it'll happen.
房♥间小是常有的事
Just got to keep your head down and your legs up.
你只要脚抬高大头朝下即可
I have been... I got a crick in my neck,
算了吧我脖子容易抽筋
and I've named all my toes.
而且也给脚趾头取过外号♥了
Sit down for a second.
坐一会来