糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S05E01
Part 1
Jan. 2, 2021, 3:15 p.m.
恐怖都铎 华丽乔治*
*Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
卑劣斯图亚特 邪恶维多利亚*
*Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
悲惨战役 凶残争斗*
*Woeful wars, ferocious fights
昏暗古堡 英勇骑士*
*Dingy castles, daring knights
恐怖难以言表*
*Horrors that defy description
凶狠凯尔特 可怕古埃及*
*Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
凶残维京 冷血罪行*
*Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
远古的惩罚*
*Punishments from ancient times
罗马人 堕落恶心又冷血*
*Romans, rotten, rank, and ruthless
穴居人 野蛮残酷不长牙*
*Caveman, savage, fierce and toothless
绝妙古希腊 聪明大圣人*
*Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
卑鄙又卑微 就是中世纪*
*Mean and measly Middle Ages
血腥故事无限多*
*Gory stories we do that
且听鼠君对你说*
*And your host - a talking rat
历史不再是个谜*
*The past is no longer a mystery
欢迎收看*
*Welcome to...
第五季 第一集
糟糕历史
牛气的撒克逊人
我们撒克逊人坚信诸神个个本领高♥强♥
We Saxons believed our Gods were really tough,
就像超级英雄一样
just like superheroes.
了不起电影公♥司♥ 为您呈现
在那个黑暗时代
In an age of darkness...
撒克逊诸神的时代
A time of Saxon gods...
给我一个不马上把你抓起来的理由
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't take you prisoner right now?
理由充分
Good reason.
只有一人能够团结诸神 力挽狂澜
only one could unite them to save the day.
我是沃登 诸神之首领
I am Woden, chief of all the gods.
领衔主演 沃登 诸神之首领
好吧
Oh, OK.
我要组建一支团队
I'm putting a team together.
你只会把事情弄糟
You'll only mess it up.
很可能
Probably.
你需要有人来挽救局面
You need someone to save the day.
当然了
Definitely.
我要组建一支团队
I'm putting a team together
做这种事当然要带上
and I'd hate to do it without
我的美娇妻
my pretty wife.
行动吧
Let's go.
主演 战神突尔
Starring Tiw, god of war
雷神斯♥诺♥
Thunor, god of thunder,
以及爱与美的女神 菲雅
and Frige, god of fertility.
单独行动时受人尊崇
Apart, they were worshipped.
联手后即成传奇
Together, they became Legend.
这支超级英雄队伍有名字吗 沃登
So, what's this superhero team called, Woden?
我们是 星期之日
We are Days of the Week.
什么
Sorry, what?
我们叫"星期之日"
We're going to be "Days of the Week?"
对 像这样
Yeah, you know like,
战神之日 主神之日
Tiw's Day, Woden's Day,
[英语分别音同周二Tuesday 周三Wednesday 周四Thursday 周五Friday]
雷神之日 爱神之日
Thunor's Day, Frige's day.
我们究竟要做什么
And what are we meant to do exactly?
其实没什么 就摆摆姿势拍拍海报
Nothing really, just look butch for the posters.
战神之日
Tiw's Day
主神之日
Woden's Day
雷神之日
Thunor's Day
爱神之日
Frige's day
还有土星神日
And Saturn's Day.
[现代英语沿用了古罗马人太阳神日Sunday 月亮神日Monday和土星神日Saturday的命名]
能别捣乱吗
Sorry! Do you mind?
你是罗马神
You're a Roman god,
现在是撒克逊周 只接受撒克逊神
this is Saxon God Week, only for Saxons.
那月亮神日跟太阳神日呢
Yeah, well what about Moon Day and Sun Day?
我们是一星期四日之队
Yeah we're a four-day-week team.
见证撒克逊时代
Witness the incredible story of
最强神祇阵容
how the greatest gods of the Saxon age
如何组成半吊子星期
came together to become almost one week.
星期大联盟
Weekdays assemble!
半吊子...
Some of...
半吊子星期大联盟
Some of the weekdays assemble.
没错
It's true.
一周中有几天是以撒克逊神祇命名的
Some Saxon gods had a day of the week named after them.
但没什么大不了
But that's nothing!
在中国 有一整年都是以我们命名的
In China, we have a whole year named after us, yeah.
就是鼠年
The year of the rat.
撒克逊人信仰很多与众不同的神祇
The Saxons had lots of unusual gods,
他们相信好多稀奇古怪的玩意
in fact, they believed in all sorts of weird stuff.
撒克逊英格兰某农场
早安 格雷厄姆
Morning, Graham.
好啊 基思 你怎么样
Oh, hello, Keith, how's tricks?
好极了 今年庄稼长势喜人
Oh, fantastic. Bumper crop this year.
收成应该比往年都好
Going to be my best harvest ever, I reckon.
你的呢
Yours?
老实说 有点稀稀拉拉的
Well, it's a little bit sparse if I'm honest,
你家的真茂密
not a patch on yours.
俗话说得好
Well, you know what they say,
这山望着那山高
the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence,
不过我的确实比你的好
unless you're me, cos that's not!
我真不明白
I just don't understand it, you know
地也犁了 水也浇了 寸草不生
I've ploughed it, I've watered it, nothing!
试过取悦它吗
You tried charming it?
[英文"取悦"兼有"施魔法"之意]
你是说对它说甜言蜜语
What, you mean like paying it a compliment?
带它出去喝一杯
Taking it out for a drink?
不不 是施魔法
No, no. Actually charming it -
做一场土地仪式大♥法♥
performing a land ceremonies charm, yeah?
会让你的土地肥沃起来
A blessing to make the ground fertile.
我的田就是这样起死回生的
Turned my farm around.
是吗
Really?
当然 步骤很简单
Oh, yeah, it's dead simple.
只需在田里的每个角落挖个洞
All you do is, dig a hole in every corner of your field.
听着确实很简单
Well, that does sound very simple.
然后将地里所有野草
Then you take a sample of every grass,
药草和树叶 每种采一株
herb and leaf that's growing within the field,
一同混入所有奶牛产的奶中
and mix it with milk from every cow in your herd.
好的 这样就能让...
Right, and that's supposed to make the...
然后加入蜂房♥里所有蜜蜂采的蜜
Then add honey from every bee in your hive,
再掺入圣水
mix that with holy water
将以上混合物倒入挖好的洞里
and pour the mixture into the holes
同时吟唱咒语
whilst singing an incantation,
然后念主祷文
and then the Lord's Prayer.
撒克逊人相信这样能帮助庄稼生长
吾等在天之父
Our Father who art in heaven...
然后将挖出的土块带到教堂
And then take the dug up clumps of earth to the church
请牧师对所有的土块吟唱弥撒曲
and get the priest to sing Mass to each one of them.
然后找四个十字架
And then take four crucifixes,
分别写上马太 马可 路加和约翰
write Matthew, Mark, Luke and John on 'em,
[指圣经新约四大福音书的作者]
把十字架扔进洞里 大喊九遍
place them in the holes, shout, "Grow!",
"生长吧"
nine times.
生长吧 生长吧 生长吧
Grow! Grow! Grow! Grow...
再念一遍主祷文
Say the Lord's Prayer again.
吾等在天...
Who art in heaven...
面向东方 鞠躬 再念主祷文
Turn east, bow, say another prayer.
愿世人尊汝之圣名
Hallowed be thy name...
转三个圈
Turn around three times,
躺地上 唱圣歌♥ 站起来
lie on the ground, do a chant, stand up,
祝福耕犁 祝福种子
bless the plough, bless the seeds,
挖条犁沟 烤个蛋糕
dig a furrow, bake a cake,
祝福蛋糕 埋葬蛋糕 完成
bless the cake, bury the cake and then bingo,
你的土地就变肥沃了
your field's fertile.
下次播种前这样做就行了
Now you do that next time before you sow your seeds.
播种 对啊
Seeds! Of course!
难怪我的庄稼不长呢
No wonder my crops weren't growing,
我忘了播种
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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