好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S11E07
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:16 p.m.
I mean, she's fun, she's beautiful, she's smart.
她风趣 漂亮 又聪明
And I really like Laurie--
我真的好喜欢劳里
she's fun, she's beautiful, she's stupid.
她风趣 漂亮 又白♥痴♥
So, uh, what's the next move?
那接下来怎么做
I'm gonna take Jill up to my room and show her my telescope.
我要带吉儿去我房♥间看天文望远镜
What am I gonna do?
我怎么办
There's nothing in my room to show Laurie.
我房♥里没有劳里可看的东西
Yes, there is.
你有啊
You have a couch that turns into a bed.
你有一个能变成床的沙发
She'll be amazed.
她一定会超惊讶
Okay, open your eyes.
好啦 睁开眼睛
Oh, my God!
我的天啊
Where'd the couch go?
那个沙发去哪了
A magician never reveals his secrets.
魔术师从不透露秘诀的
That's amazing.
真是太棒了
And for my next trick,
下一个魔术节目
I'm going to make my penis disappear.
我要把老二变消失
I'll need a volunteer from the audience.
我要从现场观众中选一位搭档
Ooh, pick me, pick me!
选我吧 选我吧
Oh, sorry, um...
抱歉
Uh, my mom.
我妈打来的
No problem.
没关系
I'll go put in a condom.
我去塞个安全套
Uh, uh, that's not how...
其实不是...
You know what? Great.
你猜怎么着 太好了
Lyndsey?
林赛
Alan? Thanks for calling.
艾伦 谢谢你打电♥话♥来
You called me.
是你在打给我
Oh, that's good 'cause I was just gonna call you.
那太好了 因为我正想给你打电♥话♥
Lyndsey, you're drunk.
林赛 你喝多了
Alan, you're boring.
艾伦 你真没劲
Okay, I'm gonna go. Whoa, whoa, wait!
好吧 我要挂了 等下
Just one thing.
还有一件事
Remember when I told you I was okay
记得我说你和别人约会
with you dating other people?
我不介意吗
Well, I'm not.
其实我介意
You're not?
你介意吗
I'm ready for your next trick.
我准备好看你下个魔术啦
Can I call you back? I'm...
我等会打给你好吗 我...
going into a tunnel.
要进隧♥道♥[阴♥道♥]了
So, what do you think of your princess?
你觉得你的公主如何啊
I think I am enchanted.
我想我被她迷住了
And engorged.
也被她吃掉了
Well, let's see about giving this story a happy ending.
接下来 我们给故事一个"美满的结局"吧
Uh, can you hold on for a second?
等[握]一会好吗
Uh, not what I meant.
我不是这个意思
But... big thumbs-up.
但是给你竖大拇指哦
It was a...
这是...
It was a metaphorical thumbs-up.
我是指比喻意义上的大拇指
Uh, and-and you work with children.
你的工作不是陪小孩子吗
Is everything all right?
有什么问题吗
Uh, yeah, yeah, uh, uh, can you just, uh, hang on a minute?
没有问题 稍微等一下好吗
I've got to freshen up.
我要去梳洗一下
Oh, the bathroom's right there.
浴室在这边
Yeah, no, I have to...
是啊 不过我要
poop.
大便
Check out this star.
看看这个星星[明星]
Is that the guy from Survivor?
这是《幸存者》的主持人吗
Yeah, Jeff Probst.
对 杰夫·普罗斯特
He's naked and cooking...
他光着身子在做...
bacon?
培根吗
Yeah, he does it every night.
是的 他每天晚上都这样
It's a regular bacon and sausage fest.
每日的培根香肠大餐
And why do you watch?
那你为什么要看他呢
Uh, there's not much on TV.
电视上没什么好看的
But... more importantly...
但是 更重要的是
I think he wants me to.
我觉得他想让我看
Well, maybe if there was something better
如果还有更好看的东西
for you to look at?
可以看呢
Walden! Walden!
沃顿 沃顿
I know! Probst is cooking.
我知道 普罗斯特在做饭
No, no! It-it's an emergency.
不是的 我有急事
I'm sorry, it's...
抱歉
What? Lyndsey called me.
什么事 林赛刚打给我
Oh, my God. Yeah.
天啊 是真的
Why didn't you say that from the beginning?
你一开始怎么不说
She told me she is not okay with me dating someone else.
她说她介意我跟别人约会
She has a boyfriend, okay?
她都有男朋友了 好吗
What she's doing to you is not fair.
她这样对你不公平
So what should I do?
那我该怎么办
You should do what every boy in America has dreamed about doing,
你应该去做每个美国男人做梦都想做的事
and go downstairs and bang the Little Mermaid.
下楼上了那个小美人鱼
You're right.
你说得对
A bush in the hand and all that.
一林在手 不能放走
Well, I'd tell you to go screw her brains out,
我建议你赶快大干一场
but somebody already beat you to it.
虽然早有人捷足先登了
Aw, great.
好吧
Hi, Lynds.
你好啊 林赛
No, no, you have, uh, nothing to apologize for.
不不 你不用向我道歉
I-I sent her home.
我把她送回去了
You left a surprise for me?
你给我准备了一个惊喜吗
Oh... you didn't have to do that.
你不用这么客气的
Surprise!
惊喜
Lyndsey? Yeah.
林赛 是我
I felt bad about ruining your date
搅了你的约会我过意不去
so I wanted to make it up to you.
所以我想补偿你
Alan, where are you?
艾伦 你在哪儿
Who was that?
谁在说话
Oh, uh, that's just a TV show I'm watching.
是我在看的一个电视节目
It's called...
叫做...
Alan, Where Are You?
艾伦 你在哪里
Um, well. You know what?
好吧 听我说
Thanks for dropping by,
多谢你过来看我
but I'm gonna have to take a rain check.
但我们改天再约吧
So I will see you soon.
咱们过两天再见吧
Are you done pooping?
你拉完便便了吗
Who the hell is this?
这货是谁啊
Ooh, I'm so sorry.
真是对不起
Is this your mom?
这是你妈妈吗
Bitch, you are gonna die!
小贱♥人♥ 你死定了
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
别这样 冷静 冷静
I thought you said you sent the slut home.
你不是说已经送这个荡♥妇♥回家了吗
How does she know I'm a slut?
她怎么知道我是荡♥妇♥
Okay, okay, this-this is just a classic misunderstanding.
好啦 这是很常见的误会啦
It-it's like a bad episode of Alan, Where Are You?
很像《艾伦 你在哪里》中剧本很烂的一集
You lied to me!
你骗了我
I was just about to kick her out.
我正准备赶走她
You were about to kick me out?
你准备赶走我吗
I wasn't. I was.
我没有 我有
I wasn't.
我没有
What is going on?
出什么事了
Alan's mom thinks I'm a slut.
艾伦的妈妈觉得我是荡♥妇♥
Alan's cheating on me.
艾伦背着我偷人
Uh, you have a boyfriend!
你有男友的好吧
Now who's the slut?
谁才是真正的荡♥妇♥呀
Okay, maybe...
好啦 也许
we should just get our things and go.
我们还是拿上东西走人吧
No, no, no, no, no, no!
别这样别这样
Don't-don't get your things.
别拿上你的东西
I like your things.
我喜欢你的"东西"
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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