糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S03E01
Part 1
Jan. 3, 2021, 1:51 p.m.
恐怖都铎 华丽乔治*
*Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
卑劣斯图亚特 邪恶维多利亚*
*Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
悲惨战役 凶残争斗*
*Woeful wars, ferocious fights
昏暗古堡 英勇骑士*
*Dingy castles, daring knights
恐怖难以言表*
*Horrors that defy description
凶狠凯尔特 可怕古埃及*
*Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
凶残维京 冷血罪行 远古的惩罚*
*Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes, punishment from ancient times
罗马人 堕落恶心又冷血*
*Romans, rotten, rank, and ruthless
穴居人 野蛮残酷不长牙*
*Caveman, savage, fierce and toothless
绝妙古希腊 聪明大圣人*
*Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
卑鄙又卑微 就是中世纪*
*Mean and measly Middle Ages
血腥故事无限多*
*Gory stories we do that
且听鼠君对你说*
*And your host a talking rat
历史不再是个谜*
*The past is no longer a mystery
欢迎收看*
*Welcome to
第三季 第一集
糟糕历史
腐朽古罗马
强大的罗马军队横扫欧洲
The mighty Roman army defeated all who stood in their way
所向披靡
as they marched through Europe,
战役中骁勇善战的将军们
and generals who were outstanding in battle
将会赢得一次胜利游♥行♥ 叫作罗马♥凯♥旋
were honoured with a victory parade called a Roman Triumph.
-4996个 -多少个了 凯库勒斯
- 4,996. - What are we on, Calculus?
[名字意为"微积分
已经杀死4996个野蛮人了 长官
4,996 barbarians killed, sir.
那个拿斧头的呢
What about that one there with the axe?
那个不能算 长官 他还能动呢
I can't give you that one, sir. He's still moving.
现在能算了
You can now.
4997个
4,997.
这是我首次一场战役剿杀五千敌军
This will be the first time I've ever killed 5,000 enemies in one battle
我就要赢得罗马♥凯♥旋了
and qualified for a Roman Triumph.
就差三个人 那个
Just need three more. Ha!
还剩两个 鄙人就能登轼
Two more and then yours truly will be parading
游遍罗马大街小巷
in a chariot through the streets of Rome
接受群众的溢美欢呼了
to the wild adulation of the crowd.
多谢 多谢
Oh, please. Oh, please.
那人是不是死了
Ooh, is that one there?
是 算你一个
Yes, I'll give you that.
他倒是在动
He's moving,
不过没脑袋他也别想往哪去了
but realistically he's not going anywhere without his head.
4999个
4,999.
成功了 加油
Get in! Come on!
再来一个
One more.
我们不敌罗马军力强盛
The might of Rome is too much.
我们投降
We surrender.
你说什么 拒绝投降
What's that? You refuse to surrender?
各位继续打
Carry on fighting, everyone.
战争结束了 你们赢了
The battle is over. You have won this day.
你看 他还用武器砸我
Ha, look he threw his weapons at me.
各位继续打
Fight on, men.
不行 将军 他都投降了
No, General, he's surrendered.
听不见听不见听不见 继续打啊
La, la, la. I can't hear you. Keep fighting. La, la, la, la.
将军 他们投降就不能继续打了
General, we can't keep fighting them if they've surrendered.
听着 再死一个人我就能凯♥旋♥游♥行♥了
Look, I only need one more death to get my Triumph, my parade.
就再给我加一个吧 行吗
Just write one down there, will you?
你看 那人好像死了
Look, that one looks dead there.
他还挥手呢
He's waving.
你到底帮不帮我
Are you going to help me or not?
我可不能乱写战报
I will not lie on my battle report.
不助我者 敌也
You're either with me or against me.
多谢
Thank you.
又死了一个敌人 凑够五千了
And one more enemy dead, makes 5,000. Yay!
五千啦
5,000.
到五千啦
Got 5,000.
我们居然输给这种蠢货了
How did we lose to this lot?
五千 五千 大家一起来
5,000, 5,000. Come on, everybody.
五千
5,000.
荣获罗马♥凯♥旋的奖励的人
If you were awarded a Roman Triumph,
可以乘着战车在罗马街头游♥行♥
you paraded through the streets of Rome on a chariot.
而所有的这些 都可在书中读到
You can read all about it in a book.
没错 一本书
That's right, a book.
一项有趣的罗马发明
An exciting new Roman invention.
简洁而具开创性
Intuitive, revolutionary.
[恶搞亚马逊公♥司♥Kindle的广♥告♥]
古罗马荣誉出品
Ancient Rome is delighted to announce
全新"一本书"震撼上市
the launch of the all new aBook,
一本书
带给您随时随地的阅读体验
the take-anywhere reading solution.
"一本书"棒极了
aBook is amazing.
在此之前 要想让你的诗歌♥万众传诵
Up until now the only way to get your poetry to the masses
得把诗写在诡异的长纸卷上
was by writing it down on long, awkward scrolls.
或是大声嚷出来
Or by shouting really loud.
而现在"一本书"改变了一切
Now aBook has changed all that.
用"一本书" 你只要翻页就行了
With new aBook you simply turn the page,
通过独特的可翻动纸页呈现新信息
using the unique turnable pages to reveal new information.
"一本书"纸张两面都写有文字
By writing data on both sides of the page,
可以用更少的空间
new aBook holds more information in less space
承载更多的信息
than anything that's gone before.
除此之外
What's more,
"一本书"独特的硬封皮还能保护你的著述
the unique hardwearing cover means your writing is safe
罗马人再朝它扔什么东西都不怕了
from anything the Roman world might throw at it.
至少正常的东西都不怕了
Well, within reason.
功能高端 又极度简洁
Incredibly clever yet incredibly simple,
"一本书"写下了写书的新篇章
aBook is the new book that rewrites the book on writing books.
同样来自"一本书"出品商
And coming soon from the makers of aBook,
还有"另一本书"
aNother Book.
不是吧 我才刚习惯用这本
Oh, no. I just got used to using this one
他们就出新的了吗
and they're bringing another one out?
太典型了 真逗
Typical. Ha-ha. Funny.
炫丽法兰西
大家好 欢迎来到中世纪的法国
Bonjour and welcome to Middle Ages France.
这里有像我一样的贫农
Home to poor peasants like me
还有富有的贵族 比如这位整蛊专家
and rich aristocrats like this prankster.
[戏仿美国整蛊节目Punk'd]
大家都好吧 各位整蛊爱好者们
What's up, prank fans?
罗伯特, 阿图瓦伯爵
法国疯狂整蛊爱好者
我叫罗伯特·阿图瓦
My name is Robert Artois
您正在收看的是《阿图瓦整蛊秀》
and you are watching You've Been Artois'd.
当红的偷♥拍♥节目 不循常理新奇料足
The red-hot hidden camera show that is both wook and gnarly.
你看我会说这些词
You see, I know those words.
很潮吧 是不是 没错
I am street, no? Woo-hoo, that's right.
阿图瓦 整蛊秀
我们照旧装配好了我漂亮的法式小笼子
OK, as usual we have rigged up my beautiful French crib
用了不少中世纪最时髦的整蛊技术
with the coolest, most up-to-date pranking technologies the Middle Ages can offer.
现在我们只要等着来几个朋友了
All we need now is some friends to come round,
公爵 公爵夫人什么的 我们就能开搞了
some dukes and duchesses, and then we crank up the pranks.
好了 流行之巅哦 开始吧
All right, top of the pops. Let's go.
阿图瓦 整蛊秀
各位整蛊爱好者 第一个上钩的来了
Looks like we got a bite, my prank friends.
那位是安吉丽娜 是我的好朋友
Right there is Angelina, she's a good friend of mine,
特别好的朋友
a real good friend of mine.
她还是隔壁郡的好公主
She's also a honest goodness princess from the neighbouring county.
棒极了
Awesome.
安吉丽娜还不知道
Now, what Angelina does not know is
我把这个机巧的水管埋在花♥园♥小径中间了
I have buried this clever water pipe in the middle of my garden path.
水管经过特殊设计 会往女士裙子里
It is specially designed to spray cold jets of water
喷冷水
up ladies' dresses.
等着吧 宝贝
Boom-boom bang-bang, baby.
他真这么干了
太棒了
Yeah! Woo-hoo! Ha, ha.
-你被阿图瓦了 -什么
- You've been Artois'd. - What?
-你被阿图瓦了 -什么意思
- You've been Artois'd. - What do you mean?
我是说你被阿图瓦了
I mean you've been Artois'd,
我 阿图瓦的罗伯特 你认识我吗
as in me, Robert of Artois. You know me?
亲爱的
Come on baby!
我们在克里斯特尔伯爵的晚宴上见过
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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