糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S05E03
Part 4
Jan. 2, 2021, 3:16 p.m.
Fantastic. And cheap.
没错 不要脸的乞丐说的就是你
Yes, you're what we'd call a cheeky beggar.
小心点 很烫
Be careful, yeah? That's well hot.
很好 谢谢你 厨师
Perfect. Thank you, cook.
等一下 你知道你在干什么吗
Hang on, what do you think you're doing?
你在干吗 你在干吗
What are you doing? What are you doing?
我要用热水漱口
I need to gargle with hot water,
来增强对高温的抵抗力
to strengthen my resistance to heat.
好像费罗萨努斯太贪吃了
It seems as if Philoxenus is so greedy,
切勿在家尝试
他在训练自己在别人看到食物前
he's training himself to eat all the hot food
就趁热先吃了
before anyone else gets a look in.
很好 请你记得
Lovely. You will remember
把所有的食物都烧得滚烫滚烫的 很好
to make all the food piping hot, won't you? OK.
费罗萨努斯迎接
It's time for Philoxenus
客人参加盛宴的时刻到了
to welcome his guests to a memorable feast.
对于他那滚烫的食物 他们该怎么办呢
But how will they get on with his piping hot food?
看来今日不宜赤身裸体
Ooh, looks like a bad day to give up clothes.
古希腊版与我共宴 结果揭晓
请打分
Scores, please.
亚里士多德给了零分
It's a nought from Aristotle.
毕达哥拉斯给了零分
A nought from Pythagoras,
第欧根尼给了...
and from Diogenes, it's a...
他上大号♥了
Oh, dear, I think that might be a number two.
真假辨析
Ture or False.
第欧根尼在桶里被自己的屎淹死了
Diogenes drowned in a barrel of his own poo!
答案是...
It's...
假的
false.
据说他是生食章鱼而死的
He's said to have dies from eating raw octopus.
恐怖的都铎王朝
伊丽莎白一世手下有位间谍专家
Queen Elizabeth I had a spy master
名叫弗朗西斯·沃尔辛厄姆
called Francis Walsingham.
他的职责是戳穿针对女王的天主教派阴谋
His mission - to catch Catholics plotting against the Queen.
这全凭一套全新的邮政服务系统
His method - a brand-new postal service.
期待你的信件能够急速送达吗
Want your letters and messages delivered promptly?
期待一个不会让你失望的邮政服务吗
Want a postal service that won't let you down?
想让间谍阅读你的私人信件吗
Want your personal correspondence read by a spy?
那么你需要 抱歉 我刚提到了间谍是吧
Then you need... Sorry, I just said spy, didn't I?
我居然提到了间谍
I just said spy.
半个字都不该提的 对吧
I really shouldn't mention the whole spy thing, should I?
好吧 我们再拍一次
OK, let's go again, one more time.
邮局广♥告♥片 第二条
大家好 我是弗朗西斯·沃尔辛厄姆
Hi, I'm Francis Walsingham
经皇家授权的全新邮政服务已经上线
and my new, royal approved postal service
它将改变你的交流方式
is set to transform the way that you communicate.
现在 你可以通过任意的一个邮局
Now you can send your letters and messages
来寄送信件
from any of our new postal offices.
在那里 你的信件将被汇总 分类
From there, they'll be collected, sorted,
经过间谍审阅后 再寄往 我又提到了
read by a spy and hand delivered to... I said it again!
我让间谍审阅每一封邮件
The fact that I have every letter read by a spy
应该保密才是
should be a secret,
意义就在于此 弗朗西斯
that's the point, Francis!
抱歉 各位真的抱歉
Sorry. Sorry, everyone.
好了 我们再来一次
OK, let's do it.
邮局广♥告♥片 第三条
新的邮政服务百分之百安全可靠
My new postal service is 100% safe and secure,
绝对不会有间谍去阅读你的信件
meaning your mail definitely won't be read by spies
去搜索天主教派反对伊丽莎白女王
looking for evidence of Catholic conspiracies
从事阴谋犯罪的证据
against Queen Elizabeth.
稍等一下 否认安插间谍
Hold on. Hold on. By denying we're using spies,
不就摆明了是在说我们有间谍吗
it's pretty clear that we are using spies, isn't it?
对吧
Am I wrong?
我最好还是尽量
I should probably avoid
避免提到间谍这两个字
using the word spies altogether, really.
邮局广♥告♥片 第四条
大家好 我是弗朗西斯·沃尔辛厄姆爵士
Hi, I'm Sir Francis Walsingham
倘若你想要一种更安全的方式
and if you're looking for a safer way
来寄送信件
to get your letters delivered
那赶紧来试试经皇家授权的全新邮政服务
then try the new, royal approved mail service today.
我们在审阅你的信
We're reading your mail.
最后一句台词还是换一下吧
We should probably change that last line.
沃尔辛厄姆及其手下间谍的工作非常高效
Walsingham and his spies were very effective.
他们阻止了巴宾顿让苏格兰女王玛丽
They stopped the Babington Plot
取代伊丽莎白女王的谋逆行动
to put Mary, Queen of Scots on Elizabeth's throne.
玛丽女王的运气向来不太好
Mary never did have much luck.
糟糕历史电视台
新闻联播
大家好 欢迎收看《那时新闻》
Hello and welcome to the News at When.
那时 大概是500年前
When? Nearly 500 years ago,
史上或许最不幸的王室成员
when perhaps the unluckiest royal in history
在幼年时 开启了一项全新的事业
started a brand-new job at a very young age.
欲知这段传奇故事的详情
For more details on this incredible story,
请看鲍勃·黑尔带来的
we go over to Bob Hale
苏格兰女王玛丽的相关报道 鲍勃
with the Mary, queen of Scots Report. Bob.
谢谢 萨姆
Thank you, Sam. Well,
时年1542 有一名婴儿即将诞生
the year is 1542 and a child is about to be born
是谁呢 稍等 稍等
who's the, wait for it, wait for it...
没错 正是此人 玛丽·斯图尔特
Yes, there she is. Mary Stuart,
苏格兰王詹姆斯五世之女
daughter to James V of Scotland,
苏格兰王詹姆斯五世
詹姆斯是一位自信满满的国王
a confident king who'd ruled the Scots
自一岁开始便统治苏格兰
since he was just one year old,
此后一直在位直至白发苍苍的迟暮之年
and would go on ruling them until he was old and grey...
不 我弄错了 他挂了
Oh, no, my mistake, he's dead,
享年三十岁 只有六天大的玛丽
aged just 30, leaving six-day-old Mary
继位为苏格兰新任国君
as the new Queen of Scotland,
她只不过是含着奶嘴入睡的娃娃
a role that would almost certainly have eaten into naptime.
因此在玛丽长大成人 能够独♥立♥统治王国前
So various regents were brought in to run Scotland
一众摄政王代替玛丽治理苏格兰
on Mary's behalf until she was old enough to rule alone,
至少也是要长大到能自己吃饭才行
or at the very least, hold her own cutlery.
很快她就长大了 自己吃饭没问题
But she soon grows up, masters cutlery
但是作为苏格兰君王
and in a slightly unusual move
却做了一个不同寻常的举动
for a Scottish monarch,
她移居到了法国
moves to France.
在见识了法国的美妙后
Yes, seeing how nice France is,
她嫁给了法国王子弗朗西斯
she marries France's Prince Francis,
也就是法国后来的弗朗西斯国王
who then becomes France's King Francis,
她和他一起过上了幸福 充实的生活
with whom she shares a long and happy life, filled...
不 我弄错了 他也挂了
Oh, no, my mistake, he's dead too.
死于耳部感染
Killed by an ear infection,
我猜事情发展肯定不如人意
which I think we can assume got quite bad.
玛丽随之被驱逐出法国 回到苏格兰
So, Mary is ousted from France, returns to Scotland
随后她决定下嫁给表弟
and decides to marry her cousin this time,
达恩利勋爵
a certain Lord Darnley,
[即亨利·斯图尔特 一个没有任何实权的贵族]
尽管她对苏格兰贵族间而言
who, despite being as popular with the Scottish nobles
如同在过敏诊所里看到一只满身灰尘的猫
as a dust-covered cat in an allergy clinic,
但她还是有一段长而幸福的...
enjoys a long and happy marriage...
错了错了 我更正一下
No, no, scratch that.
似乎有一则谣言悄然而生
It seems rumours start circulating of a romance
已婚的女王跟她的私人秘书
between the married Queen
大卫·里齐奥两人暧昧不清
and her private secretary, David Rizzio.
值得庆幸的是 玛丽矢口否认了这个谣言
Luckily though, Mary completely denies these rumours,
里齐奥也就能够
which means that Rizzio can
平安幸福地度过他的...
go on to live a long and happy life, filled...
不 事实并非如此
No, didn't think so.
尽管里齐奥英勇地躲在怀孕的女王背后
Yes, despite bravely hiding behind the now pregnant Queen,
他还是被达恩利勋爵的众多好友拖出来
Rizzio is dragged away by a mob of Lord Darnley's friends,
被捅数目测量仪
在被捅了五十六刀之后 扔下了楼梯
stabbed 56 times and thrown down some stairs,
下场绝对是死翘翘了
leaving him very likely dead.
死翘翘
里齐奥出局后 显然玛丽将和达恩利勋爵
But, with Rizzio out of the picture, the way is clear for Mary
享受漫长幸福的婚姻
and Lord Darnley to enjoy that long and happy marriage,
我之前也提到过...
which I mentioned a few short...
错了 早就该猜到了 达恩利也挂了
No, should have guessed, Darnley's dead too,
在家宅爆♥炸♥中送的命
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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