好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S11E12
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:17 p.m.
Oh, no-no, of course not.
当然不是啦
That-that would be, uh...
那也太那什么
Oh, good God!
我的老天
Wait a sec.
等一下
Your ex-girlfriend and the guy she's with,
你的前女友和她的现任男友
who she's cheating on with you,
你不但背着那男的跟她偷♥情♥
is getting your alter ego, Jeff Strongman,
人家还给另一个你 杰夫·斯壮曼
a date with a girl that they know?
介绍他们认识的姑娘和你约会
Hang on, uh, carry the whore. Yes.
让我算算 婊♥子♥进位... 没错
So, uh, how'd it go with you?
你那边进展顺利吗
Uh, well, I... went to get a date with a girl,
我本来想去约一位姑娘
got shot down, and wound up with a date with a guy.
结果被拒绝 最后只得和一个汉子约会
Been there.
这事我也遇过
Ah, don't feel bad. I've been shot down
别难过 我被拒绝的次数
more times than I can count, and I'm still here.
数都数不过来 现在不也活得好好的嘛
We know.
大家都知道
Are you really that stupid? Okay.
你真的有这么傻吗 先说一句
You're talking to a guy who stuck his penis in a vacuum.
那个男人是一个会把小♥弟♥弟♥插♥进♥吸尘器的人
What's wrong with you?
你脑子有什么毛病啊
Wait, I keep a list on the fridge.
等一下 我冰箱上贴了个列表
Why in the world would you agree
你怎么会答应跟我
to go on a double-date with me and Larry?
还有拉里来一场四人约会呢
Okay. You are just upset,
你生气是因为不开心
because you are gonna have to watch me be with someone else,
不想看见我和别人在一起
the same way I have to watch you be with Larry.
就像我必须忍♥受你和拉里在一起一样
This is just a taste of your own medicine.
这叫以其人之道 还治其人之身
Jealous-in. Use as directed.
六味嫉妒丸 使用请准医嘱
Side effects include tears, sleepless nights,
副作用有泪流不止 夜不能寐
and possible rage masturbation.
以及可能一怒之下狂打飞机
Number one, he's stupid.
毛病一 他是个蠢货
Number two, smells like mushroom soup.
毛病二 他一股蘑菇汤臭味
Number three, he dates that desperate chick who...
毛病三 他和饥不择食的女人约会 比如
Number four...
毛病之四
Walden?
沃顿
Hey, Bar-Bar. Is Nicole there?
巴里 妮可在吗
Uh... let me see...
我看一下
I don't know what that means.
我不知道那是什么
I do... I do not understand what you're...
我真的 我不明白你的意思
Sorry, Walden. She's in a-a beating.
抱歉沃顿 她正在打会呢
I think you meant meeting.
你是想说开会吧
Did I? Did I?
是这个意思吗 是吗
Walden, hi.
沃顿 你好
Kinda busy. What's up?
我正忙着呢 你有什么事吗
I... have something for you.
我有东西要给你
Hang on.
等一下
I hate that she made me lie.
我讨厌她逼着我撒谎
I-I love you.
我爱你
That was weird.
这话也挺奇怪
But at, but at least, at least it wasn't a lie.
但至少 这不是谎话
You didn't want to come to dinner.
你不想和我出去吃饭
I brought dinner to you.
我就把晚餐带来了
Oh, great. I am starving.
太好了 我都饿坏了
Oh, Barry. It's, it's just for Nicole.
巴里 这是为妮可准备的
Is it because I lied to you?
因为我对你说谎了吗
No. It's because I like kissing her just a little bit more.
不 因为我更想亲她
This is really sweet.
此举真的很贴心
But I have so much to do.
不过我真的很忙
Come on...
拜托
My poor housekeeper slaved all day
我那可怜的管家辛苦了一整天
to make us this delicious... note...
帮我们准备了这丰盛的 纸条
that says, "I don't cook. Love, Berta."
上面写着"我不管做饭 爱你的波塔"
Well-- I-I brought you wine... and cheese...
我带来了葡萄酒 奶酪
and... no fricking corkscrew.
可我没带开瓶器
I'll give you five minutes.
我可以给你五分钟时间
Well, appears the music has stopped,
看来音乐已经放完了
and I am left without a chair.
而我不幸没有抢到椅子[听音乐抢椅子游戏]
I only have six weeks to live.
我只剩下六周可活了
Well, okay, that's not true, but it is my birthday.
那是我瞎扯的 不过今天是我生日
It, it really is my birthday.
今天真的是我生日啊
Look, Walden,
沃顿
just because I agreed to do this,
虽然我现在答应跟你吃饭
I don't want you to get the wrong idea.
但我不希望让你误会
Well, it's too late.
已经太晚了
Once the lady accepts the man's cheese,
女士一旦接受了男人的奶酪
they must marry.
就必须跟他踏入婚姻的殿堂
But I am betrothed to a goatherd.
但我已经被许配给一个牧羊人了
Is that a smile? Are you actually having fun?
你笑了 你也觉得开心对不对
Uh... yes, but I really have to get back to work.
没错 可我真的必须回去工作了
Let me help you.
让我来帮你吧
We tried that.
我们已经试过了
Give him a chance...
再给他一次机会嘛
Barry, what did we talk about?
巴瑞 我们之前怎么说的
Digital boundaries.
不许滥用电子设备
Am I the only one feeling a connection here?
难道只有我一个人觉得我们之间很来电吗
Of course not.
当然不是
But, because of that, you're gonna be a distraction.
但正因为如此 你反而让我分心
Well, I-I promise to wear a conservative top.
我保证会穿保守的上衣
And to tape down all my fun parts.
把我"好玩"的地方都用胶带封上
Uh... All right. I will let you help.
好吧 你来帮忙吧
But, until we're done,
但直到我们完成目标
it has to be all work and no play. - Deal.
你必须认真工作 不许耍花腔 -成交
But I'm-- you're gonna have to let me
不过你也要让我
tape down your fun parts.
把你身上好玩的地方封起来
You got this? You ready?
你准备好了吗
One...
一个
two...
二个
three...
三个
four...
四个
five... cherries...! Tada!
五个樱桃 厉害吧
You did that with your tongue?
你用舌头把它们连在一起了
But I-- trust me when I tell you,
相信我
uh, that I am giving you a standing ovation.
我正在为你"起立"鼓掌
Trust me when I tell you, I have an erection.
相信我 我已经勃起了
Isn't she great?
她好棒对不对
Yeah, she's great.
她的确棒极了
So, uh... you work with Larry?
你和拉里一起工作吗
Do you manage musicians too?
你也是音乐经纪人吗
No. I'm in talent relations.
不 我是负责人才管理的
Basically, my job is to make sure everyone's happy.
说白了 我的工作就是哄大家开心
Well, job well done tonight. I-I can't remember the last time
你今晚很尽职 我已经好久没有
I had so much fun on a date.
在约会时这么开心了
Maybe the problem's you, Jeff.
也许问题在你吧 杰夫
I don't think so.
这可不一定
I think you're yummy.
我觉得你很美味
Well, uh... I have been using a coconut body butter.
我最近一直在用椰子味的润肤乳
Didn't I tell you these two would hit it off?
我就跟你说他们肯定一拍即合吧
Next stop, couples trip to wine country.
下一站 一起去红酒之乡吧
Can't wear a thong bikini in wine country.
红酒之乡不能穿丁字裤的比基尼
Cabo, it is.
那就去海滩吧
You should wear a thong, sweetie.
你也应该穿丁字裤 亲爱的
Another great idea.
又一个好主意
I just got invited to a party in the hills tonight.
刚刚有人邀请我去比佛利参加派对
You guys want to go?
你们想去吗
Yes! No!
想啊 不想
Come on, aren't you having fun?
去嘛 你不想开心一下吗
Look, if you don't want to go,
如果你不想去的话
I can give the guys a ride to the party.
我可以载他们俩去
Jeff in the front...
杰夫在"前面"
Larry in the rear...
拉里在"后面"
It'll be tight but,
虽然会有点挤
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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