迈克和茉莉（2010）

Mike & Molly S03E08

Part 2 Dec. 15, 2020, 2:49 p.m.

It's a place where healthy people go to enrich and enhance
这是健康向上的人提高性生活质量
their relationships and sex lives.
促进夫妻感情的地方
All right, let's give it a shot.
好吧那我们去试一试
Hey, where's Mike at?
嘿 Mike去哪儿了
He's been coming through that door
他平时都准时六点
every night at 6:00, straight up.
进家门的
Sometimes it's 6:30, but it's always straight up.
有时候是6:30 但是都很准时
He called, and he and Carl are going to the library,
他打电♥话♥说他喝Carl会去图书馆
then he had some errands to run.
他们要去办点事
Bet you're just happy to be off your back
我打赌你很高兴能有点时间
with your legs closed.
不用张开腿
Mom, stop!
妈别说
And yes I am.
但是确实是这样
Truthfully, it's a nice break for everybody.
事实上这是所有人的休息时间
Right?
是的吧
No offense, honey, but the walls are thin,
恕我直说亲爱的但是隔墙有耳
and you're a bit of a backseat driver.
你确实很喜欢指挥
Mom!
妈
"Slow down, speed up.
"慢慢来加快节奏
There it is, there it is."
就是这样就是这样"
Don't know whether you're having sex
我都不知道你是在滚床单
or giving directions to a cabbie.
还是在给出租车司机指路
Hey, I have a limited time frame,
嘿我自己的身体构造
and I know the route better than he does.
我比他了解的更清楚
Well, men will never ask for directions.
好吧男人从来都不会要你来指示
They'll drive around aimlessly before you have to
他们会毫无目的的开着车带你兜风
tap them on the head and say, "I'll just walk from here."
直到你拍着他的头说"我还是自己走过去吧"
Oh, hey, everybody's home.
噢嘿大家都在
Hey, honey. What's that?
嘿亲爱的你拿的什么
Nothing, just a...
没什么就是...
Sex wedge.
性♥爱♥靠垫
Went with the ramp instead of the scoop, huh?
不用绕道就可以顺着匝道直接进去对吧
I prefer the Shanghai Intruder.
我更喜欢"上海入侵者"
Costs a little more, but it comes with a cup holder
稍微贵一点但是有一个杯架
and a rearview mirror.
和一个后视镜
Meet me upstairs.
楼上见
Well...
好吧
time to make the doughnuts.
甜甜圈时间到
We gonna have sex on this thing,
我们要在这玩意上做
or is Evil Knievel gonna jump us?
还是Evil Knievel要从我们身上起跳
Although it's advertised as an erotic device,
虽然这是个情♥趣♥用♥品♥
it's also a practical pregnancy aid.
但是也能提高怀孕机率
Really?
是吗
Yeah, it tilts the uterus at an advantageous angle
是的它让子♥宫♥处在一个方便的角度
to allow sperm an easy slide to the egg.
使得精♥子♥更容易滑向卵子
Careful with that sexy talk, Casanova.
说话别这么露骨风流的男人
Oh, and Carl also said orgasm is good for blood flow,
噢 Carl还说高♥潮♥有助于血液循环
which increases the chances of fertilization.
也能提高受精的概率
You and Carl aren't gonna be on walkie-talkies
你和Carl不会是一路走一路就在
through this whole thing, are you?
讨论这些事情吧
No, he just asked me to text him when we're done.
没有他只说等我们做完发短息给他
Oh.
噢
Best way is for you to lay down
最佳使用方法是你躺下
and me to slide it under your rump.
我把它放到你的屁♥股♥下面
That's how Carl and I did it in the store.
我跟Carl在店里就这么用的
Rise and shine, sweetie!
太阳公公出来啦亲爱的
Up and at them!
快起来
What time is it?
几点了
Oh.
噢
It's time to drink our tea and make a pee-pee.
该喝水准备嘘嘘了
You pee on it.
你尿吧
I already did. What?
我尿过了什么
Just a little test to make sure they work.
就是试试他们有没有用
It was negative, by the way.
结果是一道杠
There's no way I'm pregnant already from last night.
不可能就昨天一个晚上就怀孕了
I know that, but maybe one of the ones from last night
我知道不过也许昨晚有一两个
nudged a couple stragglers forward.
往前挤了挤呢
They're not shopping carts.
它们又不是购物推车
Please let me sleep.
让我睡会吧求你了
Why sleep when we can take another ride on the rump ramp?
别睡了不如在小斜坡上再来一发吧
Mike, you're starting to go a little overboard with this.
Mike 你有点过头了
Hey, you're the one that always says
嘿是你总是说
if you want to get something done, you got to stay focused.
如果你想完成一件事就要全身心投入
That's more about you cleaning the waffle maker
我指的是你吃完华夫饼
when you're done with it.
清洗机器的时候
Hey, you got to let that thing cool.
嘿你得要等机器冷下来啊
Let me cool.
让我冷下来吧
I'm gonna go take a shower and get ready for work.
我去洗个澡准备上班了
I suppose we could do it in the shower,
我们确实可以在洗澡的时候做
but gravity's working against us.
但是地球引力原因阻碍着我们
My sperm aren't the Flying Wallendas.
我的精♥子♥可不像高空杂技演员那样会飞
I'm gonna go take a shower, alone...
我去洗澡不带你
and without your penis.
也不带你的小♥弟♥弟♥
The Hindus call it a "Lingam."
印度人叫它"阳♥具♥"
They're considered sacred over there.
在那里是神圣的标志
Quit going to the library with Carl.
不要再跟Carl一起去图书馆
Sit in a bar like a normal person!
去酒吧像个正常人一样
**Once upon a time, there was an engineer*
*从前有一位工程师
**Choo-Choo Charlie was his name, we hear*
*啾啾查理是他的名字
Hey. Morning, big guy.
嘿早大个子
Why aren't you upstairs trying to make Baby Huey?
你怎么不在楼上造小人了
Don't start with me, Moranto.
别跟我说这个 Moranto
And not that it's any of your business,
不管你的事
but I'm taking the morning off.
我今天早上休息不造人
Oh, I was wondering why I didn't see
噢我是说怎么没见着
the ripples in my coffee.
我咖啡有波纹呢
I'm kidding.
开玩笑
Everything all right between you two?
你们两个还好吗
Yeah, it's just that getting pregnant
是的不过怀孕
is harder than I thought it would be.
比我想的要难
Mother Nature is a fickle bitch.
大自然是个善变的混♥蛋♥
Might I ask you a personal question?
我能问你个私人问题吗
No.
不能
In your youth, did you perhaps
你年少的时候是不是
abuse yourself an inordinate amount?
纵欲过度
Can't I just eat my cereal?
我就不能好好吃点麦片吗
I'll take that as a yes.
我当你默认了
My point is, your alpha squad might have been mowed down
我意思是你的"精力"可能都在
years ago on Centerfold Beach.
看插页广♥告♥的时候撸没了
I wasn't a pervert.
没有那么夸张
I only did that a normal amount.
我只是跟平常人一样的频率
What? Like every night and a baker's dozen on the weekends?
什么频率每天晚上加周末来上一打吗
Not every weekend.
不是每个周末
Sometimes, my mom made me go to church.
有时候我妈会让我去教堂
Let's not forget sick days
别忘了请病假
when you stayed home from school.
呆在家里的时候
Oh, geez.
哦老天
Sick days were free-for-all.
生病的时候简直是像放风的
Personal best was seven times,
个人最佳纪录是七次
and that was with strep throat.
那次是因为脓毒性咽喉炎
Mine was 11, and I had the mumps.
我是十一次腮腺炎
Eleven?
十一次啊
And I was holding a ginger ale in my free hand.
而且我另一只手上还拿着姜汁啤酒
You know, everything doesn't have to be a competition.
我觉得不是什么事情都需要拿来攀比的
Okay, so let's just say a normal amount.
好吧那我们来说说正常情况
So if it's not your sperm count,
如果不是你精♥子♥数量的问题
perhaps your testosterone level is a tad low.
也许是你睾丸激素值有点低
Get out of here. I'm overflowing with testosterone.
少来了我睾丸激素多的快溢出来了
I don't know about that.
这可说不准
The higher your testosterone, the less hair you got.
睾丸激素值越高头发越少