好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S11E05
Part 4
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:16 p.m.
Don't you get it?
你不明白吗
No man has ever turned me on like you do.
没有男人能像你这样令我欲♥火♥焚身
It's a gift and a curse.
这是天赋 也是诅咒
Shut up.
闭嘴
I'll stop talking, but I won't stop...
我不说了 但我不会停止...
No, stop it.
住手
I'm still mad at you!
我还在生你的气
Well, I don't blame you.
我不怪你
I have been very naughty.
我太顽皮了
Perhaps I should be punished.
也许我需要惩罚调♥教♥下
Let's go.
我们走
What...? Wait. Where?
什么 慢着 去哪里
We'll do it in the bathroom.
我们去洗手间做
Seriously? Oh, yeah.
真的吗 没错
Beats the hell out of the Kiss Cam.
比起这个 "亲亲摄像机"算个屁
How did the acting class go?
表演课怎么样
I didn't go.
我没去
Liar!
骗子
I talked to my friend, and he said you didn't go,
我跟我朋友谈过了 他说你没去
so admit it!
你就承认吧
I just did.
我已经承认了
I know!
我知道
And I wasn't prepared for that.
我没准备好台词应对你的坦白
I went to the first class, but it was lame.
第一课我去了 太差劲了
It doesn't meant that you're not gonna learn something from it.
这并不代表你学不到东西
Do you think that I just said, "Oh, I have a software idea
你觉得我只是说说 "我发明了一个软件
and I'm gonna sell it for a billion dollars the next day"?
第二天我要把它卖♥♥上十亿价钱"
I Googled you. That is what happened.
我上了网查过你 这是真事
The point is, is that, if-if that hadn't happened,
重点是 如果这事没发生
I would have been willing to work for it.
我也愿意为之奋斗
Look, I-I get it,
我明白
but all this touchy-feely stuff just freaks me out.
但这些煽情婆婆妈妈的东西让我无所适从
Half the reason I got into acting
我想表演有一半原因
was so I could pretend to be someone else,
是我可以假装成别人
not so I could spend time thinking about
这样不用花时间去想
how I don't get along with my mom.
我和我妈合不来
And how I never knew my father.
我永远无法了解我的父亲
How I'm 25 years old
我已经25岁了
and living in the guest room of a stranger's house.
却住在陌生人的客房♥里
I'm sorry.
对不起
I didn't mean to stir all this up. I just...
我不是有心提起这些 只是...
And that's why I don't need acting lessons.
这就是为啥我不需要上表演课
You know what?
知道吗
If you don't want to help yourself,
如果你自己都不帮自己
I can't force you.
我也不能强迫你
But the choices that you make today
但你今天做出的决定
are going to affect you for the rest of your life.
将会影响你的一生
And as long as you live under my roof...
只要你还住在我的屋檐下
Oh, God, kill me.
我的天 杀了我算了
Is everything okay? Yeah.
你还好吗 没事
The only thing I can feel in your pants
你裤子里我唯一能感觉到的
is the shrimp that you stole.
就是你偷的虾
I'm sorry. I'm-I'm just nervous.
对不起 我只是有些紧张
Can you do this or not?
你到底行不行
I don't think so.
这样不太好吧
I mean, what would Larry say?
拉里会怎么说
Come on, Jeff. Don't quit.
加油 杰夫 不要放弃
What?
什么
I didn't say anything.
我什么也没说
You can do it.
你可以做到
Yes, you can.
你能行
You know what? Maybe I can do this.
知道吗 也许我可以
Really?
真的吗
Attaboy.
好样的
Don't go soft on me.
别客气
Go, Jeff, go.
上啊 杰夫 上啊
Oh, Alan.
艾伦
Call me Jeff.
叫我杰夫
Guess who got an audition.
猜猜谁有了面试机会
Really? Yep.
不是吧 是的
That's amazing. Tell me about it.
太好了 跟我说说
Well, I went back to the acting class.
我回去上表演课
Isn't that funny?
真有意思
The thing I suggested you do
我建议你做的
that you didn't want to do
你并不想做的
turned out to be the exact thing that you should have done.
原来是你应该做的事
Yeah, well, after about an hour of that acting crap,
是啊 上了一小时生不如死的课后
I had to go get a drink.
我必须得喝一杯
So, I bailed and went to a bar
我逃课去了酒吧
where I met a casting director.
在那里我碰到了一个选角导演
Turned out she was a lesbian, so I had a leg up.
原来她是同志 所以我有了优势[抬起腿]
And when I put it down, I had an audition.
我放下后 就有了面试
You have got to stop doing that.
你不要再这样做了
And you have to stop looking so pretty when you sleep.
那你就不要再做个睡美人了
Okay, I heard it that time. It was creepy.
这话我听过 太诡异了
You know what? I don't have to go anywhere today.
我今天哪里也不用去
Really? Yeah.
是吗 是的
Larry's got a friend picking him up at the airport.
拉里有朋友去机场接他
Oh, shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
见鬼 见鬼 见鬼
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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