糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S04E01
Part 1
Jan. 3, 2021, 12:59 p.m.
恐怖都铎 华丽乔治*
*Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
卑劣斯图亚特 邪恶维多利亚*
*Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
悲惨战役 凶残争斗*
*Woeful wars, ferocious fights
昏暗古堡 英勇骑士*
*Dingy castles, daring knights
恐怖难以言表*
*Horrors that defy description
凶狠凯尔特 可怕古埃及*
*Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
凶残维京 冷血罪行 远古的惩罚*
*Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes, punishment from ancient times
罗马人 堕落恶心又冷血*
*Romans, rotten, rank, and ruthless
穴居人 野蛮残酷不长牙*
*Caveman, savage, fierce and toothless
绝妙古希腊 聪明大圣人*
*Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
卑鄙又卑微 就是中世纪*
*Mean and measly Middle Ages
血腥故事无限多*
*Gory stories we do that
且听鼠君对你说*
*And your host a talking rat
历史不再是个谜*
*The past is no longer a mystery
欢迎收看*
*Welcome to
第四季 第一集
糟糕历史
卑劣的斯图亚特王朝
查理一世面对苏格兰大军时
When King Charles I faced war in Scotland,
每位臣民都要尽一份力
everyone was expected to do their bit.
今日我们团聚一堂共做礼拜
As we gather here today to worship,
请想想我们勇敢的丈夫与儿子们
let us spare a thought for the brave husbands and sons
他们整装待发
who also gather, in preparation
代表查理国王 为击退苏格兰的威胁而战
to fight for King Charles against the threat of Scotland.
让我们扪心自问 "我们能做什么"
Let us ask ourselves, "What can we do?"
我们能捐款捐物
We can give them donations.
椅子下面有放置捐赠物的容器
I have placed receptacles for your donations under your chairs.
军方希望你们能捐出自己的尿液
The Army has asked that you donate your wee-wee.
军♥火♥制♥造♥商们已陷入绝望
The makers of gunpowder for our troops are desperate,
真实发生过哦
你们中的一些人或许同样如此
as are hopefully some of you.
他们急需女人的尿液
They need women's urine,
用于制♥作♥硝石
a vital ingredient in their manufacturing of saltpetre.
[硝石是火♥药♥的重要成分]
只要女人的尿液吗
Just the women?
没错 老汤姆 显然她们的尿液更有效
Yes, Old Tom, apparently their urine works better.
但我也尿急
But I really need to go.
谢谢你 卡罗尔太太
Ah, thank you, Mrs Carroll,
你的儿子会为你骄傲的
your son would be most proud.
国家由衷地感谢你 班康太太
A grateful nation thanks you, Mrs Bunkum.
谢天谢地
Oh, praise be!
我们对战士的感恩之情有如这涛涛尿水
Why, a veritable waterfall of thanks for our young men and boys!
打仗不需要这个 福斯特太太
That wasn't very helpful, Mrs Foster.
抱歉
Sorry.
这是真的
It's true!
在17世纪30年代晚期
In the late 1630s,
教会收集尿液 用以制♥作♥火♥药♥
wee was collected from churches to make gunpowder.
这可是真的
No, really!
我真的笑尿了
Oh! I've just wee'd meself.
真符合此情此景
How strangely appropriate.
但也有人不觉得好笑 比如
I can tell you someone who wouldn't find that funny -
一本正经的清教♥徒♥ 奥利弗·克伦威尔
Puritan misery guts Oliver Cromwell.
今天幸运女神眷顾我
Truly Lady Fortune smiles on me this day.
汉普敦皇宫
让我有幸为克伦威尔先生画像
Finally I get to paint Mr Cromwell himself.
祝你好运
Yeah, good luck with that.
老大 画家来了
Boss, I've got that painter for you.
能为您画像 鄙人真是三生有幸
An honour, sir, for which I am simply not worthy.
怎么了 难道我脸上有东西 粘了早饭吗
What? What is it? Something on my face? Some breakfast?
没什么 大人 什么也没"疣"
No, sir, no, nothing of the wart.
什么也没有
Nothing of the sort.
莱利先生 我请你来是因为我看过
Hm. I've asked you here, Mr Lely, because I've seen your portrait
-你画的查理一世 -我的杰作之一
- of the late Charles I. - One of my finest.
我希望我的肖像别画成那样
I wish for mine to look nothing like that.
不要那种花里胡哨的
None of his regal fancifulness,
我希望你能把我如实地画出来
I just want you to paint me as I am.
你有什么需要吗
Now, is there anything you need?
请问"疣"水吗
Just a glass of wart...
是...有水吗
Er... Glass of water, please.
守卫 给莱利先生倒杯水
Guard, fetch Mr Lely some water.
大人 请问
Now, sir, may I ask
我的画需要有多高的还原度
how much would sir like to look like sir?
-什么"还原度" -怎么说呢
- What do you mean, "Look like sir"? - Well, how can I put this?
鄙人一直以来
I have been known in the
擅长突出画中人的长相优点
past to emphasise my subject's best features
并隐藏其长相的缺点
and to hide their not so good ones.
谢谢你 疣[勇]士
Oh, thank you, you're a stalwart.
莱利先生 我希望你能如实作画
Mr Lely, I just want you to paint me as I am.
阿谀奉承我不喜欢
I won't stand for flattery.
我懂 但我能否
Of course, but would sir prefer
忽略您脸上的一点小瑕疵呢
if I overlooked certain minor blemishes in the facial area?
你是在说我脸上的疣吗
Are you talking about the warts?
没...没"疣"啊
Warts? I see no warts.
这些坏东西 这个像我鼻子的放大版
These bad boys! The one that looks like my nose, only bigger,
这个和我的下巴差不多
the one that could be mistaken for my chin.
还真有
Oh, yes, so there are.
不过我觉得看着像美人痣
Well, they look like a couple of beauty spots to me.
是疣 又大又显眼的疣
Warts! They're warts, big old whopping warts.
疣就是疣 莱利先生
And I call a wart a wart, Mr Lely.
您说了算 大人
If you say so, Sir.
-我希望你毫无保留地如实创作 -遵命
- I wish you to paint me, warts and all. - So shall it be.
英语"毫无保留"一词出自克伦威尔
"疣"您说了算
Wart ever you say.
-别玩过火了 -对不起
- Don't push it! - Really sorry.
卑微的中世纪
你知道吗 在中世纪
Did you know there really
真的有位狄克·惠廷顿
was a Dick Whittington in the Middle Ages,
[Dick Whittington and His Cat是著名舞台剧]
他曾任伦敦市长
who was Mayor of London?
糟糕历史之电影展销会
狄克·惠廷顿电影项目
你们好
Hello.
我是理查德·惠廷顿爵士
I'm Sir Richard Whittington,
曾任四届伦敦市长
four times Lord Mayor of London,
我有个很重要的电影创意
and I believe I have a very important film idea for you.
我勒个去 是达克·化廷顿
Cor blimey, Duck Whuttington,
[狄克音似鸭子 此处模仿鸭子说话恶搞]
俺就实话实说啦
can I just say straight orf the old cricket bat,
俺们灰常有幸能请到你
how wery excited we is to have you on this project.
灰常灰常荣幸啊
Apples and pears, what?
好吧 狄克 说吧
OK, go ahead, Dick, shoot.
我喜欢被称作理查德爵士
Actually, I prefer Sir Richard.
听你的 狄克
Whatever you say, Dick.
那就叫你理查德爵士 狄克
Sir Richard's fine, Dick.
我没意见 狄克
It's a yes from me, Dick.
好吧
Ok.
这部剧本是我的人生写照
Right, well, this is the story of my life.
很好 你想让谁演会说话的猫
That's great. Who do you see playing the talking cat?
-又说猫了 -我们想请艾迪·墨菲演
- Oh, the cat thing again. - We thought Eddie Murphy.
[美国著名喜剧演员 主演过《怪医杜里德》等]
艾迪·墨菲
Eddie Murphy!
经常有人对我说类似的话
Listen, I get this a lot.
那部舞台剧只是部戏说的作品
The panto is loosely based on me.
这部戏才是我的人生写照 正统政♥治♥戏
This is a true story of my life, a political drama.
-政♥治♥戏就政♥治♥戏 -外加会说话的猫
- Oh, yeah, sure, sure, a political drama. - With a talking cat.
-儿童题材 -我喜欢
- For kids. - I love it.
我是个严肃的政♥治♥家
I'm a serious politician.
我建造教堂 设立医院 改善公共卫生
I built churches, hospitals, improved sanitation.
是我发明了伦敦第一间公共厕所
I created the first public toilet in London.
但你的剧本好无聊
The thing is your idea is poo.
-超无聊 -无聊至极
- It stinks! - Stinks of poo.
但这是真人真事啊
But this is a true story.
太无聊我都听不下去了
I can't hear him above the hum of poo.
如果让凯拉·奈特利来扮演你 你觉得如何
How do you feel about Keira Knightley playing you?
[英国女演员 主演过《加勒比海盗》等]
凯拉·奈特利
Keira Knightley!
为何要让个女人来扮演我 我是男人啊
Why would a woman play me? I'm a man.
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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