迈克和茉莉（2010）
Mike & Molly S03E08
Part 3
Dec. 15, 2020, 2:49 p.m.
Really? Really.
真的吗 真的
Now, you have a luxurious head of hair.
看 你头发浓密
I, on the other hand, am all man.
我 话句话来说 才是真男人
You know, I am thinning in the back.
不过 我后面头发挺稀薄的
Nothing about you is thinning in the back.
你后面没什么是很稀薄的
All right!
够了
I'm done talking about this.
别再跟我讨论这个
Hey, it's not your fault.
嘿 这又不是你的错
Fertility clearly doesn't run in your family.
你们家的生育能力都不怎么样
Probably why you're an only child.
也许因为这个你才是独生子
Hey, don't talk bad about my family.
嘿 别乱说我家人
The reason I'm an only child is my parents
我是独生子的原因是我爸妈
were horrible people who hated each other.
很恐怖 而且相互讨厌
There's nothing wrong with having a strong feminine side.
娘炮点没什么错
Might be easier to adopt if they think you're both lesbians.
如果他们认为你们两个都是女同 收养孩子就很容易了
I'll show you who's a lesbian.
我会告诉你谁才是娘炮
I knew I could goad that big girl
我就知道我可以激将一下那个大妞
into making me a grandpa.
好让我早点当外公
**Once upon time there was an engineer*
*从前 有个工程师
**Choo-Choo Charlie was his name we hear*
*啾啾查理是他的名字
All right, I don't care what you say.
好了 我不管你说什么
I'm coming in and we're gonna make a baby.
我现在要跟你造人
You're about two minutes too late for your wife
如果是找你老婆的话 晚了两分钟
and about ten years too late for me.
如果是找我的话 晚了十年
Oh, man.
哦 天呐
That is embarrassing. Seeing your mother-in-law naked.
看到你岳母大人裸体还真是尴尬
Horrible.
太可怕了
So, how'd she look for a woman her age?
那她那个年纪的女人裸体是什么样的
I didn't look.
我没看到
She's my wife's mother.
她是我老婆的妈妈
Right, right, but just putting that all aside,
是是 但是不说这些
I mean, she's still doable, right?
我是说 她还是可以滚床单的对吧
Carl, this conversation is over.
Carl 这个话题到此结束
I understand.
我理解
Hmm.
嗯
So was she rinsing off or soaping up?
她身上有肥皂泡还是冲干净了呢
Sorry, I've got a naturally curious nature.
对不起 我天生好奇心强
That's what makes me such a good cop.
所以我才能当好警♥察♥
That's what makes you such a weird freak.
所以你才是个怪胎
Thin blue line, my friend.
朋友 我可是警♥察♥
Gentlemen.
先生们
Welcome to Andre's Big and Tall.
欢迎光临安德烈加大号♥服饰专卖♥♥
Are you here to take advantage
你们是赶来参加
of our Pre-Thanksgiving Suit Sale?
感恩节前促销的吗
Free alterations the day after.
感恩节后可以免费退换
That's great.
太棒了
Absolutely.
当然
Our holiday motto is: "Too much pie?
我们节日宣传语是"吃太多派吗
We don't bat an eye."
我们眼都不眨"
And he knows all the angles.
他真是太了解我们了
Just a marketing genius.
简直是个营销天才
Actually, cousin Andre, we're here because my friend
事实上 Andre表兄 我们来是因为我朋友
is ready to make the leap from briefs to boxers.
想要摆脱三角裤改穿四角裤
Ah, are you looking for a functional cotton blend
啊 你是想要功能性的棉混纺面料
or a silk pair that makes a fashion statement?
还是时尚的丝织面料呢
Just looking for something that keeps my pants
就是找让我的裤子
from making direct contact with my ass.
不要直接接触我的屁♥股♥的东西
Practical and durable.
实用和耐用型
I'll go find a few options.
我去给你找几个款式
By the way, fresh made kettle corn right over there.
顺便说一句 那里有新鲜出炉的爆米花
Ooh, kettle corn.
噢 爆米花
The man knows his clientele.
这人太了解他的客人了
What if this doesn't work, Carl?
如果这也没用怎么办 Carl
Maybe I'm walking around with a scrotum full of duds.
或许我蛋蛋里装满了哑炮
Look, there's a lot of options out there.
没关系的 还有很多选择
There's in vitro; There's artificial insemination.
体外受精 人工受精
Oh, I don't know, putting some stranger's sperm inside my wife?
哦 用别人的精♥子♥让我老婆受孕吗 不一定可行
She won't even rent bowling shoes.
她都不愿意穿租来的保龄鞋
Doesn't have to be a complete stranger.
不一定非要完全不认识的人
Could be a very close friend
或许可以找关系亲密的朋友
who would only ask for visitation rights
朋友只会要求保留探视权
on holidays and every other weekend.
假期和周末的时候
That's very generous, but it's never gonna happen.
非常无私 但是不可能发生
Just think about it.
好好想想嘛
A little mocha combination of me and Molly.
由我和Molly结合成的浅棕色小人
You know it's gonna be cute.
你不觉得很可爱吗
Can we go back to talking about her mom in the shower?
我们能不能接着谈她妈妈洗澡的事
All right.
算了
All right, my free and easy friend,
好了 我自♥由♥洒脱的朋友
I found several options
我在宝库里找到了
in a cornucopia of styles and patterns.
几个不同材质和风格的款式
All right.
好的
I got to try to wrap my head around boxer shorts.
我要拿短裤套在头上
I just sell them; Whatever you do with them
我只管卖♥♥ 你买♥♥去干什么
after you leave the store is none of my business.
只要离开了这个店就跟我没有关系了
All right, now I have paisley,
好了 我这里有佩斯利花纹
polka dot,
波点
hot peppers,
辣椒
and choo-choos.
以及啾啾火车
Oh, I love the choo-choos!
噢 我喜欢啾啾火车
Man, some of those trains look actual size.
哥们儿 有些火车看起来跟你那儿的大小一样啊
Finish what you're doing and meet me upstairs.
忙完手上的事情就上来找我
I got a bag full of baby-making ingredients.
我买♥♥了一袋子造人材料
I got boxer shorts to regulate my testes temperature
我买♥♥了四角短裤调节蛋蛋的温度
and keep my sperm motile,
保持精♥子♥的活力
I got Chinese herbs and a CD of dolphins mating
买♥♥了中草药和海豚叫声的CD
to set the mood.
来调节气氛
Can't wait.
等不及了
Also, Samuel gave me an African fertility necklace
还有 Samuel还给我了非洲的象征生育的项链
made from dried rhino penis.
是用风干的犀牛的阳♥具♥做的
You need anything else, like maybe a live bat
你还需要什么吗 或许一只活的蝙蝠
or some chicken blood?
或者鸡血
Let's see if the dry rhino penis works
让我们先试试犀牛的阳♥具♥有没有用
before we start doing anything crazy.
然后再觉得是不是需要更疯狂
Pee-ew! Something smells like dried rhino penis.
噗 呃 闻起来像是干了的犀牛阳♥具♥
Don't forget the wedge!
别忘了把垫子带上来
How could I forget the wedge?!
我怎么会忘记它
What's the matter?
怎么了
Nothing.
没什么
Other than the fact that...
其实就是
I can't turn my back
我只要翻个身
without Mike humping me like a Chihuahua.
Mike就会像我是只吉娃娃一样的贴上来
Just blast him with a squirt gun
用水枪喷他
until he rolls over onto his back.
喷到他乖乖躺下为止
Water's not gonna slow him down.
水没办法让他停下来的
He wanted to climb in the shower with me this morning.
他几天早上还想跟我一起洗澡
I'm not trying to stir things up,
我不是故意搅混水的
but I think he tried the same thing with Mom.
但是我觉得他对妈妈也有这个想法
I think it's cute
我觉得他挺可爱的
that he's so excited about having a baby.
疯狂的想要个宝宝
I know, I just wish he would relax a little.
我知道 我就是想他别这么急
Well, guys get pretty focused when they have a project.
不过 男人通常有计划的时候都会很专心
Especially when their project involves their penis.
特别是当计划包含他们的小♥弟♥弟♥
It's... I miss the good old days
只不过...我很怀念以前
when our sex wasn't scheduled
那时候滚床单还不是需要计划的事情
and I wasn't propped up on a ramp.
我也不用躺在垫子上
He'll calm down eventually.
他会平静下来的
He's just trying to give you a baby.
他只不过想让你怀上宝宝
I know.
我知道
I wish I had a guy like that to share my life with.
我希望我也有个他那样的男人来和我分享人生
迈克和茉莉（2010）
Mike & Molly
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