金色年代

The Goldbergs S01E18

Part 2 Dec. 9, 2019, 7:12 p.m.

- It's imprinted to you for life! - Wha?
最开始48小时是最重要的
The first 48 hours are the most important.
起来起来
Get up! Get up!
见鬼
Aw, damn it.
现在上面有你瘦弱小女生的印记了
Now it's got your tiny girl imprint.
这真的是我碰到的最糟糕的事
This is truly the worst thing to ever happen to me.
好吧虽然不明白但我不打扰你俩了
Okay. I'm gonna leave you to whatever this is.
这算是什么投球
What is that pitch?!
-我看到你了 -见鬼
- I see you! - Oh, crap!
别逼我起来
Don't make me get up!
我不喜欢站起来
I don't like getting up!
-快滚 -快跑
- Get the hell outta here! - Run!
他心爱的沙发没了我爸非常生气
His beloved chair was gone, and my dad was livid,
所以他决定在最能打击我妈的地方反击
So he decided to strike back where she'd feel it most --
厨房♥
The kitchen.
怎么啦出什么事了
What is this? W-what's happening?
我的炉子呢
Where's my stove?
惊喜
Surprise!
你不喜欢吗
Don't you love it?!
默里我的炉子在哪里
Murray, where is my stove?
你总是抱怨
You know, you're always complaining
在厨房♥做饭太辛苦
about slaving away in the kitchen,
所以我送了份礼物给你
so I got you a gift.
半小时后就要吃晚饭了
Dinner's in a half an hour.
你叫我拿什么做饭
What the hell am I supposed to cook with?
微波炉高科技的新奇迹
The microwave -- a new miracle of technology
只用以前十分之一的时间就能神奇地烹饪食品
that magically cooked food in a tenth of the time.
老天我妈快气疯了
And, man, did it boil my mom.
我的天这是个什么原理
My god. How does it work?
我知道说这话你会觉得我疯了
I know you're gonna think I'm crazy when I say this.
魔法
Magic.
-我要买♥♥这个 -我同意
- I'd buy that. - Totally. I agree.
各位这不是魔法
It's not magic, people.
这个邪恶的食品箱
It's an evil food box.
好烫好烫
Hot. It's hot. It's hot.
四分钟就爆出爆米花
Popcorn in four minutes!
小儿麻痹症能治好了人类上了月球了
A cure for polio, a man on the moon,
现在又有了这个
and now this.
喂你疯了吗
Hey! Are you nuts?
食物被辐射过了这是一包毒药
That food's been radiated. It's like poison in a bag.
贝弗我这样做是为了你好
Bev, I did this for your own good.
那边的小小奇迹
That small wonder over there
会让你的生活轻松得多
is gonna make your life so much better.
你在玩一个非常危险的游戏
You're playing a very dangerous game.
你确定要我参加吗
Are you sure you want to take me on?
我确定
Oh, I'm sure --
为了纪念我阵亡的战友沙发先生
In honor of my fallen comrade, mr. Chair.
你阵亡的战友闻起来一股臭屁味
Your fallen comrade smelled like an envelope full of farts!
我刚刚加热了千层面
I just heated up a lasagna
只用了你们小两口谈崩的时间
in the time it took for your relationship to collapse.
我妈尽量不发动核战时
While my mom was trying not to go nuclear,
校车上就要炸开锅了
things were about to blow up on the bus.
金呆格
Hey, Gold-nerd!
看谁的大哥没出现啊
Look whose brother didn't show up.
射击练习时间到
Time for target practice.
我想是时候你别再欺侮我的弟弟了
I think it's time you leave my little brother alone
否则我会冲你吐口水
or I'll spit at you...
没有纸团
Without a ball!
全是口水
It'll be all spit.
没有纸团
No ball?
拜托这也太离谱了吧
C-come on, man. That's crazy.
没错
That's right.
而且我很大可能有单核细胞增多症
And there's a good chance I have mono,
因为我睡得太多了
'cause I sleep an insane amount.
听好了校车小乘客们
Listen up, little bus people.
新的老大来了
There's a new sheriff in town,
他叫巴瑞·诺曼·金伯格
and his name is Barry Norman Goldberg.
如果你有话要跟我弟弟说
If you have anything to say to my little bro,
得先跟我说
you say it to me first.
除了你泰勒你可以直接跟我说
Except you, Tyler. You can speak to me directly.
他没事我们一起演音乐剧《皮平》来着
He's cool. We were in "Pippin" together.
歌♥舞表演我相当拿手
I am quite the song-and-dance man.
泰勒话太多了
Tyler, not helping!
让开衰人
Beat it, loser.
我不敢相信
I couldn't believe it.
在折磨我多年后
After years of torturing me,
巴瑞居然成了我的救命恩人
Barry actually came to my rescue.
老兄谢了
Dude, thank you.
不客气
No problem.
把你的午饭给我
Now give me your lunch.
做英雄让我好饿
Being awesome makes me hungry.
你应该用小餐刀
You're supposed to use the spreader.
已经用了
Consider it used.
于是我的新保镖变成了新一代恶霸
And just like that, my new bodyguard became my new bully.
而家里老妈和老爸的斗争已经升级为战斗了
And at home, my mom and dad's battle had become a war.
他的紧身内♥裤♥抽屉被平角裤入侵了
His tightie-whitie drawer had been invaded by boxers.
给你宝贝
Here you go, sweetie.
直接从放射性加热箱里出来的
Straight out of the radioactive heat box.
像是吃鸡蛋味的报纸
It's like eating egg-flavored newspaper.
好了我们需要谈谈
All right, we need to talk.
早上好亲爱的
Oh, morning, sweetie.
你想来点微波炉鸡蛋胶吗
Would you like some microwaved egg rubber?
不我要我的内♥裤♥
No. I would like my underpants back.
你不拿着吗
Oh, well, you're holding them.
不这不是我的内♥裤♥
No, no. These are not my underpants.
我的是白色紧身的让小伙子们待在合适的位置
Mine are white, tight, and they keep the fellas in place.
我不饿了
Not hungry.
现在你有平角裤了
Well, now you have boxers.
科学研究表明
You know, scientific research shows
你需要让私密部位得以透气
that you need to let your privates breathe,
尤其是如果以后我们还要再生孩子的话
especially if we're gonna have more kids one day.
首先我永远不会在长裤里穿短裤
First, I will never wear shorts under my pants.
这是疯狂的行为
It's madness!
第二再生孩子
And second, having more children
是我最可怕的噩梦
is literally my worst nightmare!
等你有了闹心孩子你就会明白了
You'll understand when you have horrible kids.
亲爱的我这样做是为了你好
Sweetie, I'm only doing this for your own good.
你要开战吗
You want war?
那就来吧
You got one.
我妈觉得拿走老爸的白色紧身内♥裤♥
My mom thought she had struck the death blow
就是给出了致命一击
by taking away my dad's tightie-whities.
但她内心也知道接下来的招数要变恶毒了
Little did she know, things were about to get ugly --
-非常恶毒 -瞧啊
- Real ugly. - Well, well.
-看来某人终于接受平角裤了 -没有
- Look who finally came around on the boxers. - Nope.
-但你穿着好准备上班了 -是的
- But you're dressed for work. - Yep.
-这么说里面空荡荡的吗 -是的
- So everything's just all free in there? - Yep.
不是吧
No!
你是社会中的成年人你下面只裹一层是不行的
You're an adult man in society. You need another layer!
人们看不到但会感觉到
People won't see it, but they'll sense it.
你希望我的小伙子们透气
You wanted my boys to breathe.
他们现在正尽情呼吸呢
Well, they're taking a big breath.
没错三个朋友正在露天就餐呢
That's right. The three amigos, they're dining alfresco.
祝你今天愉快
Have a nice day.
你为什么拍我的头出什么事了
Why are you patting my head? What's happening?
没事没什么事
Nothing. Nothing at all.
你做了什么你做了什么
What did you do? What did you do?
你娘...
Holy
我的"水网"呢[发胶品牌]
Where's my aqua net?
你的发胶啊
Oh, your can of hair spray!
是的
Yeah.
我扔了是为了你好