糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S05E01

Part 3 Jan. 2, 2021, 3:15 p.m.

I'll give you three guesses who invented it?
就是我
It was me!
罗马军队最后还是攻进了叙拉古
The Romans did eventually manage to get into Syracuse,
而阿基米德在解一道数学题时遇害了
and Archimedes was killed whilst working on a maths problem.
罗马人加剑等于死亡
Roman plus sword equals death.
下面这个故事的主角是另一位
And here's the story of another famous Greek
结局悲惨的希腊名人
who came to a sticky end.
特尔斐公元前560年
特尔斐的人♥民♥们
People of Delphi,
我是伊索
I am Aesop.
谁
Who?
我是伊索著名的寓言作家
I'm Aesop, famous fables writer.
从来没听说过
No, never heard of you.
你没听说过龟兔赛跑的故事吗
You've not heard the story of the hare and tortoise?
故事最后乌龟胜过了兔子
The race where the tortoise ends up beating the hare?
这个寓言故事告诉我们
It's a moral tale about
速度不代表一切
how speed is not always best?
没兴趣
Not interested.
好吧算了我伊索
All right, anyway I, Aesop,
著名的寓言作家
famous fables writer,
奉克里萨斯国王之命
have been tasked by King Croesus
要向你们特尔斐的人♥民♥散发金币
with distributing money to you, the people of Delphi.
现在有兴趣了是不是
Oh, interested now, ain't ya?
好的好的不用着急
All right, OK, no need to rush.
请记住龟兔赛跑的故事
Remember the story of the hare and the tortoise.
那是抢劫你已经拿过了
That's snatching and you've had some.
-我没有 -说谎
- No, I haven't. - Liar!
很明显你们没听过我写的
You obviously don't know my story
狼来了的故事
about the boy who cried wolf.
从来没听过
Never heard of it.
这个寓言故事
Well, it's a moral tale
告诉我们说谎者终将自食恶果
about how liars get their just desserts.
现在开始
Now, come on,
整齐地排好队
form an orderly queue.
不行你绝对已经拿过了
No, you've definitely had some.
没有那是我的双胞胎兄弟
No, I'm my identical twin brother.
-真的吗 -是的是的
- Really? - Yeah, yeah,
我可喜欢你的作品了 "依佛"
I'm a big fan of all your work, Ee-fop,
我爱死那个关于小男孩
loved that one about the boy
还有乌龟和鱼的故事了
and the tortoise with the fish
还有蟋蟀对不
and I want to say grasshopper?
得了吧
Nice try.
很明显你没听过我写的
You obviously haven't heard my story
狐狸和乌鸦的故事
about the fox and the crow
这个寓言故事告诉我们永远别相信马屁精
it is a moral tale about not trusting flatterers.
说真的你们够了
Oh! Now, honestly, behave, you lot!
很明显你们没听过我写的
You've obviously not heard my story
下金蛋的鹅的故事
of the goose with a golden egg
那是个关于贪婪的寓言故事
a moral tale about greed.
够了没钱给你们了
That's it, no more money,
你们配不上你们都太贪婪了
you don't deserve it, you're all too greedy.
你听过
Have you ever heard the story
寓言作家和悬崖的故事吗
about the fable writer and the cliff?
没有听上去不像是我写的
No, doesn't sound like one of mine.
我的都是以动物为主角的
Mine usually feature creatures of some sort.
这个故事讲的是非常惹人嫌的寓言作家
It's a story about a highly annoying fable writer
被愤怒的暴民们扔下了悬崖
who gets thrown off a cliff by an angry mob.
这个寓言故事告诉我们
It's a moral tale about
别去惹愤怒的民众
not annoying an angry mob.
不不要别...
No, oi! Don't...!
你们不记得我写的
Don't you remember my story
下金蛋的鹅的故事了吗
about the goose with the golden egg?
根据希腊史学家希罗多德的记载
According to Greek historian, Herodotus,
特尔斐的人♥民♥将伊索扔下了悬崖
the people of Delphi threw Aesop off a cliff
但不久后瘟疫就席卷了特尔斐
but soon afterwards a plague hit Delphi.
所以这个寓意其实是
So, the moral of this tale actually turned out to be,
不要将寓言作家扔下悬崖
Don't throw a fable writer off a cliff.
邪恶的维多利亚时代
在维多利亚时代我们对于美的看法
In Victorian times, we had some odd ideas
颇为奇怪日安
about how to look your best. Good day!
唯有赫特福德郡
[恶搞ITV真人秀The Only Way Is Essex]
我的天啊亚历山德拉
Oh, my gosh, Alexandra!
莉莲
你看上去漂亮极了
You look really nice.
-别说了 -不我说真的
- Shut up. - No, you do,
你看上去又苍白又无力
you look really pale and pasty,
是自然肤色吗
is it natural?
亚历山德拉
莉莲你这样说就过分了
Lillian, you're bang out of order.
承认吧你一定用了白肤化妆品
Admit it, you must use fake-no-tan?
行了跟你坦白吧
Well, to be totally honest with you,
我时不时会用氧化锌上妆美白
from time-to-time, I do top up my whiteness with some zinc oxide.
真的假的
Shut up.
再告诉你个秘密
And I'll let you into another secret.
我额头上的这些细血管
These veins on my forehead...
-都是用刷子画上去的 -真的假的
- Painted on with a brush. - Shut up.
维多利亚贵族妇女真会这么做
是啊亲爱的神奇吧
I know babe, amazing, isn't it?
这样就让我的皮肤显得更苍白了
They make my skin even paler.
-仿佛透明一般 -没错亲爱的
- Almost see-through. - Yeah, babe.
别看那边
Oh, don't look now
格蒂过来了
Gertie's on her way.
真是尴尬
That is well awkward.
你知道她在追佩尔波罗勋爵吗
You know she's been courting that Lord Pelborough.
我知道亲爱的这真是太过火了
I know, babe, it's bang out of order.
她知道我喜欢他他很理解我
She knows I'm after him, he gets me.
他们周末还出去散步呢
They even went on a walk at the weekend
-不带女伴 -真的假的
- without a chaperone. - Shut up.
我还听说她的脚踝都露出来了
I'm told she was showing an ankle.
真的假的
Oh, shut up.
小心点她来了
Oh, watch out. Here she comes.
你好亲爱的还好吗
Hello, babe, you all right?
天哪
Oh, my gosh!
格蒂你的脸怎么了
Gertie, what happened to your face?
-看上去是橙色的 -确实如此
- You look well orange. - hundred percent.
太丢人了
It's so embarrassing.
我在阳光下散步但是忘了撑阳伞
I went for a walk in the sun and forgot my parasol.
瞧瞧我
Now just look at me.
晒黑了真是粗俗
Suntan. So vulgar.
你看上去就像个庶民亲爱的
You look well common, babe.
就像你一直在户外工作什么的
Like you've been working outdoors or something.
我知道好伤心
I know. Sobs!
这个晒痕消退前
You better shut yourself in a dark room
你最好一直呆在黑屋子里
until that tan goes away.
天哪
Oh, my gosh,
-太有趣了 -太有趣了
- so funny. - So funny.
好了喝一杯来庆祝吧
Right, let's have a drink to celebrate.
干杯
Cheers.
这个喝起来像醋一样
Urgh, that tastes like vinegar!
因为这就是醋
Oh, that's because it is vinegar.
可以让皮肤更苍白
It makes your skin even paler.
有些维多利亚人真会这么做
太乱来了
So random.
这是真的
It's true.
维多利亚时代的贵族不喜欢晒黑的人
Posh Victorians used to frown on anyone with a suntan.
这是必须干户外活的
It was a sign of being a poor person
穷♥人♥的标志
who had to work outdoors.
我有绝佳的防晒用品
I've got a great sunblock.
就是毛
It's called fur.
没错在维多利亚时代
Yes, in Victorian times
人们喜欢把自己遮起来
people liked to be properly covered,
即使是在海滩上也不例外
even when on the beach.
维多利亚时代海滩看守
现在是上午九时
It's 9am