好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S11E13
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:18 p.m.
You know, maybe we should go check on him.
或许我们该去看看他
I'm fine!
我没事
Best present that I ever had in my whole life.
这是我这辈子收到最棒的礼物
Thank you, Walden.
谢谢你 沃顿
Actually, the strippers were my idea.
其实 请脱衣舞娘是我的主意
Oh, well, then you tell your mother
那你回去告诉你妈
the wedding is off.
婚礼取消
Tell her what?
告诉她什么
The wedding is off.
婚礼取消
Okay. Wedding pool.
果然 结不成婚的赌盘
I have "misplaces teeth
我写的是"假牙装错
and can't recite the vows."
和不能背出婚礼誓词"
I had, uh...
我写的是
"Died during the lap dance."
"在享受大腿舞时死了"
I had "This man's name is Gary.
我写的是 "此人名叫盖里
If found,
如你发现他
Take him to 104 North Beverly Drive.
请把他送回比弗利山庄北路104号♥
Do not give him Scotch"
千万别让他喝威士忌酒"
Well, I have...
我写的是
"Alan will screw this up somehow."
"艾伦一定会坏事的"
I win.
我猜中了
Are you serious?
你是说真的吗
You can't call off the wedding.
婚礼你不能随便取消
You're not thinking clearly.
你现在是脑子不清楚
I have never been more clear about anything in my life,
我这辈子脑子从来没有这么清楚过
except casting Ralph Macchio.
除了选演员时没选拉尔夫·马奇奥
Kid was a born star.
那孩子天生就是个明星
Well, I think the party is over.
派对结束了
Can somebody please drive me to, uh,
有人能开车送我回
104 North Beverly Drive?
比弗利山庄北路104号♥吗
I gotcha.
我送你吧
Listen, maybe on the way home,
或许在回家的路上
we can pick up some Scotch.
我们可以顺便买♥♥威士忌酒
Wait, wait, not so fast!
等等 别走这么快
I got a catheter.
我身上绑着导尿管呢
I can't believe Marty called off the wedding.
真不敢相信马蒂取消了婚礼
I can't believe I left a bachelor party
我才不敢相信这场单身派对
4:45 in the afternoon.
居然在下午4点45分就结束了
My mom is gonna be very upset with us.
我妈肯定会恨死我们的
"Us"?
"我们"
You threw the bachelor party.
单身派对是你的主意
You hired strippers!
请脱衣舞娘是你的主意
That's why I said "us."
所以我才说怪"我们"嘛
You know what, it ultimately doesn't matter
算了 无所谓谁对谁错
because in your mother's eyes. It's all your fault.
因为在你妈眼里 这肯定是你的错
You're right.
你说得对
She has never forgiven me for her prolapsed vagina.
她因为阴♥道♥脱垂就从未原谅过我
And I'm never gonna forgive you
现在我也永远无法原谅你
for putting that picture in my head.
把那画面硬塞进我脑海里
It's not my fault my ears got caught.
又不是我的错 是我耳朵卡到了
She's gonna be crushed, and it's all because of us.
她会崩溃的 这都是我们害的
Will you stop saying that!
你能不能别这么说了
It's because of you!
这都是你害的
First you destroyed her vagina,
你首先害她阴♥道♥脱垂
and now it's her dreams. Really?
现在又毁掉了她的美梦 是吗
I thought, as partners, we shared the burdens of life
我还以为无论祸福与共 我们在一起
for better or for worse.
就应该共同分担生活的担子
Or were they just empty vows?
或那誓言只是空头支票
We're not married!
我们没有结婚
Oh, you don't have to remind me of that.
这点无需你提醒我
We're not gay!
我们不是同性恋
I can see why we have to tell other people that,
我可以理解为什么我们得跟别人解释
but we shouldn't have to tell each other!
但我不理解为什么还要跟彼此解释这点
Oh, hey, Alan, look who's here.
艾伦 瞧瞧谁回来了
Hello, boys.
你们好啊
Hey, you want a drink?
想来一杯吗
I know, stupid question.
我知道 问得真傻
Hey, Mommy, did you have fun shopping?
妈咪 购物开心吗
What's wrong?
出什么事了
What-what do you mean, "What's wrong"?
你干嘛突然这么问
You're using that same whiny voice
你以前在芭蕾课上
you used when you pooped your pants in ballet class.
把屎拉在裤子里 也是这种语气
Good Lord. I was a kid!
老天爷 我当时只是个孩子
You were 14.
你14岁了
You finally had a bulge in your tights,
你的紧身裤里终于有了突起
and it was on the wrong side.
可惜不在前面
Okay, you know, I thought this was gonna be difficult,
我本以为这事会难以开口
but maybe not.
但也许不是
Marty ran off with a couple of strippers.
马蒂和两个脱衣舞♥女♥跑了
Excuse me?
你说什么
Things got a little crazy at the bachelor party.
单身派对有些失控
What happened?
出什么事了
Did he eat sugar?
他是不是吃"糖" 兴奋过头吗
He may have.
也许有吧
All right.
好吧
Well, I guess he's having one last little fling
我想他只是在婚礼前
before the wedding.
最后放纵一次
Um, y-yeah, about the wedding.
对 关于婚礼
There's that same tutu-crapping voice again.
又是这种芭蕾裤里拉了屎的声调
He called it off.
他取消了
What?
什么
Sorry, Evelyn.
很遗憾 伊芙琳
But...
但是
the strippers have his medication,
脱衣舞♥女♥有他的药
and I think one of them has a nurse's outfit.
我想其中一个穿了护士服
You know, I-I think if you went over there and talked to him,
我想如果你过去找他谈
you might be able to change his mind.
也许能让他改变主意
He may have even forgotten he called off the wedding.
他甚至也许忘记取消婚礼这事了
No, if he doesn't want to get married, that's fine.
不 如果他不想结婚 没关系
Are you okay?
你还好吗
I mean, is there anything we can do?
我们能做些什么吗
I'm all right.
我没事
You can't force someone to love you.
你不能逼别人爱你
Excuse me.
失陪了
What did I miss?
我错过了什么
Well, the wedding's off,
婚礼取消了
and Alan crapped his pants in ballet class.
艾伦在上芭蕾课时把屎拉裤子里了
Yeah.
是啊
If I inherit this place,
如果我继承了这个地方
there's a guest room with your name on it.
一定会给你留一间客房♥
Man, he bought this with sitcom money.
他用赚情景喜剧的钱买♥♥了这里
I am in the wrong business.
我入错行了
May I help you?
有什么事
Uh, we're here to see Marty.
我们是来见马蒂的
I'm sorry, Mr. Pepper is busy.
不好意思 佩珀先生很忙
Really? Uh, he doesn't have time
是吗 他没有时间
to visit with Ralph Macchio?
见雷夫·马奇奥吗
A thousand apologies, Mr. Macchio.
非常抱歉了 马奇奥先生
Right this way.
这边请
After you, Daniel-san.
您先请 丹尼尔先生
We're going to take a bath.
我们要去洗澡了
You can start washing each other.
你们先互相洗
But save the dirty parts for me.
但要把"脏"的地方留给我洗
Who's there?
谁啊
Uh, it's Alan and Walden.
艾伦和沃顿
Who?
谁
Evelyn's gay son and his boyfriend.
伊芙琳的同志儿子和他男友
All right, come on in.
好吧 进来
If you're here to change my mind,
如果你们是来劝我改主意的
forget it.
想都别想
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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