好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S11E10
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:17 p.m.
Let's rap.
倾诉吧
"Rap"?
倾诉
You're like the creepy guidance counselor I had in high school.
你的语气就像我高中的怪胎心理老师一样
"Tell me all about your lesbian experiences.
"跟我讲讲你作为同性恋的经历吧
I can't help you unless I know every detail."
只有知道全部细节 我才能帮你呀"
God, I hated her.
太讨厌她了
She was good in bed, though.
不过她床技不错
Really? Tell me about it.
是吗 跟我讲讲
I can't help you unless I know every detail.
只有知道全部细节 我才能帮你呀
Oh, come on. You're a relationship guy, right?
别这样 你相信爱情的 对吗
I don't know. I mean, I-I do believe
不知道 不过我是相信
there is someone out there for everyone.
每个人都会找到自己的另一半
I'm just terrified that my someone is Alan.
我只是很担心我的另一半会不会是艾伦
So... how do you know
所以 你怎么确定
when you want to be in a relationship?
自己是否愿意开始一段感情
The first sign is that you start asking people,
最开始的迹象是 你开始问别人
"How do you know when you want to be in a relationship?"
"怎么确定自己是否愿意开始一段感情"
Oh, God.
天啊
Sick of plucking yourself already?
不想继续自己"拔"自己了吗
Is it the, uh, girl from yesterday?
是因为昨天那个女孩吗
Yeah.
是啊
Brooke.
布鲁克
Why don't you just call her?
直接打给她不行吗
No. No. I'm the girl that gets called.
绝对不行 一般都是别人打给我
I don't do the calling.
我从不给别人打电♥话♥
Oh, my God, she gave you a fake number.
天啊 她给你的是假号♥码
It's possible she lives in the back of a Mexican restaurant.
她住在一家墨西哥餐馆也是有可能的
Hey, look, if you really like this girl,
听我说 如果你真喜欢这个女孩
look her up on Facebook and send her a message.
就去脸书上找她 然后给她发信息
Oh, or... send her a picture of your boobs.
或者直接给她发你胸部的照片
That's desperate.
这做法太没自尊了
Besides, she already has a picture of my boobs.
再说 她已经有我胸部的照片了
Or the busboy in the back of the Mexican restaurant has it.
不过也可能是墨西哥餐馆的服务生收到的
All right, look.
好吧 是这样
Sometimes in life
有时候吧
you have to take a risk
需要去冒险
and put yourself out there.
放手去追求
Sometimes it doesn't work.
有时候会失败
But sometimes it does.
但有时候会成功
And sometimes
有时候
it works so well that you end up proposing to them
一切都很顺利 然后你向对方求婚
and they say no
结果被拒绝
and all you're left with is a custom designed ring
只剩下一个无法退货的定制戒指
that you can't return whose very existence mocks you.
留着你身边嘲笑你
You want to rap about it? Shut up!
要不要倾诉一下 闭嘴
I will have this set up in a sec.
一分钟之后就安好了
Oh! My back.
我的腰啊
Oh, my God, are you okay?
天啊 你还好吗
Little chiropractor humor.
按♥摩♥师的小幽默
I call it "Cracking you up."
我称之为"暖身笑话"
Hop on up.
上去吧
How long have you and Paula been dating?
你跟宝拉在一起多久了
Oh, just a-a couple of weeks.
几周而已
You know, still holding hands, running the water while I pee.
还在拉手 尿尿时得开水龙头掩饰
How long were you and Paul together?
你跟保罗在一起多久了
20 years.
二十年
Wow. That's pooping while the other one showers.
那你们可以一人洗澡一人拉屎啊
Uh, so, uh, Paul's change
所以 你应该
must have been a big adjustment for you.
很不适应保罗的"变化"吧
Oh, I was pretty angry at first.
我一开始很生气
When he said he wanted to become a woman,
他说想变成女人
I grabbed a knife from the kitchen
我从厨房♥抓了一把刀
and offered to do the surgery myself.
说我非常乐意帮忙
Baggage just stowed for takeoff.
可以打包带走了
Um, at least the two of you are in a healthy place now.
不过你们现在的关系很健康
Oh, it's not easy.
其实很不容易
Can you imagine how annoying it is
你体会一下我有多烦
that she's a better-looking woman than I am?
她居然长得比我还好看
And the boobs, by the way,
不过她的胸部
exact copies of mine.
是照着我的整的
Well, I think you're both very beautiful,
我觉得你们两个都很美
and, uh... and kudos on the boobs.
对了 胸部也很赞
Would you mind working a little lower?
你能不能往下面按按
Oh, sure. Let's, uh...
当然可以
let's narrow it down to the lumbar region.
我们来处理一下腰椎部分
Uh, where does it hurt? Uh, L5? L4?
哪里疼 L4节腰椎 还是L5节
Lower.
再往下
Okay, we're into the-the sacral region.
好的 我们进入了尾椎部分
Uh, that's S2. S3?
S2节 还是S3呢
A-A little lower.
再 再下面一点
Okay.
好吧
Uh, I believe we are out of the S's
看来我们离开了"尾椎"区
and into the asses.
进入了"犯罪"区
How does that feel?
你感觉如何
Uh, like the tension has moved out of your back
感觉你背上的紧绷感转移到了
and into my pants.
我的裤裆里
I'm sure this is wildly inappropriate,
我知道这疯狂的举动很不恰当
but I'm very attracted to you.
但是我很喜欢你
Well, I'm-I'm flattered. Uh-uh, it's just that...
我受宠若惊 不过...
I'm dating your ex-husband.
我已经跟你前夫在一起了
Boy, that was a weird thing to hear yourself say.
天啊 听自己说这话感觉太诡异了
I understand.
我明白
Let me know if you change your mind.
改变主意的话 记得联♥系♥我
You do realize your hand is still on my ass.
你知道你的手还在我屁♥股♥上吧
I do.
我知道
Still there.
还在那哦
I'm just glad you don't know where my other hand is.
幸好你不知道我另一只手放在哪
Hi. So, I have you down for
你好 我给你用的是
the total bro-zilian wax.
全套的男性除毛
Yeah, I wasn't really sure which one to choose.
对 我不是很确定该选哪一种
It was either that or the Butt Reynolds.
不选那个 就得选屁特·雷诺兹[男星]
Wait, don't I know you?
等等 我认识你吧
Yeah, I'm Walden.
是的 我是沃顿
Hang on. Did you chase me out of your house
等等 几天前我是不是和你老婆偷♥情♥
the other day for banging your wife?
然后被你赶出来了
'Cause she came on to me.
其实是她先勾搭的我
No, uh, you hooked up with my friend Jenny.
不 你和我朋友珍妮搞了一晚
Uh, we live in Malibu.
我们住在马里布
Oh, yeah, yeah, Jenny. Yeah, she was a lot of fun.
对 对 珍妮 她很有意思的
Oh-oh, God, does she have herpes?
天啊 她有性病吗
Is that why you're here?
所以你才来这里吗
No, that is not why I'm here.
不 那不是我来的原因
Actually, I wanted to see if you...
其实我是来找你
Okay. Oh, my God.
好吧 疼死我了
How 'bout a little heads-up next time?
下次事先提醒一下好吗
Okay, heads-up.
好的 "提醒一下"
So, why are you here?
那你为什么来这里
Well, um, my-my friend Jenny--
我朋友珍妮
she thinks that you're really cool.
她觉得你很不错
And this is kind of awkward.
说起来有些尴尬
I don't really know how to say this.
我不太懂怎么说
Take her out again!
再约她一次吧
Yeah, I don't know.
我也不知道怎么办
I mean, I like to keep it casual.
我是说 我喜欢顺其自然
Lesbians get too attached,
拉拉通常会变得过于依赖
and then somebody always ends up screaming or crying.
最终其中一方就会落个哭天喊地的下场
I get that.
我明白
Um, uh, but here's the thing.
但是重点是这里
Like, Jenny's really awesome,
珍妮是个很不错的人
and I think if you took a chance to get to know her
我想如果你有机会去了解她
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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