糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S05E09

Part 3 Jan. 2, 2021, 3:17 p.m.

全部都写在这本说明书里
It's all here in the instruction book,
还有更多的戏法
and there's loads more tricks too.
想出来这些戏法的人
The people who came up with them
肯定是惊人的魔法师
must be amazing magicians.
其实他们根本不是魔法师而是僧侣
Actually, they're not magicians at all. They're monks.
不抱歉停
No, I'm sorry, cut.
我们写这本书时
When we wrote the book,
没打算供大家娱乐
we didn't intend for people to have fun.
这本来是一本揭露中世纪骗子的书
It was meant to be a serious expose of con artistes in the Medieval world,
而不是魔术指南
not a manual for doing magic tricks.
僧侣们确实写了一本"魔术"书
那是什么味道谁变戏法了吗
Oh, what is that smell? Have you done one?
是你的鸡蛋伙计
It's your egg, mate.
最好在盒子里放个新鲜的鸡蛋
You want to put a fresh one in your box
若是你要贩卖♥♥你的"魔法游戏"的话
when you sell your... Great magic tricks.
由僧侣编写的极妙魔术戏法
Brilliant so-called Magic Tricks Writted By Monks.
由僧侣编写的极妙魔术戏法
不不是这样的不是
No, not that, not that.
我们写书是为了阻止大家这么做
We wrote it to stop people doing them.
这里怎么回事
Right, what's going on here?
是你写的魔法书
Did you write the book of magic tricks
教人如何把水变成红酒
that teaches people how to turn water into wine
让鸡蛋漂浮在空中吗
and make eggs float?
是的我正在和这些人解释
Yes, and I was just explaining to these good people
我们想要告诉大家这些戏法
that we were attempting to show people how these tricks
-如何用在 -巫术
- are used in... - Witchcraft.
是的完全正确
Yes, exactly.
-把他带走施行绞刑 -什么
- Right, take him away, have him hanged. - What?
新中世纪魔法游戏貌似吧
New Middle Ages Magic Set... Well, sort of.
注意在中世纪玩魔术戏法
Warning - performing magic tricks in the Middle Ages
可是会被处决的哟
could get you executed.
-出什么事了 -没什么
- Right, what's going on here? - Nothing.
就家里人一起坐坐坐坐而已
Just hanging out with the family, just sitting.
扯什么淡这里好大一股蛋腥味
You guffed? It smells very eggy in here.
赶紧开窗通风吧
You might want to think about opening a window.
中世纪魔术游戏
恐怖的都铎王朝
玫瑰战争最后的关键一战
The last major battle of the War Of The Roses
是著名的博斯沃思原野战役
was the famous Battle Of Bosworth Field
亨利·都铎想从
between King Richard III
理查三世手中夺走王位
and Henry Tudor, who was after his crown.
位高权重的斯坦利伯爵
Powerful nobleman Lord Stanley
[此处指托马斯·斯坦利德比伯爵一世]
却决定不了支持哪方
found himself stuck in the middle.
士兵们你们今日的所为
Gentlemen, your actions on this day
将改写历史
will change the course of history itself.
博斯沃思原野战役
1485年8月22日
在这博斯沃思原野的一战
For this battle here, on this humble Bosworth field,
将决定英格兰的王位
will decide whether the Crown of England
是由约克家族的理查三世继续保留
is to remain with Richard III and the House of York,
还是被兰开斯特家族的亨利·都铎夺走
or is to be taken by the young Lancastrian, Henry Tudor.
开战吧
So, let us fight.
大人有件小事要请教您
My Lord, er, just one tiny thing.
我们是哪边的啊
Erm, which side are we actually on?
那什么我还没决定好
Ah, well, I haven't entirely decided yet,
我一想好就告诉你
but, the second I do, I'll let you know.
斯坦利伯爵决定不了要为谁而战
好吧只是仗已经开始打了
Right, it's just that the battle's already started
总要先知道该往哪里冲吧
and it would be really handy tactic-wise to know which way to charge.
我的心告诉我理查三世更讨喜点
My head says Richard III's the favourite, right?
我跟他也算老熟人了
And we do have quite a long history.
我在他的加冕礼上是举权杖的
I held the mace at his coronation.
他还封我做王室内务总管
He made me Lord High Constable of England.
还给我封了好多地我都记不住了
I've literally lost track of the amount of land he's given me.
太尴尬了
It's embarrassing.
勇士们听我号♥令为约克家族而战
Men, we fight for the House of York, on my mark.
不过我跟另一方的交情也不浅
But there's a lot to be said for the plucky underdog, isn't there?
亨利·都铎的确是
And Henry Tudor's royal bloodline
爱德华三世留下的王族血脉
does stretch back to Edward III.
更别说我还娶了他娘
Let's not forget I am married to his mum.
要是我胳膊肘往外拐
If I side with the other guy,
圣诞节我可就难过了呀
well, imagine how awkward Christmas is going to be.
真心受不起
No, thank you, sir.
很好大人那就兰开斯特家族吧
Very good, my lord. House of Lancaster it is.
-听我号♥令 -可是吧
- Men, on my mark. - But..
大人啊快决定吧
Oh! My lord, we must make a decision.
-行行行 -还是抛硬币吧
- All right, all right, all right, all right. - Let's toss a coin.
头代表理查王因为
Heads, King Richard, because, um,
硬币上刻的就是他的头像
well, his head's on it.
或者...我们可以看
Or... We could just see
哪边有赢的趋势
which side looks like they're going to win
然后就加入哪边
and then just sort of join them.
听起来还真是个好主意
Actually that sounds like a pretty good plan.
我觉得兰开斯特胜算比较大
The House of Lancaster's looking a pretty good bet to me.
那好我们就帮亨利·都铎
Right then, we side with Henry Tudor.
斯坦利伯爵最后真的帮了亨利·都铎
好的大人冲啊
Very good, my lord, charge!
不不不不是那边不是啊
No, no, not that way, not that way.
那是我们这边的
No, they're on our side.
斯坦利伯爵最终决定帮亨利·都铎
Lors Atanley finally decided to fight for Henry Tudor,
并取得了最终胜利
and they won the battle.
理查三世被杀
Richard III was killed,
他的遗骨最近是在哪里找到的呢
but where were his bones recently found?
A 在箱子里
A, in a bin.
B 在灌木丛中
B, in a bush.
C 在停车场里
Or C, in a car park.
答案是
The answer is...
C 理查之墓近来被发现在
C. His grave was recently discovered
莱斯特的一个停车场下面
under a car park in Leicester.
理查死后亨利七世加冕
When Richard died, Henry VII took over
成为都铎王朝的首位国王
and became the first King of the Tudor dynasty.
雄起吧亨利
Take it away, Henry.
亨利国王何其多最没名气就是我
Of all the kings called Henry, I'm the one you've rarely heard.
四五六八莎翁传独独七世无片语
Shakespeare wrote IV, V, VI, VIII - but VII, not a word.
传闻说我太无奇
People think I'm dreary.
某种程度真有点
To some extent I am.
仔细瞧可大不同
But look a little closer.
呦呦切克闹*
*Glam, bam, thank you, mam!
理查为王我不服*
*I didn't agree with King Richard III
博斯沃思战胜他*
*So, I fought him at Bosworth Field and won victory
听来是不酷毙了*
*How cool does this sound?
王冠战场树篱藏*
*I'm the king who found
寻到之后我为王*
*Rich's crown in a hedge on the winning battleground
战争结束灾难止*
*The only way to end war and avert further disaster
从此两家变一家*
*There's got to be a way to unite York and Lancaster
[此处指约克家族和兰开斯特家族]
都铎始祖就是我*
*I'm the original Tu-Tu-Tu-Tudor
王朝开创就是我*
*Founder of that dynasty
玫瑰战争我终结*
*The man who closes the Wars Of The Roses
是我是我都是我*
*That's right. That's right. That's me
有钱贵族都遭殃*
*I launched attacks on lords who earned stacks
万贯家财被征税*
*Mine was a noble cause to tap them all for tax
目的崇高有何错*
*They paid their share was only fair
国富王富才是真的富*
*To make England rich and me a millionaire
一妻伊丽莎白·约克一辈子*
*Elizabeth York became my wife for life
所以我就无奇了*
*that make me a bore?
家族联合王位固*
*Joined our family seat that's neat, made my rule secure
都铎始祖就是我*
*I'm the original Tu-Tu-Tu-Tudor
国家权力再回归*
*Returning power to the state
看似无权势单薄*
*Seemed quite toothless
实则残忍♥狠厉绝*
*But actually ruthless
一手撑起君主制*
*I make the monarchy great
觊觎王位真可恨*
*Spent a long time fighting
长♥期♥斗争不气馁*
*pretenders to the throne