糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S05E11
Part 3
Jan. 2, 2021, 3:18 p.m.
说真的 我觉得你不是唯一一个
Honestly, I don't think you're the only one
没有了大脑的人
who's had their brain removed.
他啦 我说的是他 下一位
Him, him, I was talking about him. Next!
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
在罗马竞技场上也有很多
There were also lots of stupid ways to die
愚蠢的死法
in the Roman arena.
康莫德皇帝喜欢假装他是位角斗士
Emperor Commodus liked pretending he was a gladiator,
但当他拿着剑战斗时
but while he fought with a sword
他给对手什么装备呢
he'd arm his opponents with what?
A 海绵
A, Sponges.
B 树枝
B, Sticks.
C 石头
or C, Stones.
答案是A 他们根本没有可能赢
The answer is, A. They didn't stand a chance.
真正的罗马角斗士久经训练
Real Roman gladiators were highly trained
而且非常值钱
and very valuable.
历史版飞黄腾达
安静 马克西姆 安静下来
Calm it down, Maximus. You calm it down.
-早上好 -早上好
- Good morning. - Morning.
本周的挑战很简单
Simple challenge this week.
每队提供一位训练有素的角斗士
I'll give both teams a highly-trained gladiator
你们大家要做的就是
and all you lot had to do
利用他赚尽可能多的钱
was to use him to make as much money as possible.
你们有什么策略 马克西姆队
So, what was your strategy, Team Maximus?
唐勋爵 我们的...
Well, Lord Sugar, what we...
唐大帝 听起来真带感
Emperor, Emperor Sugar. I like the sound of it.
唐大帝
Well, Emperor Sugar,
训练有素的角斗士价值连城
knowing how valuable a trained gladiator is,
我们确保马克西姆
we made sure that Maximus
只与未经训练且没有武器的奴隶角斗
fought untrained and unarmed slaves.
好主意 将重伤危险降至最低
Good plan, minimise the risk of serious injury.
他一旦赢得"万人斩"美誉
As soon as he gained a reputation for chopping people up,
就让他与训练过的角斗士对决
we let him fight trained gladiators,
但要确保
but we made sure that
马克西姆被砍伤的部位没有致命危险
the wounds they inflicted on Maximus, here, were not lethal.
这样的话 既能壮观喷血
That way, we could spill plenty of blood,
又能保证马克西姆可继续战斗
but Maximus here lived to fight another day.
基本上 凯伦
So, basically, Karen,
你的团队负责帮他们联♥系♥角斗
your team fixed their fights?
某种程度上 是的
In a way, yes.
不光彩 我喜欢你的路子
Disgraceful. I like your style.
马克西姆现在的名声能保证打斗时
Well, Maximus' reputation now guarantees sell-out crowds
座无虚席 而且他们还让他
wherever he fights, and they've also got him
给一些奢侈产品做广♥告♥
to do some rather lucrative product endorsements.
-一起看看吧 -好的
- Have a look at this. - Oh, right, yeah.
我是马克西姆·德西莫斯·梅里迪乌斯
I am Maximus Decimus Meridius,
[电影《角斗士》中男主角的台词]
北方军指挥官
Commander of the armies of the north,
被杀害的儿子的父亲
father to a murdered son,
被杀害的妻子的丈夫
husband to a murdered wife,
我洗澡只用木星橄榄油
and I will only ever wash with Jupiter's Olive Oil.
真顺滑
Hmm, so smooth.
不 我很喜欢 好了 你们这边
No, I like it. Right, you lot,
是如何使用你们的角斗士的
what did you do with your gladiator?
我们的策略是 胆子要大
Our strategy was, let's think big, huh?
我们想给观众带来真正的大场面
Yeah, we wanted to put on a real spectacle for the crowds,
人♥兽♥对决
man versus beast.
因此让我们的角斗士挑战老虎
So, our gladiator versus a tiger.
好的 效果怎么样
Yeah, and how did that work out for you?
竞技场座无虚席 先生
We sold out the arena, Sir.
角斗士怎么样了
And what happened to the gladiator?
他就在这儿
Oh, he's right here.
反正是他身上仅剩的部分
Well, what's left of him, anyway.
你们开什么玩笑
Are you having a giraffe?
我要声明人♥兽♥大战是他的主意
Can I just say that man versus beast was actually his idea?
没错 但我指的不是老虎 好吧
Yeah, I didn't mean a tiger, did I?
我是说獾之类的
I meant like a badger or something.
-你可从没说过獾 -你应该猜到...
- You never said badger. - Well, you should have...
好了 好了 闭嘴吧
All right, all right, shut it, all right?
我现在只想听我自己说话
The only person I want to hear talking right now is me.
我爱听自己的声音 直说了吧
I like the sound of me own voice. So, let me get this straight,
你们得到一个昂贵的角斗士
you took a very expensive gladiator
然后就让他死在第一场竞技中了
and got him killed in his first arena fight?
不仅如此 他们还没能卖♥♥出他的血
Not only that, but they also failed to sell his blood.
你们居然
You what?
角斗士血是广为人知的罗马药材
Gladiator blood is a well-known Roman medicine,
被认为能够治愈癫痫症
thought to cure epilepsy,
本来可以卖♥♥掉它大赚一笔的
and they could have sold it for a tidy profit.
马克西姆队 就不一样了
Team Maximus, on the other hand,
成罐收集角斗士的汗液
have been bottling their gladiator's sweat.
罗马人认为它可以令人年轻有力
Romans believed it made you young and powerful?
你应该试试
You should try some.
我看起来像用得着那东西吗
Do I look like I need any of that stuff?
你们应该给尼克点 他需要
You should give some to Nick, he needs it.
我听够了 马克西姆队创造了
I've heard enough, Team Maximus you've created
单人工业的大额盈利
a hugely profitable one-man industry,
而米尼莫斯队 你们现在只剩下
whereas Team Minimus here, all you've got left
一个死掉的角斗士和一只老虎
is a dead gladiator and a tiger with the runs.
不用天资聪慧
It doesn't take a genius
也能猜到我下面要说什么
to work out what I'm going to say next.
米尼莫斯队
Team Minimus.
你们出局了
You're fired.
马克西姆队 恭喜你们
Team Maximus, congratulations,
为自己赢得了两个场边座位
you've got yourself two ringside seats
观看下一场角斗比赛
to the next Gladiator Games,
届时马克西姆将屠♥杀♥这两个白♥痴♥
where you'll get to see Maximus here decimate these two idiots.
实际上 这么着吧 现在就动手
In fact, do you know what? Let's just do it now.
马克西姆 干掉他们
Maximus, get them.
令人兴奋
Oh, it's exciting.
我超爱血腥运动 你呢凯伦
I love a blood sport, don't you Karen?
当然了
Absolutely.
这是事实 罗马角斗士非常著名
It's true! Roman Gladiators were very famous
并且时常为商品做广♥告♥
and were often used to advertise products.
很多方面 角斗士都像是当年的足球队员
In many ways, Gladiators were the footballers of their day.
尽管 他们只有在被老虎撕掉一条腿时
Although, they'd only roll about on the floor screaming
才会在地上尖叫打滚
if they'd had their leg ripped off by a tiger.
华丽的乔治王朝
乔治时代 监狱过于拥挤
In Georgian times, our jails were so overcrowded
决定将恶臭的犯人装船运至远方
we decided to ship the smelly convicts far, far away.
但结果发现在澳大利亚建立殖民地
But setting up a colony in Australia -
是件非常艰苦的工作
that turned out to be rather hard work.
你知道的 芬奇 我们上船时
As you know, Finch, when we landed our ships,
澳大利亚 杰克逊港 1790年
带的食物只够我们吃到
we only carry enough food to provide for us
开始耕种土地之前
until we can start to farm the land.
进行得怎么样了
How's that going?
不太好 先生 我们真应该多带些
Not good, Sir, and we really should have bought more
有技术的农民和牲畜
skilled farmers and livestock.
我们得解决这个问题 小子
We've got to sort this out, man.
他们的确未作好农耕准备
没有食物 更多的人将死去
Without food supplies, more people are going to die.
我说对了吧
My point exactly.
我估计没人说过在澳大利亚建立
Well, I suppose no-one said setting up Australia's first ever
第一个英国殖民地是件容易事
British Colony was going to be easy.
不过 我相信第二舰队随时都会抵达
Still, I'm sure the second fleet will show up any day now,
船上装满食物
stuffed to the gunnels with supplies.
他们的确希望第二舰队来救他们
-菲利普州长 -正是
- Governor Philip? - Yes.
我是希尔船长 第二舰队的
Captain Hill, second fleet.
天哪 见到你真高兴
Boy, am I glad to see you.
目前情况十分危急
I'm afraid conditions are rather dire.
我们更糟
Well, we've had it worse.
我们已有半数死于疾病
We've lost half our people to disease.
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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