糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories S02E01
Part 1
Jan. 3, 2021, 2:09 p.m.
恐怖都铎 华丽乔治*
*Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
卑劣斯图亚特 邪恶维多利亚*
*Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
悲惨战役 凶残争斗*
*Woeful wars, ferocious fights
昏暗古堡 英勇骑士*
*Dingy castles, daring knights
恐怖难以言表*
*Horrors that defy description
凶狠凯尔特 可怕古埃及*
*Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
凶残维京 冷血罪行 远古的惩罚*
*Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes, punishment from ancient times
罗马人 堕落恶心又冷血*
*Romans, rotten, rank, and ruthless
穴居人 野蛮残酷不长牙*
*Caveman, savage, fierce and toothless
绝妙古希腊 聪明大圣人*
*Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
卑鄙又卑微 就是中世纪*
*Mean and measly Middle Ages
血腥故事无限多*
*Gory stories we do that
且听鼠君对你说*
*And your host a talking rat
历史不再是个谜*
*The past is no longer a mystery
欢迎收看*
*Welcome to
第二季 第一集
糟糕历史
腐朽古罗马
也许你会以为赴罗马皇帝的晚宴
You might think going to a Roman Emperor's dinner party
是件有意思的事情
would be fun.
那你可就大错特错了
Well, think again.
四个罗马人 四场宴会 四百道佳肴
Four Romans, four banquets, 400 courses!
罗马版
没错 这就是《罗马版与我共宴》
Yes, it's Roman Come Dine With Me.
与我共宴
今晚 少年皇帝赫利奥盖巴勒斯大显身手
And tonight it's teenage emperor Elagabalus's turn
为宾客们置办菜肴
to cook for his guests.
但由于这位年轻皇帝久负恶名
But the young emperor's reputation
一些客人尚未到达便已开始坐立难安
has some of his guests nervous before they even arrive.
说实话我有点儿害怕
I'm a bit scared to be honest.
你也知道赫利奥盖巴勒斯有点神经
Apparently Elagabalus is a bit crazy.
我的朋友曾被请去赴宴
A friend of mine was invited to one of his feasts
他竟然让客人们吃活鹦鹉
and he made them eat live parrots.
赫利奥盖巴勒斯确实干过这事
想想看 那些鹦鹉全是毛该怎么吃啊
Imagine trying to swallow all those feathers!
[字面意思为"像鹦鹉一样恶心
简直要恶心死了
It'd make you sick as a parrot.
究竟这位恶作剧之王
So how is the potty prankster
今晚要如何款待他的宾客们呢
planning to impress his guests tonight?
今晚 我觉得做些简单的东西就好
Well, tonight I thought I'd just do something really easy.
简单是因为我不用动手
It's easy because I'm not making it,
都由我的奴隶搞定
my slaves are.
你要做什么啊
What are you cooking?
我准备将骆驼掌配上新挖的火烈鸟脑
Well, I'm going to do camels feet with scooped out flamingo brain
再做一道美味的田螺酿
and, er, some nice stuffed snails.
然后还有母猪的乳♥房♥♥ 海蜇
Then we've got the sows udders, the jellyfish...
都是真实的罗马菜
还有睡鼠肉 要把它裹进...
I'm going to do dormouse which is rolled in...
还有寒鸦肉 马肉香肠
..Jackdaws, I've got horse-meat sausages,
还有烂鱼肠
and rotten fish guts,
当然还会有金粒豌豆
and, of course, peas! With little nuggets of gold.
开胃菜听起来真不错 主菜有什么
That sounds like a really nice starter, what's the main?
阿格里菲娜第一个到达宫殿
Agrippina is the first to arrive
迎接她的是一地惊悚
and there's a shock in store.
别踩那滩东西
Don't tread in those.
那些是我之前杀的那帮人的肠子
Those are the guts of some people I had sacrificed earlier.
他的确这样做
是用来占卜未来的
They're to tell the future.
这些肠子表明...
And the guts say...
我做的布丁将会非常美味
my pudding is going to be so scrummy
美味到难以置信
you won't literally believe it.
趁赫利奥盖巴勒斯去检查食物
Elagabalus goes to check on the food,
宾客们开始了皇宫的探险之旅
while the rest of his guests have a snoop round the palace.
我想知道这里有啥
I wonder what's in here.
不不不 请别进去
No, no, no, please don't go in there.
来嘛 不会有事的
Come on, it can't be that bad.
-有狮子 -里面有只狮子
- Lion! - There's a lion in here!
他的确也做了这个
我在里面藏了只狮子
I hid a lion in there.
出人意料吧
Random.
逃离了狮子血口的宾客开始晚宴
The guests who survived the lion join their host for dinner.
开吃吧
Tuck in.
像石头一样硬啊
That's rock hard.
因为那就是石头
That's because it is rock.
你们吃的都是由蜡和石头做成的食物
I gave you both bits of wax and stone that are made to look like food
只有我吃的是真正的食物
while I get the real food
而且真的很好吃哦
which is actually really nice.
他真的也做了这个
我很疯狂吧 很疯狂吧
How mad am I? How mad am I?
给我吃下去
Eat it.
与我
罗马版
共宴
打分时间到
Time for some scores.
打分
时间
我差点被人的肠子滑倒
Well, I slipped on human guts,
被狮子攻击 还被迫吃石头
I was attacked by a lion and I was forced to eat rocks.
所以我打算给他两分...
So I'm going to give him a two out of...
打低分的话会被我处死哦 所以...
If you give me a bad score I'll have you executed, so...
-所以我打算给他打满分 -好棒
- So I'm going to give him X out of X. - Sweet!
赐你个打包的袋子 我很慷慨吧
And I got you a doggy bag because I'm so generous.
-谢主隆恩 -其实这是一条死狗啦
- Thank you. - It's an actual dead dog!
就是这么出人意料
I'm so random.
保持联♥系♥哈
Stay in touch, yeah?
鼠君认证 以上属实
That's 100% accu-rat.
赫利奥盖巴勒斯确实是恶作剧之王
Elagabalus really was one extreme prankster.
居然在屋子里藏着狮子
I mean, hiding lions around the house.
就不能玩玩痒痒粉放屁垫那套传统东西吗
What's wrong with good old itching powder and whoopee cushions?
不是我♥干♥的
That wasn't me!
是我的宠物跳蚤马库斯
That was Marcus my pet flea.
他整个就一痒痒粉放屁垫二合一啊
He's like an all-in-one itching powder and whoopee cushion.
天啊 马库斯 我很抱歉
Oh, Marcus! I do apologise.
恐怖的都铎王朝
沃辛厄姆 你怎么了
Walsingham? What happened to you?
女王又朝我扔拖鞋了
The Queen threw a slipper at me...again!
你这次干什么了
What did you do this time?
我跟她说 她脾气不好
I told her she had a short temper.
你个白♥痴♥ 明知道一说这个她就发火
You idiot! You know that makes her angry.
可不是吗 你画完她的肖像没
I know. Have you finished her portrait yet?
差不多了 不过我很害怕
Mmm...it's getting there, but I'm petrified.
她要是不喜欢怎么办
What if she doesn't like it?
那你最好祈祷她当时心情不错
Better hope she's in a good mood.
-她有心情好的时候吗 -没有
- Is she ever? - No.
我的肖像画呢
Where's my portrait!
简直无法直视
Oh, I can't look!
这太恐怖了
It's grotesque.
鼻子硕大 一嘴烂牙 满脸是疤
The hideous nose, rotten teeth and pock-marked skin.
沃辛厄姆
Walsingham.
把这画家拖出去砍了
Have that man relieved of the burden of his head.
陛下 您看的是一面镜子
Ma'am, you're looking into a mirror.
这才是您的肖像画
This is the portrait.
鼻子娇小
Petite nose,
牙齿闪亮
perfect teeth,
肌肤白皙
porcelain skin...
你是怎么捕捉到我这娇美容颜的
Why, however did you manage to capture my good looks?
女王陛下 我只是临摹了
Well, my lady,I just did an exact copy
您唯一喜欢的那幅肖像
of the only portrait you've ever liked.
正如您吩咐的那样
As per your orders.
她确实这样吩咐过
太棒了 再画一幅
Splendid. Do me another.
看你能不能再次捕捉到我的高贵优雅
And see if you can capture my regal beauty again.
我觉得这一点也不像她
I think it looks nothing like her.
我听见了
I heard that.
伊丽莎白女王不仅爱好艺术
As well as art,
还喜欢莎士比亚的戏剧
Queen Elizabeth loved plays by Shakespeare,
尤其是《提图斯·安特洛尼克斯》
especially one called Titus Andronicus...
书中罗马皇帝提图斯给一位不幸的妇人
in which Roman Emperor Titus serves up an unusual pie
上了一份特殊的馅饼
to one unfortunate woman.
糟糕历史（2009）
Horrible Histories
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