公园与游憩（2009）
Parks and Recreation S03E10
Part 2
Jan. 27, 2024, 11:45 a.m.
巴黎 夏威夷 大峡谷
Paris, Hawaii, the Grand Canyon.
不 就是那幅壁画前面的长椅
Nope. Just the bench in front of the mural.
如果是 真实的野花所在的草地怎么样呢
What about, like, an actual meadow where wildflowers are?
恶心 Ann 我害怕蜜蜂 就是壁画
Eww, Ann. I'm scared of bees. Mural.
好吧 你觉得狗怎么样
Okay. What do you think of dogs?
爱
Love.
猫 - 爱
Cats? - Love.
鱼 - 爱
Fish? - Love.
乌龟
Turtles?
没意见
No opinion.
他们太高傲了
They're condescending.
描述你的理想男性
Describe your ideal man.
他又黑暗又神秘 他还能唱歌♥ 他还能弹管风琴
He's dark and mysterious. And he can sing. And he plays the organ.
我觉得你刚刚描述的是歌♥剧魅影
I think you just described the Phantom of the Opera.
嗯
Hmm.
啊 天堂 嘿 伙计们
Ah, Nirvana. Hey, guys.
嘿 Chris
Hey, Chris.
Amber Annie Bill Johnny
Amber. Annie. Bill. Johnny.
不 我不准备在这买♥♥任何东西
No. I don't plan to buy anything here.
我买♥♥汉堡食材的地方在"食物和东西"
I buy my burger ingredients at Food and Stuff,
一家离我家和单位距离相等的折扣食物批发商店
a discount food outlet equidistant from my home and my work.
我来这的理由和人们去动物园的理由一样
I came here for the same reason people go to the zoo.
嘘
Shh.
看看那个生物
Look at that thing.
大自然也太奇妙了
Nature is amazing.
好的
Okay.
哦我的天 一个98%匹配的
Oh, my God. A 98% match?
那可是灵魂伴侣级别的匹配啊
That's a soul mate-level match.
我从没见过这么高的啊
I've never seen anything this high before.
好棒
Awesome.
好的 我知道你在想什么 你知道吗
Okay. I know what you're thinking. And you know what?
你必须忘掉Ben 他有一次机会 但他搞砸了
You have to forget about Ben. He had his chance and he blew it.
这台电脑可能已经找到未来的Leslie Knope先生了
This computer could have found the future Mr. Leslie Knope.
是啊 好 全宇宙我潜在的约会对象 我们看看你有啥吧
Yeah. Okay. Entire universe of guys I might date, let's see what you got.
姓名 Tom N. Haverford
城市 Pawnee
职业 公园娱乐部管♥理♥员♥
这是印第安纳佳缘网的Craig 有什么能帮你的吗
This is Craig at hoosiermate.com. How can I help you?
Craig 你们的服务就是屎
Craig, your service is crap.
你能具体点描述吗
Can you be more specific?
是的 你们给我匹配的灵魂伴侣完全是错的
Yes. Your soul mate match was totally wrong for me.
我是说 我作为朋友还是喜欢他的
I mean, I like him as a friend and everything,
但我永远不会和他约会
but I'd never go out with him.
他就像是我的小妹妹一样
He's like a little sister to me.
我们有一个非常精密的算法
We have a very sophisticated algorithm
匹配上了数千对
that's paired up thousands of couples.
我实际上是在网站上认识我老婆的
I actually met my wife on the site.
真的吗 嗯 那可不会长久啊
Really? Well, that's not gonna last.
你说什么 - 你听见了
Excuse me? - You heard me.
你的婚姻就是骗局 再见了 Craig - 不 实际上...
Your marriage is a sham. Goodbye, Craig. - No, actually...
回见 甜心
See you, sweetheart.
他看起来挺不错
He seems nice.
呃 他实际上住在个谷仓里 怎么啦
Eh, he kind of lives in a barn. What's up?
我出什么问题了
What's wrong with me?
为什么好的男的讨厌我 恶心男的爱我呢
Why do good guys hate me and gross guys love me?
诊断我啊 你不是个护士吗
Diagnose me. You're a nurse.
你没有任何错
There's nothing wrong with you.
你是个智慧的 上档次的 有吸引力的女人
You're an intelligent, classy, attractive woman.
但现在 不知为何
But for whatever reason, right now,
只有混♥蛋♥男的才买♥♥你的账
only douchey guys are buying what you're selling.
所以 我该去问问他们觉得我卖♥♥的是啥
So, I should go and ask them what they think I'm selling.
一次混调查
A douche-vestigation.
棒啊
Nice.
嗨 Joe 我知道你肯定会误解的
Hi, Joe. I know you're gonna take this the wrong way,
但我能跟你聊一会儿吗
but can I talk to you for a second?
你可以对我做任何事 多少会儿都行
You can do anything to me, for any number of seconds.
嗯
Hmm.
你愿意在外面我的卡车上聊吗
Would you like to talk outside in my van?
不用 在这就行 你之前说的让我感到荣幸
No, here's fine. I was flattered by what you said earlier.
而我只是好奇 你想寻找怎样的女人呢
And I was just wondering, what do you look for in a woman?
她不能是坐轮椅的 不能拄拐杖 不能有白头发
She can't be in a wheelchair. No canes. No gray hair.
所以 基本上 你被我吸引
So, basically, you're just attracted to me
只是因为我不是个老年人
because I'm not an elderly person.
是的 而且我之前提到过 你有个极品美臀
Yeah. And as I aforementioned, you have a killer dumpster.
这是干嘛的
What does this do?
你想尝一下我们的素培根吗 100%不含肉的
Would you like to sample our vegan bacon? 100% meatless.
好的 谢谢
Yes, please.
再来一条 谢谢
Another, please.
先生 有什么问题吗
Sir? Is there a problem?
我只是想保证没有人能吃到这个
I'm just making sure no one ever has to eat this.
我觉得我不能再给你了
I don't think I can give you any more.
我想要一根
I want one.
是的 我打来是投诉
Yeah, I'm calling to lodge a complaint
在你们这购买♥♥的海藻杏仁眼底霜
about the seaweed and almond under-eye cream I purchased from you guys.
哦 我的问题是它太难闻了
Oh, my problem is it smells terrible.
是的 我甚至把它和另一种眼底霜混合 结果还是难闻
Yeah, I even mixed it with another under-eye cream and it still smelled.
所以 我毁了两盒眼霜 好的 我等着
So, I ruined two eye creams. Yes, I will hold.
Alphaville - Forever Young
*永远年轻 我想要永远年轻*
Forever young, I wanna be forever young
*你想要永远活着吗*
Do you really wanna live forever
这是什么啊
What's this?
火龙果
Dragon fruit.
这是什么啊
What's this?
一个kiwano 或者叫角瓜
A kiwano, or horned melon.
这是什么啊
What's this?
一个桃子
A peach.
我知道这个
I knew that.
哇 新鲜生菜是我人生最爱的食物
Wow! Fresh lettuce is my all-time favorite food.
你最爱的食物是啥
What's your favorite food?
呃 我拿个彩虹糖 然后放在两个星爆糖中间
Well, I take Skittles, and I put it between two Starbursts.
你知道我把它叫啥吗 - 彩虹三明治
You know what I call it? - Skittle sandwich?
那挺好的 不 我叫它Andy的嘴巴惊喜
That's pretty good. No, I call it Andy's mouth surprise.
它很好 因为星爆糖的味道
It's nice because the flavor of the Starbursts
真的会带出彩虹糖类似的味道
really bring out a similar flavor in the Skittles.
*永远年轻 我想要...*
Forever young I wanna be...
嘿 Tom
Hey, Tom.
咋啦
What's up?
你想去吃午饭吗
Do you wanna go to lunch?
不 我真的不想去JJ's了
No, I don't really feel like going to J.J.'s.
我们去哪都行 你选店 我买♥♥单
We can go anywhere. Your choice. I'm buying.
我能点小开和阿甜吗
Can I get apps and 'zerts?
我把甜点叫阿甜
'Zerts are what I call desserts.
主主就是主菜
Tray-trays are entrees.
我把三明治叫三米 三片 或者亚当"三"德勒
I call sandwiches sammies, sandoozles, or Adam Sandlers.
空调叫冷气冲击啵 带个口字旁
Air conditioners are cool blasterz, with a Z.
我不知道那个怎么来的
I don't know where that came from.
我把蛋糕叫老大块曲奇
I call cakes big ol' cookies.
我把面条叫长长米
I call noodles long-ass rice.
炸鸡块就是"炸炸鸡鸡"
Fried chicken is fry-fry chicky-chick.
帕玛森芝士焗鸡肉 就是"鸡鸡帕帕"
Chicken parm is chicky-chicky parm-parm.
黄焖鸡呢 "鸡黄"
Chicken cacciatore? Chicky catch.
我把鸡蛋叫预鸟或者未来鸟
I call eggs pre-birds or future birds.
根汁汽水就是"超级水"
Root beer is super water.
墨西哥玉米饼就是"豆豆毯毯"
Tortillas are bean blankies.
而我把叉子叫 "食物耙子"
And I call forks food rakes.
行 你想点多少阿甜就点多少
Yeah. You can get as many 'zerts as you want.
好 那我们去我的"走走动动"上吧
Well, let's get in my go-go mobile.
车
Car.
这会很好玩的
This'll be fun.
我们假设你擦了个瓶子 然后一个灯神冒出来
Let's say you rub a bottle and a genie comes out
给你三个愿望 这些愿望会是什么
and gives you three wishes. What would those wishes be?
别啊 Leslie - 就当是个小游戏
Come on, Leslie. - This'll be a fun game.
公园与游憩（2009）
Parks and Recreation
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