好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S11E18
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:20 p.m.
Why?
为什么
She wants to see Jeff Strongman's place.
她想看看杰夫·斯壮曼的家
This isn't even Alan Harper's place.
这里连艾伦·哈勃的家都不是
Ooh, "Alan Harper's Place." That's a...
"艾伦·哈勃之家" 这名字不错
That's a good name for a sitcom.
可以作为情景喜剧的名字了
Alan Harper's Place
《艾伦·哈勃之家》
is filmed before a live studio audience.
摄制于现场观众面前
That's funny. Anyway...
真好笑 总之...
Just while she's here, just call me Jeff.
她在这里的时候 就叫我杰夫
Or Mr. Strongman, J-Dawg, you know, whatever.
或斯壮曼先生 J狗 随便啦
Just have fun with it.
发挥想象力吧
Okay, I'm gonna go on my date now.
好了 我现在要去约会
And when I get back, I don't want to see Gretchen
等我回来的时候 别让我看到格雷琴
or Jeff or J-Dawg
或杰夫 或J狗
or DJ Strongman.
或斯壮曼DJ
Word.
同意
Yeah. You know, in fact, I don't even want to see Alan
事实上 最好也别让我见到艾伦
or A-Dawg or any of the cast of Alan Harper's place.
或A狗 或是任何《艾伦·哈勃之家》的演员
You know... if I had a place to sleep here,
如果这里有地方给我睡觉
my apartment would be free.
那我的公♥寓♥就能空出来给你用
You had me at "free."
你说空出来[免费]时我就决定了
So, have you traveled around China at all?
你有没有环游中国
Did you get to see the Great Wall?
去看万里[很棒]长城了吗
Yeah, I saw it.
看了
It's a good wall.
还挺不错的长城
It's not great.
但没到很棒啦
I felt the same way about the Grand Canyon.
我觉得科罗拉多大峡谷起名也太夸张了
More like the Bland Canyon.
更像是科罗拉多平峡谷吧
I'm glad we came back here.
很高兴我们回到这里
I thought it was appropriate to come back to the place
我觉得回到我们第一次约会的地方
we had our first date.
还挺合适
Yeah, it's very sweet.
是 很贴心
Of course, that's when I thought you were poor.
当然 那时候我以为你很穷
Now you're just cheap.
现在你就是小气了
Well, I figured since we're not having sex,
反正我们也不会做♥爱♥
why bother spending a lot of money on dinner?
何必花大钱请你吃饭呢
Tonight just kind of feels right, you know?
今晚气氛很对
Totally. And, honestly,
是啊 说实话
the no sex thing isn't weird at all.
不做♥爱♥完全不会觉得奇怪
I didn't even have to shave my legs.
我都不必刮腿毛
I did, but that was more of a personal choice.
我刮了 不过那算是个人选择
It's like friends with no benefits.
我们就是无炮之友
Yeah, I actually kind of prefer it.
是啊 我还挺喜欢这样的
I mean, there's no pressure. No nerves.
没有压力 没有紧张
No walk of shame.
没有过夜羞耻
No massages.
没有按♥摩♥
No... hot oil.
没有 热油
No kisses on my neck.
没有我颈间的亲吻
No fingers running down my spine.
没有摸索我脊柱的手指
No orgasms.
没有高♥潮♥
No idea why we're not having sex right now.
我们到底为什么不立马干一炮
I'll race you to the car. I'm right behind you.
比谁先去拿车 我马上就来
Oh, God, I've been waiting a year for this.
天啊 我等今天都等了一年了
It feels so great to be with you again.
跟你重归于好的感觉太棒了
That's against the rules. No feelings.
这么说可是坏规矩的 不能讨论感受
So you don't want me to feel this?
那你也不想我感受一下这家伙了
Apparently, the rules can be bent.
显然 "规矩"是可以歪曲的
And straightened.
然后再撸直
Was that... you or me?
那是你还是我
Girls don't make sounds like that, Walden.
女生可不会发出这样的声音 沃顿
That was you!
是你发出的
Did I make it to the toilet?
那"我"有来得及吐到马桶里吗
Oh, this is a cute place.
这地方真不错
Yeah, it really is cute, isn't it?
是啊 挺不错的 对吧
I really like what I've done with it.
我真喜欢我家的装♥修♥
Oh, and you have a cat.
你还养猫呢
Apparently I do.
显然是的
What's his name?
它叫什么
Uh, his name is... Mister...
它叫 猫...
Cat.
猫先生
You are terrible at coming up with names, Jeff Strongman.
你可真不会取名 杰夫·斯壮曼
Hey, you didn't tell me you went to MIT.
你都没说过你是麻省理工的
Uh, well, you know, I don't like to brag.
我不喜欢吹嘘嘛
Well, what'd you major in?
你什么专业的
Uh... math.
数学
With a-a focus on... numbers.
数字方向
I'm terrible at math.
我数学超烂
Every time I count to 100, I keep getting stuck on 69.
每次数100 我都会卡在"69"
Ooh, dirty math jokes.
数学荤段子
Let's see how many times your orgasms multiply.
我们来看看你的高♥潮♥能成几倍增长
We really are perfect for each other.
我俩真是天生一对
I know, right?
可不是
Can I tell you something?
能跟你说件事吗
Yeah, of course, anything.
当然 你说
You are the first man I have trusted since my divorce.
你是我离婚以来第一个信任的男人
Well, uh, you know, MIT stands for "Man I Trust," so...
MIT就代表"可靠男" 所以...
No, it's... it's more than that.
不 不仅如此
My husband was a liar and a cheater.
我丈夫欺骗我 还出轨
He was not the man I thought he was.
他不是我以为的那个人
Well, you know, some guys can be real jerks.
有些男人就是混♥蛋♥
Well, thank God you're not like that, Jeff.
谢天谢地你不是其中之一 杰夫
Yeah. Thank God.
是啊 且行且珍惜
I'm sorry. I don't mean to bring us down. It just...
不好意思 我不是故意扫兴的 只是
feels so good to open up and let somebody in again, you know?
再次敞开自己心扉 让人进入的感觉真好
Aw, well, I'm glad you did.
很高兴你这么做了
In fact, I'm not even gonna make a dirty joke
我都不会开你玩笑
about you opening up and letting me in.
"敞开自己 让我进入"
You care enough about me to pass up sexy wordplay.
你这么在乎我 连淫♥荡♥双关语都放弃不说了
And it was very hard on me.
对我可真"坚"难呢
You said "Hard on." Kiss me.
你说了"坚" 吻我
How you doing in there? You okay?
你在里面还好吗
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
天啊 天啊 天啊
You know, if someone read a transcript of this date,
如果别人只是看我们约会的对白
it'd sound like we were having hot sex.
一定以为我们正在大战三百回合
Oh, God, it's in my hair.
天啊 都粘在我头发上了
That sounds like we just finished having hot sex.
而现在我们刚结束了三百回合的大战
What was that?
什么声音
Hold on. I think Alan just saw a spider again.
等一下 可能是艾伦又看到蜘蛛了
What the hell is going on?
出什么事了
Whoa. Lyndsey.
林赛
Barry!
巴里
Wait, you two didn't...
你们不会...
Are you kidding? No!
开什么玩笑 当然没有
Third base.
上了三垒
I got into bed to surprise Alan, and...
我想来给艾伦一个惊喜
Scusi.
对不起
Where is Alan?
艾伦在哪里
Uh, he's at my place.
他在我的公♥寓♥
What?
什么
What the hell was that?
那是什么声音
Oh, God.
老天
So... you ready for a ride on the Barry-go-round?
那么 准备骑着巴里来一圈吗
I really regret buying a wicker wastebasket right now.
现在我真的很后悔买♥♥的是柳条垃圾桶
Thank you.
谢谢
I can't help feeling this is my fault.
我总觉得这是我的错
Why? Just 'cause you ordered the squid surprise?
为什么 就因为你点了"鱿鱼惊喜"吗
"Try it, Walden, it won't kill you."
"尝一口吧 沃顿 又不会要你的命"
I wish it had.
现在还不如死了算了
Only you could make me smile when I'm this sick.
我病成这样时 只有你能逗我笑
I really missed you.
我真的很想你
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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