糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S05E07
Part 3
Jan. 2, 2021, 3:17 p.m.
The all new Tudor King Lift.
矮胖君王的终极移♥动♥助手
The ultimate mobility aid for tubby monarchs.
它的工作原理是这样的
Here's how it works.
核心部件是一系列滑轮 也就是滑轮组系统
Using a series of pulleys, known as the block and tackle system,
这个全新都铎国王升降座椅
my new Tudor King Lift
使得爬上白厅宫的大楼梯变得
makes getting up the massive staircase at Whitehall Palace
和砍掉爱人的头一样容易
as easy as beheading a loved one.
就是这样 轻松多了
There, that's so much easier.
完全不费力
No effort required at all.
谁能设计个国王扶起器吗
Right, can somebody design a King picker-upper?
快点
Quickly.
即将推出 国王扶起器
不 我太胖了
Oh, no, oh, I'm too fat. Oh!
可悲的二战
糟糕历史电视台
新闻联播
大家好 欢迎收看《那时新闻》
Hello and welcome to the News at When,
那时就是大约75年前 德国
when? About 75 years ago, when Germany,
一个还未从一战中恢复的国家
a country still reeling from the effects of the First World War,
出现了一个准备再打一仗的领导人
finds itself with a leader who's about to start another one.
这一不太受欢迎后续的详细内容
Here with more details on this rather unwelcome sequel
请看本台记者鲍勃·黑尔
is Bob Hail,
带来的第二次世界大战报道 鲍勃
with the World War Two report. Bob.
谢谢 萨姆
Thank you, Sam.
1938年 我身后就是当时的世界
Well, the year is 1938, that behind me is the world
戴好你的头盔 马上就要开始打仗了
and hold onto your helmets because it's about to go to war.
再一次
Again!
德国在20年前打输了一战
Yes, it's 20 years since Germany lost the First World War
德国
有大♥片♥土地被割走
and had a load of land taken off them.
他们的领袖阿道夫·希♥特♥勒♥ 就是他
And their leader, Adolf Hitler. Yeah, that one.
想收回那些土地 所以他就拿了
Has decided he wants it back, so he just takes it.
我知道 他就是这种人
I know, he's like that.
这让英国和法国可不太高兴
Which does not go down well with Britain and France,
派他们的首相去跟他谈
who send their Prime Ministers to have a little word with him.
希♥特♥勒♥承诺不会再占领更多的领土
So, Hitler promises that he won't take over anymore territories,
和平得到了保证 所有人都快乐地生活
peace is guaranteed and everyone lives happily ever after
我们这个时代的和平
在姜饼做房♥顶的糖果屋中
in candy floss houses with gingerbread roofs.
但好景不长 事实证明希♥特♥勒♥的记忆力
But not for long, now it turns out that Hitler has a memory
欧洲 1939年3月
和他的胡子一样 非常短
much like his moustache, very short.
他忘记了这个和平条约
He forgets about this Peace Treaty
和平条约 停止占领更多的领土 1939
迅速地入侵了捷克斯洛伐克 与意大利结盟
and promptly invades Czechoslovakia, allies with Italy
并将目光转向波兰
and turns his eye towards Poland
坦克轰鸣 炮火声声
followed by his tanks and his guns.
而就在一周之前
But, just the week before,
英国与波兰签署协议
Britain signed an agreement with Poland,
双方承诺将出兵对抗入侵国
promising to fight anyone who tries to invade them.
这只能说明一件事
Which can mean only one thing.
大家来抱团
Group hug.
说错了哟
不 我弄错了 是全面战争
Oh, no, my mistake, all out war!
在1939年9月
Yes, in September 1939,
英法联合澳大利亚 新西兰和加拿大
Britain and France along with Australia, New Zealand and Canada,
向德国与意大利宣战
declare war on Germany and Italy
第二次世界大战正式开始
and the Second World War has begun.
如果用仪表来测量一下的话
An event, which if we look at a dramaometer,
戏剧冲突度达到这么多
is precisely this exciting.
戏剧冲突测量仪
没错 连续九个月一点动静都没有
Yes, for nine long months, nothing really happens
[法德和法意边境建造的防御工事]
因为同盟军派部队驻扎在马其诺防线
as the Allies place all their troops behind this wall, the Maginot Line,
等着希勒特过来把他逮个正着
and wait for Hitler to come and get them,
但他却一直没有出现
which he never does.
这会他正忙着进攻挪威 丹麦
Instead, he spends his time invading Norway, Denmark
欧洲 1940年5月
以及荷兰 随后他绕过了马其诺防线
and the Netherlands before sneaking past the Maginot Line
突袭比利时 再从背后插入法国
through Belgium and invading France by the back door.
你今天还真是没完没了了
Wow, there's a lot of you in today.
随着法国沦陷于纳粹统治之下
So, now, with France under Nazi rule.
英国被推到了前线
Britain is on the front line,
换句话说
which means there's
冲突瞬间升级 直接爆表了
suddenly more drama that our thingy can handle.
二战战事转向空中
As World War Two takes to the skies.
英国皇家空军刚刚在英国战场上
Yes, no sooner had the RAF prevented a German invasion
成功抵御德军入侵
in the Battle of Britain,
希♥特♥勒♥立即对英国城市展开狂轰滥炸
than Hitler starts dropping bombs on British cities.
这便是骇人听闻的闪电战了
And a huge blitz known unimaginatively as The Blitz.
闪电战
尽管英国道高一尺 难敌德国魔高一丈
And while Britain stays strong, Germany grows even stronger
欧洲 北非
随着日本 匈牙利和罗马尼亚站到德国这边
as Japan, Hungary and Romania all join Hitler's side,
他们继续吞占南斯拉夫 希腊和北非
which then takes over Yugoslavia, Greece and North Africa.
阿道夫杀红了眼 对承诺置若罔闻
Yes, Adolf's got invasion fever and despite promising
说好绝不进攻俄♥国♥ 却把战事拉了过去
that he'd never invade Russia, he then invades Russia.
说句老实话 这个人还真不能信
Honestly, it's like you can't trust him or something.
而且入侵这种事还带传染性
And it seems that this invasion fever is catching
珍珠港
现在轮到日本红眼了
as Japan is now bitten by the bug.
在珍珠港偷袭美国海军之后
Yes, after attacking the US Navy at Pearl Harbour,
珍珠港是夏威夷的一个小岛
a Hawaiian island
还拍了一部烂片
and terrible movie,
远东
日本陆续侵占了泰国 缅♥甸♥ 菲律宾
the Japanese take over Thailand, Burma, the Philippines,
婆罗洲 香港还有新加坡
Borneo, Hong Kong and Singapore.
他们甚至把爪子伸到了澳大利亚
They even have a crack at Australia.
从国家仪表上来看
In fact, if we look at the countryometer,
有些人也喜欢把这玩意叫做地图
or map as some people like to call it,
毋庸置疑 希♥特♥勒♥赢定了
it's quite clear that Hitler's going to win
我们对此也无计可施了 没错吧
there's absolutely nothing we can do about it. Right?
错了 俄♥罗♥斯♥已经准备好
Wrong, you see the Russians have already started
在新的东方前线回击德国
fighting back the Germans on a new Eastern front.
美国对珍珠港很恼火 是珍珠港事件
And America, angered by Pearl Harbour, the attack,
不是那电影 一气之下也加入了同盟国
not the movie, have joined the Allies, too.
现在纳粹多方受敌
Yes, now the Nazi's are facing more troops
这可是前所未有的
from more directions than ever before
战事开始出现转机
and the tide begins to turn.
太平洋战场上 美国击退了日本
The Americans beat back the Japanese over the Pacific,
英军将纳粹驱逐出北非
while British forces push the Nazis out of North Africa.
俄♥罗♥斯♥自东边战线推进
The Russians push back from the east
同盟军则从南边逼近
and the Allies push up from the south.
与此同时 同盟国在远东收复缅♥甸♥
Whilst over in the Far East, the Allies win back Burma.
事实上 只要最后一推
In fact with one big push,
纳粹分子就不得不回撤
those Nazis could be forced into a retreat.
你知道吗
And do you know what?
最后一推来了
Here comes one big push,
诺曼底登陆 戴斯蒙 唐纳德 德维 德瑞克 杜格
所有名字以D开头的人
yes it's D-Day where everyone with a name beginning with D
都进入法国然后 什么
gets to invade France and the, what?
不好意思 我说错了
Oh, right, sorry, my mistake.
是十六万名字千差万别的同盟军
It's where 160,000 Allied troops with various names
16万士兵 艾伦 艾瑞克 科林 等等
从诺曼底海岸登陆占领法国
invade the French coast of Normandy
逼迫纳粹开始在欧洲战场回撤
to start forcing the Nazis back across Europe.
希♥特♥勒♥此时三面受敌
Yes, now Hitler is facing a war on three fronts,
也可以理解为两边跟屁♥股♥受敌
or one bottom and two sides,
看你怎么看待它吧
depending on how you like to look at it.
同时 他的意大利小伙伴
And when his Italian counterpart,
墨索里尼跑了
墨索里尼被推♥翻♥并处死
Mussolini, is overthrown and killed,
在墙上给希♥特♥勒♥留了一句话
the writing's on the wall for Hitler.
伙计 你玩完了
墙上写着 伙计 你玩完了
Writing that says, "You're finished, mate."
德语 伙计 你玩完了
不过是用德语写的
But in German,
1945年5月8日 德国宣布投降
So, on May 8, 1945 Germany surrenders
战争终于拉下帷幕
and the war is finally over.
二战结束了
但是还没完 因为在东边
Except, not really because back over in the East,
日本 1945年8月
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