糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S05E08
Part 1
Jan. 2, 2021, 3:17 p.m.
恐怖都铎 华丽乔治*
*Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
卑劣斯图亚特 邪恶维多利亚*
*Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
悲惨战役 凶残争斗*
*Woeful wars, ferocious fights
昏暗古堡 英勇骑士*
*Dingy castles, daring knights
恐怖难以言表*
*Horrors that defy description
凶狠凯尔特 可怕古埃及*
*Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
凶残维京 冷血罪行 远古的惩罚*
*Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times
罗马人 堕落恶心又冷血*
*Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless
穴居人 野蛮残酷不长牙*
*Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless
绝妙古希腊 聪明大圣人*
*Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
卑鄙又卑微 就是中世纪*
*Mean and measly Middle Ages
血腥故事无限多*
*Gory stories, we do that
且听鼠君对你说*
*And your host a talking rat
历史不再是个谜*
*The past is no longer a mystery
欢迎收看*
*Welcome to
第五季 第八集
糟糕历史
恐怖的都铎王朝
伊利莎白一世权势滔天 十分可怕
Elizabeth I was as frightening as she was powerful.
所以在宫廷里
So at the royal court
你得注意你的一言一行
you had to be careful what you said and what you did.
牛津伯爵 爱德华·德维尔晋见
The Earl of Oxford, Edward De Vere.
伊丽莎白一世宫廷
他刚刚是放屁了 是吧
Did what I think just happened, just happen?
恐怕是这样 陛下
Yes. I'd rather fear it did, Your Majesty.
陛下 我不知该说些什么了
Your Majesty, I don't know what to say.
塞西尔 对那些在女王面前
Cecil, what is the punishment
放屁的人该怎么惩罚
for passing wind in front of the Queen?
我们没有相关惩罚条例 陛下
We don't have one, Your Majesty,
以前从没有人敢这样做
no-one has ever dared do such a thing before.
就算他们做了
Or if they have,
也至少会用
they've had least had the
恰到好处的咳嗽声来掩盖
decency to cover it up with a well timed cough.
我们可以假装什么都没发生吗
Couldn't we just pretend that this never happened?
我也想这样 德维尔 我也想的
Oh, would that we could, De Vere, would that we could.
没记错的话 陛下
If memory serves, Your Majesty,
您的教子约翰·哈灵顿说了个粗俗的玩笑
you did once banish your godson, john Harrington,
您就把他从宫廷中赶了出去
from court for a rude joke.
我流放了他多久
And for how long did I banish him?
真事
六年
Six years.
那你觉得放屁和开粗俗的玩笑
And would you say passing wind
哪个情节更严重
was better or worse than a rude joke?
这得取决于玩笑的粗俗程度
Well, surely that would depend on the rudeness of the joke
以及屁味臭的程度
and the stinkiness of the far...
我受够了 德维尔 不管是屁还是话
We've had quite enough of you, De Vere, from both ends.
我认为在陛下您面前放屁
I would say that passing wind in front or Your Majesty
情节肯定更严重 至少得多流放一年
was definitely worse by at least a year.
我也是这样想的
And so would I.
陛下 不劳烦你了
Before you banish me, Your Majesty,
我自己会施展绅士风度
I will do the gentlemanly thing
将自己驱逐出宫廷七年
and banish myself from court for seven years.
以捍卫我的尊严和荣誉
Thus saving a shred of my dignity and honour.
爱德华·德维尔的确将自己驱逐出宫廷
陛下 我永远都是您最忠实的奴仆
Your Majesty, I am as ever your humble servant.
别鞠躬了 我真怕又发生点什么
Oh, do not bow, I dread to think what may happen.
现在你可以走了 注意夹紧你的屁♥股♥
Now, off you go and mind you clench your but-tocks.
这样最好 陛下
It is for the best, Your Majesty.
是椅子的声音 陛下 是椅子
That was the chair, Your Majesty. The chair.
你当我傻啊
A likely story.
有人认为莎士比亚的剧本不是他自己写的
Some people think that Shakespeare didn't write his plays
实际上是由爱德华·德维尔所写
and that they were actually written by Edward De Vere.
没错 就是屁仙德维尔
That's right, windy De Vere.
他的剧本都叫啥来着
What would his plays have been called?
《亨利四世第二屁》
Henry IV Fart Two,
[Henry IV Part Two《亨利四世第二部》]
《一屁生非》
Much Ado about Trumping?
[Much Ado About Nothing《无事生非》]
《罗密欧与朱股屁》
Romeo and Windybum?
[Romeo and Juliet《罗密欧与朱丽叶》]
在法国宫廷中
And there were some stupid goings on
也发生过不少蠢事
at the royal court in France as well.
黛安·德普瓦蒂埃
愚蠢的死法之
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
真人真事乐哈哈*
*They're funny cos they're true
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
你觉得怎样 我用乒乓球给你做的
What do you think? I made them for you out of ping pong balls.
别发火啊 只是觉得它们很适合你
All right, keep your hair on. Happen to think they suit you.
下一位
Next!
姓名
Name?
黛安·德普瓦蒂埃
Diane De Poitiers.
职业
Occupation?
你竟敢侮辱我 我才不需要干活
How dare you insult me! I do not need an occupation.
我今天总踩到别人雷点啊
Oh, am I treading on eggshells today or what?
抱歉 黛安
Sorry, Diane,
那你平时都干些什么 亲爱的
what do you do with your time, love?
我是一位法国贵妇人
I am a French noblewoman
而且是法国国王亨利二世的女友
and the girlfriend of King Henry II of France.
你 别老盯着我 不然我找人鞭笞你
And you, stop staring at me or I will have you flogged.
我来帮你吧
Oh, let me sort that for you.
好了 都开心了吧 那就继续说
Right, everybody happy now? Then let's continue.
要想得到法国宫廷的关注
To get noticed at the king's court in France
就得展现自己最好的一面
one has to look one's best.
我能理解
I can imagine.
我有独家秘方可以让我永葆年轻
I have my own special method to keep myself looking so youthful.
-是什么 -金箔
- Which was? - Gold leaf.
-戴着吗 -不 我拿来服用
- Oh, you wore it? - Oh, no, no, I ate it.
什么 你拿来服用
Sorry, you ate it?
这几年来 我每天服用一汤匙金箔
Oui, I had a spoonful of gold leaf every day for years.
然后呢
And what happened?
我死于重金属中毒
I died of heavy metal poisoning.
真犀利 黛安 你可以去投胎了
That's brilliant, Diane, you're through to the afterlife.
愿那里没有重金属...音乐
Oh, hey, let's hope they don't play any heavy metal music there.
傻帽
Stupid man.
这玩笑不错吧 你觉得呢
That was a good one, I thought. What did you think?
搞笑金句 没懂你笑点啊
Comedy gold? Phew, don't get it.
我当然懂啦
Yes, I do.
我刚才正想说呢 我要说一遍
I was going to say that, in fact I will.
搞笑金句
Comedy gold.
随你怎么说
Whatever!
死得傻呀死得傻*
*Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
下次不要到你家*
*Hope next time, it's not you
凶残的维京人
大家好 我是广♥告♥人
Hi, I'm a shouty man
我来为大家介绍新古代北欧字母表
and I'm here to tell you about the new Runic Alphabet.
这种文字体系简便易刻
The easy-to-carve writing system
在维京世界轰动一时
that's taking the Viking world by storm.
你记忆力差吗
Do you have a bad memory?
或许你就是记忆力很差
Or perhaps you have a bad memory.
又或许你记忆力差到爆表
Or maybe you even have a bad memory.
那么古老的维京记忆体系
Then the old Viking system of learning things off by heart
不适合你 但别担心
is not for you. But don't worry!
有新古代北欧字母表来帮你
Help is at hand with the sensational new runic alphabet.
简明的字母可以被刻在各种墙上
The simple angular letters can be quickly carved into any wall,
石头上或是树枝上
rock or twig,
记事从未如此方便
making writing things down the new not writing things down.
警告 雕刻过程可能耗时很长
没错 新北欧字母可以使这简单的木条
Yes! Using new Viking runes means that this simple stick can be
变身成对上帝的祷文
turned into a prayer to the gods.
私人信息 商务来信
A personal message. A business letter.
或是情书
Or an expression of affection.
谢了 琼 我对你也有同样的感觉
Thank you, Joan, I feel a bit the same way.
用完后 还可作为优秀的狗玩具
And when you're finished it makes an excellent dog toy.
本产品不包括狗
捡回来 乖狗狗
Fetch, boy!
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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