迈克和茉莉（2010）

Mike & Molly S03E20

Part 3 Dec. 15, 2020, 2:52 p.m.

My only regret's not choosing skydiving.
我唯一的遗憾就是没选空中跳伞
I could be dead by now.
那我现在就不用活着了
There we go. Now we're getting the hang of it.
这样就对了我们掌握窍门啦
It's like we're walking on air, huh?
就跟云中漫步一样对吧
Damn you!
该死的
I should've brought my service revolver.
我应该把我的枪带来的
Oh, so we can shoot skaters, but we can't shoot rats?
所以我们能射溜冰的人却不能射老鼠
"Major Tires Destroy Superman."
"大轮胎灭了超人"
"Mayor Fires District Supervisor."
"市长枪击地区监督员"
See, now that makes a lot more sense.
这才说得通嘛
Joyce won't even talk to me now.
Joyce连看都不看我一眼了
And when we were having sex, she didn't look me in the eye.
甚至在滚床单的时候也不看我眼睛
Probably makes it harder for her
可能这样她比较容易
to pretend you're someone else.
把你想象成其他人
Oh, yeah, kick me while I'm down, you half-blind bastard.
是啊就落井下石吧你个半瞎的混球
When are you gonna learn, Moranto?
你什么时候才能学到教训呢 Moranto
You can't forbid a woman to do something.
你不能禁止女人做任何事
They live to defy us.
她们本性就是反抗我们
You know what those college campuses are like.
你知道那些大学校园是什么样的
Reefer-filled coffeehouses, beatniks and free love.
人人抽着雪茄闲聊啊垮掉的一代啊滥交啊
Well, I'm hoping President Eisenhower
我想艾森豪威尔总统
cleans up the whole mess.
会整顿风气的
And college professors are the worst!
而且大学教授最糟了
They'll bang anything with a backpack!
他们背着包见谁都上
What are you getting so worked up for?
你干嘛这么激动
Joyce loves you.
Joyce爱你的
Sure, now.
现在当然
I'm her hot, sexy boy toy.
我可是她火♥辣♥性感的小白脸
Okay.
好吧
But what happens when some artsy-fartsy Svengali
但如果出现几个故作儒雅的斯文加利式人物
fills her head with poetry and hope?
往她脑子里塞满诗和希望呢
It's, "Good-bye, dago."
就成了"再见吧意大利佬"
Look, there are plenty of other guys out there
听着世界上有很多
that are smarter and better-looking than both of us.
远比我们聪明帅气的人
I already got the belt loop around my neck.
我已经把绳索套在脖子上了
Go ahead, kick out the chair.
来吧把椅子给我踢了
Look, the point being, for whatever reason,
听着我想说的是不论如何
these smart, beautiful women chose us.
这些聪明漂亮的女人选择了我们
And that begs the question... are they really that smart?
所以回到问题本质来说她们真有那么聪明吗
I like the way you think.
我喜欢你的思维方式
They can't be perfect 'cause they chose
她们不可能那么完美
a couple of melonheads like us.
因为她们选择了我们这样的呆瓜
Exactly.
正是这样
So you need to be loving and supportive
所以你得要表现得善解人意
and not give her a reason
不要让她后悔她的选择
to start thinking about how much better she could do.
想她本可以选择更好的人
I see. It's like shaking keys at a baby
我明白了就像是对着婴儿摇钥匙
or putting a dog's worm pill in a piece of cheese.
或是把给狗吃的去虫丸藏在奶酪里
Right.
对
Love is the cheese, you're the worm pill.
爱就是那块奶酪而你就是那去虫丸
Boy, for a couple of melonheads, we sure are smart.
伙计作为呆瓜我们可真聪明
Loving and supportive, loving and supportive,
善解人意善解人意
loving and supportive, loving and supportive,
善解人意善解人意
loving and supportive.
善解人意
What's all this?
这是怎么回事
I'm preparing a delicious, nutritious breakfast
我在给我拥有魔鬼身材的美丽大学生
for my beautiful curvy coed.
准备美味健康的早餐
Right.
是啊
Please sit and allow me to bring you
请坐请让我给您上餐
a piping hot cup of joe.
新鲜滚烫的咖啡
Very considerate of you.
你真是贴心
Well, you know me, loving and supportive.
你知道我的就是这么善解人意
Yep, that's the you I know.
对这是我认识的那个你
Besides, you crazy college kids can't live on Red Bull
再说了你们这些疯狂的大学生可不能以红牛
and Toaster Strudels. Sure can't.
和烤奶酪卷过活吧肯定不能
Can I get a little cream for my coffee?
能给我的咖啡加点奶吗
Absolutely.
当然
Oh, and maybe some fresh-squeezed OJ?
再来点鲜榨橙汁
You dig in and I'll try to rustle up an orange or two.
你开动吧我看看能不能找到橙子
Not too pulpy. I don't like it too pulpy.
不要太多果肉我不喜欢太多果肉
You're lucky if I find an orange, Joyce.
能找到个橙子就不错了 Joyce
How about some Clamato?
要不来点蕃茄蛤汁
Oh, forget the juice.
那果汁就算了吧
I wouldn't mind some pepper for these eggs.
不如给鸡蛋上撒点胡椒吧
What, is your arm broke?
你手是断了吗
It's right in front of you.
明明就在你面前
You know what?
你知道吗
I'll just grab a bite to eat on campus.
我就在学校里随便吃点就好了
Damn it! You're still gonna go?!
该死的你还是要去吗
Even after I hopped around
即使我跟墨西哥跳豆一样
like a Mexican jumping bean?! Oh, and don't wait up for me.
蹦来蹦去还有晚上别等我了
I might grab a pitcher of beer and play Foosball with the boys.
我可能会跟男生们喝点酒玩玩桌上足球
Joyce, don't do this!
Joyce 别这么做
Come on! I made you breakfast.
拜托我都给你做了早餐了
So much for being loving and supportive.
善解人意到此为止了
So you're gonna tell me you didn't enjoy
所以你是想说
getting out of school early?
你并不想早点回去吗
No, I'm telling you, that when you pull the fire alarm,
不我要告诉你当你拉了火警之后
you can't brag to the other kids about it.
你不能向其它孩子吹嘘
Why?
为什么
Because then they squeal to me, I have to punish you,
因为他们会告诉我我就不得不惩罚你
and then we both end up staying after school.
结局就是我们都得留校
Oh... so it kinda evens out?
所以这是一种轮回
Yeah, exactly.
正是这样
Maybe if you weren't flunking math
如果你没有挂掉数学
you would've seen that, huh?
你就能预见这个结局了
I hate math. Yeah, everybody hates math.
我讨厌数学是啊人人都讨厌数学
Knock, knock.
方便进来吗
Mom, what are you doing here?
妈你来这儿干嘛
I was just in the neighborhood,
我正好在附近
realized I hadn't seen your new classroom.
想起还没见过你的新教室呢
Well, it's the same as the old classroom.
好吧跟旧教室没什么两样
One big desk, 35 little desks and one of those.
1张大桌子 35张小桌子还有1个熊孩子
Your daughter's mean.
你女儿太刻薄了
Not as mean as I am.
没我这么刻薄
I'd have you tarring highways
要是我就会把你和另外10个捣蛋鬼
chained to ten other arm-farting brats.
混在焦油里铺高速公路
And detention is over.
留校结束了
Go...
快走
before the lawsuit begins.
不然就得有诉讼了
Mom, what are you doing here?
妈你在这儿干嘛
Aren't you supposed to be in class?
你不该在上课吗
Eh, I had to get out of there.
我待不下去了
The professor had a ponytail and open-toed shoes.
那个教授留了马尾辫还穿露脚趾的凉鞋
The only thing missing was a sign on his forehead
就差脑门上没写个
that said "Douche." Mom, it's art school.
"脑残"了妈那可是艺术学校
They're all gonna be kinda douche-y.
他们都会有点脑残的
I don't really want to go to school.
我不是真的想去上课
I was just doing it to piss Vince off.
我只是想气气Vince
Well, see? It's win-win.
看这是双赢
Molly, I'm done with all that.
Molly 那些我早没兴趣了
I'm very happy with the life I have.
我很满意现在的生活
I've got two beautiful daughters, a man who adores me.
我有两个漂亮的女儿一个疼爱我的男人
What else is there?
还求什么呢
Mom, you, you have real talent.
妈你真的很有天赋
I mean, you-you could make something amazing.
我是说你本可以有一番成就的
Well, you and your sister are my two masterpieces.
你和你妹妹就是我的杰作了
I'm not gonna do better than that.
我再也无法超越这个了
Oh, but you gave up so much for us.
但是你为我们放弃了这么多
I didn't give up anything.
我没放弃任何事