好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S11E16
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:20 p.m.
Why would you even want to go?
你怎么会想去参加呢
Are you kidding me?!
你在开玩笑吗
I mean, just 'cause you're mad at me right now
我是说 虽然你对我很生气
doesn't mean I'm going to miss the wedding of someone I love.
但并不意味着我要错过我爱的人的婚礼
Aw... that's very sweet.
你嘴真甜
I was talking about Larry.
我是说爱拉里
Ah! Dios mio!
我的上帝啊[西语]
Alan, I don't care how you do it,
艾伦 我不管你用什么办法
fake Jeff Strongman's death--
制♥造♥杰夫·斯壮曼死掉的假象
actually die.
或者真去死吧
You will not be at my wedding.
你不许出现在我的婚礼上
She will be back here in three seconds
三秒钟后她会回来
looking for make-up sex.
跟我上♥床♥和好
One...
一
Two...
二
Three.
三
Three.
三
You're an idiot.
你个傻♥逼♥
I'm, um, I'm sorry.
抱歉
That was wrong.
出故障了
Tu eres una idiota.
你个傻♥逼♥[西语]
All right, Bill Gates...
比尔·盖茨[微软创始人]
Steve Wozniak...
史蒂夫·沃兹尼亚克[苹果创始人之一]
and Mark Zuckerberg.
还有马克·扎克伯格[脸书创始人]
Ooh, that's a tough one. Yeah.
这问题有难度啊 对
I'd definitely kill Mark Zuckerberg...
我肯定会杀了马克·扎克伯格
...bang Bill Gates, marry Steve Wozniak.
上了比尔·盖茨 和史蒂夫·沃兹尼亚克结婚
What?! That's crazy.
什么 这太离谱了
I mean, yes, you have to kill Zuckerberg.
没错 你是该杀掉扎克伯格
But you gotta marry Bill.
但是应该跟比尔结婚
I mean, I've seen it before,
我以前见过的
he is gonna take those glasses off
他会把眼镜摘下来
and shake is hair loose and you're gonna be like,
甩开头发 你就会惊讶说
"Where did this guy come from?"
"这个家伙是天神下凡吗?"
I hear you, but I'm still marrying Woz.
我明白你意思了 但我还是要跟沃兹结婚
I'm a boob man.
我喜欢胸大的人[他是胖子]
Are you guys playing "Bang, Marry, Kill" Again?
你们俩又在玩"上谁娶谁杀谁"吗
'Cause if you are, I've got one for you:
如果是的话 我也给你出个题
Angelina Jolie, Mila Kunis and me.
安吉丽娜·朱莉 米娜·古妮丝 还有我
I would kill you
我会在我们的
by banging you to death on our honeymoon.
"结婚"蜜月时把你"上"到"死"
And then after the funeral, Angelina Jolie.
葬礼之后 再上安吉丽娜·朱莉
I would love to bang Mila Kunis.
我十分乐意上米娜·古妮丝
Not gonna happen, Barry.
下辈子吧 巴里
All right. I'm out of here.
好吧 我走了
I thought we were gonna grab some dinner.
我们不是约了要一起吃饭吗
I can't. I got a thing.
不行 我要去弄点东西
You got a thing. I got a thing.
你有"东西" 我也有"东西"
We put our things together, we have some fun.
把我们的"东西"放到一起 就有乐子了
Hey, every time I say stuff like that,
每次我说这种话
I get pepper sprayed.
都会被喷胡椒水
That was one time, Barry
就一次 巴里
and my mom still feels bad about it.
而且我妈一直感到很内疚
I'll make it up to you tomorrow, I promise.
明天我会弥补给你 我保证
What's your mom up to these days?
你妈最近忙什么呢
Shut up, Barry.
闭上你的嘴 巴里
Better hope I don't run into Mila Kunis.
最好希望我不要遇见米娜·古妮丝
Yeah, like that's gonna happen.
说得跟真的一样
Hey! There's my best man!
我的伴郎来啦
Groom goes the dynamite.
霸气新郎屌♥炸天
Come on in.
快请进
I've got some beer on ice and sports on ice.
家里有冰镇啤酒还有冰上运动
Oh, yeah! You're right!
没错
Uh, tonight's the finals of the pairs ice dancing.
今晚是双人冰上舞蹈的总决赛
You're hilarious.
你太搞笑了
Hey, you got to do this gay character
伴郎祝词的时候记得再装这基佬
in your best man toast.
还挺有"笑"果的
Uh, about that, you know I'm-I'm-I'm not sure
那个嘛 我不太确定
that I'm the right person to be your best man.
我是当你伴郎的最佳人选
I'll probably just end up drinking too much
我可能会喝过了头
and getting yelled at by the bride
弄得新娘对我大喊大叫
and singing a tearful, yet moving version of
并且热泪盈眶唱一曲感天动地的
"All by Myself."
《形单影只》
At least, that's what happened at my wedding.
至少我的婚礼上是这样
Well, you're not getting cold feet, are you, buddy?
你不会想临阵脱逃了吧 兄弟
Well, no, it's just that it's your special day.
不 只是这是你最重要的日子
I mean, y-you sure that there isn't somebody more deserving
你确定没有人比我更适合
to be your best man?
当你的伴郎吗
A-a-a brother? A college roommate?
一个兄弟 或者大学室友
Someone who knows your last name?
知道你姓什么的人
God, you're a riot.
天哪 你太搞笑了
There's nobody I'd rather stand with
我最希望和我一起站在
at that altar than you, Jeff.
圣坛旁的人就是你 杰夫
Why do you have to be so darn sweet?
你为什么对我这么好
Plus, I'm counting on you to help me out
我还要靠你帮我搞定
with the most important part of this wedding--
婚礼上最重要的部分
bachelor party. Outfits.
单身汉派对 服装搭配
I was thinking black tie.
我在想黑色领带[黑人 泰锅妞]
Sure, black girls, Thai girls, whatever you want.
当然 黑人女孩 泰国女孩 随你挑
Larry, where can I put this poop?
拉里 这个便便我放哪
Ooh! And who do we have here?
这位是谁啊
This is my sister Gretchen. She just moved here.
这是我妹妹格雷琴 她刚搬过来
Gretchen, this is Jeff Strongman.
格雷琴 这是杰夫·斯壮曼
Oh, yeah!
原来是你啊
Hey, from what I hear,
就我所知
I should call you "Jeff Best Man."
我应该叫你"杰夫·伴郎曼"
Oh, my God, that's what I said.
天哪 那是我的原话啊
Um, so, where's your dog?
你的狗狗在哪里
In the garage trying to wipe his ass.
在车♥库♥自己擦屁♥股♥
Now, I couldn't find the trash.
我找不到垃圾桶
It's out back. I got it.
在后面 给我吧
You can tell I love her,
看得出来我很爱她
'cause I take a lot of crap from her.
因为我受了她很多便便[屁事]
Get it? Crap.
知道吗 便便
And he's Mom's favorite.
我妈最爱的是这货
I hear you. Luckily, my brother's dead.
我也是过来人 还好我哥哥死了
Oh. So...
那...
uh... uh, you just moved here?
你刚搬过来吗
Yeah. My brother's letting me crash here.
是啊 我哥哥让我住进来的
I told him it was just for a couple days,
我告诉他只借宿几天就好
but, between you and me, it's a pretty sweet deal.
但是悄悄告诉你 我可占便宜了
Huh. I should try that.
我也应该试试
Part of me thinks
我有时在想
I should just stay here till he dies.
我应该一直住到他死
Why stop there?
何止啊
Why not move in with the next guy who buys the house?
下一个买♥♥♥房♥♥的人住进来也得继续留着白住
Yeah.
是啊
So, uh, what do you do?
你是做什么的
I'm a vet. I moved out here
我是个兽医 我搬过来
to run an animal shelter.
管理一家动物收♥容♥所♥
Oh... so that tasteful sports bra
所以品味高雅的运动内衣下
covers a tender heart?
罩着一颗柔软的心啊
Well, the puppies at the shelter
收♥容♥所♥的小狗狗们
aren't the only ones that need support.
可不是唯一需要"支持"的
Well, I'd uh, I'd love to meet your furry little friend.
我很想见见你那毛茸茸的"小朋友"
I mean, I'm talking about the dog.
我是说小狗狗
Not that I don't want to meet--
不是我不想看...
Never mind, uh...
算了
So, you run a shelter?
所以你是开收♥容♥所♥的
Yeah. I've always had a soft spot for strays
是的 我对没人要的流浪生物
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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