糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S05E12
Part 4
Jan. 2, 2021, 3:18 p.m.
导致阿波罗一号♥全体船员丧生
when a fire during launch simulation kills the crew of Apollo 1,
导致阿波罗二三四五六号♥
meaning Apollo's two, three, four, five, six
均被定为无人机以完善设计
become unmanned flights to perfect the design.
终于 1968年 美国的阿波罗八号♥
Until finally, in 1968, the USA gets some badly-needed points
在历史上首次载人环绕月球航行
when the crew of Apollo 8 become the first men in history to
由此得分 仅仅一年之后
orbit the moon. And just one year later,
美国终于为实现人类长久的梦想做好了准备
America is finally ready to do what mankind has always dreamt of,
教一头猪跳踢踏
teaching a pig to tap dance!
其实是登陆月球
Oh, a moon landing.
这样说起来就合理多了
That makes more sense with all of this.
好吧不管它
I see. No, no, no, no, fine.
迈克尔·科林斯 巴兹·奥尔德林
So Michael Collins, Buzz Aldrin
与尼尔·阿姆斯特朗
and Neil Armstrong
肩负着击败苏联的任务 登上阿波罗11号♥
climb aboard Apollo 11 with the aim of beating the Soviets,
此乃一击制胜
once and for all.
他们的任务很简单 飞去月球 登陆月球
Their mission is simple. Fly to the moon, land on the moon,
踏上月球 离开月球 回家
walk on the moon, leave the moon, fly home
鲍勃是你叔叔
and Bob's your uncle,
尽管只有你是我侄子时候才成立
though only if you're my nephews.
这怎么可能会出差错呢
I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
考虑到其导航电脑的性能
Well, since the navigation computer
和现代烤面包机的芯片差不多
was about as powerful as a chip inside a modern toaster,
我认为风险大了去了
I'd say pretty much anything.
但日期已设定 相机已架好
But the date's been set, the cameras are primed
而全世界的目光都为此屏气凝神
and the eyes of the world watch with bated breath,
尽管眼睛可没法憋气
which is difficult for eyes,
在1969年7月20日
as on July 20th, 1969,
名为"鹰号♥"的登月舱
the Lunar Module, Eagle,
与指令舱哥伦比亚号♥脱离 然后...
separates from the Command Module, Columbia, and...
登陆月球 空间竞赛终于有获胜者了
land on the moon! Yes, the space race is finally won!
美国取得了压倒性的胜利
A scoreboard-shattering victory to the US of A,
正如尼尔·阿姆斯特朗所言
as Neil Armstrong
个人的一小步 人类的一大步
takes one small step for man and one giant leap for mankind.
苏联接受失败
The Soviets accept defeat,
挥别他们从未触及的月球
wave goodbye to a moon they never reached
转而把注意力投向了空间站的建设
and turn their attention to building space stations,
任凭美国去建设月球殖民地
leaving America to build a moon colony
上有快餐酒吧和咖啡店 是吧
with a burger bar and a coffee shop, right?
错 实际上只有12个人曾登上月球
Wrong! In fact, only 12 people ever set foot on the moon
还都是在1972年之前
and no-one's been there since 1972.
我现在要去纠正这个悲剧性的疏漏
A tragic oversight that I'm going to rectify right now.
是时候让鲍勃·黑尔去踏出一小步了
Yes, it's time to take one small step for Bob Hale,
而同时迈出一大步的是
but one giant leap
鲍勃·黑尔航♥天♥火箭工业
鲍勃·黑尔航♥天♥火箭工业的优秀员工们
with the good people at Bob Hale's Space Rocket Industries.
再见萨姆 我一直爱着你
Goodbye, Sam. I've always loved you.
鲍勃 爱 萨姆
你会等我吗
Will you wait for me?
-不 -那我就不去了
- No. - Well, I'm not going, then.
好吧
Fine.
卑微的中世纪
中世纪制♥造♥秀
主持人 六边形博士
最近发生了神马 在医院里有匹马*
*What's going on? There's a horse in the hospital.
欢迎收看我的制♥造♥秀
Welcome to me make show.
本周 我们来到中世纪 别扯了
This week, we is in the Middle Ages. Leave it!
我们要制♥造♥一些金子
And we is going to be making some gold, yeah?
没错
Yeah. Ha ha!
本期嘉宾从意大利远道而来
Showing us how it's done is my main man, all the way from Italy,
炼金术士伯尔纳德·德·特维索
the alchemist Bernard De Treviso.
-鼓掌欢迎 -早上好
- Give it up! - Bongiorno.
好吧 得做三次
Oh, OK. Oh, we're going for three.
伯尼 向大家介绍一下自己
Bernie, tell us about yourself, man.
伯尔纳德·德·特维索
我周游列国 穷尽所有财富
Well, I've travelled the world and spent my entire fortune
只为学习古老炼金术的奥妙
studying the ancient art of alchemy.
那是什么 好比某种巫术之类的
What is that, like, a hocus pocus sort of...
是中世纪的科学
It's Middle Ages science.
好的懂了 伙计我完全懂
OK, we're cool, bruv. We're cool.
我从法国的僧侣那买♥♥来一个炼金秘方
I bought a secret recipe for making gold off a monk in France.
僧侣的
神秘h
配方h
首先 要准备些鸡蛋
First of all, you're going to need some eggs.
等等 是要从鸡蛋里提炼金子吗
Whoa, hang on! We's going to be making GOLD out of EGG?
顺便一提 我对此完全没意见
Which I'm cool with, by the way.
然后把鸡蛋和马粪搅拌在一起
Then you're going to need to mix the eggs with the horse dung...
臭臭的
Dench.
然后让它发酵一段时间
..And leave it to rot for a little while.
随后将混合物加热
And then you're going need to heat the mixture.
这是我之前准备好的
So here's some I prepared earlier.
老兄不是吧 这玩意闻起来像我外甥的尿布
Oh, man! No, seriously. That smells like my sister's kid's nappy!
恶心 这玩意可能会变成金子吗
Eww! Oh, is that... And is that supposed to turn into gold?
别傻了 当然不能
Don't be ridiculous! No.
取些铅
You take some lead.
把铅放到混合物里面
You put the lead in the mixture.
真的
For real.
然后铅就会变成金子
And then the lead turns into the gold.
好吧 有用吗
Right. And it works?
你自个儿瞧瞧呗 我给你做了条项链
Well, you see for yourself. I made this nice necklace for you.
不了 谢谢 我不戴那玩意儿
Err, no. Thanks, but no, thanks. I ain't wearing that!
我才不信
You know, I don't believe
你用这种配方能炼出金子
you've ever made gold out of this recipe, for sure.
给我个机会 我才试了八年
Well, give me a chance! I've only been trying for eight years.
听我说 用鸡蛋 粪便 铅和锡
Right, listen to me, yeah? You can't make gold out of egg and poo
是没办法炼成金的
and lead and tin.
我在想些什么
What was I thinking?
我应该试试鸡蛋加醋
I should have tried eggs and vinegar.
不是吧
Shut up!
这是一位比利时炼金术士告诉我的
That's what a Belgian alchemist told me.
我也买♥♥了他的配方
I bought his recipe as well.
听着 伙计 等等 等等
Now, listen. Hold up, man. Hold up, mate, yeah?
说真的 看着我的眼睛
Get real! Look at me in my eye, yeah?
不可能从这里面炼出金的
No-one is ever going to get minted out of this!
随你怎么说
Well, you say that.
你该看看为了这个配方 我付给僧侣多少钱
You should see how much I paid the monk for the recipe.
那好吧
All right, then.
你在干吗 干吗呢你
What you doing? What you doing?
服装师 我只有这么一套
Costume! I've only got one of these.
真烦人
So annoying!
是真的
It's true.
那意大利小伙真的企图从马粪中炼出金子
That Italian fella really tried to make gold out of horse poo.
没错 在中世纪
Yes, in the Middle Ages,
有些人真的做了些傻事
some people did some really stupid things.
愚蠢的死法之
波希米亚国王约翰
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
真人真事乐哈哈*
*They're funny cos they're true
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
你俩说什么废话呢
You're talking rubbish, you two.
我才是本环节的主角 我才是
I'm the star of this show. Me!
你们俩都是无名小卒
You two are nobodies.
不小心说了个段子 无命所以无名
I did a funny. Nobodies cos you've got no bodies.
状态奇佳 下一位
I just can't turn it off. Next.
真棒 买♥♥一赠二
Ooh, goody! Three for the price of one.
你是
And you are?
是谁问的
Who said that?
-是我 -你是谁
- Erm, I did. - And you are?
我先问的
I asked you first.
大胆 快回答国王的问题
How dare you! Answer the question of the King.
-什么国王 -我是波西米亚国王约翰
- Which king? - I am John, King of Bohemia.
好 我明白了 我是死神
Oh, right! Got you. I'm Death, by the way.
我以为我的长相已经说明一切了
I would have thought my general look was a DEAD giveaway!
人们也称我为瞎眼国王约翰
I'm also known as King John the blind.
真尴尬
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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