好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S11E09
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:16 p.m.
No one's judging.
没人会说三道四的
No, he's my pet pig.
不 它是我的宠物猪
My little frankfurter.
我的小猪肠
A pig.
一只猪啊
Does he sleep in a blanket?
他睡在毛毯里吗
Yeah, he totally hogs the covers.
是啊 他每次都会把毛毯顶起来
Hogs. Good one.
"顶"起来 说得好
Never mind.
当我没说
Uh, what about medications?
那药物呢
Love 'em.
超爱的
No, I-I think they mean "Are you taking any now?"
不是 我是问"现在有在服用其他药物"
Oh, let's see, there's plaxitril for my depression,
我相信啊 我有在吃治疗抑郁症的药
zaxaprin for my anxiety,
治疗焦虑症的药
dilapamin for my insomnia,
治疗失眠的药
and clodex for my occasional bouts of rage.
还有治疗间歇性失控行为的药
No one likes an angry Hore.
谁都不喜欢愤怒的霍尔[妓♥女♥]
Why didn't you tell me we were going to a gay bar?
你怎么不早说咱们来的是同志酒吧
'Cause if I told you, you wouldn't have come.
我要是早告诉你 你肯定不来了
Yes, I would. I just would've dressed better.
我肯定会来 而且会穿得更好看点
And just to be clear,
不过先说清楚
you do know I'm not gay, right?
你知道我不是同性恋吧
I don't think you're gay.
我觉得你不是同性恋啊
I-I mean, do I know guys that act less gay
虽然我也认识很多行为爷们
that have sex with other guys? Sure.
但是会跟男人做♥爱♥的男人
But I know you're straight.
不过我知道你是直男
So, why bring me here?
那你带我来干什么
Look around this room.
你扫一眼这里
See all the women here? Yeah.
看到那些女人了吗 看到了
Well, some of them are gay. Those are mine.
有些女人是同性恋 她们是我的
The rest are straight.
剩下的就是异性恋
Some of those are mine, too.
当然 其中也有一些是我的
And everyone who's left
最后落单的那些女人
is gonna be drunk and horny by the end of the night
在打烊的时候就会喝得烂醉如泥 欲♥火♥焚身
and looking for someone who doesn't think vaginas are yucky.
然后会寻找那些不觉得阴♥道♥很"不好吃"的人
Oh, oh, you mean me.
原来你是在说我
Yay.
好棒哦
I mean, yay.
我是说 不错
Okay, be careful.
小心点
Watch your leg.
小心腿
You smell so good. Thank you.
你身上好香 谢谢
Let's see how you taste.
让我来尝尝你的味道
Okay. All right.
行了 行了
I see the painkillers have kicked in.
看来止痛药有效果了
Oh, they sure did.
当然有效果
Right now, you could do anything to me
现在 你可以对我做任何事
and I wouldn't remember.
而且我都不会记得哦
Did I wink? 'Cause I was trying to wink.
刚我抛媚眼了吗 我想抛来着
Okay, let's-let's get you on the couch, huh?
行了 你先去沙发上坐会吧
Hey, let's get you on Nadine. Oh, okay.
那你在我身上"做"会吧 好吧
All right, fine. Let's... just rest.
行了 先 先歇一会吧
Thank you so much for taking care of me.
真的很感谢你照顾我
Well, you have a broken leg.
毕竟 你断了一条腿
You don't have any family or friends
而且没有家人 没有朋友
and you live on the fourth floor of a building with no elevator.
而且你住在四楼 还没有电梯
So, I couldn't just leave you on the street.
我总不能把你扔在大街上吧
Could I?
可以吗
You're handsome. Yeah.
你好帅哦 我知道
You're... drooling.
你...在流口水
I'm gonna get you some food.
我去给你拿点吃的
All right, but I have certain dietary constrictions.
好吧 不过我饮食有忌口
I don't eat wheat, dairy, or anything with a face.
我不吃小麦 不吃乳制品 也不吃带脸的
Although...
不过
I would make an exception for you.
我可以为了你破戒
So, you're here with your niece?
所以你跟侄女一起来的吗
Uh, yeah, she just recently came out of the closet
是啊 她最近刚出柜
and she's painfully shy.
而且她非常害羞
Now, that's what I call breast-feeding.
这才叫母乳喂养[吮吸胸部]
She's, uh, still trying to find her gay legs.
她还在慢慢适应的过程中
Ah. Well, she's lucky she has an uncle who's found his.
是吗 所幸她叔叔已经完全适应了
No, I'm straight.
不 我是直男
Why does everybody think I'm gay?
为什么大家都觉得我是同性恋
Oh, that is way too tart.
哎哟 这个好酸哦
Um, so, Paula,
宝拉
what do you do?
你是做什么的
I'm an investment banker.
我是个投资银行家
Oh, okay, maybe you can answer a question I've always had.
那你能不能回答我一个一直想问的问题
What's the penalty for early withdrawal?
提前取款[抽出]有什么后果吗
Well, uh, that depends.
这要看情况
How big is your deposit?
你的"存款"有多大
Oh, interest is rising.
利息[性趣]多"起来"了
You know, the longer you keep it in,
其实呢 在"里面"存得越久
the bigger your reward.
"收益"就会越多
Sometimes, the market collapses
可是有时 市场会"疲软倒下"
and there's nothing you can do about it.
而你却也无力改变
Uh, wait. Are-are we doing sexual innuendo
等一下 这段对话到底是性暗示
or are you asking for free financial advice?
还是你在咨♥询♥我免费的理财建议
Why can't it be both?
不能两者皆是吗
You know, if you're interested,
其实 如果你有兴趣的话
I've got a Malibu beach house.
我在马里布海滩有栋别♥墅♥
Well, if you're interested, I've got very loose morals.
如果你有兴趣的话 我没什么道德底线
Yay.
好棒哦
I mean, yay.
应该是 不错
That was amazing.
刚刚好爽哦
Wait, it wasn't? 'Cause I can do better.
你不喜欢吗 我可以做得更好的
No, you were great.
不 你做得很好
Oh, thank God, 'cause I can't do better.
谢天谢地 因为刚才就做到最好了
But there is something I probably should've told you
不过有件事在上♥床♥前
before we slept together.
我就应该告诉你的
Oh, God, husband or herpes?
是有老公了 还是有性病
Well, there was another guy. Paul.
有个男人 他叫保罗
Paul. Paula. That must have been confusing...
保罗 宝拉 肯定不容易分清
Very, yeah. Um...
是啊
You see, for the first 40 years of my life,
其实 在40岁以前
I was a man named Paul.
我是一个叫保罗的男人
You don't look... 40.
你看起来不像...40岁
So, so, you were a guy?
这么说 你以前也是个男人
With, you know, an Adam's apple and facial hair,
也有喉结和胡子吗
and the whole kit and kaboodle?
还有下面那整套装备吗
Yep, I had a kit and two kaboodles.
是的 那整套装备我都有
So, so, how did you get that?
那你怎么变成这样了
I mean, did you have to get a donor?
我是说 你用找人捐赠器官吗
'Cause I've never seen that box
拿驾照要填以后捐不捐器官的时候
to check on a driver's license.
我没见过有捐"那部分"的选项啊
Actually, uh, I-I... I donated my own organ.
事实上 是我把器官捐给别人了
You see, what they do, they take your penis, all right?
我要做的就是切掉鸡鸡 懂吗
They slice it right down the middle...
对准中♥央♥ 一刀切下
Okay, I'll-I'll spare you the details
好吧 我蛋蛋具体经历了什么
on what happened to my balls.
就不给你讲那么详细了
Well, I know what just happened to mine.
我倒清楚我蛋蛋怎么了
Look, I-I know I should have told you earlier.
我知道应该早点告诉你的
I just didn't want to scare you away. I really like you.
我只是不想把你吓跑 我真的喜欢你
Oh, and I like you. I mean, we have a lot in common.
我也喜欢你 我们有很多相似之处
Clearly more than I realized.
而且比我知道的还"多"
Maybe it's best if I go.
或许我该离开
Oh, no, no, don't do.
不 不 不要走
You sure?
你确定吗
Yeah, yeah, no, I like you.
对啊 别走 我喜欢你
I'm just, I'm trying to process this whole thing.
我只是在尽力消化这件事
I mean, for instance,
我是说 比如
there's no chance it'll grow back, right?
你的鸡鸡不会再长回来了 对吧
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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