好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S11E15
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:18 p.m.
Alan, don't.
艾伦 别这样
Maybe this will change your mind.
也许这个会让你改变心意
Oh, Alan, it doesn't matter what kind of ring...
艾伦 不管你拿出什么样的戒指...
Holy crap, that thing's huge!
我靠 那"玩意"真大
That's what she said.
别的妞也是这么说
I know, not the right time. What do you say?
我知道 时候不对 你觉得怎么样
I say I'm marrying Larry.
我还是要嫁给拉里
But why? He loves me.
为什么 他爱我
Not as much as I do.
我更爱你
He has his own house.
他有自己的房♥子
I...
我
love you.
爱你啊
I'm sorry, Alan.
对不起 艾伦
You-you really think Larry can make you happier than I can?
你真认为拉里比我更能让你幸福吗
I think I made the right decision.
我认为我做出的决定是正确的
You made your bed.
你还铺了床呢
Now let's have sex in it. Alan.
咱们去滚一滚吧 艾伦
Good-bye.
再见
All right.
好吧
Universe 82,224.
老天爷得了82224分
Twenty-five.
82225分
Alan.
艾伦
Hi, Judith.
朱蒂丝
What are you doing here?
你怎么来了
Oh, God, what did Jake do?
天哪 是杰克闯祸了吗
Please tell me the Army didn't let him drive a tank again.
军队不会又让他开坦克了吧
No, no, nothing's wrong with Jake.
不不 杰克没惹麻烦
Well, nothing new wrong.
没惹新麻烦
Then what's going on? Is everything okay?
那你干什么 没事吧
Uh, it's just that I've been having a really rough day,
我今天过得很不顺
and I needed to see a friendly face.
需要见见友好的脸庞
And you picked me?
而你选了我
There's that friendly face.
就是这友好的表情
I'm sorry. Why don't you come on in.
抱歉 进来坐吧
I just opened a bottle of wine.
我刚开了一瓶红酒
Thanks. Wait.
谢了 慢着
You don't need money, do you?
你不是来借钱的吧
No, not at all. Okay, good.
不是 那就好
Wait, are you offering?
等下 你要给吗
Whoa, nice blanket.
毛毯真不错
What's with the cat lady starter kit?
你这套猫痴老太婆的装备是怎么回事
It's my bad-news blanket.
这是我的坏消息毛毯
My mom gave it to me when I was a kid.
我小时候妈妈给的
I know what you're saying.
我懂你的意思
I have a bad-news bong.
我也有个坏消息大♥麻♥烟筒
And a good-news bong.
好消息也有一个
And a watching-the-news bong.
还有个听消息间用的烟筒
I guess what I'm saying is, I like to get high.
我的意思是 我喜欢抽大♥麻♥
This about Brooke? She blew me off again.
是因为布鲁克吗 她又放我鸽子了
She was supposed to come over after work,
她本来下班后要过来的
but she said she was tired.
但她说她太累了
Not having sex with me must be exhausting.
不跟我做♥爱♥一定累极了
Look... Jenny,
珍妮
in any relationship,
双方交往
it's normal for there to be
一段时间以后
a lull in the bedroom after a while.
有性♥爱♥低潮期是很正常的
Does the sex come back?
那以后还会有吗
You're cute.
你真是傻得可爱
But it does help if you do romantic stuff.
但是做些浪漫的事会有所帮助
Like what? Surprise her. Be spontaneous.
什么样的事 主动为她制♥造♥惊喜
Let her know that you appreciate her.
让她知道你很爱她
I guess I could send flowers to her work.
我可以送花到她公♥司♥
That's so gay.
太基了
Well, these are the kinds of things we have to do
随着感情发展 我们就得去做
as a relationship evolves.
这些事情
See, sex becomes companionship,
性♥爱♥变成陪伴
and companionship becomes commitment.
陪伴变成承诺
Commitment... becomes complacency, which...
承诺就变成 满足
gives way to contempt.
最后则化作鄙视
Until you find yourself longing
直到你开始渴望
for the sweet release of death.
死亡的甜蜜解脱
Yikes.
真棒
I'm gonna go get my bad-news bong.
我要去拿我的坏消息烟筒
Oh, my God, oh, my God. Uh, you remember, uh,
对了对了 你记得
Jake's seventh grade science project?
杰克七年级的科学项目吗
Wait, which seventh grade? Second time.
哪年七年级 重读那年
Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah.
对对 记得
Um, he wanted to study
他想研究
how different foods would make his farts smell.
不同的食物会让他的屁变成什么味道
Oh, yeah! He'd rip one in Tupperware,
没错 他往保鲜盒里放屁
seal it and label it.
接着封口贴标签
To this day, I still remember
直至今日 我还记得
Brussels sprouts. Yes. Oh, Brussels sprouts.
球芽甘蓝的屁味 对 球芽甘蓝
Most parents make their kids eat vegetables.
多数家长逼孩子们吃蔬菜
We made ours stop. Yeah. Right.
我们却不让他吃 是啊
And then he got rickets.
然后他就得了软骨病
Oh... oh, it's been a crazy ride, hasn't it?
那段日子真是太疯狂了 是吧
Yeah. Mm.
是啊
Hey... can I ask you something?
我能问你一件事吗
Oh, here we go. How much?
终于说出口了 要多少
No, no, not that.
不是啦
What's wrong with me?
我到底有啥问题
Oh, Alan. I don't carry around a list of your faults.
艾伦 我可没随身带你的缺点表
My therapist said it's no longer healthy.
我的心理治疗师说这样不利身心健康
I'm-I'm serious. I mean, it seems like
我认真的 我的每段恋情
every relationship I've ever been in I've screwed up.
好像都被我搞砸了
Oh. Look, a marriage doesn't fail
婚姻失败
because of one person screwing up.
不是一个人的错
I screwed up two marriages. Oh, yeah,
我还失败了两次呢 是啊
yeah, you're right-- you're a two-time loser.
你说得对 你是二婚废柴
Uh, but at least I have Walden;
至少我还有沃顿
I mean, you've got nobody.
你却孤身一人
Oh, we're being honest now?
现在是要玩说实话了是吗
Herb's penis is bigger than yours.
赫伯的鸡鸡比你的大
I'd forgotten how good you are at this.
我都忘了你的毒舌功力了
I have missed you.
我真的有想你
I mean, you know, not the constant verbal abuse
当然我想的肯定不是你那无止尽的毒舌
that left me a crippled shell of a man.
让我的男性自尊消失殆尽
But we could always make each other laugh.
但我们总是能让对方开心
You could never find my G-spot,
你从没找到过我的高♥潮♥点
but you could always find my funny bone.
但你总是能找到我笑点
I'm just kidding.
我开玩笑啦
I've missed you, too.
我也很想你
Oh, yeah, this is, uh...
这样有点...
This is probably a bad idea.
我们这样不太好
Definitely. Yeah, yeah.
绝对不好 是的
Let's look for that G-spot.
来找高♥潮♥点吧
Or... how about you look for mine?
或者你来找我的呢
Oh, God.
天啊
What did we do?
我们干嘛了
Oh, God, what did I do?
天啊 我♥干♥嘛了
Come on.
快下来啊
God.
天啊
What did we do last night?
我们昨晚都干啥了
More!
再来
Oh, God.
我的老天
Well, well, well, someone never made it home last night.
哟哟哟 昨晚有人彻夜不归哦
Am I speaking with an engaged man?
现在跟我说话的是订了婚的男人吗
I think you might be.
你有可能是哦
That's great.
很好
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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