金色年代

The Goldbergs S01E18

Part 1 Dec. 9, 2019, 7:12 p.m.

关于"爸爸" 有个现象很有趣
It's a funny thing about dads --
他们总是喜欢循规蹈矩
They always tend to be creatures of habit.
至少我爸是这样
At least, my father was.
他喜欢他所喜欢的他讨厌改变
He liked what he liked, and he hated change.
从我记事开始他就穿着同一双鞋
Ever since I can remember, he wore the same shoes,
吃着同样的早餐
He ate the same breakfast.
我回来了
I'm home!
大家别来烦我
Don't anybody bother me!
每天他5点15分回家
And every day, he'd come home at 5:15,
把长裤脱在门口坐在同样的沙发上
park his pants at the door, sit in the same chair,
看同样的节目
and watch the same show.
如果你想改变任何东西
If you tried to change anything,
他会和你拼命
he'd fight you tooth and nail.
所以我妈创造出
That's why my mom created the illusion
所有东西都一成不变的幻觉但其实不是
everything stayed the same, but it wasn't.
那双永远穿不坏的魔法鞋
That magical pair of shoes that never wore out --
她悄悄地每八个月换一双
She secretly replaced them every eight months.
对个人仪表放任的态度
That laissez-faire attitude about his personal grooming --
她暗地里纠正
She tended to that, too.
她甚至没让他发现
She even managed to switch him
奶油乳酪换成了低脂的
to low-fat cream cheese without him noticing.
味道怪怪的
This tastes funny.
-不是的 -好吧
- No, it doesn't. - Okay.
没错贝弗莉·金伯格一直是木偶大♥师♥
Yep, Beverly Goldberg had always been the puppet master,
而我爸完全不知情
And my dad had no idea.
贝弗莉
Beverly!
直到她帮他换了张新沙发那天
That is, until the day she got a new chair.
贝弗莉贝弗莉·金伯格
Beverly! Beverly goldberg!
在我沙发位置上的是个什么东西
What the hell is sitting where my chair should be?
惊喜
Surprise!
我是想时候更新换代了
I thought it was time for an upgrade.
难道你不喜欢吗
Don't you just love it?
我的沙发呢我坐了二十年的那张
Where's my chair -- the one I've been sitting in for 20 years?
我拿出去捐了
I donated it to goodwill.
都没告诉我你为什么这样做
Without telling me?! Why would you do that?!
亲爱的你总是抱怨你的背痛
Honey, you're always complaining about how your back hurts.
都是旧沙发害的
It's that old chair.
你从来就不喜欢那张沙发
You never liked that chair.
你总是嫉妒我们的关系
You've always been jealous of what we've had together.
我们我们是谁
"We"? Who's "We"?
我和沙发先生没错它有名字
Me and mr. Chair. That's right, it had a name.
不是什么好名字
Well, it's not a very good one.
我的是现在最好的
Mine is top-of-the-line.
你会喜欢它的舒服劲儿
You're gonna love how comfy it is.
像一坨海绵
It's so spongy.
亲爱的这次你得相信我
Honey, you're gonna have to trust me on this.
我是为你好才买♥♥的
I bought it for your own good.
我没法喘气了没法喘气了
I can't breathe. Can't breathe.
别这样坐
Well, stop sitting like that.
你是故意坐得不舒服
You're sitting uncomfortably on purpose.
我要陷进去了
It's engulfing me.
快停下
Stop it!
你这样动也太夸张了吧
Those are exaggerated body movements.
那是一九八几年的3月7日
It was March 7, 1980-something.
和平时一样我坐校车
And like every day, I rode the bus.
那时候校车上就跟狂野西部一样
Back then, this was the wild west --
没有安全带没有监控镜头
No seatbelts, no security cameras,
没人阻止那个欺凌你的人
no one to stop the one dude who made your life miserable.
对我来说这个人就是八年级的JC·斯平克
For me, it was an eighth grader named J.C. Spink.
瞧这是谁啊亚当·金呆格
Look who it is -- Adam Gold-nerd.
他个子小小却很讨厌
He may have been tiny, but he was terrible.
你今天能消停下吗 JC
Can you please lay off today, J.C.?
我忘了带运动短裤只能穿着牛仔裤跑步
I forgot my gym shorts and had to run the mile in jeans.
擦伤的可厉害了
I have a really bad chafe.
老天真替你难过
Oh, man. I am so sorry to hear that.
大家注意
Hey, everybody.
亚当今天大腿痛
Adam has got some sting-y thighs.
如果我看到有人冲他吐口水纸团
So if I see one spitball hit this kid,
你就是跟我过不去
you will have to deal with me.
多谢了哥们这真是...
Thanks, dude. That's -- that's really --
所有人给我坐到座位上
Everybody get their asses in their seats --
尤其是你斯平克
Especially you, Spink!
是先生
Yes, sir.
不介意一起坐吧
Mind if we share?
接下来二十分钟我的脸一直被压在车窗上
I was plastered up against that window for the next 20 minutes.
然后我看到巴瑞做他最拿手的事情发疯
And then I saw Barry doing what he did best -- flipping out.
不是不是不是
No! No! No, no, no!
他这是搞什么
What the hell is his deal?
我的《体育画报》橄榄球电♥话♥在哪里
Where the hell is my Sports Illustrated football phone?!
见鬼哪里哪里哪里
Damn it. Where?! Where?! Where?!
-搞错没 -那是我哥巴瑞
- Unreal! Unreal! - That's my big brother, Barry.
他是确诊的精神病
He's clinically insane.
真的吗
For real?
医生已经放弃治疗他了
The doctors gave up on him.
他太疯狂了现代医学束手无策
He's too crazy for their modern medicine.
我的电♥话♥在哪里
Where is my phone?!
如果你不收手我会让他上车
And if you don't back off, I'm bringing him on this bus,
他会让你的脸贴着车窗
and he'll smear you against a window.
JC害怕了
J.C. was running scared.
现在我只需要让巴瑞上车就行
Now I just had to get Barry on board.
订阅杂♥志♥即可免费获得
不幸的是他正忙着
Unfortunately, he was a little preoccupied
解决更紧急的问题
with more urgent matters.
电视上的人说
The dude on tv said
我的橄榄球电♥话♥八个星期就到了
my football phone would be here in eight weeks.
已经十周了
It's been 10!
我应该怎么做
I mean, what am I supposed to do, huh?
用电♥话♥形状的电♥话♥打电♥话♥
Make phone calls on a phone-shaped phone
像没进化的动物一样吗
like some kind of animal?
拜拜啦您呐先生
I say good day to you, sir.
很棘手吧
Rough stuff, man.
我看得出来你碰到难题了
I can see you're going through a lot.
说到难题
Speaking of difficult problems,
有没有可能
is there any way you would start
你陪我坐校车上学
riding the bus to school with me again?
我为什么要陪你坐校车
Why would I ride the bus with you
我明明可以和爱丽卡
when I carpool with Erica
还有她超性感的朋友兰妮拼车
and her smoking-hot friend Lainey
兰妮暗恋我却害怕得不敢表现出来
who secretly loves me but is too afraid to act on it?
听着
Look.
车上有个小子让我生不如死
There's this kid who's making my life hell.
如果你在车上他会放过我的
And if you were there, he'd leave me alone.
我的确有恶棍的气场
I do have an air of badass about me.
你愿意吗
So you'll do it?
我考虑了很久
I've given it a lot of thought,
我决定婉拒你愚蠢的邀请
and I'm respectfully declining your stupid-ass invitation.
拜托我求你了
Please! I'm begging you!
我把所有的垃圾桶小孩卡给你
I'll give you all my garbage pail kids.
看就像棒球卡但是更搞笑
See? They're like baseball cards, but hilarious.
总有一天这些会值几百万
One day, these will be worth millions.
想得美
They're not.
好吧随便我同意了
All right. Fine. Whatever. I'm in.
-真的吗 -听着老弟
- For real? - Listen, bro.
你真的是我认识的最烦人最没运动细胞
You're literally the most annoying, un-athletic,
像女生一样的四眼呆子
four-eyed, almost girl-like dork I've ever met.
但你是我弟弟只有我可以揍你
But you're my brother, and no one beats you up but me.
我觉得感动被羞辱了又有几分生气
I was touched, insulted, and kind of angry,
但我心想事成了
But I'd gotten what I wanted.
不别这样
No, stop!
一旦你在沙发上坐出印记就再也无法恢复了
Once the chair molds to your body, there's no going back!
-它一辈子都会契合你的身形 -什么