好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S11E15
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:18 p.m.
Hey, what'd Lyndsey say when you showed her the ring?
林赛看到戒指的时候怎么说的
That thing is huge.
那"玩意"真大
That's what she said.
别女人看到我那里也那么说
That's what I said!
我也说了这笑话啊
She also said she's staying with Larry.
她也说了她要跟拉里在一起
What? I thought you said you were engaged.
什么 你不是说你订婚了吗
I am. To Judith.
是啊 跟朱蒂丝
What, your ex-wife?
什么 你前妻吗
What the hell happened?
怎么会变这样
Well, it's all kind of sketchy.
我记忆很模糊了
We had a lot to drink.
昨晚我跟她喝太多酒
Well, I-I've had a lot to drink before,
我以前也喝太多过
but I've never got engaged to my ex-wife.
但我也从来没跟我前妻订婚过啊
Okay, maybe I'm being selfish,
我可能很自私
but I'd like to talk about me right now.
但我现在想谈的是我的问题
Jindsey? Hmm?
朱赛
Ludith.
林蒂丝
Will you Larry me?
你愿意拉里[嫁给]我吗
Let me ask you something.
我想问你个问题
Um, do you think Judith would be more upset,
你觉得朱蒂丝是
uh, to wake up and find she's engaged to me,
起床发现跟我订婚比较不爽
or to wake up and find she's missing a finger?
还是起床发现少了手指比较不爽
Okay, look, I'm sure that she got tipsy
我相信她也只是一时喝多
and caught up in the moment, too,
一时之间忘情了而已
and if you're just honest with her,
如果你老实跟她谈
she'll probably be relieved.
她应该也会松一口气
What if she isn't?
如果她不愿意呢
I mean, how do I get her to want out of marrying me?
那到时候我怎么让她不愿跟我结婚啊
Be yourself?
就当平常的你就行了
Worked before.
以前是管用过
Hey, you.
小帅哥
Um, uh, listen, uh, we should...
我想跟你谈谈...
we should really talk about last night.
我想跟你谈谈昨晚的事
Absolutely, but I need to say something first.
当然 但我有些话想说
Things are going to be different this time.
这一次一切都会不一样
I'm not going to make the same mistakes I made before.
我不会再犯我以前犯过的错误
And I'm going to start by showing you
我也会开始每天都向你
how much I appreciate you every single day.
展露我有多珍惜这段感情
Oh, that's really sweet, but we really should talk about...
你这话真甜 但我们真的应该谈谈...
Who we should invite to the wedding!
我们要邀请谁来参加婚礼
Guess what. I'm taking your advice,
我打算要听你的建议
and I'm surprising Brooke with a romantic evening.
今晚要去布鲁克家给她个惊喜
Good. You know, I know that's not easy for you.
很好 我知道这对你来说不容易
Your dad was the same way.
你老爸以前也这样
His idea of romance was a warm washcloth,
他对浪漫的定义就是一块温毛巾
cab fare and a bottle of penicillin.
出租车费与一瓶青霉素
So my dad wasn't just a drunken, diseased man-whore.
所以我老爸不单纯只是个浑身病的醉淫♥虫♥
He was a gentleman.
他还是个绅士
Charlie would be so happy to see his little girl now.
查理如果见到他女儿这样 他一定很开心
Of course, he'd be even more happy
当然 他会对自己女儿的
to see the rack on his little girl's girlfriend.
女友胸前那对胸器更感到开心
Does she have nice boobs?
她的胸部很赞吗
I've never noticed.
我从来没注意过
How'd it go with Judith? She take it okay?
跟朱蒂丝的事怎么样了 她接受得了吗
Uh, well, uh, you know, she... uh, she...
她 她...
It was a... a little hard for her to swallow.
后来让她"有点难吞下"
Well, I'm just glad you talked to her.
我还是很庆幸你跟她谈了
Can I get my ring back?
能把我的戒指还我吗
Uh, funny story.
这事说来好笑
Um... she kind of kept it,
她貌似收起来了
and we're kind of getting married.
我们貌似要结婚了
Alan, I thought you were gonna talk to her.
你不是说要跟她谈吗
Uh, I did.
我们谈了啊
Uh, we came to an... oral agreement.
我们有个口头[口♥交♥]上的协议了
Alan!
艾伦
It's my weakness.
那是我的弱点嘛
That and red velvet anything.
那件事以及红丝绒的任何东西
This is the same woman
她就是你曾形容过
that you said was so evil
无恶不作 恶贯满盈
that her image didn't show up in your wedding pictures.
邪恶到结婚照里都显示不出的女人啊
I only said that because, at the time,
我会说那些话是因为 当时嘛
I thought she was the worst person I'd ever met,
我觉得她是我这辈子碰过最差劲的人
and she made my life a living hell.
而且日日夜夜折磨我
But, you know, people change.
但人是会变的嘛
It's gonna be great.
一切都会很顺利的
So, Zippy's moving out, and he's going to be miserable.
废柴要搬走了 而且下场凄惨
So you have been listening.
神原来你有在听我的祈祷啊
Oh, I have to say,
我得说
dinner was great, Judith.
晚餐太美味了 朱蒂丝
Thank you for inviting me over.
多谢你请我过来
Of course. You're Alan's best friend.
客气什么 你是艾伦最好的朋友
Actually, you're Alan's only friend.
事实上 你是艾伦唯一的朋友
It's funny 'cause it's true.
真好笑 因为这是事实
Oh, honey, uh, could you pass the potatoes, please?
亲爱的 麻烦把土豆递我一下
Oh, I think you've already had plenty, doughboy.
我想你已经吃的够多了 小肚腩
Well, I have to say, I was shocked
我得说当艾伦说
when Alan told me you were getting married again.
你们要复婚时 我大吃一惊
Oh, you were shocked?
何止你大吃一惊啊
There was a time when just the thought
曾几何时 只要想到
of being touched by his tiny, clammy hands again
他那小小粘粘的手指再碰我
made me throw up in my mouth a little.
就令我想吐
That's all ancient history.
那是陈年旧事了
Yeah, if ancient history was last Thursday.
对 如果上周四算是陈年旧事的话
Oh, isn't she great? No!
她是不是好棒 不是
She's treating you like crap.
她根本不把你当人
The only people that get to do that
唯一能这样做的人
are people that do it out of love,
是爱你并出于一番好意的人
like me and Berta and your mom.
比如说我 波塔 还有你妈
Okay, fine. Me and Berta.
好吧 我和波塔
Okay. Me.
好吧 我
It's harmless.
没关系的
It's just Judith being funny.
朱蒂丝只是说些笑话
Did... did you just twitch?
你刚刚抽筋了吗
No, I was just talking about how funny Judith is.
没 我只是说朱蒂丝有多搞笑
Okay, look me in the eye
看着我的眼睛
and tell me how much you love Judith without twitching.
告诉我你有多爱朱蒂丝 不准抽筋
Fine. I love Judith.
好吧 我爱朱蒂丝
There, I said it.
瞧 我说了
Alan.
艾伦
You cannot marry this woman.
你不能娶这个女人
You deserve better.
你值得拥有更好的女人
I mean, not much better, but better.
不是说好太多 总之更好
You know who I deserve?
你知道我值得拥有谁吗
I deserve Lyndsey, but I can't have her.
我值得拥有林赛 但我无法拥有她
She's marrying somebody else,
她要嫁给别人了
so I'm taking what I can get.
所以我只能要我能要到的
That's what I do. I'm a love scavenger.
我就是这样的人 我是爱情收破烂儿的
You're also a house scavenger and a money scavenger
你还是房♥子收破烂儿的 钞票收破烂儿的
and an underwear scavenger.
内♥裤♥收破烂儿的
But that doesn't mean you have to settle.
但这并不代表你要委身相许
Yes, it does. I don't want to die alone.
代表了 我不想孤独终老
Maybe you don't realize it, but there aren't a lot of people
也许你没有意识到 但愿意
who want to spend the rest of their lives with me.
和我过一辈子的人并不多
Oh, no, I realize it!
不 我绝对有意识到
Brooke, really, we can get a hotel for the night.
布鲁克 我们晚上可以住酒店
No, no, no, Dad. It's fine.
没事 爸 没关系
I'll sleep on the couch, and you guys stay in my room.
我睡沙发 你们睡我的房♥间
Surprise!
惊喜
Who's this?
这是哪位
Uh, Mom, Dad, this is, um...
妈 爸 这位是
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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