迈克和茉莉（2010）
Mike & Molly S03E02
Part 3
Dec. 15, 2020, 2:46 p.m.
What's throwing you the curveball,
什么难到你了
the can opener or the knobs on the stove?
开罐器还是炉子的开关
Thank God you're home; I need your help.
谢天谢地你总算回来了 我需要你的帮助
What's going on? Mom's gone missing,
怎么了 妈妈不见了
and I've been left to take care of Vince.
我被迫照顾Vince
I had to drag his wet, naked body
我不得不把湿漉漉 光溜溜的他
out of the tub and onto the couch.
从浴缸里拽出来搬到沙发上
Ew...
呃
I can still hear his squeaky butt cheeks...
我还能听见他光屁♥股♥
just dragging across the bathroom tiles.
拖过浴室瓷砖的声音
Stop it, Molly, you're scaring me.
别说了 Molly 你吓到我了
You don't know fear until you've splashed down,
在你扑倒之前你都不能真实体会什么是恐惧
face first, into the briny depths of Vincent Moranto!
先是脸栽倒Vincent Moranto的浴缸里
You know what, I'm gonna go look for Ma.
我觉得我这就该去找妈妈
No! No! You get back here!
不 不 你回来
You coward!
你个懦夫
Are you eating my soup?
你在偷吃我的汤吗
Yes, I am! Mmm-mmm good!
是的 没错 嗯嗯 好好吃
Oh, good, somebody called the cops.
噢 太好了 有人叫了警♥察♥
How you feeling? You're back still bothering you?
怎么样 你背还没好吗
Yeah, and your wife cannon-balling me
美好 你老婆在浴缸里给我
in the bathtub didn't help.
做口♥交♥也没用
Thank God you're home.
谢天谢地 你终于回来了
Are we having soup?
我们晚饭是汤吗
No, it's for baby bear, and you're feeding him, Papa.
不是 这是给熊宝宝的 熊爸爸你来喂宝宝
What? I just walked in the door.
什么 我才刚刚踏进家门
Hey, you want to know what I found
嘿 你想知道我刚进家门的时候
when I walked in the door?
看见了什么吗
That! Naked and wet in the bathtub!
这个 湿嗒嗒 光溜溜的躺在浴缸里
Oh!
噢
Look at it! Look at it!
你看啊 你看啊
Look at it!
你倒是看啊
For God's sake, I'm a human being!
凭上帝说说 我是个大活人啊
We'll take a hair sample and see
我们会收集你的毛发样本
what a biologist has to say about that.
让生物学家研究一下 看他们怎么说
Just feed him the soup.
赶紧给他喂汤
I'm gonna go take a shower
我去洗个澡
since the downstairs bathtub is now a crime scene!
楼下的浴室现在是犯罪现场
Feed me slow.
慢慢喂
Don't shovel it in like the way you eat.
别跟你吃的时候一样 一勺接一勺的灌
Guess Mom thinks, 'cause she pays the mortgage,
我想我妈认为她还房♥贷
she's got live-in help.
所以她把我们当保姆了
Yeah, but you give her money every month.
但是你每个月都给她钱啊
Well, that's technically for a short-term loan
好吧 那实际上是偿还她六年前
she gave me six years ago.
给我的短期贷款
What about the money I give you?
我给你的钱呢
Can we please stay on point?
我们能不能不要扯开话题
Sure.
好的
Hello?! I can't reach the remote!
喂 我够不到遥控器
Why'd you give him that bell?
是你给他那铃铛的吗
The real question is: Why did your Aunt Trudy
问题的根本是:为什么你Trudy姨妈
give it to us as a wedding present?
把它当成结婚礼物给我们
Aunt Trudy gave us that? I thanked Cousin Kevin for it.
那是Trudy姨妈给我们的吗 我感谢的是Kevin表姐
Why would your meth-head cousin give us a little porcelain bell?
你瘾君子的表姐干嘛送我们一个小瓷铃铛
The real question is
真正的问题是:
Why would Aunt Trudy give us Lynyrd Skynyrd do-rags?
为什么Trudy姨妈会送我们林纳德·斯金纳德乐队的头巾
Oh, no, I think all of my thank-you cards
噢 不是吧 我觉得所有的感谢卡
might be off by one. Mike...
有可能都错位了 Mike
Hello?! Hurry!
喂 快点
The channel's stuck on Telemundo!
电视定在西班牙语频道了
It's your turn to go down.
轮到你去了
Hey, I fed him, powdered him
嘿 我喂饱他 给他扑了粉
and carried him to the toilet.
还给他把了屎
I'll give you my lap desk...
我把膝上书桌给你
and $400.
外加400块
Is that the $400 I gave you to give to your Mom?
是我给你让你给你♥妈♥的♥400块吗
Fine, I'll go.
好吧 我去
Keep doing your cards.
继续写你的贺卡
"Thank you for the sliver cundlestucks."
"感谢您的银质'猪台'"
I may not be right-handed.
我是不是应该是左撇子
Damn you, evolution.
该死的进化
Monkey feet would be perfect right now.
要是猴子的脚就好了
Quit ringing the bell, Quasimodo.
别摇铃了 卡西莫多
I was kind of hoping for Mike.
我原本希望是Mike下来
I want him to turn me on my side 'cause I need to break wind.
我想要他把我翻个面 因为我想排气
Do you have any boundaries at all?
你还有没有节操
Hey, I said "Break wind."
嘿 我说"排气"
What, do you want me to hold out my pinky?
怎么 你想我翘起小指头吗
No, thanks. I've already seen your pinky.
不用了 谢谢 我已经看过你的小♥弟♥弟♥了
Joyce. Mom.
Joyce 妈
Mom!
妈
I swear to God, if you take off again...
我向上帝发誓 如果再让你跑掉...
Oh, come on. What are you, Spider-Man?
哦 拜托 你是什么物种 蜘蛛侠吗
Over here.
在这里
What is going on with you?
你是怎么回事
I didn't sign up for this.
这跟我原先的想法不一样
Vince is supposed to be my young stud.
Vince本该是年轻力壮
He's supposed to take care of me.
本该他来照顾我
Yeah, he almost paralyzed himself taking care of you.
他照顾你都快照顾瘫痪了
That's how it starts.
噩梦就这样开始的
First he throws his back out having sex,
滚床单的时候先扭伤了背
then he breaks a hip having sex,
然后滚床单的时候又扭伤了臀部
then he has a heart attack having sex.
最后滚床单的时候犯了心脏病
What kind of sex are you guys having?
你们是怎么在滚床单啊
Don't! Oh, God, don't tell me.
别 噢 天呐 千万别告诉我
You already ruined strawberries for me.
你已经毁了草莓的形象了
I'm not gonna watch another man die.
我不能再看着一个男人死掉
I went through it with your father.
我亲眼看到你♥爸♥爸死了
I can't do it again.
我不能再经历一遍
Is that what this is about?
就是因为这个吗
Mom, Vince is not dying.
妈 Vince还没有到垂死的边缘
Doesn't mean I won't try to kill him,
不代表我不想杀了他
but at this moment he's fine.
但是现在他很好
I know this sounds crazy,
我知道这听起来很荒唐
but when I saw him sprawled out
但是当我看到他那样趴在
on the floor like that... I panicked.
地板上 我很恐慌
You can't live your life worrying and hiding.
你不能一辈子都活在担忧和躲藏里
I know, I know.
我知道 我知道
And mainly, you can't pawn him off on me
最重要的是 你不能每次被吓到之后
every time you get spooked.
就把他交给我
I'm so sorry.
我很抱歉
You know, I saw things today
知道嘛 我今天看到的东西
that I can't unsee.
永生难忘
Hey, nothing could be worse than walking in
嘿 比一进门看见你老公裸体
on your husband buck naked on the scale
站在秤上 弯下腰
bending over so he can read the numbers.
才能看见数字的样子要好的多
Okay, now imagine the scale's view.
好 想象一下秤上的情景
That was my day!
我一天就是这么过来的
Ugh.
呃
With all of Vince's body hair,
加上Vince浓密的体毛
that's a rough view.
确实很不堪入目
I'm sayin'.
我就这意思
Hello! I need to go pee again!
喂 我又要尿尿了
For better or worse, Mom.
迟早都要来的 妈
All right.
好吧
Ring that bell one more time, it's going inside you!
再摇一次铃 我就把它塞进你身体里
Mom's home!
妈妈回来啦
And what is this I finally found
看看我今天早上终于
in my mailbox this morning?
在我邮箱里发现的是什么
Looks like a prompt and thoughtful thank-you
看起来像是正式而体贴的感谢
迈克和茉莉（2010）
Mike & Molly
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