金色年代

The Goldbergs S01E20

Part 2 Dec. 9, 2019, 7:13 p.m.

知道为什么吗
Know why?
-脆脆的不性感 -慢着
- Crunchy isn't sexy. - Wait.
没有脆脆的食物蘸怎么吃洋葱蘸酱
How do you eat onion dip if you don't have anything --
勺子
Spoons!
勺子很性感
Spoons are sexy.
显然你对这个很在行
You obviously know what you're talking about.
但我怎么才能让戴娜亲我呢
But how do I get Dana to kiss me?
简单用游戏来打破僵局
Easy. Break the ice with games.
扭扭乐真心话大冒险
Twister, truth or dare,
最重要的
and the main event --
天堂七分钟
Seven minutes in heaven.
你要穿件有吸引力的衣服去商场
And you got to wear something seductive, so go to the mall,
买♥♥下看到的第一件天鹅绒衣服
and buy the first velour clothing you see.
那是所有面料中最性感的
That's the sexiest of all fabrics.
天鹅绒明白
Velour. Got it.
我对初吻太渴望了
I was so desperate for my first kiss
以至于巴瑞说的话都有道理了
that Barry was actually making sense.
与此同时我爸也渴望
Meanwhile, my dad was desperate
看到杰拉尔多的揭秘节目
to watch some "Geraldo".
味道真不错啊
Smells great in here!
我去了南街的意大利集市
Yeah, I went to the south street Italian market
庆祝揭秘艾尔·卡彭的保险库
in honor of the opening of Al capone's vault.
真的这是过去二十年来
Truly, it's the most exciting thing to happen to me
-我碰到的最激动的事 -那你的孩子们呢
- in the past 20 years. - What about your kids?
他们不在
Oh, they're not gonna be here.
亚当今晚有事儿
Adam's got a thing tonight.
事儿
A thing?
这是他的生日派对
It's his birthday party.
拜托你告诉我今年你至少记得了吧
Tell me at least you remembered it this year.
不在于我记不记得
It's not whether or not I remembered.
而在于他觉得我记得了
It's whether he thinks I remembered.
我不觉得你记得
I don't think you remembered.
我找的小家伙在这里啊
There's the man I'm looking for.
生日快乐孩子
Happy birthday, kiddo.
老天爷
Holy god.
-吃豆人电子表 -你喜欢吗
- A digital pac-man watch? - Do you like it?
戴在手腕上的电子游戏
Uh, it's a video game on my wrist!
我爱死了
I love it!
谢谢你老爷子
Thanks, pops.
你是我认识的最好的人
You are the greatest man I've ever known.
真的是最好的人
Literally the greatest man.
这是怎么回事
What was that all about?
你没有送他礼物吗
Did you not give him a gift?
不在于我是否送他礼物了
It's not whether I got him a gift,
而是他觉得我送他礼物了
it's whether he thinks I got him a gift.
我不觉得
I don't!
默里你每年都这样
Murray, you do this every year.
哪怕一次送他点礼物吧
For once, just get him something!
所有人都知道我不擅长什么生日
Everybody knows that I'm not good at birthdays
送礼物记得大日子
or giving gifts or remembering events.
我就是这样的
It's my thing!
你的损失大了
Well, you're missing out.
你没看到我送亚当那个小豆子表时
I mean, did you see the look on Adam's face
他脸上的表情吗
when I gave him that puckm'n watch thing?
真正的开心
Pure joy!
所以我们应该说表是咱们两人送的
That's why we should say the watch is from both of us.
快去给这孩子买♥♥份礼物吧
Just go get the kid a damn gift already!
我爸耐着性子去给我买♥♥礼物时
While my dad had to suck it up and get me a gift,
我马上要把我妈的心
I was about to hurt my mom
伤得比用除毛器把全部腿毛拔光还痛
worse than having all her leg hair yanked out by an epilady.
哎呀我等下再来
Whoops! Ooh, I'll come back.
没事宝贝
No, it's fine, boopie.
太好了
Good.
因为我在想不去玩激光枪战了
'Cause I was thinking, instead of laser tag,
我和朋友们可以在地下室
maybe me and my friends could hang out in the basement
看《捉鬼敢死队》
and watch "Ghostbusters".
什么我不会取消激光枪战
What? I'm not canceling laser tag.
他们本来要一百块押金的
They wanted a $100 deposit
后来我吼到那个男的不收了
until I yelled at the guy to waive it.
我知道时间仓促但我真的想这样过
I know it's last minute, but I really want this.
我想我可以做个"捉鬼敢死队"蛋糕
I guess I could make a "Ghostbusters" cake.
是啊我还想着不要蛋糕
Yeah... I'm also thinking no cake.
-不要蛋糕吗 -不要
- No cake? - No cake.
-不要蛋糕吗 -不要
- No cake?! - No cake.
如果没有蛋糕
If there's no cake,
我就不能抱着你唱生日歌♥了
then I can't hug you and sing "Happy birthday".
这也没关系
Which works out well,
因为我还想不要歌♥ 不要你
'Cause I'm also thinking no song and...no you.
那我就不在场
Then I wouldn't be there.
我得在场
I have to be there.
从这个生日开始
Look, starting with this birthday,
一切都变了
everything changes.
我现在算是个成年人了
I'm like an adult now.
-但是 -这是我特别的日子
- But -- - This is my special day.
求你了妈妈
Please, mama?
我只有在绝对有必要的时候
I only pulled out the "Mama"
才会使出"妈妈"这招杀手锏
when it was absolutely necessary,
我使出这招时她就是我手中的面团了
and when I did, she was putty in my hands.
好吧
Okay, fine.
那就办一个伤心无趣
Sad, boring,
没蛋糕没生日歌♥没妈的地下室派对吧
cakeless, songless, momless basement party it is.
成功让我妈退居二线后
With my mother successfully neutralized,
我的亲亲派对隆重开张了
my make-out bash was a go.
巴瑞的性感清单上每一条我都做到了
I scored everything on Barry's sexy checklist,
包括天鹅绒的外套
right down to the velour shirt.
这一首抒情灵乐
And that last smooth soul jam
献给在场的所有恋人们
was dedicated to all you lovers in the crowd.
你们知道我说的谁
You know who you are.
他为什么冲我们点头
Why is he nodding at us?
不知道
No idea.
别冲我们点头
Stop nodding at us!
结果亲亲派对是说起来憧憬无限
Turns out, make-out parties are awesome in theory,
办起来尴尬无比
but awkward in reality.
接下来是扭扭乐时间
Next up is twister, y'all!
希望你们身体够舒展
Hope you stretched,
因为马上要狠狠地扭一把了
cause it's about to get real bendy in here.
为什么不玩激光枪战了
So, um, what happened to laser tag?
我只是觉得这样也许更好玩
I just thought this might be more fun.
要生蚝吗
Oyster?
-软芝士 -哇好臭啊
- Soft cheese? - Oh, wow. That's really stinky.
你知道的
You know it.
看这个
Check this out.
摩洛哥抱枕
Moroccan pillow.
好硬啊
Oh, it's hard.
对不起
Sorry.
就是这样我这辈子最棒的夜晚
And with that, the best night of my life
正式成为了没有亲亲的天鹅绒恶梦
had officially become a kissless, velour nightmare.
令人惊讶地是
Amazingly,
我妈冷静地接受了我这个没妈的派对
my mom took my momless party in stride.
-真是疯了 -也许没有
- This is madness. - Or not.
什么样的男生想要办一个地下室派对
I mean, what boy wants a basement party?
没有给驴子贴尾巴游戏
There's no pin the tail on the donkey,
没有气球没有蛋糕
no balloons, no cake.
知道吗见鬼去
You know what? Screw it.
把电♥话♥簿给我我要打电♥话♥请小丑
Give me the phone book. I'm calling a clown.
不别这样
No! Stop!
不要小丑
No clown.
我了解我的儿子
I know my son.
他需要我下去
He needs me down there.
我真的可以感觉到他在叫我
I can literally feel him call me