无耻家庭
Shameless S01E05
Part 3
Jan. 9, 2020, 10:55 a.m.
Jesus, Sheila, I'm not gonna die.
我连切片检查都没做呢
I haven't even had the biopsy yet.
很可能是她那些老虎钳一样的性玩具
It was probably that nut-vise sex toy
让你得上该死的癌症的
of hers that gave you the damn cancer.
下周我要在这里举♥行♥圣经研读会
I'm gonna need the house next week for Bible study.
我们要重排耶稣受难剧
We're doing the Passion Play again.
可能会很吵
It might get noisy.
我在橡树林公墓
I have two plots
有两块墓地
at Oak Woods Cemetery.
一块本来是留给埃迪的
One was for Eddie.
没有什么比将你葬在
Nothing would make me happier
其中一块墓地中 更让我高兴的事了
than to bury you in one of them.
在那里等着我
Wait there for me.
天啊 我就要死了
Oh, God, I'm gonna die.
他主持了你♥爸♥爸和我的婚礼
He married your father and I,
还有罗切尔姨妈 鲍比舅舅 堂兄吉米跟他
Aunt Rochelle, Uncle Bobby, and cousin Jimmy with the--
你知道的 跟他的第一任妻子的婚礼
you know, that first wife of his,
就是那个有兔唇的女人
the one with the cleft palate.
兔唇只是上帝在一个人出生前
A cleft palate is merely the mark God leaves
亲吻他所留下的痕迹
when he kisses a person before they're born.
其实是那个女孩的妈妈没有补充叶酸
That girl's mama just skipped the folic acid.
我要你们俩一起
I'm gonna need you both
参加我的周末订婚礼仪学习小组
to come to my weekend Engagement Encounter retreat.
它涵盖了所有你们在上帝的祝福下结婚
It covers all of the pre-Cana material
迦南 巴勒斯坦北部一村庄 根据《圣经》记载此地是耶稣在婚庆仪式中把水变成酒的地方
所需要的前迦南习俗
necessary for you to be married with God's blessing.
我们能失陪一下吗
Uh, could you excuse us for just a second, please?
来一次教堂婚礼也挺有意思的 是吧
Might be kind of fun to do it at a church outing, huh?
维罗妮卡 那个男人是个牧师
Veronica, that man in there is a priest.
他需要咱们的登记证
He's gonna require a license.
结婚登记证
A marriage license.
我很确定重婚在伊利诺伊州
And I'm pretty sure bigamy is still
仍然是项重罪
a felony in the state of Illinois.
你怎么能让你妈妈把我们拽到这来
Why did you let your mom drag us down here?
你知道妈妈的字典里没有"不"字
You know that Mama wasn't gonna take no.
菲奥娜呢 不是她来主持我们的婚礼吗
What about Fiona? Wasn't she gonna marry us?
放松点 宝贝儿 我来搞定
Relax, baby. I got this.
你知道吗 妈妈
You know what, Mama?
我们已经请了别人来帮我们主持婚礼
We already have someone that's gonna do the wedding for us.
是某个"妙手回春" 懂巫术的草包傻蛋吗
Is this some healing hands, voodoo, wheat grass jackass?
那可不是上帝眼中的婚礼
Because that is not a wedding in the Lord's eyes.
你来说 神父 告诉他们
Go ahead, tell them, Father.
告诉他们那不是上帝眼中的婚礼
Tell them that it's not a wedding in the Lord's eyes.
就我所知
Well, I know this--
上帝就像蜜蜂一样 有很多双眼睛
that just like the honeybee, God has many eyes.
听着 一定要是位牧师主持
Look, it has to be a priest.
那是你♥爸♥爸的愿望 我的愿望
That's what your father wanted, that's what I want
也是上帝的愿望
and that's what the Lord wants.
婚礼没戏了
Wedding's not gonna work.
出什么事了
What happened?
妈妈想请一位真正的牧师
Mama wants a real priest.
希拉说如果你愿意 她可以为你做婚纱
Sheila said she'd make your wedding dress, if you want.
那太好了 可没有牧师的话
Oh, that's nice, but what good is a dress
要婚纱有什么用
if I don't have a priest?
你可以雇个临时演员
You could hire an actor.
艾莫 美国著名动画《芝麻街》中的人物
记得在我生日会上扮演艾莫的那个人吗
Remember the guy who played Elmo at my birthday party?
你还记得啊
You remember that?
他把头取下来了
He took his head off.
那真让人受刺♥激♥啊
It was traumatizing.
你觉得临时演员能搞定吗
You think an actor could work?
你知道吗 我或许可以找
You know what? I could probably get
皮特神父来助阵 如果卡尔能帮忙的话
Father Pete to do it if Carl will help.
那要花我多少银子啊
What's it gonna cost me?
能让凯伦和我周五晚上借用你的地方吗
Uh, Karen and I use your place Friday night?
成交
Done.
皮特神父 那个咸猪手神父
Father Pete, the groper?
就是那个
God willing.
我们有热狗吗
We got hot dogs?
没有热狗
Mmm, no hot dogs.
怎么了
What?
借过
Excuse me.
迟到总比不来好
Better late than never.
更好的是按时来 怎么穿着军装来了
Even better on time. What's with the costume?
刚从后备军官训练队回来
ROTC.
我今天当上了学员陆军中校
I made Cadet Lieutenant Colonel today.
-真的吗 太棒了 -是啊
- You did? That's great! - Yeah.
祝贺你
Congratulations.
等我回来的时候 我希望新的存货都已上架
When I get back, I want the new stock shelved
而且所有的标签都朝着同一个方向
with all of the labels facing the same direction.
你要去哪
Where are you going?
你的脑袋是漏斗啊
Your head is like a funnel.
这周末有童子军活动
The Boy Scout trip is this weekend.
还有穆♥斯♥林♥童子军吗
They have Muslim Boy Scouts?
和一般的差不多 口号♥还是"时刻准备好"
It's similar. The motto is still "Be prepared,"
但你会学到如何使用化学品
but you learn how to work with chemicals
而不是系绳结
instead of tying knots.
队伍由浸礼会赞助
The troop is sponsored by the Baptist church.
他们给我们提供免费服装和夜宿
They give us free outfits and overnights,
我们让他们以为我们被同化了
and we let 'em think we're assimilating.
皆大欢喜
Everybody wins.
我周日晚上回来
I'll be back Sunday night.
陆军中校
Lieutenant Colonel?
我真为你感到自豪
I'm so proud of you.
那没什么
It's not that big of a deal.
琳达和孩子们会出去两晚
Linda and the boys are gone for two nights.
我们将有一整个晚上时间来庆祝
We're gonna have a whole night together to celebrate.
-噢 天啊 -上帝啊
- Oh, God! - Good God!
真抱歉
I'm sorry!
天啊
Jesus Christ!
那就是切片检查吗
Was that the biopsy?!
让我看看
I'm gonna take a look.
让我检查一下
I'm just gonna take a look.
好的
Okay, well,
感觉确实好多了
that is definitely better.
我觉得你没事
I think you're okay.
现在是没事了
Well, now, yeah.
我要帮你剃剃毛 行吗
I'm just gonna shave you, okay?
我从来没剃过那里的毛
I've never been shaved down there before.
一小部分罢了
Just doing a small section.
准备好了吗
Okay? Oh!
抱歉
I'm sorry about that.
不然我改天再来
Maybe I could come back later
你帮我把剩下的都剃了吧
and you could shave the other two.
好了 剃完了
There. All done.
哇 如春天般凉爽
Ooh! It feels like Spring!
我真想说这一点都不痛
Wish I could say this wasn't gonna hurt.
我也不想太为难你 希拉
You don't have to go too crazy here, Sheila,
但尽你所能做得像维拉·王的婚纱就好
but as close to Vera Wang as you can get.
你会成为一位美丽的新娘的
You are going to make a beautiful bride.
希拉 你让我感觉像是灰姑娘一样
Aw, Sheila, you're making me feel like Cinderella.
去他妈的灰姑娘 那个星星眼的贱♥货♥
Screw Cinderella. Little doe-eyed bitch.
小女孩儿最坏的榜样
Probably one of the worst role models for little girls.
我觉得灰姑娘是女权主义者
I think Cinderella was a feminist.
婚姻简直是人类延续至今
The whole idea of marriage is a useless vestige
留下的最没用的东西
of an archaic civilization.
你怎么知道
How would you know?
我眼看一段婚姻分崩瓦解
I watched one unravel.
你不能一竿子打翻一船人吧
Oh, so one example of a bad one makes them all bad, hmm?
在旧社会 婚姻不过是
In olden times, marriage was nothing more
父母用来卖♥♥女儿的手段罢了
than a legal exchange of women for property.
你或许太悲观了一点
无耻家庭
Shameless
剧集 | 无耻家庭 | 导航列表