好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S11E05
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:16 p.m.
No, Lyndsey's great.
不 琳赛是个好女人
I know what it's like to have a girl you're crazy about.
为女人疯狂的滋味我懂的
I had a girl I would have killed for.
我爱的女人 为她杀人我都愿意
You ever kill anybody, Larry?
你杀过人吗 拉里
You're... you're hilarious.
你 你太搞笑了
Yeah, I-I actually did dabble
上世纪80年代我确实
in stand-up comedy back in the '80s.
演过单口喜剧
I-I had this one bit about Nixon working in a diner.
表演在餐馆工作的尼克松
I am not a cook.
我不是厨子
The '80s? What, were you, like, five?
80年代 你那时5岁吗
There really is something about him.
他的确有特别之处
Uh, do you need to answer that?
你要接一下电♥话♥吗
No, it's just a work call.
不用 工作上的事
Wait. Does that say... does that say "Billy Joel"?
等等 手♥机♥显示的是"比利·乔尔"吗
Oh, yeah, yeah. I manage musicians,
是的 我是一名音乐经纪人
so I'm trying to sign him, but I'll call him back.
正想签他 等会我会打给他
I'm talking to you.
现在正跟你交谈呢
But he's a rock star.
但他是个摇滚歌♥星啊
Rock stars aren't so impressive
摇滚歌♥星喝瓶白酒 喝瓶红酒
when they've had a bottle of white, a bottle of red
在你家鱼塘撒尿的时候
and they're peeing in your koi pond.
就没那么讨人喜欢了
What do you do, Jeff?
你是干什么工作的 杰夫
Oh, I'm just a-a chiropractor.
我只是个整脊师
Just a chiropractor?
什么只个整脊师
Your hands heal.
你的手是治病之手
You know what these hands do?
你知道我的手能干什么吗
They roll over drummers before they choke on their own vomit.
鼓手被呕吐物呛死之前 我帮他们翻身
I make people fart when I press down on their backs.
我用手按压病人背部时他们会放屁
Hey, I'm gonna grab a smoothie.
我去喝点饮料
You want to...? Oh, I should probably head...
你要不要... 我该...
My treat.
我请客
...over to the smoothie bar with my new friend Larry.
和我的新朋友拉里去喝饮料
I swear, I had that same shirt, too.
我发誓 我也有件一模一样的T恤
Looks like we're into a lot of the same things.
看来我们有很多"共同之处"啊
Whoa! Where were you?
你去哪儿了
Lance Armstrong's gay Halloween party?
阿姆斯特朗举办同性恋万圣节聚会了吗
Very funny.
有意思
Wait.
等等
Is that a thing? Did you get invited?
有这个聚会吗 你收到邀请了
No. Where were you?
没有 你去哪儿了
Oh, I was at spin class with Lyndsey's boyfriend.
我和琳赛的男朋友练习蹬车去了
Should I ask why or just wait to see it on 48 Hours?
我是现在问一下原因 还是等缉凶节目上看
I simply wanted to find out what he's got that I don't.
我只是想看看他哪里比我强
Other than... mental health, pride and his own underwear?
除了心理健康 自尊心和内♥裤♥吗
That's just it. He does have it all.
真的是这样 他什么都好
I can totally see why Lyndsey loves him.
我完全理解琳赛为什么爱他
He's-he's kind, he's generous,
他既友善 又大方
he's got a smile that lights up a juice bar.
他一个微笑能迷倒整个吧台
And-and the kicker is, he likes me.
而且奇怪的是他喜欢我
And did his smile light up
他要是知道你在搞他女朋友
when you told him you were plowing his girlfriend?
这微笑还能绽放得出来吗
No. Alan is plowing his girlfriend.
不 搞她女朋友的是艾伦
Larry's friend, Jeff, will be joining him
而杰夫 作为拉里的朋友
in his luxury box at the Laker game tomorrow night.
明晚要去豪华包厢观看湖人队的比赛
I-I just have to cancel my plans with Lyndsey.
只好取消和琳赛的约会了
You're telling me you would rather
你是说宁愿和拉里
spend the evening in Larry's box?
在他的"包厢"里共度夜晚吗
How'd the acting class go?
表演课上得怎么样
It was great.
非常棒
We did this improv exercise
我们做了即兴表演练习
where I had to pretend to be high.
我要假装很嗨
I nailed it.
我演得超棒
Oh, uh, you know, in college, uh,
在大学时
I-I did a little musical theatre.
我参演过音乐剧
And the winner
史上最佳
for the least surprising sentence ever goes to...
见杆子就往上爬得主
Alan Harper!
艾伦·哈勃
Scoff if you will, but, uh,
你要笑就笑吧 但是
I actually starred in our production of Cats.
我真的主演过学校制♥作♥的《猫》
And the new winner for least surprising sentence ever...
新一届史上最佳见杆子就往上爬得主
Okay, I will have you know that the campus newspaper said
我告诉你 校报说
that my portrayal of Rum Tum Tugger
我对摇滚猫的演绎
was purrfect.
喵不可言
I've never seen Cats.
我没有看过《猫》
You've never seen...?
你从未看过...
** The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat. *
* 摇滚猫是只好奇的猫
Well, if you're coming out of the closet,
如果要出柜
come out dancing.
舞着出来效果最好
Boy,
老天
this really makes you feel like a man, doesn't it?
这真是让人感觉自己是个男子汉 对吗
Basketball, cheerleaders, a crisp Pinot Noir.
篮球 啦啦队员 一杯爽口的黑皮诺葡萄酒
There's beer in the fridge, too.
冰箱里有啤酒
What? And undo all that spinning? Oh, no.
什么 让单车课的成果泡汤吗 不
A second on the lips, a month on the hips.
嘴上快活一秒钟 屁屁辛苦一个月
Did you ever do this gay character in your stand-up?
你曾经在表演单口相声时模仿过这个同志角色吗
Yeah. It was a real crowd-pleaser.
是啊 深受观众喜爱
I, uh... I also do a-a character who's really cheap.
我还模仿过非常抠门的角色
"Hey, is everything here free? Even those shrimp""
这里的一切都不要钱吗 连虾都是吗
Nice.
真棒
If I kept going, I'd say, "Hey, uh,
如果继续下去 我就会说
can I get a to-go container?"
"给我一个打包盒好吗"
Help yourself, you cheap queer.
请自便 你这个抠门的基佬
Hey, uh, can I get a to-go container?
给我一个打包盒好吗
Hope we don't end up on the Kiss Cam.
希望"亲亲摄像机"不要找上我们
I've been told my kisses are like French fries.
别人告诉我 我的吻就像炸薯条一样
Can't stop with just one.
试一下就停不了口
Lyndsey, what a surprise!
琳赛 好意外啊
Lyndsey?
琳赛
Hey, sweetie. My plans fell through.
亲爱的 我的安排取消了
Well, now you can meet Jeff.
你可以认识杰夫了
Jeff, this is my girlfriend Lyndsey.
杰夫 这是我的女友琳赛
He's always joking around. Get over here!
他可会说笑话了 过来吧
Hi.
你好
Hi.
你好
So, this is the guy you were telling me about?
你一直说的家伙就是他吗
Yes, uh, uh, Lyndsey, was it?
琳赛 对吗
Uh-huh.
是的
I'm sorry. I didn't catch your name.
对不起 我没记住你的名字
This is Jeff. Jeff Strongman.
这位是杰夫 杰夫·斯壮曼[猛♥男♥]
Strongman? That's uniqu aname.
斯壮曼 好特别的名字
Uh, it's-it's German.
这是德国名字
Uh, it's actually pronounced Strungmin.
事实上发音是"死得慢"
Strungmin?
死得慢
It almost sounds made up, doesn't it?
听起来真像是个瞎掰的名字 对吗
Yeah, well, it's not, so shut up.
不是的 闭嘴
Sweetie, it-it's cold in here.
亲爱的 这里好冷
I think I left a jacket in the car. Would you mind?
我的外套在车里 帮我拿好吗
Of course.
没问题
Hey, I can trust you alone with my girlfriend, right?
我女友单独跟你在一起我能放心吧
If you can't, then my name's not Jeff Strungmin.
如果不能 那我就不叫杰夫·死得慢
What the hell is going on, Jeff?
你在搞什么 杰夫
Are you trying to break me and Larry up?
你想拆散我和拉里吗
No, I would never do that to Larry.
不 我永远不会对拉里下黑手
Then what are you doing here?
那你在这里做什么
I just... I wanted to figure out what Larry has that I don't
我只是想搞清楚拉里到底哪里比我强
so that I could be more like him,
这样我能变得更像他
and then you'd come back to me.
你就会回到我的身边
Look, I already have a Larry.
我已经有了一个拉里了
If you turned into Larry, I'd have to find another Alan.
如果你变成了拉里 我就得再找一个艾伦了
Really? Yes, you idiot!
真的吗 是的 你这个白♥痴♥
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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