糟糕历史（2009）

Horrible Histories S01E01

Part 1 Jan. 3, 2021, 2:23 p.m.

恐怖都铎华丽乔治*
*Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
卑劣斯图亚特邪恶维多利亚*
*Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
悲惨战役凶残争斗*
*Woeful wars, ferocious fights
昏暗古堡英勇骑士*
*Dingy castles, daring knights
恐怖难以言表*
*Horrors that defy description
凶狠凯尔特可怕古埃及*
*Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
凶残维京冷血罪行远古的惩罚*
*Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes, punishment from ancient times
罗马人堕落恶心又冷血*
*Romans, rotten, rank, and ruthless
穴居人野蛮残酷不长牙*
*Caveman, savage, fierce and toothless
绝妙古希腊聪明大圣人*
*Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
卑鄙又卑微就是中世纪*
*Mean and measly Middle Ages
血腥故事无限多*
*Gory stories we do that
且听鼠君对你说*
*And your host a talking rat
历史不再是个谜*
*The past is no longer a mystery
欢迎收看*
*Welcome to
糟糕历史
第一季第一集
腐朽古罗马
古罗马时代若有人死去
When people died in Roman times,
我们会做些非常有趣的事情
we had some really funny ideas
来好好告别他们
about how to give them a good sendoff.
马斯乌纳斯是个睿智高尚的人
And above all Messiunas was a wise and a noble man
古罗马葬礼两千多年前
只在非常必要时才打他的奴隶
who only ever beat his slaves when it was absolutely necessary.
我们会深切怀念他
He will be sorely missed by us all.
但现在是打斗时间
But now...for the fight!
打起来打起来打起来
Yeah! Fight! Fight! Fight!
继续打起来
Go on...fight, fight!
-到底发生了什么事 -打架啊
- What on earth's going on? - Oh, it's a fight!
-为什么 -这是古罗马最新潮流
- But why? - Oh, it's the latest Roman thing.
找自己最喜欢的两个奴隶
You get your two favourite slaves
在自己的坟前进行殊死搏斗
to fight to the death in front of your graveside.
古罗马人
真的
这么做
-为了什么 -这很高尚
- Whatever for? - It's very noble.
败者就好比献给死者的牺牲
The loser's like a sort of sacrifice to the dead man,
让他的灵魂有个伴
you know, keep his soul company?
最棒的是看着太有意思了
The best thing is, it's really good fun to watch.
最近流行这个是吗
So this is catching on, then?
是我朋友上个月死了打了三次架
Oh, yeah, friend of mine died last month, had three fights,
也就是说还会有三场葬礼
that means three more funerals
每场打三次架
and three fights at each one
这样就有九场葬礼就这样
that makes nine funerals! That's it.
连续几周都有葬礼太好了
It's been wall-to-wall funerals for weeks now. Brilliant!
死的是谁
Which one was that?
马库斯吧
Um... Marcus.
我们今天聚在一起见证马库斯的安息
We are gathered here today to mark the passing of Marcus.
-他是个好奴隶 -难以相信
- He was a good slave. - I can't believe all this.
这没什么我叔叔森提列斯
Oh, this is nothing. My uncle, Centillus,
立下遗嘱
had it written into his will
要两个美丽的女人在他坟前殊死搏斗
that he wanted a fight to the death between two beautiful women.
这是
真的
-真的 -对
- Seriously? - Yeah.
他的葬礼在十分钟后
His funeral's in ten minutes.
-真恶... 我能来吗 -可以
- It's disgust....can I come? - Yeah.
打斗开始前一定要装作非常悲伤
You've got to pretend to be sad until the fight starts.
好的没问题
Oh, yeah. No problem.
这很可怕不过是真事
It's horrible, but it's true!
古罗马人喜欢看奴隶在葬礼上打斗
Romans loved watching slaves fighting at funerals.
他们对其钟爱有加
In fact, they loved it so much
有人甚至想出了个新点子
that someone had the bright idea
把奴隶们带到竞技场称其为"角斗士"
of putting the slaves in stadiums and calling them gladiators.
角斗士要在专门的角斗士学校受训
Gladiators were trained in gladiator schools,
和一般学校不同
not like your schools,
不过如果一样的话就有趣了
but, do you know, it would be funny if they were.
老师来了
Teacher's coming!
罗马万岁非常高兴你们如此认真
Hail Rome, class! Very good to see you all working hard,
但恐怕我们得继续上课了
but I'm afraid we must push on.
好的谁来说说昨天上到哪了
All right! Someone tell me where we got to yesterday.
-老师 -你说小算盘
- Sir! - Yes, Abacus?
数学老师我们在数
Maths, Sir, We were counting
一场比赛中能砍下多少罪犯的头
how many criminals heads we could chop off in one contest.
没错是数学如果我们
Oh, yes, maths. So, if we're to take...
-老师老师 -什么事急性子
- Sir! Sir! - What is it, Overzealous?
我们什么时候能在斗兽场搏斗呢
When do we get to fight in the Colosseum, Sir?
斗兽场
Colosseum?
斗兽场是为我这样的精英角斗士准备的
The Colosseum is for elite gladiators, like me,
角斗艺术的大♥师♥
masters of the gladitorial arts.
你们谁会成为英勇的执网斗士呢
Which of you will become raging retiarius, eh?
执网斗士
以三叉戟
和网
为武器
以三叉戟和网为武器
With your trident and your net.
或者是邪恶的狩猎者与野兽对抗
Or a vile venator doing battle with wild animals.
狩猎者
与野兽
对抗
急性子想去斗兽场你小子还不够格
You, Overzealous, are not ready for the Colosseum.
上次"野兽搏斗考试" 你是什么等级
What did you get in your last Fighting Wild Animals exam?
蜜蜂级
Got a bee.
你才是蜜蜂级
You got a bee.
最小以及最容易打败的动物
Smallest and easiest to fight of all the animals
但是如果你
But what would you do
面对的是狮子你要怎么办
if you were up against a lion in the arena?
说话小子
Speak up, boy!
不知道老师
Don't know, Sir.
"不知道老师"
"Don't know, Sir!"
不知道就对了
Exactly!
说到哪了
Now, where were we?
数学老师
Maths, Sir.
数学很好如果我砍下四个人的头
Maths! Good. So, if I was to cut off four men's heads
再加上我前一天砍下的十条奴隶的手臂
and add them to the ten slaves arms I cut off the day before.
会得到什么
What would we have?
-说 -供罗马人♥民♥消遣的
- Yes? - A great afternoon of entertainment
一个美好下午老师
for the people of Rome sir.
正确还是这么聪明啊很好
Correct answer. Clever as always. Well done!
好的大家打打闹闹地收拾下课吧
Oh, OK, everyone pack up violently.
你们走之前
And before you go, before you go,
记得把作业都交了
make sure you hand in your homework.
好的好的谢谢很好给满分
All right, all right, thank you! Very good, very nice work. A+.
可怕的一战
一战时
In the First World War
许多士兵得在可怕的战壕里作战
lots of us soldiers had to fight in horrible trenches.
大部分战壕里全都是虱子
And most of the trenches were full of lice. Ow!
法国一处战壕
士兵在做什么好吃的真香
Mmm! What's cooking, Soldier? Smells Good!
炸虱子先生
Fried lice, Sir.
炒米饭吗真美味
Fried rice? Delicious!
不炸虱子
No, no, fried LICE.
比利待在这个战壕几个月没洗澡了
Billy's been living in his trench for months without washing,
他身上全是虱子
he's covered in lice.
痒死了啊
Ooh, aah, it itches!
我懂了
Oh, I see.
所以我们在炸虱子
So we're frying them...
真的有
士兵
这么做
取乐
..for fun! Ha-ha!
太恶心了
That's disgusting!
这就恶心了...
You think that's disgusting...
天呐它们颜色还不一样
Crumbs! They're different colours!
对白色虱子是在我们战壕里染的
Yeah! I picked up the pale ones from our trench,
红色的是在德国人的战壕里染的
and the red ones from the German trench.
现在它们好像在我身上到处开战长官
It's like they're waging war all over my body, Sir!
司令情况不妙啊
It's not looking good, Commandant!
英国虱子
The British lice
已经控制了头部正在南下
have taken control of the head and are advancing South.
乳♥头♥高地怕是守不住了