好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S11E09
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:16 p.m.
What, like-like a salamander's tail?
就像蜥蜴的尾巴那样吗
No. Uh-uh.
不会
So one day you're not gonna, you know, sneeze real hard
你不会有一天打喷嚏用力过猛
and suddenly I'm dating a dude?
突然把鸡鸡喷出来吧
Alan, I am as much a woman as you've ever dated.
艾伦 我跟你以前的女人没有区别
But if you're not okay with this, it's...
但是如果你不能接受我的过去 那...
No, no, no, you know what?
不 不 算了
I am not going to let one little thing come between us.
我不会让一点小事影响我们的关系
Oh, it wasn't little.
我那"事"可不算小
Okay, uh, Paula, bit of, uh, relationship advice?
宝拉 算是两性关系建议吧
Uh, no guy likes to hear
没有一个男人希望听到
that his girlfriend had a bigger penis than he does.
女朋友的鸡鸡比他大
You're right.
你说得对
I'm sorry.
很抱歉
Gesundheit.
保重身体[德语]
Morning. Morning.
早安 早安
Oh great, we're out of bacon.
妈的 培根没了
We're out of naked Heidi Klum.
裸体超模也没了
Damn.
靠
That's Frank. He belongs to my date Nadine.
这是弗兰克 是我女伴纳丁养的宠物
Alan told me about her.
艾伦跟我说了
That's the model you took to the emergency room.
就是那个被你带去急诊室的模特
Twice. She calls it our "special place."
而且是两次 她称之为我们的"定情地"
It's the worst date of my life.
这是我人生中最糟糕的一次约会
Is her mouth broken?
你撑烂了她的嘴吗
No.
不是
So what's the problem?
那问题是什么
The problem is, we have no connection.
问题在于 我们不来电
How can I be attracted to a woman's body
如果不爱一个女人的心灵
if I'm not attracted to her mind?
又怎能爱上她的身体呢
Sounds kind of gay, but all right.
听起来有点像同性恋 不过也没什么
Hey, Walden.
早啊 沃顿
Jenny.
珍妮
Zippy.
废柴[艾伦]
Just a heads-up, there's a girl asleep on the couch.
友情提示 有个女孩睡在沙发上
Don't worry, I know the drill, boss.
放心老板 我知道怎么做
Give her 500 bucks, pat her down for silverware
给她500块 搜她身上有没有偷银具
and throw her in a taxi.
然后丢进计程车
What?
什么
Sorry. Charlie flashback.
抱歉 突然想到了查理
Morning.
早上好
That's a pig.
这是一头猪啊
Whoa! That's a leech.
这是一只吸血虫啊
Long story, crazy night.
说来话长 离谱的一晚
Pig or no pig, not as crazy as mine.
不管有没有猪 你都没我离谱
100 bucks says mine beats yours.
100块赌我比你离谱
I had sex with a woman who used to be a man.
我跟一个曾经是男人的女人上♥床♥了
And we have a winner.
胜负见分晓啦
What, really?
真的吗
I can't believe that you would...
我不相信你会...
Well, ah, then again, it's you.
不过转念一想 也不出奇
Hey, hey, say what you want,
随你怎么说
but she really knows her way around a man.
但她真的很懂怎么侍候男人
It's like climbing Mount Everest with a really good Sherpa.
就像跟优秀的西♥藏♥向导一起爬珠峰
Yeah, but you don't shtup the Sherpa.
是啊 但你不和西♥藏♥向导上♥床♥啊
How did it work? Like, where did it... go?
怎么变性啊 那玩意去哪儿了呢
Oh, that's easy. See, what they do is,
很容易的 只需
they slice the penis down the middle...
对准中♥央♥ 一刀切下
Walden?
沃顿
Is there somewhere I can take a bath?
我能不能洗个澡呢
Oh, yeah, upstairs. Here, I'll help you.
当然 在楼上 我来帮你
No.
不
I will never get out of here
如果我什么事都靠你
if I don't start to do things on my own.
就永远不能离开这里
Unless you don't want me to leave.
除非你不想让我离开
Top of the stairs, on the left.
楼上 左手边
That girl is really messed up.
这个女孩伤得太重了
The only thing wrong with mine
我那位唯一让我不爽的
is the occasional five o'clock shadow.
就是她偶尔新长出的胡须
You know, I've got to say, Alan,
我要说 艾伦
you going out with a post-op transgendered person
你和一个术后变性人约会
without any judgment--
而心中没有任何偏见
very enlightened.
我觉得很赞
Oh, thank you.
谢谢
And you should see her boobs.
你该见识见识她的咪♥咪♥
You're getting a call from a "Hore?"
一个叫霍尔[妓♥女♥]的打来电♥话♥
Hi, Nadine.
喂 纳丁
You got... you got it stuck where?
你把它卡到哪里了
Don't move, I'll be right there.
不要动 我马上过去
Nadine got her boot caught in the banister.
纳丁的护靴卡到楼梯扶栏里了
Excuse me.
失陪了
Never mind, I got it.
不用了 我搞定了
500 bucks and cab fare, and he'd be out of this.
给个500块加计程车费 他早脱身了
I can't believe how easily we agreed on a movie.
真不敢相信我们这么容易就选定电影了
I know, men and women aren't usually on the same page.
就是啊 男人和女人总是很难达成一致
Oh, oh, here it is.
就是这里
Uh, theater three, Julia Roberts in Hashtag: I Love You.
三号♥厅 《茱丽娅·罗伯茨我爱你》
Listen, I'm gonna get a soda. Do you want something?
我去买♥♥汽水 你要不要来点什么
Oh, sure. Uh, oh, let me see what I'm in the mood for.
当然 我看看我想吃什么
Oh, uh, want to split a hot dog?
想分着吃热狗吗[剪开鸡鸡]
Oh, I am so sorry.
太对不起了
It's fine.
没事
Hi. Uh, can we have two Diet Cokes
你好 麻烦给我两杯健怡可乐
and a hot dog, please?
一份热狗
Don't worry, I got it.
不用了 我来
Okay, but I'm used to paying.
好吧 但我习惯了男人付钱
This is... this is so weird.
这真是太奇怪了
Sorry, just, you know, old habits from when I was Paul.
对不起 这是保罗的旧习惯
I-I hope you're okay with that.
我希望你没有意见
I think it's pretty clear that I'm willing
我想很明显我很乐意
to work around things in this relationship.
适应这段关系
Well, I appreciate it,
太感谢了
because I'm having a great time with you.
因为我和你在一起很开心
Oh, well, so am I.
我也是
Uh, but going forward, you're gonna have to learn
但往后 你得学会
to embrace my masculinity and, you know, accept the fact
适应我的男子气概 接受这个事实
that I'm the-- thank you--
我才是 谢谢
man in this relationship.
这段关系里的男性角色
Oh, it's chilly in here.
这里好冷
Oh, here. Take my jacket.
给 外套给你
Oh. Cozy.
好温暖哦
Who's there?
是谁
It's just me, silly.
是我 小傻瓜
Is everything all right?
你还好吗
You've taken such good care of me,
你把我照顾得这么好
I thought it was time for me
我想是时候
to take good care of you.
我来好好"照顾"你
Oh, that's not necessary.
没这个必要
Why not?
为什么
We could play doctor.
我们可以扮医生
Haven't you seen enough doctors?
你看医生还没看够吗
Okay, we could play Pat and Vanna.
好吧 我们扮演帕特和瓦娜
The clue is "Things people do naked."
线索是 人们脱♥光♥了做的事
Okay, Nadine, just stop.
纳丁 别这样
What's wrong?
有什么不对
We're not gonna sleep together.
我不会和你上♥床♥的
Are you saying
你是说
that you don't want any of this?
你不想要这个尤物吗
"N," And I'd like to buy five O's.
不想 一百万个不情愿
Look, we-we just don't click.
我们之间不来电
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
剧集 | 好汉两个半（2003） | 导航列表