好汉两个半（2003）

Two and a Half Men S11E10

Part 3 Nov. 18, 2020, 5:17 p.m.

that you would really like her.
你一定会很喜欢她
Yeah? I don't know. Turn over.
是吗我不知道翻过来
What?
什么
All fours, butt up.
四肢着地屁♥股♥朝上
This...
这...
This reminds me of a horrible prison nightmare I once had.
这让我想起那个蹲监狱的恶梦
You know, I got to say,
我想说的是
if you're willing to go through all of this for your friend,
如果你愿意为你的朋友遭这份罪
she must be all right, huh?
说明她这个人还不赖是吧
Yeah. I'll give her a call.
是啊我会给她打电♥话♥
Okay.
好了
This one's gonna hurt.
这一下会很疼
This one?
这一下吗
Mommy!
妈妈呀
Some might say that a guy who does this out in the open
我会觉得你大庭广众之下做这个
wants his housekeeper to catch him.
是故意想让你的管家逮个正着
No, I-I...
不是的我...
Oh, hey, Johnson and Johnson.
强生公♥司♥
And Johnson.
还有鸡鸡[强生]
Hold on.
等等
Weren't you the one that called the house meeting
不是你召开家庭会议
about no more masturbating in the kitchen?
说不许在厨房♥手♥淫♥吗
No, I... I, uh...
不我...
I got groomed.
我去修体毛了
Actually, I went down to Brooke's salon...
其实我去了布鲁克的美容店
and asked her if she would go out with you again.
问她愿不愿意再跟你约会
Are you insane?!
你疯了吗
What, you think I can't get my own dates?
你觉得我搞不定自己的约会吗
Do I look like a child?
我看起来像个小孩吗
No, but thanks to Brooke, I do.
不但是多亏了布鲁克我变回"小孩"了
And thanks to me,
而多亏了我
she wants to go out with you again.
她愿意再次跟你约会
She wants to go out with me again?
她愿意再次跟我约会
What did she say?
她怎么说的
You want to rap about it?
你想倾诉一下此刻心情吗
She said that she would call you in a few days,
她说几天后会给你打电♥话♥
and that my balls would stop burning by tomorrow.
明天我的蛋蛋就不疼了
Or wait.
等等
Was it that she would call you tomorrow,
还是明天她会给你打电♥话♥
and my balls would stop burning in a few days?
几天后我的蛋蛋就不疼了呢
Let me know when she calls. Okay?
她给你打电♥话♥时记得告诉我好吗
Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
谢谢你我内心深处说感谢你
You are welcome from the bottom of my scrotum.
我阴囊深处对你说不客气
That was amazing.
感觉太棒了
I got to tell you.
我要告诉你
The guy who built your hoo-hah is an artist.
打造你阴♥道♥的那个家伙真是个艺术家
He's like van Gogh, but instead of cutting off ears,
他就像梵高一样但是他没有切掉自己的耳朵
he's cutting off... well, you know.
而是切掉了你的...你懂的
Hey. What?
嘿什么事
Can we talk about us?
能聊聊我们的事吗
Oh, God, can't I... can't I just buy you something?
天啊我不能给你买♥♥样东西就好吗
Well, gifts are always welcome,
礼物我当然欢迎
but, uh, I was just wondering if we were exclusive.
但是我只是想问我们是不是只属于彼此
Okay, look, Alan...
是这样艾伦
...I like you, but I always... I always promised myself
我喜欢你但是我一直都向自己保证
that if I had the courage to become a real woman,
如果我有勇气变成一个真正的女人
that that woman...
那么这个女人
would be a total slut.
会是一个十足的荡♥妇♥
Okay, so-so... so, just to clarify...
好的那么先说清楚
...you... or me are free
你或者我都可以随便
to date anybody else, anybody in the world?
跟世界上别的任何人约会对吧
Yes.
对
Okay, if that's what you want.
好吧如果你想这样就这样吧
Oh, hey, you look great.
你看起来很漂亮哦
No, I don't.
才不呢
I've tried on, like, a hundred outfits.
我试了好像100套衣服了
Butch, femme, lipstick, pixie.
阳刚的阴柔的性感的调皮的
There was even a dark moment
甚至有那么一段郁闷的时间
where I was wearing one of Alan's polos.
我还试穿了艾伦的一件马球衫
Oh, actually, they're called "polas."
事实上它们叫做"破驴衫"
He buys them at a gas station.
他在一个加油站买♥♥的
If you look close, the guy's not playing polo.
靠近点会看到衣服上的那个人不是在打马球
It's a gardener riding a donkey.
那是一个园丁在骑一头驴
I'm a nervous wreck.
我紧张死了
Oh, come on. You're going to be fine.
放轻松你会表现得很好的
Just be yourself. Right.
做你自己就好好的
Right. Right, just be myself.
好的好的做我自己
W.W.J.D.?
WWJD
What would Jenny drink?
珍妮要喝什么
I don't think that alcohol is the answer.
我觉得酒精不能解决问题
Well, clearly, you don't know the question.
显然是你不知道问题是什么
On vodka, on soda,
加上伏特加加上苏打水
on blender, on mixer!
倒入搅拌机混合在一起
Okay, I'm just gonna go back to blowing myself.
好吧我继续吹小弟了
So, uh, did you ask Santa for anything special this year?
今年你有没有向圣诞公公要特别的礼物
Oh, just someone to stuff my stocking.
有人把我的"长袜"塞满就行
Oh. Someone's on the naughty list.
是嘛某人在圣诞公公的淘气名单上
Well, I hope that won't keep me from getting a nice big package.
希望这样不会妨碍我得到一份精美的"大礼"
Oh, don't you worry.
不用担心
I'm sure Santa's got something in his sack for you.
我相信圣诞公公的大袋子里一定有好东西给你
Ooh, look who's on the naughty list now.
现在谁上了淘气名单啊
But you have to be careful
但你得当心
about shipping rates around the holidays.
假日期间的邮费
You could pay extra for a package that's oversized
超大尺寸包装或是不规则形状的
or an irregular shape.
得额外加钱
Rachel?
瑞秋
Paula? Alan?
宝拉艾伦
What's going on here?
这是怎么回事
Uh, well, this is a... an awkward coincidence.
这种巧遇真是有些尴尬
It's not a coincidence. I come here every Friday night,
这不是巧遇我每个周五晚都来
and she knows it. Oh, this is completely innocent.
她知道这是无心之失好吧
Oh, please. You're wearing my screw-me pumps!
得了吧你穿着我的"上我吧"高跟鞋
That's funny. Uh, I have a screw-me pump, too.
真好笑我也有一个"上我吧"水泵[与高跟鞋同词]
I only need it when I'm drinking too much.
我只有喝多了才需要
All the women in the world, and you have to pick my ex-wife?
全世界这么多女人你非挑我的前妻
Uh, first of all, I don't actually get to pick.
首先轮不到我来挑
I'm more of a take-what-comes kind of guy.
我属于"主动上门绝不嫌弃"的类型
Besides, you said we weren't exclusive.
而且你说了我们不是专一恋爱关系
Yeah, he can date whoever he wants.
对他想和谁约会都行
Okay, you only brought him here to make me jealous.
你带他来这里只是为了让我嫉妒
Oh, please. Don't flatter yourself.
得了吧少往自己脸上贴金
Okay, let's all... let's just calm down here.
好了大家冷静下
Hey, I see it now.
我现在看出来了
You guys do have the same boobs.
你俩的咪♥咪♥真是一模一样
Jenny?
珍妮
Are you okay?
你还好吗
I'll be right there.
我马上出来
Can you knock again so I can find the door?
你再敲下门好吗我好找到门在哪里
Okay, I'm coming in.
我进来了
Hey, Walden!
沃顿
Are you drunk?
你喝醉了吗
No, I only had one drink.
没有我只喝了一杯
Okay, I went to a lot of trouble for you,
我为了你自找了不少麻烦
and you are going on this date.
这次约会你一定要去
Why do you care so much?
你这么在乎干嘛
Well, I can give you a bro-zilian reasons why.
我给你一个"超级蛋疼"的理由
Now, come on.
快起来
Let's get you sobered up. Okay, let me just use
你快去醒酒好的我先用下
the bathroom real quick.
洗手间
Jenny?
珍妮