迈克和茉莉（2010）

Mike & Molly S03E15

Part 3 Dec. 15, 2020, 2:51 p.m.

Well, you can ignore the facts all you want,
你就尽给自己找理由去吧
but I'm guessing there's a goofy chromosome somewhere.
我打赌你们家有个基因出毛病了
I did have an uncle with alopecia.
我还真有个叔叔秃头
Yikes, that no hair thing?
呃头上没毛那种吗
Not a one. Great guy, though.
秃得彻底不过他人超好
He used to give me sips of beer
经常让我抿几口啤酒
and let me draw on his eyebrows with a Sharpie.
准我用墨笔给他画眉毛
See, you never know.
所以啊世事难料
I actually found out there was an albino Moranto.
我们家还有个患白化病的
Saw him at a family reunion... I thought it was my ghost.
家庭聚会时见到他还以为自己灵魂出窍了
Pigs in a blanket, right out of the oven and piping hot.
小猪裹着毯子刚出炉烫得很
Let 'em cool this time.
这回先放着凉会儿
I'm not buttering the top of your mouth again.
我可不想再烫到你的小嘴儿
I'd better not, Mom.
我还是不吃了老妈
Molly and I are eating healthier
我和Molly在健康饮食
now that we're trying to have a baby.
想要个小宝宝
Oh, Princess trying to sour you on wienies, huh?
噢公主想让你换口味呢
Good luck with that.
祝她好运
You used to teethe on a frozen one.
你以前长牙的时候冻的都吃呢
Maybe that's why I was the only two-year-old with gout.
难怪我才两岁就会痛风
I just assumed you weren't a walker.
我还以为是你天生不会走路
While we're on the subject of gouty babies...
说起小孩得痛风这茬儿
did you and Dad have any trouble conceiving me?
你怀上我前跟我爸进行得还顺利吗
Oh, it took a while.
噢还是花了些时日
Your old man had a hair trigger, but his bullets meandered.
你老爸枪法不行但那次子弹歪打正着了
Is that why you didn't have another kid?
所以你们没生第二胎了吗
Yeah.
是啊
And I wanted a little girl,
我倒是想再生个女儿呀
but I couldn't go through all that again.
就是没办法再遭一回这罪了
It was easier just to throw a dress
还不如时不时给你穿穿裙子
on you every once in a while.
轻松容易得多
Yeah, thank you for that... Molly loves those pictures.
还真是多谢你了 Molly爱死那些照片了
You showed up just in the nick of time, too.
你来得还真是时候
I was packed and ready to leave,
我衣服都穿好准备走了
and then that son of a bitch finally delivered.
你那狗♥娘♥养♥的老爸才终于开枪
So, if you hadn't gotten pregnant,
要是你没怀上
you were gonna leave him?
打算离他而去吗
Well,
得这么说
my mothering instincts are marrow-deep.
母爱深埋我心
And to deny a child that precious love would be criminal.
剥夺我儿享受此爱的权利简直是犯罪
Yeah.
是是是
And if your old man hadn't knocked me up,
就算没怀上你老爸的孩子
I'd have found another gin-soaked bastard who could.
我也总会找到个能让我怀上的酒醉混♥蛋♥
You look peaked... for God's sake,
天啦你都骨瘦如柴了
eat a wienie before you faint.
快吃点香肠吧别饿昏了
What hell is rubella?
什么是风疹
I think it's that chocolate hazel nuts bread.
我想是那种巧克力榛果面包
that's Nutella. Oh.
那是Nutella
Good.
还好
Cause if that's the food you like, you're gonna be here forever
要是填你喜欢的食物的话你永远都填不完
They want my entire medical history.
这要我填完整的病史
Just say no to everything, otherwise they're gonna put you in the strange male illness.
全部写没有不然他们会把你归类为异常男性疾病患者
You'll end up getting a rubella monthly.
你就会每月得一次风疹
No rubella, no diphtheria, no typhoid.
没有风疹没有白喉没有伤寒
By the way, I bought you some erotic literature.
还有我给你买♥♥了点色情小说
Help you stimulate the sexy.
给你增加性致
You didn't put anything weird in here, did you?
你没在这里面放什么古怪的东西吧
Define weird.
怎么定义古怪
Anything you would like.
任何你会喜欢的东西
No, I gave you a nice wholesome variety.
不我给你的都是健康正常的种类
Meat and potatoes.
色情文学的精华
In fact I think there's one in there that called Meat and Potatoes.
事实上里面就有一本叫<丁丁和蛋蛋>
Naughty Nurses, Ride'em Cowgirls, Asian Antiques and Old Cars New boobs.
淘气护士征服女牛仔亚洲古风旧车新乳
I can make these work.
我会物尽其用的
Now, just remember, while you're in there,
记住了进去后
keep a positive attitude.
要保持积极的心态
What are you talking about?
什么意思
A man's sperm can be affected by many things,
精♥子♥的质量受到很多方面的影响
not just asparagus and pineapple, okay?
别以为只有芦笋和菠萝杀精
Stress is also a factor.
压力也是凶手之一
I'm not gonna lie to you, I am a little worried.
说实话我是有点担心
I mean, what if I can't
如果我真没办法
give Molly a kid? See, man,
让Molly怀上听我的
don't lay all that on your sperm's tiny head.
别把压力丢给你那些小不点儿精♥子♥扛啊
You got 'em panicking.
会把他们急坏的
They're swimming around in circles.
他们都围着圈儿游起来了
Seriously, Carl, I mean,
别逗了 Carl
she's been talking about kids since I met her.
我们第一次见面起她就一直聊孩子
What if this is a deal-breaker?
万一生不了我跟她得分手怎么办
No, stop it.
打住
Stay positive.
往好了想
Set an example for your little white army.
给你那小小白色军团带个好头啊
All right, let's do this.
好吧放手一搏
Hey, you're gonna give Molly
嘿你一定能让Molly
a beautiful baby.
生个胖娃娃
Just keep your eye on the prize.
想点好的
A-And don't skip over page 14
呃记得看第十四页
in Old Cars, New Boobs.
<旧车新乳>那篇
It's an ad for penis enlargers,
是伟哥那类的广♥告♥
but I-I-it's hot as hell.
但但但是火♥辣♥极了
Okay, wish me luck. Yeah.
好的祝我好运
I'd hug you, but I don't want that in my head.
本来想抱你下不过我不想把手你懂的
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
嗯嗯嗯
Break a leg, Mike.
加油 Mike
Cha-ching.
啦啦
And here's my share of the cable bill, Carl.
这一瓶够我附电视费了 Carl
Don't give it to me, cash it in.
别给我啊赶紧换现金呗
This is great. Easy money.
太棒了这钱好赚
It's like an ATM that accepts penises.
就跟一台能识别小♥弟♥弟♥的自动取款机一样
Can I go now?
能让我走了吗
I'm gonna miss my bus.
再不走公交要赶不上了
Well, you should've thought of that before you made
早能想到会被留校我之前弯腰
that disgusting sound when I bent over
捡橡皮擦的时候
and picked up the eraser.
你就不应该发出那种声音
Everybody else thought it was funny.
别人都觉得好笑呢
You know what they're gonna think is really funny?
你猜他们觉得什么更好笑
You being held back a grade.
你留一级
You can't prove that that noise
你怎么证明
didn't come out of you.
那不是你自己发出的声音
You realize that there are no witnesses here, right?
你要知道这可没人帮你作证
Your family is gonna believe
不管我怎么跟你♥爸♥妈说
whatever I tell them.
他们都会信我的
I thought I saw your car in the parking lot.
我说你的车怎么还停在那儿呢
Got you guarding the reprobates, huh?
在管教捣蛋鬼呢
Oh, just a little after-school detention
哦这个小孩不讲文明
for a rather inappropriate young boy.
所以惩罚他留会儿校
I know this one.
他呀我认识
What'd you do now, Two Milk Marvin?
这会儿又犯了什么事儿呀小二愣
Disrupted my class by making an obscene noise.
课堂上发出低俗的怪声音
Bronx cheer when you bend over to pick something up?
趁在你捡东西的时候喝倒彩吧
Did the same thing to me when I dropped my soup ladle.
我上次汤勺掉地上他也是这伎俩
He's gonna learn to behave more like a gentleman.
得让他好好学学怎么做个文明的学生
Good luck with that.
那你得费点心思
By the placement of his eyes,
看他眼睛的位置
I'm guessing it's Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
应该是得了酒精胎儿综合症
Your mama a drinker? Oh, my God.
你妈是酒鬼吗噢老天
Okay, Mark, go catch your bus.
好啦 Mark 快去赶车回家
Lesson learned.
别再犯了
That ought to scare him straight.
肯定把他给吓坏了
Actually spooked me a little bit.
我都有点儿吓到了