好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S11E18
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:20 p.m.
Hey, Alan.
艾伦
Let's see if you can read my mind.
看看你能否读懂我的心
I'll give you a hint: it rhymes with duck.
给你个提示 跟鸭子同韵[Fuck]
Oh, oh, I'm-I'm not sure that's a good idea.
我不确定这是否是个好主意
I just came in for a little dessert.
我只是进来吃点甜点
Okay, uh, well, there's, uh, there's pie, there's cake,
好啊 有馅饼 蛋糕
gluten-free cookies.
无麸质饼干
Hey, Jeff?
杰夫
Lyndsey?
林赛
Hey, hey, how did I get here?
我怎么会在这里
Am I sleepwalking?
我在梦游吗
Lyndsey?
林赛
Thi-This isn't what it looks like.
事情不是看上去的那样
It looks like you're cheating.
你"偷吃"了
O-Okay, I-I can explain, thi-thi... uh...
我可以解释的 这...
I'm not stupid. I know what's going on.
我不傻 我看得出来是怎么回事
You're never gonna fit in that wedding dress
你要是再继续这么偷吃东西
if you keep cheating on your diet.
你到时候铁定会穿不下婚纱
Yes, the-the-the diet.
没错 是在说偷吃东西
He's not stupid.
他又不是傻子
You're right, honey. I am weak.
你说的对 亲爱的 我意志不够坚定
I-I... This is all my fault, Larry.
都是我的错 拉里
As best man, it's my job to make sure that
作为伴郎 我应该确保
nothing goes into her mouth that shouldn't be there.
不该进她嘴里的"东西" 绝不能进去
Exactly. You can't let her blow it.
没错 你不能让她乱"吃"
Oh, my God. I'm so nervous.
天啊 我太紧张了
Do I look nervous?
我看起来紧张吗
I don't want to be nervous...
我不想紧张啊
Dry mouth, it's...
口干舌燥
Is that weird?
这样很奇怪吗
I don't want to be weird. Am I weird?
我不想看起来像怪胎 我奇怪吗
There she is.
她在那里
Hi, handsome.
帅哥你好啊
Hey, bring it in.
抱一个
I-I forgot how beautiful you are.
我都忘了你有多美
That's a lie.
那是假话
I think about it every day.
我每天都在想你
You look beautiful, too. Thank you.
你也很帅 谢谢
I'm using a new seaweed scrub.
我在用一款新的海草护肤品
It makes me smell like dead fish, but I get a glow.
虽然闻起来像死鱼 但让我容光焕发
This is Barry and Jenny.
这是巴里和珍妮
Uh, they're my...
他们是我的...
new Alans.
新艾伦
Oh. Hi, it's nice to meet you. You, too.
你们好 很高兴见到你们 我也是
You look different than your satellite photos. Whoa, Barry.
你跟卫星地图上看到的样子不一样 巴里
Can you hang on one second?
你能等我一下吗
I just have to say good-bye to this magazine editor.
我要跟那个杂♥志♥主编告个别
Uh, yeah, sure. Okay, I'll be right back.
当然可以 好的 我马上回来
Okay. Oh, uh, uh, if you can't find me,
好的 如果找不到我的话
just follow the smell of dead fish.
寻着死鱼的味道就能找到了
Oh, my God, if I die tonight, that's gonna be
天啊 如果我今晚死了 那将是
the last thing she remembers me saying.
我死前对她说的最后一句话
Would you just relax?
你可以放松一下吗
She's obviously into you. I mean,
她明显喜欢你
she looks at you the way that...
她看你的眼神就像...
he looks at me.
他看我一样
Like... she wants to eat me?
就像...她想吃了我吗
Exactly.
没错
Barry, when I said, "bite me,"
巴里 我说的"不爽咬我"
it didn't mean what you think it means.
完全不是你想的那个意思
Just-Just ask her out.
直接去约她
What... And then what? Then she goes back to China,
然后呢 然后她回中国
and I get left heartbroken again?
我再心碎一回吗
Think about it this way:
你可以这样想
You can either spend the next two days hanging out with her
你要么跟她约会两天
or the next two days hanging out with us.
要么跟我们俩待两天
Kate...?
凯特
Come on, Barry.
走 巴里
Let's get drunk and grope models.
喝醉了好对模特们毛手毛脚
That's nice.
这件不错
What... Walden? Sorry.
怎么了 沃顿 抱歉
I... So my date's a little tipsy.
我的女伴有点醉了
Don't worry, she's not driving.
别担心 我会送她回家
Hey, do you want to go out?
你想跟我一起出去吗
I don't know, for-for dinner or something?
吃个饭 或做点别的
I mean, no pressure. Just two old friends catching up.
不要有压力 只是两个老朋友叙叙旧
Yeah. Two old friends who've...
好啊 两个给对方
taken pictures of each other naked.
拍过裸照的老朋友
I don't know what you're talking about.
我不知道你在说什么
I deleted those photos. I didn't.
那些照片我删了 我没删
Me neither.
我也没删
Well, I do want to hear what's been going on.
我的确有想听你说说近况
I've got so much to tell you.
我有很多话想跟你说
So let's-let's do it.
那就走吧
Okay. Dinner.
好啊 吃饭
Conversation. No sex.
只说话 不做♥爱♥
Get rid of the conversation and we can pretend we're married.
不做♥爱♥再加上不讲话 我们都能扮已婚夫妇了
Well, thanks again. This was fun.
再次感谢 今晚很开心
I'm gonna walk Jeff out.
我送杰夫出去
Oh, right, you guys probably want some privacy
也对 你们或许需要点私人空间
so you can play tonsil hockey.
用舌头进行道别
Seriously, Larry?
真的吗 拉里
What? It's not like we don't know they're having sex.
怎么了 我们又不是不知道他们已经上♥床♥了
Remember the other night when I was like,
记不记得前几天晚上我说
"Wow, they're really going at it,"
"他们搞得真火热"
And you were like, "Larry," And I was like, "What?,"
你就说"拉里" 我说"怎么了"
And you were like "focus on me,"
你说"专心搞我"
And I was like, "Why? I already finished,"
我说"为什么 我已经爽完了"
and you were like... I remember.
然后你说... 我记得
Why don't I get the door for you?
我帮你们开门吧
Well, uh, once again, we had a lovely
再次感谢你们 我们度过了一个愉快的
evening, it was a very nice... Yeah, yeah, see ya.
夜晚 很高兴... 是啊是啊 再见
Wow. That was uncomfortable.
真让人不舒服
I think Lyndsey's tired of having me around.
我觉得林赛不喜欢我住在这里
I've been living in the guest room for two weeks.
我在客房♥住了两周了
Doesn't seem so long to me.
我觉得两周不久啊
Hey, how about tomorrow night, we go to your place?
明天晚上我们去你家怎么样
Uh, my place?
我家吗
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
好啊 当然可以
Oh, oh, but, uh, but what about Larry?
但是拉里怎么办
I mean, he-he seems to really enjoy hearing us have sex.
他似乎很喜欢听我们做♥爱♥
Jeff, do you not want me to see your place?
杰夫 你不想让我看到你家吗
I mean, If you're worried about getting rid of your porn, don't.
如果你担心得藏你的黄♥片♥ 大可不必
I love porn.
我喜欢黄♥片♥
You're perfect.
你真完美
Did someone make you in the lab
你是实验室特制的
or were you sent directly from Heaven?
还是天堂下凡的
That's me.
这就是我啊
I am a robot angel
我是喜欢
who loves masturbating to pornography.
看黄♥片♥自♥慰♥的机器天使
My place it is. Tomorrow night.
那明晚就去我家
Great.
好的
I can't wait to see what your place looks like.
我等不及要看你家什么样了
Neither can I.
我也是
Oh, uh, quick, Barry, call the police.
巴里 快报♥警♥
A male model is robbing us
一位男模正在打劫我们
and he's already stolen my heart.
而他早已偷走了我的心
What do you want?
你想要什么
My heart back.
想要回我的心
Also, uh, Gretchen is coming over tonight.
还有 格雷琴今晚要过来
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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