糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S06E01
Part 1
Jan. 2, 2021, 2:46 p.m.
*恐怖都铎 华丽乔治*
*Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians*
*好战的法国人 邪恶维多利亚*
*Fighting Frenchmen, vile Victorians*
*悲惨战役 凶残争斗*
*Woeful wars, ferocious fights*
*昏暗古堡 英勇骑士*
*Dingy castles, daring knights*
*恐怖难以言表*
*Horrors that defy description*
*凶狠凯尔特 可怕古埃及*
*Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians*
*牛气撒克逊人 冷血罪行
*Smashing Saxons, cruel crimes,*
*远古的惩罚*
*punishment from ancient times*
*罗马人 堕落恶心又冷血*
*Romansrotten, rank, and ruthless*
*诺曼人 野蛮残酷不长牙*
*Normans, savage, fierce and toothless*
*内战 聪明大圣人*
*Civil wars, brainy sages*
*卑鄙又卑微 就是中世纪*
*Mean and measly Middle Ages*
*血腥故事无限多*
*Gory stories we do that*
*且听鼠君说不停*
*And your host a drumming rat*
*历史不再是个谜*
*The past is no longer a mystery*
*欢迎收看*
*Welcome to*
*糟糕历史*
特别篇
《糟糕历史》为您呈现
Horrible Histories presents...
荒唐的约翰国王
与
《自♥由♥大宪♥章♥》
*很少听人称赞*
*约翰国王一世*
*更有甚者*
*称其为最失败君王*
*百姓不太拥戴约翰*
*因其在法国打败仗*
*惹毛教皇 妥协投降*
*再次败于法国之手*
*一生过得奢华极致*
*征税目的莫过于此*
*在其享用税费之际*
*还压榨本国贵族 变本加厉*
*为何约翰国王的统治*
*界定为最特别的时期*
*因为《自♥由♥大宪♥章♥》签署时*
*他还是英格兰的国王*
约翰国王
《约翰国王》 一个家庭的战时故事
King John, the story of a family at war,
至今为止的故事
他是一位出生在其兄长
and a future king born
理查一世"狮心王"阴影之下的未来君王
in the shadow of his older brother, Richard the Lionheart.
你绝不会成为国王 你绝不会成为国王
You'll never be king, you'll never be king!
别戳了
Stop it!
约翰国王
受尽其父的嘲讽
受尽其父的嘲讽
Ridiculed by his father...
也许我们应该叫你无地约翰 懂吗
Maybe we should call you John Lack-land! Get it?
无地 因为你没有封地
Lack-land. Because you lack land!
一点也不好笑 父王
It's not even funny, Dad!
约翰国王
权力与背叛
一个权力与背叛的故事
A story of power and betrayal.
你也许是个身材矮小的小人物
You might be a runty little pipsqueak, eh?
但至少你不会背叛自己的父亲
But at least he would not turn on his own father.
其实 父王 我要和法国同一战线
Yeah, the thing is, Dad, I'm sort of siding with the French
来反抗你
and rebelling against you.
约翰 你干了什么
John! What have you done?
母后 父王过世了 我能当国王吗
Mum! Dad's dead! Can I be king?
不行 轮到你哥理查接任了
No. It is your brother Richard's turn.
太不公平了
So unfair!
约翰国王
被兄长阻挠
一个极度渴望成为国王的人
A boy desperate to be king,
却被兄长阻挠
but thwarted by his elder brother.
我之前把法国的土地给他
I gave him land in France
前提是
on the condition that he
我参加十字军东征时他不能待在英格兰
stayed out of England while I'm on Crusade.
-这是上帝的旨意 -这是上帝的旨意
- God wills it. - God wills it.
他做到了吗
And did he?
并没有 反而突然回到英国
Non! Swooped back into England
发动全面叛乱
and started a full-scale rebellion.
约翰国王
兄弟阋墙
两兄弟交战
Two brothers at war,
却"牢牢地"拴在一起
but stuck with each other, in more ways than one.
他是个不老实 诡计多端
He's a cheating, scheming,
又懦弱胆小的白♥痴♥
spineless idiot.
没错 但他是咱们家
Oui, but he is our
爱作弊 诡计多端 懦弱胆小的白♥痴♥
cheating, scheming, spineless idiot.
-他在哪儿 -那儿
- Where is he? - La.
非常抱歉 理查
I'm really sorry, Richard,
这种事再不会发生 我愿意做任何事
it won't happen again. I'll do anything!
幸好他永远当不成国王
So lucky he'll never be king.
《约翰国王》 马上为您呈现
King John, coming to a screen near you. Now.
约翰国王
*只要理查在 约翰必定败*
*不论多少努力都是白来*
*但约翰随后走了好运*
*英勇的理查不幸逝世*
安息
*继位危机正在酝酿*
*贵族们要选出自己的国王*
*要选法国支持的十二岁少年*
布列塔尼的亚瑟
*还是约翰 他们说*
*约翰我看行*
糟糕历史电视台 新闻联播
1199年 约翰国王加冕礼
这里是1199年的威斯敏斯特教堂
You join us here at Westminster Abbey, 1199.
没错 他终于做到了
Yes, he finally made it.
这里是约翰国王期待已久的加冕礼
It's the long-awaited coronation of King John,
一个尊贵 庄重的场合
an occasion of true dignity and solemnity.
随着坎特伯雷大主教慢慢走近
And as the Archbishop of Canterbury approaches,
约翰...好像正脱下他的外袍
John...appears to be taking off his tunic
还有内衣
and his undergarments.
抱歉 我能确认一下吗 我没走错地方吧
Sorry, can I just check something? Am I in the right place?
约翰国王的加冕礼
Coronation of King John?
只不过他快脱♥光♥了
It's just that he's getting almost completely naked.
他们一直这样吗 好吧 真够诡异的
They always did that? OK. Weird.
新任国王从...尿布中诞生
The new king emerges in some sort of...nappy?
他真的脱♥光♥了身上的衣服
但最后戴上王冠的他 是不是看起来很威风
But doesn't he look magnificent as he finally dons the crown?
而且
And...
挣扎了一下
struggles a bit.
他真的跌倒了
说句公道话 王冠是纯金打造的
To be fair, it's made of solid gold.
这一天对每个人来说都很漫长
And it's been a long day for everyone.
这就是约翰国王 他将影响整个国家
Yes, King John. The man who will shape the nation.
只要等他站起来
As soon as he gets up.
带我离开这里
Get me out of here.
荒唐的约翰国王和《自♥由♥大宪♥章♥》
是的 在理查一世"狮心王"去世后
Yes, when Richard the Lionheart died,
约翰终于登上了心心念念的国王之位
John finally got his heart's desire and became King.
他立即踏上了环游全国的旅程
He immediately started travelling around the country,
做他最擅长的事
doing what he did best.
当一个彻头彻尾的皇室讨厌鬼
Being a right royal pain in the neck.
约翰国王的
极限生存
大家好 我是约翰国王 是一位流动君主
Hi, I'm King John. I'm an itinerant monarch.
意思是我环游全国
That means I travel around the country
游到哪里就在那里统治国家
ruling from wherever I happen to be at the time.
四处奔波意味着我必须掌握
Being on the road means I've had to learn to survive
在极端环境下生存的技能
in some pretty extreme circumstances.
我现在就要向你们展示
And I'm going to show you how.
这里是《极限生存》的基础知识
Here are the basics for X-treme Survival.
《极限生存》小贴士第一条 住所
X-treme Survival tip one - Shelter.
你身处英格兰的野外 离家遥远
You're out in the wilds of England, miles from home.
需要一个睡觉的地方
You need somewhere to sleep.
环顾四周 你看到了什么
Look around you - what do you see?
苔藓 树叶 草皮
Moss, leaves, grass -
这些是大自然的床单和毛毯
nature's sheets and blankets.
而我喜欢用真正的床单和毛毯
What I like to use is actual sheets and blankets.
因此我在旅行时
That's why when I'm travelling
会带着许多的仆人
I bring loads of servants with me,
负责搬运我所有的床上用品
to carry all my bedding.
还有我的床
And my bed.
不过等等 如果下雨了怎么办
But, wait, what if it rains?
环顾四周 你看到了什么
Look around you - what do you see?
树木和草丛
Trees and bushes
能有效地起到遮风蔽雨的作用
can provide an effective shield against the elements.
但我喜欢的是派随行的士兵
But what I like to do is send the soldiers I brought with me
去占领距离最近的城♥堡♥
to take over the nearest castle.
好让我在那里休息 这就是《极限生存》
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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