好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S11E21
Part 4
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:20 p.m.
but, Zippy, you're a charmer.
不过废柴 你很讨人喜欢
Thanks, Berta.
谢谢 波塔
No. Thank you.
不 谢谢你
Now I don't have to go to your funeral.
这下我就不用去你的葬礼了
This Utah sky is amazing.
犹他州的天空可真美
We're indoors.
我们在室内
Wow, this Colorado weed is amazing.
那这科罗拉多大♥麻♥可真厉害
Guess who just joined the 6,106-foot club.
猜猜谁刚加入了千里打炮俱乐部
It doesn't count when you do it alone!
一个人干的不叫打炮
Whatever.
随便了
I don't like it here.
我不喜欢这里
There's no Wi-Fi or cell service.
没有无线 也没有手♥机♥信♥号♥♥
It's like one of those movies where you find out
就像电影里演的
the little town's full of zombies.
丧尸小镇
Or werewolves.
或者是狼人小镇
Or zombie werewolves.
或者是狼人丧尸小镇
How would that happen?
这怎么可能
Hello. Do the math.
你想啊
Zombie bites a werewolf,
丧尸咬了狼人
werewolf dies, comes back as a werewolf zombie.
狼人死了 接着就变成了狼人丧尸
That's a badass, unkillable creature.
那可厉害了 不死之身呢
He's right. Chain the door.
他说得对 把门锁上
Wait a second. You think chaining the door
等下 你觉得锁门
is gonna stop a zombie werewolf?
能阻挡住狼人丧尸吗
I'll tell you what, I'm not gonna be the guy
我跟你说 我可不要做因为没锁门
who gets killed by a zombie werewolf 'cause I didn't chain the door.
而被狼人丧尸屠♥杀♥的人
Thanks for coming with me, guys.
谢谢你们陪我来
And I'm not just saying that
我这么说不是因为
'cause I can use you as human shields
狼人丧尸破门而入时
when the zombie werewolf breaks in the door.
我会拿你们当肉盾
Yeah, I'm really glad we came, too.
我也很高兴我们来了
And about almost killing you guys in the car earlier--
之前开车时差点杀了你俩
that's my bad.
是我不好
Yeah, well, I am glad
我很高兴
that Cracker Barrel had underwear.
快餐礼品店有内♥裤♥卖♥♥
And these "I Heart Denver" Sweatpants.
还有这种"我爱丹佛"的运动裤
You know, this is still better than that family trip
就算这样也比我小时候全家来犹他州
I took to Utah as a kid.
家庭旅行要好
My dad was trying to convince my mom
我爸想说服我妈
to add another wife to the family.
让他再纳个小妾
Started the trip with one wife,
跟一个老婆出来旅行
tried to get two, came home with zero.
想再搭上一个 结果回家时一个都没了
Hotel had a great pool, though.
不过那家酒店的泳池不错
At least you knew your dad.
至少你还了解你♥爸♥
I barely knew Charlie.
我基本不认识查理
I got one letter from him my entire childhood.
我整个童年就收到过他一封信
It said, "Are your friends 18 yet"
上面写着 "你的朋友们都满18岁了吗"
Yeah, hearing you guys talk about your dads,
听你们说着自己的爸爸
and thinking about mine,
再想想我爸
makes me question even wanting to have kids.
搞得我都有点不想要小孩了
You already have kids.
你已经有小孩了
Papa.
爹爹
Come on. I'm not your dad.
别这样 我才不是你们的老爸
You've been a better dad to me than anybody ever has.
全世界就你最像我爸了
You-you-you took me in,
你收留了我
you inspired me to be a better person.
鼓励我成为更好的人
You pushed me to be a dead junkie.
你鼓励我去演死去的吸毒女
I really want that for you, too.
我真心希望你这么做
She's right, man. You're a role model.
她说得对 你简直是业界良心
I mean, you believe that
你相信
I can make something out of myself
我可以有所作为
and you stopped me from going to prison
还让我不会因为教儿子手♥淫♥
for teaching my son how to masturbate.
而锒铛入狱
That's right. You want to be a hands-on dad,
是啊 要做个亲力亲为的爸爸
but not too hands-on.
但别太"亲"了
Hey, bring it in, kiddos.
来抱抱吧 孩儿们
Oh, Dad? Hmm?
爸 怎么了
Barry's got his hand on my butt again.
巴里又伸手摸我屁♥股♥了
It's not my hand. Okay.
用得不是手 行了
All right.
够了
Hey, Gretchie.
格雷琴
I don't want to talk to you right now.
我现在不想跟你说话
Gretchen's still mad at you, but I'm on your side, Jeff.
格雷琴还在生你的气 但我是支持你的 杰夫
Bros before hoes.
兄弟如手足 女人如衣服
Oh, uh, oh, good, you're, uh, you're all here.
真好 你们都在
Because I have something to say...
我有话要说
to everyone.
对大家说
Are you sure, Jeff?
你确定吗 杰夫
Some things are better left unsaid.
有些事还是别说的好
I love you so much,
我真的很爱你
I-I can't imagine my life without you.
我没法想象没有你的日子
Just stop.
别说了
Maybe this will help.
也许这样会有帮助
Okay, I appreciate the gesture,
行了 我挺喜欢你这招
but looking for change together isn't gonna work this time.
但是跪下找硬币骗婚不灵了
The only change I want is for us to be husband and wife.
我唯一想的是 我们能成为夫妻
What?!
什么
Gretchen Martin, will you do me the honor
格雷琴·马丁 你愿意嫁给我
of becoming Mrs. Alan Harper?
成为艾伦·哈勃太太吗
Oh, my God! My sister and my best...
天啊 我妹妹和我最好的...
Wait a minute. Who the hell is Alan Harper?
慢着 艾伦·哈勃是谁啊
Larry, look, boobs!
拉里 你看 奶♥子♥
Oh, look at you. You're doing great.
看看你啊 你开得很好
You haven't hit a guardrail in miles.
这都好几英里了 你还没撞过护栏
Once you get the hang of it,
一旦掌握要领
this driving thing isn't so tough.
开车也就是小菜一碟嘛
How about after I restore it, I give it to you?
不如我把这车整修好以后送你吧
What? You love this car.
什么 你爱这辆车
I've gotten what I need out of it,
我已经得偿所愿了
and I'd rather have it stay in the family.
肥水不流外人田嘛
Who better to have it than my my...
谁能比我的半个女儿
sort-of-daughter.
更值得拥有它呢
Aw! You're the best sort-of-dad ever!
你也是我最好的半个老爸啊
Whoa! Hands on the wheel!
手握方向盘
Hands on the wheel!
手握方向盘
Why are you yelling at me?
你为什么要吼我
You should be yelling at them
你应该吼他们啊
for driving on the wrong side...
是他们逆向行驶了...
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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