糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S05E03
Part 2
Jan. 2, 2021, 3:16 p.m.
国王悬赏三万要我的人头
Now, the King has put a 30,000 price on my head, so
要把我送去斯凯岛
the challenge is going to be getting me
就难在途中不被认出
to Skye without being spotted.
别担心 我有办法
Don't you worry, I have everything we need.
太好了 谢谢
Oh, great, thanks.
东躲西♥藏♥简直是噩梦
It's a nightmare, all this running and hiding.
还有什么能比皇室血裔
Can you think of anything more humiliating
不得不藏匿于荒野
than a man of royal blood having to
更丢人吗
skulk around the moors like...
明显有
Apparently, you can.
他乔装成身着裙子的女人
有人问你话 就说你叫贝蒂·伯克
If anyone asks, your name is Betty Burke
是我的爱尔兰女仆
and you're my Irish maid.
你会爱尔兰口音吗
Can you do an Irish accent?
早上好
Top o' the morning to you.
你还是别出声了
Maybes I'll do the talking.
如何
Well, what do you think?
绝对的爱尔兰女仆
Think you make a more convincing Irish maid
看不出丝毫国王气质
than you would a King.
大家的确都说我很俊俏
Well, people do say I'm bonnie.
小王子查理叛乱结束后
After Bonnie Prince Charlie's rebellion,
出♥台♥了一条法规 禁止苏格兰人穿短裙
a law made it illegal for Scotsmen to wear kilts.
不过没说不能穿连衣裙
Though it said nothing about wearing dresses.
一直到1782年才解禁
The ban remained in force until 1782.
另一位反抗英格兰的苏格兰名流
One famous Scot who had more luck
罗伯特一世 就幸运多了
against the English was robert the Bruce.
糟糕历史 电影展销会
罗伯特一世电影项目
开始吧
OK, hit me.
我是罗伯特一世
I am Robert the Bruce
故事讲述的是我如何在班诺克本战役中
and this is the tale of how I defeated the English King
击败英格兰国王
at the Battle of Bannockburn
并夺得了苏格兰的宝座
and won the throne of Scotland.
苏格兰不是英格兰的一部分吗
Isn't Scoterland part of Engerland?
-不尽然 -我以前在哪儿听说过你
- Not exactly. - Now, where have I heard of you before?
可能你对我在战场上的胆略和卓越战斗力
Perhaps you've heard tales of my courage
有所耳闻
and skills in battle?
-想起来了 那个蜘蛛人 -啥啥人
- That's it, you're the spider guy! - The what-what guy?
对 你躲在洞穴里 看到一只蜘蛛
Yes, you hid in a cave, watching a spider
它激励你继续战斗下去
and that inspired you to fight on.
每一次网断了
Every time the web snapped,
蜘蛛就会重新来过
the spider started to build it again.
要是第一次没能成功
If at first you don't succeed,
-那就不断尝试 -电影圈可行不通 亲
- try,try,try again. -Not in the movie business, honey.
不 那是杜撰的
No, that never actually happened,
只是人们想
that's just a story people tell
诠释我永不言弃的精神
to explain why I never gave up, no matter what.
把剧本改为他被蜘蛛咬了
What if he got bitten by the spider
变身超级英雄怎么样
and turned into a superhero?
-《蜘蛛人》 -《蜘蛛人二》
- Spider Guy! - Spider Guy II!
我们开始有点眉目了
Now we're getting somewhere.
能不说蜘蛛人了吗
Enough about the spiders man, OK?
这个电影是讲述我们苏格兰人如何击败
This film is about how we Scots defeated
英格兰国王爱德华的
the English King Edward in battle.
《勇敢的心》 我爱这部电影
Braveheart? I love that movie.
看过了 我还买♥♥了脸部涂料
Seen it, bought the facepaint.
[《勇敢的心》中威廉·华♥莱♥士♥的饰演者]
-不 那是另一个人 -梅尔·吉布森吗
- No, that was the other chap. - Mel Gibson?
[《勇敢的心》中的苏格兰英雄]
威廉·华♥莱♥士♥
William Wallace.
那这乡巴佬是谁
So, who's this clown?
我是罗伯特一世 苏格兰国王
I'm Robert the Bruce, King of Scotland.
威廉·华♥莱♥士♥在我们战胜英格兰
William Wallace had been dead nine years
取得班诺克本战役胜利的九年前就死了
when we defeated the English at Bannockburn.
我们对战的爱德华♥国♥王都不是同一个人
He wasn't even fighting the same King Edward.
是的 但他为你赢得了王位
Yes, but he won you the throne.
他是赢得了几场战役
Aye, he won some battles, yes,
但之后他战败 东躲西♥藏♥了数年
but then he was defeated and had to hide for several years.
王位是我自己夺来的
I won my own throne.
怎么可能
I can't believe my ears
你是想说好莱坞大♥片♥《勇敢的心》
Are you suggesting that the Hollywood film Braveheart
有虚构成分吗
is not 100% historically accurate?
心碎了
I think I'm going to faint.
我们还是拍《蜘蛛人》吧
I think we're going to go with Spider Guy.
不 我不允许
No! I will not have it.
我不允许你们玷污我的人生
I will not have you take my life and make a mockery of it.
你可以夺走我的性命
Ye may tak our life... Ohh!
[化用《勇敢的心》中威廉·华♥莱♥士♥的经典台词]
但不能夺走我的自♥由♥
..But ye'll nevurr tak our FREEDOMMMMM!
-自♥由♥ -真可悲
- FREEDOM! - Pathetic.
-他人不错 -我喜欢爱尔兰人
- Great guy. - Love the Irish...
是苏格兰人
Scottish.
[爱尔兰演员]
那就让科林·法瑞尔演他
Now that Colin Farrell's going to play him...
科林·法瑞尔
Colin Farrell?!
野蛮的石器时代
石器时代第28项发明
Stone age invention NO.28.
穿衣服
Wearing Clothes
商店营业
想买♥♥衣服吗
You want to buy clothes?
什么叫衣服
What clothes?
这就是衣服
This clothes.
衣服弱爆了
Ugh, clothes look stupid.
这是时尚 还能保暖
Clothes latest thing. Good for keep warm.
这是冬款的
This winter clothes.
这是夏款的
This summer clothes.
衣服好臭
Ooh! Clothes stinky.
这个不错
Ooh, this clothes better.
软软的
Ooh, so soft.
这件衣服还穿在人家身上呢
Previous owner not finished with those clothes.
傻缺
Funny.
没错 石器时代的人发明了很多冲[聪]
Yes, Stone Age man make lots of clever inven...
冲[聪]明的...
inventons...in...
东西
Ugh, things.
这个则让打猎方便了不少
This one make hunting much easier.
历史版
疯狂汽车秀
[恶搞BBC汽车节目Top Gear]
欢迎收看《历史版疯狂汽车秀》
Hello and welcome to Historical Top Gear.
杰里米·克拉克石
詹姆斯·泥
[恶搞Top Gear的主持人Jeremy Clarkson和James May]
如果你想迅速抵达某地
Now, if you want to go somewhere fast,
我们有法子了 因为今天
we've got the answer because, today,
我们将见识到最先进的交通工具
we're looking at the very latest in transportation devices -
-马 -我知道你在想啥
- the horse. - I know what you're thinking,
马甚至比我们这位史前主持人
horses have been around for even longer
诞生得更早
than this prehistoric presenter,
但是迄今为止
but up until now,
人们一直认为马的骑法复杂且很难驾驭
they've been tricky to ride and almost impossible to steer.
石器时代的试替哥
直到乌克兰专家
That is until boffins in the Ukraine
研究出了一项新技术
came up with a brand-new piece of technology
从此骑马变得更为简单
which makes it far easier to ride on horses' backs,
就是这个
and here it is.
[英语中a bit又有一点儿的意思]
这个神奇的玩意儿叫马嚼子
This clever piece of kit is called a bit.
一点儿 还不如叫它小玩意儿呢
A bit? They might as well have called it a thingy.
随便啦 闲话少说 一骑辨英雄
Anyway, enough chat, it's time for a test ride.
历史版
疯狂汽车秀
试替哥骑得有点样子了吧 原理如下
And just look at the Stig out on track. Here's how it works.
马嚼子通过对马的嘴唇施压指示方向
The bit works by applying pressure to the horse's lip,
当我拉左侧缰绳 马往左跑
so when I pull on this rein, the horse turns left
当我拉右侧缰绳 马往右跑
and when I pull on this rein, the horse turns right.
真好使
Clever stuff.
现在我马骑得可帅了
My horse now handles beautifully,
尤其是在急转弯的地方
especially on tight corners.
不难想象乌克兰的小发明
I can see how this Ukrainian gizmo
一定对他们打猎起了极大的帮助
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
剧集 | 糟糕历史（2009） | 导航列表