糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S05E07

Part 1 Jan. 2, 2021, 3:17 p.m.

恐怖都铎华丽乔治*
*Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
卑劣斯图亚特邪恶维多利亚*
*Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
悲惨战役凶残争斗*
*Woeful wars, ferocious fights
昏暗古堡英勇骑士*
*Dingy castles, daring knights
恐怖难以言表*
*Horrors that defy description
凶狠凯尔特可怕古埃及*
*Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
凶残维京冷血罪行远古的惩罚*
*Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes, punishment from ancient times
罗马人堕落恶心又冷血*
*Romans, rotten, rank, and ruthless
穴居人野蛮残酷不长牙*
*Caveman, savage, fierce and toothless
绝妙古希腊聪明大圣人*
*Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
卑鄙又卑微就是中世纪*
*Mean and measly Middle Ages
血腥故事无限多*
*Gory stories we do that
且听鼠君对你说*
*And your host a talking rat
历史不再是个谜*
*The past is no longer a mystery
欢迎收看*
*Welcome to
第五季第七集
糟糕历史
腐朽古罗马
在奥古斯都大帝统治时期
During the reign of Emperor Augustus,
我们罗马人
we Romans
与一些日耳曼蛮族结盟
formed an alliance with some Germanic barbarians.
但是要不要相信他们就另当别论了
But trusting them was another matter,
正如这位将军所发现的
as this General found out.
德国条顿堡森林公元九年
将军我一直在想
General, I've been thinking.
我明确要求你不要瞎想埃吉斯
I did specifically ask you not to do that, Eggius.
我知道将军抱歉
I know, sir, sorry, sir.
我只是忍♥不住去想
Only I couldn't help thinking,
一列纵队行军沿着狭窄的小路
is it really wise to march in single file
穿越茂密的森林真的是明智之举吗
along a narrow path through dense forest?
你的重点是什么
Your point being?
我们也许会被蛮族埋伏吧
Well, might we not be ambushed by barbarians?
埃吉斯你到底为什么要这么想呢
Why on earth would you think that, Eggius?
其实有两个原因
Two things, really.
第一这是蛮族埋伏罗马军队的绝佳地点
One, this is the perfect place for barbarians to ambush a Roman Legion
第二一个间谍警告过我们
and two, a spy has warned us
蛮族打算埋伏一支罗马军队
that barbarians are going to ambush a Roman legion,
指的就是我们
specifically us.
胡扯埃吉斯
Poppycock, Eggius.
做一名伟大领袖的秘诀
The secret to great leadership
在于可以分辨真话和胡扯
is being able to tell the difference between
之间的差异
what's true and what's poppycock,
而这是胡扯
and that is poppycock.
这片区域内的蛮族都是我们的盟友
The barbarians in this region are our allies.
即便如此派一个侦查小队在前方
That said, might it not be a good idea
打探一下也许更好吧
to send a reconnaissance party out in front?
对好主意你去吧
Yeah, good idea, you go ahead,
至少我就不必听你
at least then I won't be able to listen
发这堆牢骚
to all your bellyaching.
带上几个人和你一起
Take a couple of the men with you.
-将军 -埃吉斯又怎么了
- Er, Sir. - What is it now, Eggius?
我知道了继续向前走埃吉斯
Right, I see. Erm, just keep walking, Eggius.
也许他们没看到我们
Maybe they haven't seen us.
-快一点吗 -好的走快一点更好
- A bit faster? - Yeah, a bit faster would be good.
三支罗马军队在埋伏中被歼灭
Three Roman legions were annihilated in the ambush.
共一万五千名士兵
15,000 soldiers!
牺牲的罗马士兵比我身上的虱子还多
That's more Romans than I've got lice.
当奥古斯都大帝听到这个惨败的消息
When Emperor Augustus heard of the disaster,
他多次把脑袋撞向宫殿的墙上
he repeatedly hit his head against the walls of his palace
并说还我军队
saying, "Give me back my legions."
奥古斯都不习惯失败的滋味
Old Augustus wasn't used to failure.
我真不该学他撞墙
I really shouldn't have done that!
糟糕历史制片厂出品
战争时期
战争时期
In a time of conflict...
陛下我们把马克·安东尼
Sire, we have Mark Antony
和克利奥帕特拉逼到了亚克兴角
and Cleopatra cornered at Actium.
能一举结束这场内战了
Could end this Civil War with one blow.
只有一个人可以击败马克·安东尼
Only one man could defeat Mark Antony,
这位强大的罗马将军
a powerful Roman General
与克利奥帕特拉埃及艳后
and Cleopatra, the Queen of Egypt.
我是盖乌斯·尤利乌斯·凯撒·
I am Emperor Gaius julius Caesar
领衔主演盖乌斯·尤利乌斯·凯撒·屋大维·神之子·奥古斯都
屋大维·神之子·奥古斯都大帝
Octavianus Divi Filius Augustus.
奥古斯都我是奥古斯都大帝
Augustus, I'm Emperor Augustus.
也被称为奥古斯都
我将在亚克兴角取得胜利
And I shall have a victory at Actium
并将留名青史
that will echo through history.
罗马最伟大的军事领袖
罗马最伟大军事领袖的故事
The story of Rome's Greatest Military Leader.
你叫什么名字
What's your name?
-阿格里帕 -保佑你
- Agrippa. - Bless you.
我要你为我负责这些具体事宜
I'd like you to take care of the details for me.
抱歉您说"具体事宜"是什么意思
Sorry, when you say details?
比如战役打仗
You know, the battle, the fighting,
我要你去给我打赢这场仗
I'd like you to go and win the battle for me.
那边可能日照很足
It's likely to be sunny
而我不想被晒伤
and I don't want to get sunburnt, so...
奥古斯都真的不喜欢阳光
好的我去
Right, so I go and...
-好的 -好的
- Yeah. - Yeah.
-好的 -好吧
- Yeah. - Fine.
奥古斯都重建了一座城并建立了一个帝国
Augustus, he rebuilt a city and founded an empire.
陛下凭借您的领导才能
Sire, through your leadership
我们消灭了敌人好棒
we have destroyed the enemy. Yeah.
不完全是他的领导才能吧明明是我...
Well, it wasn't really his leadership. I mean I,
算了继续吧
you know what, fine, carry on.
好棒
Yes.
我将重新建造罗马
I shall build Rome anew,
创建史上最伟大的城市
creating the greatest city the world has ever seen.
好棒
Yes.
你可以负责一下具体的事宜吗那谁
Can you sort the details, erm, thingy?
-阿格里帕 -保佑你
- Agrippa. - Bless you.
比如建筑物街道
You know, the buildings, the roads,
下水道浴场
the sewers, the baths,
这一类的事情
that sort of thing.
阿格里帕负责重建罗马
我不想去外面
I don't want to go outside,
我怕被闪电击中
I'm worried I might be hit by lightning.
奥古斯都确实害怕闪电
好的我去
Right, so I go and...
你能不能自掏腰包
Oh, and can you pay for the food
给大家买♥♥点吃的并请他们洗澡
and bathing for the people out of your own pocket?
好的
Yeah.
君主您实在太慷慨了
Emperor, you are too generous.
真的吗算了
Really, he...? Fine.
奥古斯都的成就
Augustus, his achievements
将会被铭记万古千秋
would be remembered through all eternity.
这个不错新的吗
That's nice, new?
-是的是亚瑟吧 -阿格里帕
- Yes. Erm, Arthur? - Agrippa.
保佑你我要将此复♥制♥
Bless you. I'm having it copied and
并摆放在帝国每个主要的城市里
placed in every major city in the Empire.
它叫"功业"
I call it the Res Gestal,
是我的成就列表
it's a list of my achievements.
我是如何打赢那些战役
How I won battles,
建造罗马创造一个帝国
built Rome and created an Empire.
这些你都没做是我做的
You didn't do that, I did that.
上面可不是这么说的
Not what it says here.
奥古斯都罗马前所未有的
Augustus, the story of the greatest leader
最伟大的领袖
ancient Rome ever had
以及他朋友...纸巾君的故事
and his friend, erm, Ah Tissue.
现在给我讲个睡前故事
Now, read me a bedtime story,
没故事我睡不着
you know I can't sleep without one.
很久以前有一个著名的国王
Once upon a time, there was a famous king
让他好朋友完成所有实际工作
who made his best friend do all the actual work
-而他的名字叫阿格里帕 -保佑你
- and his name was Agrippa. - Bless you.